mcboyle

This weekend I drank for the first time in a couple of months, and cant help but feel incredibly ashamed. I keep saying "what were you thinking?!". Im trying hard not to think like this - just get back on the horse and keep riding, right? How do you guys deal with the early days, weeks, months, even years of sobriety? Do you have any secret mantra? Anything at all that you feel really helped you not let this demon trick you? I obviously had a weak moment , but im not going to talk down to myself. I appreciate everyones support here during these tough times. You guys have been like family to me when I need it the most. Thank you.

Ps. Any books that you have read that resonated with you send them my way! I need to keep my sobriety going at full force, and reading something daily I feel will instill some urgency in me again.

Algorithm

As far as books go, I recommend Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey.

It explains how to not let this demon trick you, as you put it. There is also a free crash course at the Rational Recovery web site, but the book is far more comprehensive, and well worth it. You can find it on Amazon dirt cheap.

Jimmy58

Another good book is UNDERSTANDING THE ALCOLICS MIND by ARNOLD M. LUDWIG,MD. Hang in there and try not to beat yourself up.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Mcboyle. In early sobriety I pretty much lived here on SR. I also went to some meetings with a friend who has been in AA for a long time. I think the bottom line is that it doesn't necessarily matter what exactly you do, but rather that you DO it and do it every day. Being sober is a full time job so to speak!

Ghostlight1

Yes, keep on getting back on the horse. The only failure is to give up trying. And believe me, I fell off a lot. It took me years to quit drinking, just like it took me years to become an alcoholic.
I don't have a mantra. For me, it's enough to look back on the carnage wrought by my alcoholism.
Then the days after. The fear, anxiety and remorse were overwhelming.
Just to remember that I never have to go through that nightmare again by merely not drinking is enough to keep me sober along with the help of AA and coming here.

It took action on my part to stop. I went to AA meetings. I came here and I kept on trying.
As for books, besides Alcoholics Anonymous, none of them helped me quit. And I read many.
You can quit. It may take action on your part, but you can do it.

Gottalife

Well Mcboyle, it is what you do today that will determine if you can stay stopped. Maybe you are one of those who can just make up their mind, and that's an end to it. Or maybe you are like me, prone to the weak spot as you call it.

Try willpower and self knowledge by all means. See if it works, it just might for you.

It never did for me though. I had many weak moments, many moments of frustration and despair wondering how it had happened . I had no effective mental defence against the first drink at certain times. Sane thoughts that should have stopped me did not come, even as close as a few hours after the last disaster.

What does that look like? Not very dramatic actually, quite thoughtless. Wrong place, wrong question, wrong answer - bar, what are you having? beer please, then after drink number three, oh heck how did I get started? Why was I in the bar? No idea, don't even remember walking in. Some folks manufacture weak excuses, but I wasn't that sophisticated.

So what I did each day was try and find an effective 24/7 defence against the fatal first drink. I found it through AA and a god of my understanding. It has given me total freedom from alcohol for 36 years. Each day I do something to maintain that position.

It is what I do today that counts. Same for you
All the best.

doggonecarl

Yeah, my mantra is, "I don't drink. Period. Never again."

Dee74

That's pretty much my mantra too McBoyle.

I have the evidence of where drinking takes me.

I know there's no way to mitigate the inevitability of where I'll end up.

I know it all starts with the first drink and not the last...

so I don't drink.

I hope you don;t think that's a wiseguy answer...but for me it really is that simple...not easy perhaps, but simple.

what does your recovery plan look like?

D

mcboyle

I am in the process of looking for a meeting I can go to. I'm really nervous for some reason. I don't know what to expect I guess.

Gottalife

Most likely you will receive a warm welcome. I certainly did. It is the lasting memory of my first meeting that people were glad to see me. That was a new experience for me.