Sober Monday-Friday for work. Can't stay away on the weekends.
 

Title of thread. I know I need to quit, and I don't drink during the week b/c of work. I always wake up at 4:40am go to gym, then shower and go to work.

Once Friday evening hits, I can't stay away. I just moved to a new city to for a job. I know absolutely no one here. I did join the chess club, but that only meets during the week when I'm already sober. I've tried AA in the past, but they were super cold to me and didn't take to newcomers kindly. I basically was resorted to sitting in the corner the whole night.

I literally drink out of boredom at this point. I know I need to stay away, but I literally don't know what else to do. I have no friends here, I'm not close to my family. Depression has set in b/c of how alone I feel. I'm happy for the new job, but all my coworkers are in their 40s. Its no one I can spend time with. I feel socially deprived. I drink every weekend day and call up random friends b/c I feel so alone here. I should be happy. I have a roof over my head, an amazing job, and I'm starting my MBA next year. But, I'm not. There is a void in my life. And I continue to fill it with alcohol. That is something I will admit.

Try some other meetings. Sometimes it take a while to find the right fit.

Also maybe find an activity to do on Friday on your way home. Maybe just plan to see a movie as a way to break your habitual buy/stop for a drink on the way home. That way you can wake up sober on a Saturday and maybe postpone that 1st weekend drink entirely.

You gonna have to find something to occupy yourself come the weekend. Not sure what else besides chess that you like, nor do I know your town. You need to find a club, church, organization of some sort which mainly meet on weekends. Try meetup or something. You need to break the habit so to speak. Sounds like you are a binge drinker with more of a social addiction to alcohol at this point. This will most likely turn in to drinking during the week if you don't nip this in the bud. Of course you knew that already. Make an inventory of your interests and make it a point to join something next weekend. It would help if we knew if you live in a big town or if it's more of a country side location. Both have their pros and cons.

Yes! I've thought to myself I need to go home, change, then head to the cinema. I've never liked to start drinking late. I just need to do it.

Yes, I am a binge drinker. I live in a mid-sized city. 40k population. But, its also a college town. I'm not addicted to alcohol. But once I start, I can't stop. Its ruined a lot in my life. Arrested etc. I finally got everything together and got an amazing job with unlimited potential. I drink now b/c I feel lonely.

Hi Rick

I'd definitely try some other meetings - not everyone in AA is 'super cold'.

I think, tho, it comes down to a willingness to do something else with your weekends, and a willingness to put up with a little discomfort for a while?

Maybe making a weekend recovery plan might help too?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

All bs aside, what do you recommend as a weekend recovery? I've thought about volunteering somewhere. Maybe meet other young people. I'm void of social contact and that contributes to me drinking at this point.

I understand you completely.

First, I want to address your response to AA meetings. You won't find a lot of warm fuzzy stuff there. Addiction recovery is not for the fuzzy. It is important and serious stuff, especially if you have an addiction that has destroyed you and your family and your life.

I have no reason to believe you fall in to the category of people who have hit rock bottom. I learned, for me, the true definition of rock bottom was looking in the mirror and not knowing who I was any more. Just saying. I was where you are now, when I was in my mid-twenties. It did escalate to where I had major financial issues, I burned a lot of bridges and began to experience some health issues (gastroenteritis, nothing liver function wise)

You seem afraid of how things will progress, and you shouldn't be, only because you actually have the power to change your course whenever you want to. I know this is hard to wrap one's mind around. It's a continual learning curve. Don't demand instant perfection. You drink out of boredom and you wish to rectify that, and that's a good first step. I would encourage you to explore your feelings and fears and find out what you can do to either take alcohol out of the equation or get it situated on the back burner.. I don't know if I have the right to assume you have a problem and must abstain forever. Get things sorted out though. Therapy is good, you could learn a lot.

I found volunteering to be a good way to spend some time, give something back, hopefully make a difference for someone else, and get out of my own head a while.

The trouble was for me, I couldn't volunteer all weekend or work on the house 24/7.

I needed a plan to deal with that alone time I found so difficult to deal with. The link I gave before should give you some ideas.

The bottom line on that for me was not drinking, no matter what, and just sitting with myself for a few weeks.

I'd been terrified of my own company for years - but I actually found out I wasn't that bad a guy after all. I like my alone time now.

D

This. I had to learn to like my own company. Now I do, and I'm never lonely with my dogs and cats to keep me company. :)

But it took a few months to start feeling comfortable with myself. At around three months I started doing a 'gratitude list' every day. I found at least one thing I was grateful for that day. And the more I practiced gratitude, the more I found to be grateful for. :)

Try making a gratitude list. Nothing is too small to be grateful for it. :)

I suspect that boredom might be well disguised anxiety.. because if you think about it, there is always something to do that would engage you if you allowed it to. If we could flow in the present moment, every activity would be engaging, no matter what it is.

I have read a book on that, I just remembered.. It is called Flow! :)

As suggested try many different meetings. NA can also have a younger crowd . And it doesn't matter what your DOC is....an addict in an addict.

There is also something called meetups. Tons of groups for all ages and interests .

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I found this very cool. Thanks, BC!

You seem a bit confused to me, You "need to quit" but don't say you want to quit, and there is a big difference between needing and wanting.

And you say you are not addicted but when you start you can't stop, and each weekend you can't not start. Being unable to stop once started is a symptom of alcoholism that does not occur in ordinary drinkers. The same goes for not being able to not start.

