View Poll Results: Do you find yourself more outgoing or reserved in sobriety?
More outgoing (extrovert)
22
31.43%
More reserved (introvert)
28
40.00%
The same
15
21.43%
Other (please explain)
5
7.14%
Voters: 70. You may not vote on this poll
Did sobriety cause you to be more outgoing or reserved as a person?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Definitely more connected to other people, a better communicator, and more interested in socializing. Nothing has ever made me more isolated and socially anxious than being an active alcoholic.
I think that the concepts of being shy and being introverted (as soberlicious described above) are often confused because on the surface, the behaviors may seem similar. I don't consider myself shy and people who know me well don't either. I sometimes get feedback that people perceive me as such from a distance though. I think that drinking made me shy and withdrawn because I was either constantly hiding to drink or very sick and anxious in a state of withdrawal, very insecure. That completely went away in sobriety and I am much more interested in and comfortable with socializing. I have always been a person who does not mind spending time and doing things on my own, and need a good dose of alone time otherwise I become overwhelmed. I am also fairly territorial and feel uneasy if I constantly need to share my immediate space with other people. I do get intensely energized by quality interactions though (especially one-on-one) and value a few relationships very much. Definitely not a nun type. I have always seen myself on the more introverted side of the spectrum but I feel that the spectrum can be very fluid and my actual feelings and behavior are influenced by a lot of things in the actual moment.
I think that the concepts of being shy and being introverted (as soberlicious described above) are often confused because on the surface, the behaviors may seem similar. I don't consider myself shy and people who know me well don't either. I sometimes get feedback that people perceive me as such from a distance though. I think that drinking made me shy and withdrawn because I was either constantly hiding to drink or very sick and anxious in a state of withdrawal, very insecure. That completely went away in sobriety and I am much more interested in and comfortable with socializing. I have always been a person who does not mind spending time and doing things on my own, and need a good dose of alone time otherwise I become overwhelmed. I am also fairly territorial and feel uneasy if I constantly need to share my immediate space with other people. I do get intensely energized by quality interactions though (especially one-on-one) and value a few relationships very much. Definitely not a nun type. I have always seen myself on the more introverted side of the spectrum but I feel that the spectrum can be very fluid and my actual feelings and behavior are influenced by a lot of things in the actual moment.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Introspective thread.....thanks!
I was an am extroverted. I thought that witty edge I had when drinking would be tarnished or disappear. I was right, Thank God. Cause most of that was judgmental and mean spirited.
In sobriety I've learned (at times) restraint of opening my mouth. I try to pause before I speak and evaluate what is about to come out. I will always have a sardonic sense of humor with focus on self deprecation, but it's mostly not mean today.
I subscribe to the We are not a glum lot crowd, but not usually at the expense of others. I will never be the same though I've always enjoyed the interaction of new acquaintances and seems to get a long with those who don't take themselves or this world too damn serious.
I was an am extroverted. I thought that witty edge I had when drinking would be tarnished or disappear. I was right, Thank God. Cause most of that was judgmental and mean spirited.
In sobriety I've learned (at times) restraint of opening my mouth. I try to pause before I speak and evaluate what is about to come out. I will always have a sardonic sense of humor with focus on self deprecation, but it's mostly not mean today.
I subscribe to the We are not a glum lot crowd, but not usually at the expense of others. I will never be the same though I've always enjoyed the interaction of new acquaintances and seems to get a long with those who don't take themselves or this world too damn serious.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Aellyce... I used to have people tell me how shy I was and I would always say I wasn't shy (ie, afraid), I was just an introvert, I just spent more time thinking. And they would say I seem shy, and I would argue, well, I'm not! (Av?)
The shy thing, I think is about how you carry yourself. Are you standoffish or very slow to approach, do you hide your face, avoid eye contact.. Do you smile and look away from the speaker, do you look down a lot.. Do you laugh quietly, if at all.. I think I was always insulted by "shy" because shy meant childish, to me. Maybe it still does.....
Now I am both an introvert and an extrovert depending on the situation. Is that even possible?? I'm introspective and outgoing. I'm definitely not afraid of people, I'm not afraid to be myself, to express myself, to talk loud, to laugh even louder.. About an hour ago, I saw something on Facebook that made me laugh so loud I could hear my voice echo off the walls. I can honestly say that's never happened before.
Actually, I was in a bad mood, but this made me cheer up lol
The shy thing, I think is about how you carry yourself. Are you standoffish or very slow to approach, do you hide your face, avoid eye contact.. Do you smile and look away from the speaker, do you look down a lot.. Do you laugh quietly, if at all.. I think I was always insulted by "shy" because shy meant childish, to me. Maybe it still does.....
