My worst moments in a while...

Old 11-19-2016, 11:09 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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if you need peace,which you deserve, more than answers, theres 2 things you should do:
1) give it to God and keep it there. let it gooooo. theres enough claw marks on it.
2)throw out the arse kiking machine.

ok, maybe 3:
3) turn your attention to something more useful

practice, not perfection

then again, theres a difference between needing and wanting.

I needed help getting sober 23 years before I got sober.
I got help when I wanted it.
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Old 11-19-2016, 11:10 AM
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Just sharing my experience Brenda.
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Old 11-19-2016, 12:26 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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I know, Flip.. that's what this place is for..
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Old 11-20-2016, 02:15 PM
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Some things transpired and the situation has continued to be drawn out.. I am trying to cooperate with the home care company that I work for to help them figure out what has been going on with these people, why I was allowed to stay in a situation with all this game playing going on and I was never informed I was put in the middle of it.. I am learning people can't be trusted.

When I say game playing... what it starting to become clear is that the family members are in dispute over who is going to get the house and the land when my former client passes. If she stays in her home until her death, it may go to one niece, the one who has been trying to ensure myself and the other caregivers are able to stay there.. If she is placed in a facility, then the house and the land go elsewhere potentially.. and what it looks like has been going on, is the couple who live across the street who are causing all this drama, are trying to drive caregivers away so that the aunt has no option but nursing home placement. I had unknowingly been placed in the middle of a crazy battle, unfortunately one that includes individuals with major substance abuse issues.

But I am frightened that if something comes to pass because of my leaving and my taking my concerns to my company, that I will face repercussions from the couple with all the issues. I think I may go and have a sit down with my boss and talk to her about my fears and concerns. I think I should do this before leaving the company. I had plans to switch over to another one but I may just stay in both.. whatever..

I'm just ashamed to have been a complicit part of all this, in a way, but also that I had been so naive as to think that I was deserving of honesty and respect from these people.. I know they didn't owe me that. Again, as I've said, I'm grieving the loss of relationships, as I'd seen them..

The stress of this has become physical - I am not sleeping well, I have headaches, I have IBS exacerbated, I have painful tension knots in my back, I'm not eating much, and right now I want to go to the gym but I'm very shaky and don't want to drive like this.

My AV is acting out.. something that should be fun, decorating the Christmas tree, became an outlet for my obsessive compulsion.. My mother kept telling me it doesn't have to be perfect.. She knows I've been spinning and doesn't know what for.. Doesn't ask... Did my step father tell her, because we spoke about it.. and this again, Why can't people just open their mouths and speak and ask questions and say the things that need to be said?

I want closure on all this without anymore participation, but I have real concerns for my personal safety. I need peace more than I need the answers..
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Old 11-20-2016, 02:50 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Step away now Brenda, you are second, third and fourth guessing the situation to your detriment. I would suggest only communicating anything about the situation if asked and you may want to seek legal representation if you feel there is something going on that would require it.

If you truly have concerns for your safety you may also want to contact the local authorities.

Stepping in and trying to "fix" other people's issues is not going to help anyone. They need to help themselves just as you need to concentrate on your own.
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Old 11-20-2016, 02:54 PM
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Okay so maybe I am taking it too personally... and I will try tomorrow to close the loop with my company, I think they know that case management needs to step in and get involved and they will figure out what is best.. I do not 100% believe that I am in any danger, because they won't risk arrest or getting themselves in to trouble, they have kids and grandkids and lives to worry about... They are chronic substance abusers and I just remember some of the ideations that it caused in my brain, and they scared me, so I know how unpredictable they COULD be.. but I think odds are greater that I will just be able to move on from this and be better off. Get back to living my life and taking care of me.. Dang this AV, I skipped church for like the tenth week in a row!

No, I'm not talking to myself, I just like to dump my thoughts here.
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Old 11-20-2016, 02:55 PM
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And the only reason I think I will close the loop is because my boss stated this morning that the head of the company would want to probably speak to me about it. I don't plan to say much, just what I must.
(Which I think will boil down to "I don't want to be involved any more")

I think the people involved are actually more focused on each other!!!
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