Letting the Bad Things Go
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I can spin any negative situation in to a positive one by deciding to look for the lessons I can take.
For me, closure requires understanding. It has nothing to do with my feeling ready to move on. If it ended, I have to be ready. So I have to DETACH and look at what happened in the relationship in the spirit of figuring out what doesn't work, and what did work, and what I can learn and use moving forward. So I have to look at it, not from a standpoint of what I did wrong, what he/she did wrong, and what I wish had happened.. but look at what did happen. No questioning if it could have worked.
When one or more parties in a relationship have hurt one another, in order to be able to forgive and move on, we need to know that hurting people hurt people. We don't cause pain because we're bad human beings, we just carry around pain put on us by other people, and we don't know what to do with it, so we try to fling it on to another person. There's usually backspatter. LoL. The thing to do is to understand the reasons the other person behaved the way they did. And forgive yourself for your own mistakes.
You aren't wrong, you simply did the wrong thing. They did the wrong thing.
We tend to hunt for "closure" by trying to right wrongs and make up for past errors. We can't do that. It is the same type of addictive thinking that made us return to the bottle again and again and again. We aren't alcoholics because alcohol is addictive, we're addicts because of the way we've been thinking. We didn't break up with him or her because the relationship was wrong, our thinking was wrong. We need to move forward at this point. Stop beating ourselves up. Everyone is human and no one always does everything right.
For me, closure requires understanding. It has nothing to do with my feeling ready to move on. If it ended, I have to be ready. So I have to DETACH and look at what happened in the relationship in the spirit of figuring out what doesn't work, and what did work, and what I can learn and use moving forward. So I have to look at it, not from a standpoint of what I did wrong, what he/she did wrong, and what I wish had happened.. but look at what did happen. No questioning if it could have worked.
When one or more parties in a relationship have hurt one another, in order to be able to forgive and move on, we need to know that hurting people hurt people. We don't cause pain because we're bad human beings, we just carry around pain put on us by other people, and we don't know what to do with it, so we try to fling it on to another person. There's usually backspatter. LoL. The thing to do is to understand the reasons the other person behaved the way they did. And forgive yourself for your own mistakes.
You aren't wrong, you simply did the wrong thing. They did the wrong thing.
We tend to hunt for "closure" by trying to right wrongs and make up for past errors. We can't do that. It is the same type of addictive thinking that made us return to the bottle again and again and again. We aren't alcoholics because alcohol is addictive, we're addicts because of the way we've been thinking. We didn't break up with him or her because the relationship was wrong, our thinking was wrong. We need to move forward at this point. Stop beating ourselves up. Everyone is human and no one always does everything right.
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