Now I am both an introvert and an extrovert depending on the situation. Is that even possible?? I'm introspective and outgoing. I'm definitely not afraid of people, I'm not afraid to be myself, to express myself, to talk loud, to laugh even louder.. About an hour ago, I saw something on Facebook that made me laugh so loud I could hear my voice echo off the walls. I can honestly say that's never happened before.
Actually, I was in a bad mood, but this made me cheer up lol
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
I'm an introvert.
But I play an extrovert very well.
I can be smiles and hugs and hello how are you. But I can only handle that for a short time.
Intimacy scares me to death. Niceties are fine. But I really don't do well at relationships. Sometimes I don't eat dinner if my roommate is home and anywhere near the kitchen. I just don't want to talk. To anyone. And I like my roommate a LOT.
I'm struggling in sobriety. A lot. I feel alone and scared and lost way more now than I did drinking. And I am 17 months into this thing. To feel like AA is not working and drinking also did not work....I feel alone and afraid...lost in my thoughts constantly.
But I play an extrovert very well.
I can be smiles and hugs and hello how are you. But I can only handle that for a short time.
Intimacy scares me to death. Niceties are fine. But I really don't do well at relationships. Sometimes I don't eat dinner if my roommate is home and anywhere near the kitchen. I just don't want to talk. To anyone. And I like my roommate a LOT.
I'm struggling in sobriety. A lot. I feel alone and scared and lost way more now than I did drinking. And I am 17 months into this thing. To feel like AA is not working and drinking also did not work....I feel alone and afraid...lost in my thoughts constantly.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
What a great question.
I used to be an extrovert but I am certain it was a facade. As I grow in my sobriety and become more of my true self, I have noticed that I am leaning more toward being an introvert.
I've also noticed that my social skills were horrendous before sobriety and I'm still self-conscious of them, which makes me more wanting to be introverted. I'm not beating myself up over it, and am grateful I have he awareness now, but boy I don't know how people could stand to be around me.
I used to get energized from partying, going out, being around people, laughing and all that stuff, but now it saps the energy out of me.
It's also partly due to the fact that I see all the craziness and spiritually sick people out there, and I want no part of it anymore. I used to think that was "fun" but it was part of my alcoholism/escape.
I used to be an extrovert but I am certain it was a facade. As I grow in my sobriety and become more of my true self, I have noticed that I am leaning more toward being an introvert.
I've also noticed that my social skills were horrendous before sobriety and I'm still self-conscious of them, which makes me more wanting to be introverted. I'm not beating myself up over it, and am grateful I have he awareness now, but boy I don't know how people could stand to be around me.
I used to get energized from partying, going out, being around people, laughing and all that stuff, but now it saps the energy out of me.
It's also partly due to the fact that I see all the craziness and spiritually sick people out there, and I want no part of it anymore. I used to think that was "fun" but it was part of my alcoholism/escape.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,756
Seeing that I hid my drinking, I also sorta hid myself too. But I find now I'm more talkative and energetic during the day, especially so now that I participate in and remember things like last night's hockey game on TV.
Semi-Professional Philosopher
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by STDragon 
Seeing that I hid my drinking, I also sorta hid myself too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 36
I am only on day 37 but to be honest, it has made me more introverted. However, everything I did before socially, I required alcohol and I have discovered that in sobriety I am having to learn who I really am. This has really made me have a reserved approach towards things. I am hoping that as I become more and more comfortable in my own skin and with who I truly am, that this will subside. If not, then it is just who I truly am and I surrender to it completely.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
I feel my sobriety has made me more of an introvert, but the recovery process and fellowship has helped me to be more social.
While drinking I thought I was social but more than likely I was just a babbling drunk.
While drinking I thought I was social but more than likely I was just a babbling drunk.
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
I would definitely say I'm more extroverted when I've had some sober time. A lot of social anxiety melts away, and I find myself interacting with others with a lot more ease.
Saying that, I'm also a lot more THOUGHTFUL about what I say. I guess overall I have a lot more comfort and confidence in talking to others.
Saying that, I'm also a lot more THOUGHTFUL about what I say. I guess overall I have a lot more comfort and confidence in talking to others.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Merigold
alcohol makes me a social, witty, funny person.
Looking back at myself, I also thought alcohol made me more social and friendly. But that was just my perception. When I was drunk I was only more social and friendly to other drunk people. If you've ever been around drunk people while sober, you immediately notice that they are annoying at best and downright obnoxious at worst.
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