"Miracles" vs. Reality when sober?
 

I was reading through some older threads and started to see a trend.... how many of us were somewhat mislead to believe that just by sobering up, all our problems would just go away instantly?? And we'd be happy and rich and life would be full of kittens and rainbows.

But, once sober, we realized that the miracles don't happen on the second day. Or the second week. Life can still suck pretty bad. We still have bills, maybe legal problems and life to live.

But, with time, things do get better. It just doesn't seem to happen as fast as we think it should.

Am I right?

Not for me Steve. I thought it would be easy but it wasn't and I was warned, that's why we have a plan, cos life doesn't change, the usual trials and tribulations are still there, but we change and how we deal with them, sober.

we're addicts, we want the quick fix, its what we're used to and expect.

being sober you realise that life is about making good choices and slowly those add up and things become as good as we live.

in my first weeks I remember feverishly searching every nook and cranny of the internet looking for that one thing that everyone before me had missed and ignored the common reoccurring advice I now live by.

don't drink, eat well, exercise and get enough sleep. cbt is helping also

^^^ Shouldn't you UK folks be in bed by now?? Its getting late!

Seriously though... I was thinking today just how hard it was to function normally. How I sweated so much. I guess it all slowly faded away the longer I stayed sober.

I'm at 2 months now. I feel I have grown, but it wasn't an instant miracle or anything.

Mine is a mother of all rock bottom stories. Drunk- fallen ciggie then 20% 4th deg. burns. Family disownded me. NDE's x 4. Almost homeless, penniless. Lots of health problems 'cos of burns(go figure). Only time seen ex was at her divorce proceedings- gracefully agreed to all demanded- too much damage. My father died when in a coma. Plus a lot of other stuff. Sober since march. Spent this year cleaning up the wreckage and not making any more. Did life get better? NOPE! Did it get worse? YEP! All I know is not to give in. No miracles- not for me anyway.

Hi Steve

I've been at this recovery thing for 13 years. Some successes, lots of failures. My beliefs and expectations about sobering up and recovery have evolved over the years.

No one ever told me all would be wonderful if I quit drinking....and I wouldn't have believed them if they did :). But I had expectations from becoming 'normal' again, to being far happier and well adjusted. I thought recovery was simply not drinking in the beginning, or that I'd one day just stop having to work my program. I thought I could do it my way, or alone, or with lots of exercise, or counseling, or knowing all there is to know about the science of addiction (which btw I dont....I gave up).

So here's where I am now. Recovery, for me, is a mind, body, spirit, community endeavor. I have to practice disciplines daily that address all or at least most of these areas. I have to keep 'fit' in all these areas. I cannot do this alone. No expectations, no judgements, acceptance and surrender. I'm an alcoholic in recovery. i strive to be of service to others like me. One day at a time.

Life is just life. But recovery teaches me how to live it without alcohol.

There is a learning curve involved. There's a period of disillusionment, which happened for me about a month in. I was feeling down, perhaps just because of a hormonal dive, and ended up throwing myself an unnecessary pity party, and giving momentum to more negative feelings.

It took me a while to adjust to having the complete range of emotions, but also full capacity to process and deal with things. So as I exercised that newfound capacity, it got easier and easier to take things in stride that I would have likely fallen apart over when I was still drinking.

I woke up this morning with that migraine I was talking about, that reminded me of a hangover? I didn't even get in the shower until noon, blew half the day I had planned to use to get some stuff done. But I ended up simply delegating what I reasonably could to other days, deciding to stay in sweatpants and take it easy on myself. I got a haircut and went to the gym, felt fantastic and actually "cut myself off" because I didn't want sore feet tomorrow. It ended up being a great day and I even stuck to my diet, despite my feelings this morning.

its not getting late, it is late!

I tend to go to bed later these days as I don't have the arduous battle of getting the day started vs a hangover :ham4

always push the wrong button when I get focussed. So I keep trying, pushing, fighting, hoping, seeking. Sure a wonderful miracle would be great. The doctors wrote me off- I should be dead. The neuropsychologist said I was an alcohol damaged vegetable. My family are trying hard to get on with their lives as if I never existed (sadness at this one- no anger or resentment). My career (a good one at a Uni) is cactus.
Well I survived death, I function better now cognitively than I have in years. My first goals were safety- housing, health and mentally stability (also got major depression.) My physical health is good, the depression is under control, I now have safe housing and a family void future. All the damage stuff has been attended to or is a work in progress. I hope for the best and assume the worst. Better than no hope. A plan helps. For me now? Permanent housing, get on with kick starting my career (targeted community services) and making sure I have a safe and hopefully productive plan in place for xmas. Always a trigger in the past for drinking. Also do stuff to cope- art (not a genius but it helps me learn about my moods), writing and here. Meetings- AA/SMART and counselling. Recovery was, is and always be my first priority. Without it nothing is possible anyway. I really had no say in being brought back from the brink 1 year ago. Apparently even comatosed I showed a very stubborn survival need. Probably the alcoholic "I will show you bas...ds' attitude. Well that is what I am doing. Pink cloud? HA! I will hope for stuff to get better. In the meantime I will work with what I have- me, now- today.

