Friends who don't embrace your sobriety

Old 11-26-2016, 04:18 AM
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When you get sober, you find out who your real friends are.
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Old 11-26-2016, 04:40 AM
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Originally Posted by FormerBeerLover View Post
When you get sober, you find out who your real friends are.
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Old 11-26-2016, 03:31 PM
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I found there were two types of people who would have liked me to drink.

The first were ex-boozing mates who were uncomfortable about their own drinking. They can only remove that discomfort by stopping themselves or getting me drinking again.

The second group were people like clients who didn't know me drinking but were used to having a drink to relax at a social event. Often, when they realised I didn't drink, they would not drink either, whiich was very kind of them, but they had real trouble relaxing. I would end up insisting they have a drink. Kind of ironic.
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Old 11-26-2016, 04:39 PM
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I have one friend who thinks that my sobriety is a phase I'm going through. I've even told her "I am an alcoholic" and I never use this word with my friends. (Oh trust me, they know I'm an alcoholic). I've been sober two and a half years.

She'll call and say "Come drink wine with me." It doesn't bother me now that I'm solid in my sobriety. I don't see her that often.
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Old 11-27-2016, 03:35 PM
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I was just talking with an AA friend about this the other night, because I have friends who behave this way with me, despite seeing AA apps and stuff on my cell phone. She said usually those people have a problem with alcohol themselves, and so they can't deal with you not drinking. They'd rather focus on the fact that you're not drinking, than on the fact that they're drinking too much.

I've written off a friend I had for 20 years because she just didn't get it. She was only one of two friends I told about my alcoholism. She only cared about herself and what she wanted to do. She did not respect my requests to not have to drink whenever we were together. It was early on in my sobriety and so it was difficult for me at the time to even socialize with someone who was drinking. I relapsed with her and she couldn't care less. I think she's very judgemental of alcoholics due to ignorance, and a fiction book she read that makes alcoholics look really bad, and that's just not someone I want in my life now.
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Old 11-28-2016, 02:44 AM
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The biggest thing I had to realize was that "I" was the one who changed. The rest of the world did not change, I did. The easiest way to stay sober is to take the old timers advice. Change my playmates, playgrounds and playthings.
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Old 11-28-2016, 08:27 AM
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I went by friends yesterday to let them know i'm a drunk. I mean they already knew...I'd go over and steal **** out of their fridge. We'd drink together, but I always drank more then them, I can't remember the last time I went over and didn't pass out drunk on their sofa.

They were supportive. At the same time they were drinking beers. I didn't though, and that's a first! i did pick up a bottle of wine on the way home though. Still...I didn't drink there.....I want to believe it is something.

I'm not a very social person really. They are the closest friends I have. I do worry once i get sober they might not want to know anymore. I mean..I'm great when I'm drunk. I'm funny, active, smart, a great dancer......

I worry that without booze I'll be boring.
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:01 PM
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Hi Merigold - I think everyone worries about that.

I'm certainly quieter than I was as a drinker, but that's probably no bad thing - I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of those times I thought I was being funny and smart I was actually being a bit of a loud obnoxious jerk...

I lost a lot of drinking buddies - people where the 'glue' between us was simply drinking...but I still have friends ...

I reconnected with old friends from before alcohol ruled my life and I've made new ones...

I e\really am a quiet guy, The drinking years were my crazy way of trying to be someone I was not.

My mates love me for who I am now, not 'who I am when I'm drinking'.

Everyone deserves and is worthy of companionship - you'll find friends - and a life you love too

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Old 11-28-2016, 03:39 PM
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Only a fool if they knew me when I was drinking would not embrace my sobriety. Sure maybe one or two of my Old drinking drunk buddies might miss me but, I don't miss them.
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Old 11-29-2016, 07:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of those times I thought I was being funny and smart I was actually being a bit of a loud obnoxious jerk...


OMG I think this is me too!

The last two years my husband has come up with excuses of why I couldn't go to his works Christmas party. This year I realisedit was because he was embarrassed!

A few months ago he tried to tell me...I had gone to his work for a social event. I was drunk. I also had more alcohol with me which I drank in the toilets. I then hid my evidence in the toilets....which the cleaner found! He asked me if it was me and I said hell no!

It was me.

One time I went to a game night at his work....I got drunk because I felt so awkward. My husband is younger than me, his friends all younger than me..I didn't know what to say. I got really drunk and was clever and funny and witty...everyone liked me...

No. I humiliated him. I embarrassed him. No one likes me!

So ashamed.

Maybe in 2017 I can go to his Holiday party at his work and not be pathetic. Not this year though.
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Old 11-29-2016, 07:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Merigold View Post
Maybe in 2017 I can go to his Holiday party at his work and not be pathetic. Not this year though.
There is no reason you cannot do it this year Merigold. I put off quitting until tomorrow, or next week, or next year for far too long. The only thing stopping you is you...make the commitment and the help is right there waiting for you.
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Old 11-30-2016, 04:32 AM
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My best friend growing up well I said I don't go out and drink anymore call me if you want to go fishing and stuff. Never heard from him and when I did have four years sober I'd still go to bars with friends. But since I've been relapsing for four years now I ain't going near a bar unless it's with a supportive friend or family. And when I did go during those four years sober he would always try to get me to drink.
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