Leaving my Ex-Girlfriend
 

The day she bailed me out of jail, she let me know that she went through my phone. We have been on an inconsistent love battle for about 3 months. She didn't find much. Only conversations with my friends whenever I was angry with her. I asked to see her phone to be fair and she said no. She said that I should trust her. How?? Throughout this DUI process and me being without a car, she has been there. Not supportive but she's been.. around. Figuratively. We live 2 hours apart. Each time I have a bad day, I call her for comfort but she just makes me feel worse. She makes me feel like I'm wrong for feeling certain emotions. I update her on the situation and she always seems to bring me down. She thinks that I have too many expectations of her. She has none of me. She'll be on Thanksgiving break for 1 1/2 and has not mentioned visiting me but has planned a trip to another state. Idk if she's seeing someone else and I know I shouldn't be concerned but it really bothers me. I think that I would feel the exact same with or without her in my life. I guess I just wanted to feel like she was there. I love her and she claims the same but it's time to let go.

Sometimes relationships just don't work Broken, no shame in admitting that and moving on. It's certainly a difficult time but try and remember that you need to concentrate on yourself and your sobriety now more than ever. You can always reach out here for support and there are certainly local resources ( meeting, counseling, etc ) that you could seek out too.

I think I would have trust issues with a partner who was alcoholic and had been to jail. I mean you have to see it from her point of view.

She probably feels that it's out of her control if you drink, end up in jail, etc. and wants the reassurance from you that she has given to you by being there. But you can't really give it if you are drinking.

Reassurance?

Well if she is there for you she wants you to be there for her. Mutual. Maybe why she checked your phone, she needs some measure of control, it can be very out of control with a drinking partner.

Why not let me see her phone? Makes me think there's something to hide.

Are you currently sober?

Nothing can really get better when it's through the fog of alcoholism. Relationships can be hard even without it.

As addicts we lose the trust of others simply because of our actions, whether we see it or not. It doesn't seem fair of course but it is a consequence of our addiction. The onus is on us to prove to others that we can be trusted again, and we do that by living sober.

In a healthy relationship those two things should never happen.
Without trust there is not much.
Of course if I prove untrustworthy -- it will take time to rebuild.
Couldn't pay me to go through my wife's phone or purse.
And I think that she has never looked into mine -- phone that is.

M-Bob

Think I should let her go?

I always say that, "we don't know what two people have between them."

It seems that only a very close friend of yours may answer your question ?

Maybe a nice little time out for the two of you for now.
Work on yourselves and then see if you can reunite on different grounds.
Note -- this is much easier said than done -- takes hard work.

M-Bob

Thanks for the advice Bob

No, I'm not.

I think that's got to be your focus then Broken. None of the other problems can be fixed until you stop drinking.

We support you in getting sober.
The world looks so different when we are sober.

My marriage would be impossible to maintain in a loving manner if I was drinking.

Good luck my friend,
M-Bob

Time to move on, get sober and stay sober. Put alcohol and this girl in the rear view mirror. There's a brighter future waiting for you up ahead if you want it.

SnazzyDresser hit it on the head!

Sorry for how you are feeling right now. Like others have said above focus on your sobriety, and clearing your head. Take some time to work on you, and once you have done that you can see where the relationship is, and if you feel exploring options of friendship or more are what toy you want.

As alcoholics we are sometimes creatures of habit, step away from her, focus on getting sober, and see how you look at the sitatuon a few months down the road.

True