The Timing of (some) things is something we have very little (or No) control over...
sometimes very bad things happen to us YEARS after getting clean and sober.
Life on Life's terms. NOT always easy by any means.

I have been floored at how quickly the promises (I am an AA-er) have come true in my life. Not all of them, and not all as I'd ever have expected (or thought I wanted).

I was actually warned against the very things Steve mentions in the op - that you stop drinking and "poof" all's coming up roses. So I set about beginning and now continuing to develop a strong program. Faith work (for me, Christian spirituality), daily program work and usually 4-6 meetings a week, sponsor work, the whole gamut.

The best way I can describe what makes my life so different is that it's real. I get to be present and deal with....all of it. And so much of it is so very good. Acceptance has indeed been the answer to all my problems- struggling, sometimes, but doing my best to live life on life's terms.

I go through that a lot.

I've been out of work for a long time and I thought getting sober would help me to find a job. But no such luck.

My interview skills are getting better but that is about it. I had a couple of interviews last week that went really well but nothing happened.

I think the election is going to slow things down to a crawl. And then when the holidays kick in it will be dead until after the new year.

Sometimes I feel the universe is telling me to give up. Especially lately. I have really wanted to drink a lot. My resources are really low and I just keep getting deeper in debt. I went to a meeting and they had changed the parking since the last time I went to that one and I got a $64 ticket.

Physically I feel a lot better but beyond that there have been no major improvements in my life.

I try not to freak out about things too much but I am not always able to do that. Then I get torn between the "am I worrying about things I can't change" or "I am being to complacent about my situation" quandary.

A lot of great things have happened that would not have if I hadn't gotten sober, but a lot of problems have come along as well. One line I often quote is something I read in "The New Cure," I believe. Something along the lines of: quitting drinking won't solve all our problems, but it will solve THAT problem.

I drank to escape/avoid my problems, but they only grew bigger. And then I had a whole new pile of troubles caused by the drinking! Life is still better, though, simply because I'm addressing the problems and no longer trying to run away from them or look for a quick fix.

To supplement my last post, it is only through sobriety that I stand a fighting chance at seeing a resolution to any of my problems.

It was because I was sober that I was able to look so intently for my old dog when he went missing. Had I been drinking, I would not have had the energy or ambition to look so hard for him.

I stayed sober and got a miracle when I found him. :)

Some great replies.

Today marks two months for me. I've been doing a lot of pondering on this the past few days... I woke up this morning and realized that I am living in the moment. There was no haze or fog that I was waiting to lift so I could function again. I can look my wife in eye and she would know I am sober and haven't been drinking. She also knows that I no longer have liquor hidden somewhere that she has yet to discover.

My life is real. Its happening now.

Good, great, FANTASTIC, Steve. I am happy for you and your family.

Most of us don't get sober because we were on a huge winning streak. Man, things are so good I think I'll bop into a recovery website and check it out!

The very act of an alcoholic not drinking every day is the miracle. The rest is grist for the mill...........

Many (including myself) were prompted/motivated by others to get sober - a nudge from the judge, perhaps or loved ones.

As sober time went on, I began to understand what being drunk really meant daily. What a lousy life..........

Today, regardless of outcome I face the universe with bright eyes and head up. I have faith and hope where little existed.

All who are sober today here are Winners = That is truly the miracle!

Thoughtful thread,
Thanks

for many many years i purposely did not quit smoking or drinking when tohers told me how wonderful life was since htey had quit becuase I called BS. I said ya know just cause i quit doesnt mean all this nonsnese is gonnna miraculasly get better etc..

This line of thinking kept me drinking for longer.

BUT when i quit i did expect that it would be rather easy for me after a week or 2 and was straight up pissed off when i was still ticked off and misserable months nad months later battling vicsous anxiety and all my problems etc...

So i dunno I new it wouldnt be sunshine and rainbows that kept me drinking longer then need be. But I also didnt think it was going to be as awful and hard as it was either.

They payoff from quiting drinking didnt really start to show itself till a year in or so and even then it was just starting to come to the surface.