Ordinary folk can take it or leave it. It seems you can't. I was exactly like that. It was how I discovered I was alcoholic and could never drink without experiencing those symptoms.

Once I knew what my problem was, beyond any doubt, I was able to take action. That was AA, but I went to more than just one meeting. I tried the 90 in 90 thing which I took to be a metaphor for total immersion in AA, steps sponsor, meetings. The deal was after the 90 days I could walk away if I wanted. I never drank again, and never wanted to walk away. It took a while to find the "AA experience" but it was the best thing I ever did. I never would have done it though, if I could have found an easier way out.

slick, I would suggest get a book called "alcoholics anonymous" and read from front cover to page 164. Look for all the similarities in the book to your life (if any). AA is not a religious organization but may sound religious. I too resisted AA for over 10 years because I didn't identify. I too am a former binge drinker that never drank Monday through Friday until my disease got bigger.

I will be praying for you and I know your HP is waiting for you to let them take over to be free. God bless you!

I appreciate all the advice in this thread! Gave me a lot of great ideas.

To respond to a few posters: I never said I wasn't an alcoholic. By all means, I do believe I am. But, I do not believe its as severe as most. When I've been in relationships before, I rarely drink. That taught me one thing. I use alcohol to fill a void. I know I do that. So my main point of this thread was to try to find something to fill the void with instead of drinking or being in a relationship.

Once again, I appreciate all the advice!

I told myself this everyday for the last 27 years.

I still functioned - I worked, got married, had kids, bought a house and new cars and trucks - all the stuff normal people do.

But I also drank an average of 60 beers a week.

Back when I was in my late 20's and early 30's I consumed at least 4 liters of whiskey per week - I never missed a day of drinking whiskey for about 6 years straight - that amounts to over 1200 liters of whiskey that passed through my liver during those 6 years alone - and I drank some form of alcohol to excess everyday for 27 years.

But I wasn't a severe alcoholic.

Hi SlickRick! It's great that you have identified and admitted to having issues with alcohol.

The part of your post that I quoted remind me of the 'not yets' that AA talks about. Your drinking isn't as severe as most...yet. Nothing bad has happened...yet. Alcoholism is progressive - the 'yets' can creep up on you. I only say it because I was guilty of it. I convinced myself that my drinking was ok because I hadn't lost friends yet, I hadn't ruined relationships yet, I hadn't hurt myself yet. So I kept drinking and over time all of those things and worse became my reality.

It could be worth trying a different meeting. I also drank because of loneliness and AA is one thing that has helped with that - just sitting in a room relating to others.

Maybe for this weekend, you could pick a tv show that you haven't seen and binge watch it - choose one with a lot of seasons so you have plenty to get through. Get a non-alcoholic drink that you like and sip on that instead. Force yourself to not buy alcohol, this one time, as an experiment, and over time the discomfort might ease. I only suggest this because it was one thing that worked for me, in a small way - esp. to ease boredom and loneliness when I was trying to stay sober.

I wish you well!

Heard in a meeting " I drank to fill a God sized hole". It is something that many in AA relate to.

In actual fact I would suggest the truth might be that you are more severely alcoholic than most with a diagnosable alcohol use disorder, the majority of whom sort themselves out without too much problem, but maybe a little less severe than a chronic hopeless alcoholic. Your are in a better place on the spectrum than I was, but you are heading in my direction. That is the progression f this illness. And the void you talk about cannot be filled by people or bottles.

Welcome!

I can relate to what you are saying about boredom and not having friends. I'm sorry you had a bad experience at the AA meeting *but* I would suggest that you try another meeting. I first went 3 years ago and felt left out and awkward, then 40-odd days ago I realised I needed support, community and that I couldn't do it alone, so I went back to AA. I introduced myself to someone smoking outside and doing 90 meetings in 90 days. By no means am I saying that this is the only option, but I've made new friends in recovery and having that meeting structure in place has helped me enormously.

I started out weekend drinking but by the end I was drinking daily. It just progressed for me over a number of years.

With regards to the boredom, I've had to change a lot in my life. You might not need to, but I have had to. I spent money I didn't have on a PC and my habit was to skip work (been fired several times due to booze) and numb out drinking whilst on the PC. I've now sold it because I needed the money AND because it was a bad habit for me. For some people that probably seems like nothing, but it was a big thing because all of a sudden I now have to find things to do and actually be present - I can't numb out anymore and I therefore find I don't want to drink as frequently. I get out of the house for a walk everyday, tidy the house, drink a hell of a lot of herbal tea and read as much as I used to prior to the drink and drugs taking over.

A friend said to me "nothing changes if nothing changes" and that's been a massive thing for me to remember. Everytime something seems like it's too much effort, I just remember how much effort I went to in order to get alcohol and it puts it in perspective. Drinking at weekends is eating up your life and just keeping you inside your own head; you're not making new friends or connections with people, just numbing out and that's no way to live. You're here, you're wanting to change - I'd recommend making a plan!

Sounds like you just need to change the pattern as a start...volunteering is a great idea. Do you like animals? Most shelters welcome someone to walk dogs and you are in great shape, so you'd have the energy for it. Habitat for Humanity is another that can always use a strong pair of arms.

If you can get up every morning at 4:30 and go to the gym, you can stop drinking. Besides, ingesting alcohol is undoing a bunch of that effort...logic, yes?

And maybe you can find a Rational Recovery or Smart meeting that might be a better fit, philosophically.

You can do this.