Relapsed after 3 years sober
 

I feel so sad. I've been mulling over what happened these past few months over and over and all it comes down to is I JUST WANT TO FEEL NORMAL!!!!!!!!

I've been hungover all day, feeling awful, snapped at my niece, because she wanted to play. I remember the first time I held her 4 years ago when she was a baby I was so hungover that I had to excuse myself to my bedroom and vomit in my garbage can. That was the beginning of my first road to sobriety. When I knew I had to change, but today....four years later.... I feel like I'm back to that square one. :(

I could list a million reasons I hate my life right now! I broke-up with my boyfriend and moved out months ago because he was an alcholic and now I feel like a hipocrate.

BUT trying to hang out with friends as a single person now I just felt like such an ALIEN not drinking. Always having to restrain myself, always having to be so perfectly clean!!!! I just got so sick of it. And I often got left out of parties because I didn't drink and I got really upset. And these past two weeks while I've been drinking, my friends have said they actually have been relieved that I am drinking again. :( But I can't do it.

This isn't the way for me. I feel like ****. I miss getting up, going to the gym, playing with my family. I can't live my life like this. If being sober means I'm going be alone with no friends the I maybe thats the choice I'll have to make. I deeply regret that I started drinking. HOW did this happen?????? I just want to go back to 3 years sober. I feel like I'm back to ground zero.

Welcome back SS. Staying sober is certainly not easy, but it is possible - you proved that for almost 3 years. One of the things that is the most difficult is changing the things that we do and the people we do them with. People who tell you that they are relieved that you are drinking again are NOT your friends in any shape or form. Those kinds of people are called "drinking buddies" ;-)

Everyone here gets it...you can tell us how you feel and we know why you don't want to drink. And no one will tell you otherwise. Have you considered seeking any local support via meetins? That's a great place to meet like minded people as yourself.

Forget about ground zero and square one.

Get that day counting, sober time fetish out of your head immediately, or you are liable to get stuck. Just regroup, jump back on the horse, and think about what went wrong, so that you can avoid that in the future.

Whatever you do, do not allow this to escalate.

I understand for twice when right at the 3 year sober mark
I returned (slowly at first) back to my old drinking ways and days.
Took me a while of being back out there
before wondering -- why -- no -- not again.
In a way they were lessons that have taught me to be
very grateful and to never again forget how precious sobriety is.

Please -- get back on the sober trail.
It truly is the best road for us.

Good luck,
M-Bob

"If being sober means I'm going be alone with no friends the I maybe thats the choice I'll have to make."

For me, drinking left me alone with no friends, with crippling fear, no job, no money, malnutrition and a whole lot of other "extras" at the ripe old age of 22.

Today I make friends easily and have more friends than I can count, most of whom are non-alcoholic. At the start I found a good number of friends in AA, and working the program enabled me to rejoin the human race. There is life outside of a bar, though I never would have believed it. I thought the bar was the centre of the universe, where life happened and if I wasn't there I was missing out.

The truth of it was there was a whole life out there that I was missing because I did not even know it existed. Perhaps that was my first act of faith, believing that there could be something better. And there is, with bells on!

People who cant socialise (I use the term loosely) without being half stewed, are incredibly boring. What's the attraction in friends like that, other than familiarity. You get better, it makes them look bad. They will try and pull you back rather than straighten out themselves. A much better life awaits you.

Welcome back! You had three years, and that is quite impressive, you don't lose that time, start building new days up one at a time. You can do this, lean on us as much as you need. Post and read lots.:-)

Why do you insist on sticking around with the same drinking friends? Of course they want you to drink with them. Of course they want you to feel alien coz you don't drink. Get some new people to hang out with, you must know at least someone who doesn't drink and do the pub life. Go to dinner/lunch/theatre/cinema/exhibitions/museums etc etc . I go everywhere but why would I go to pubs if I don't drink? The odd occasional pub lunch fine. Take action now dust yourself off and start living and give your niece a great big kiss and take her to the animal park xx

Quiting alcohol drinking is like a running a marathon..yo get tired , you want to stop, you quit..you start again until you get the confidence and believe in yourself that can go all the way...but the important thing is keep trying and never quit..the end is in sight...envision it.

Thanks everyone. :) I've been really struggling with so much guilt and self-hate over this. I didn't think I would ever relapse! I was so arrogant. But im going to go to a meeting today and get my white chip.

Good for you. One of the biggest disappointments in my sober journey was not always getting the support from people I thought were my friends. I just hoped they would say, good for you, or, if you need to talk to someone give me a call. Instead I got, come on, just have one, or, so I have to drink alone. Unfortunately, I had to distance myself from them in order to get better. But it definitely sucked because I knew some of them for over 20 years

I used to buy into it too, but being sober does not mean you give up a social life. Last night I went to a new friends place and there were 6 women there - all sober, some for just a couple months, some with years of sobriety - we laughed, ate pizza, helped the hostess hang stuff on her wall. We talked about real stuff - one of the gals is struggling with a thing with her ex - and we talked about fashion, hair, Pinterest - silly stuff too. Today I am grateful to know there are fun and interesting and good people out there who are sober and living life. I met these ladies in AA. 6 months ago I was thinking how I'm the only person on this planet that doesn't drink. I'm so happy I was wrong ;). Keep looking for your "tribe", even if it takes you some time to find them.

You drank because you wanted to feel normal? Is that how you are feeling now?

Normal for us, and for more than half the world, is sober. You know that is the right choice. It is the right choice now, it was the right choice when you had that wine or beer in your hand, and it will always be the right choice. If these parties you think you are missing are all about getting trashed, then they aren't for you. It's ok, really, because sober folks do funner stuff. They remember it afterwards too!

Make that right choice today, and make it for good. You can do it. You deserve it don't you think?

There is nothing you need in booze.

Please be gentle on yourself. You will be okay.

Hi sulfuric splash :)

One bad decision doesn't negate the things you learned or the progress you made over 3 years...learn what you can from this, make sure it can never happen again...and move on :)

welcome back :)

D

Find new friends.

All is not lost. You were successful for 3 years and that doesn't get all erased like it never happened, because it did happen. Something you did worked well, so just identify where it went wrong and tweak your plan.

Oh, and did I mention find new friends?

Sometimes when we mess up it really serves to shine a light on what we really want, need and what is important to us & it can be a true lesson learnt.
I doubt your friends understand the misery of addiction; they probably just want a drinking buddy.
You don't need to ever have another hangover again, just don't pick up that first drink. We are here for you.