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A Journey to Sobriety

Old 04-14-2017, 07:20 AM
  # 81 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by abcowboy View Post
It’s Good Friday today, and to a lot of people that just means a day off from work. The same as Easter Sunday and Christmas day. But if they weren’t important to us somehow, why would they be statutory holidays? I’m not sure if they are a stat holiday everywhere, but they are in a good many countries.

I remember way back when I was an altar boy at our church, the priest always stressed that Christmas was the most important day of the year, the day our Saviour was born. That way of thinking has changed, at least in my part of the world. Good Friday is now recognized as the most important day of the liturgical year, the day Jesus died so that our sins would be forgiven. In my small rural town, the only thing open today are the convenience stores, everything else is closed. That’s not so on Easter Sunday or Christmas day, lots of stores are open those days. So why is Good Friday so important, I’ll leave that answer up to each individual….

And I now stand corrected, I just had Bubba Google how many states in the U.S.A. celebrate Good Friday as a holiday, and there are only 12, so my apologies to those states (and countries) who don’t.

Back when I was drinking, those three holidays really just meant a day off for me, I had lost my faith in there being any sort of Supreme Being, God as it were. How things have changed since my fateful day. I observe the Lenten season, I gave up chocolate for Lent. Bubba and I didn’t eat meat on the Fridays during Lent, we had simple meals with fish. Today we will fast, hot cross buns will be the food we eat today, no snacks or sweets. I will sacrifice what I can to honour the sacrifice that was made so that my sins would be forgiven……
Amen!! Beautiful post!! Thank you very much!! I do not work on Good Friday either.. wishing you and your family a wonderful Easter Weekend!!
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Old 04-14-2017, 02:02 PM
  # 82 (permalink)  
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Old 04-16-2017, 10:20 AM
  # 83 (permalink)  
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It’s so nice to wake up Easter morning and enjoy it without a hangover! It’s a beautiful Sunday morning here, a little bit below freezing, a beautiful blue sky and the sun is shining off the foot of snow that we got making things even brighter.

I couldn’t even begin to count how many times I woke up with a hangover on Easter Sunday’s past. The noise the kids were making over their Easter goodie baskets just adding to my headache! Pouring a big slug of Bailey’s into my morning coffee in the hopes it would settle me down till after lunch when I could have a few beers to start feeling good again. But for the grace of God, that’s exactly how my day would be going today. So nice to look back on those days and know that it will never happen again.

Well I did it, got through Lent without having a hint of chocolate! Not going to overdue it today, but am definitely going to partake in some of the chocolate Easter eggs Bubba got for me lol. A tradition the my dad had was he always bought mom a poinsettia at Christmas and an Easter Lily at Easter. When dad passed away, Bubba and I carried on that tradition sending mom a poinsettia at Christmas and lily at Easter. When mom passed away, I kept up the tradition with Bubba. Just another way of remember my parents and showing my love and appreciation for Bubba on two very important days of the year. Happy Easter everyone, may God’s love shine down on you even if you don’t believe….

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Old 04-18-2017, 05:58 PM
  # 84 (permalink)  
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I really believe that there is something in our heads that makes us drink, and I don’t mean a brain misfire as it relates to alcohol. Something other than that, depression, anger, guilt, self-pity, poor self-esteem, something causes us to reach for the bottle to numb it. In order to be successful at quitting, we need to find out what that thing is, then find ways to deal with it other than by drinking.

I know it was that way for me. It wasn’t until I was at the very end of my rope and the knot was coming undone, that I realized something had to change or I would die, and possibly take someone along with me. And I knew I couldn’t figure it out on my own, I’d tried that too many times without any success. I’m so glad that my Doc made me see a counsellor, that was the only way that I started to understand where my drinking was coming from. I had to swallow a lot of pride and ego to make the appointments, but it was my pride and ego keeping me from getting sober.

I always think that people don’t have to get as low in the hole as I did, but maybe that’s not quite true. Maybe there are others like me that have to get close to death, or kill someone else before they realize that the madness has to stop. What a shame that is, that we think so little of ourselves or those around us, that we would let it get to that, but it did for me. It doesn’t have to be that way for you….
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Old 04-18-2017, 06:51 PM
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Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alco- holic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience

the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by tak- ing a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerg- ing remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

The Doctors Opinion.. I have to stay away from that first drink, one drink no telling what will happen.. thanks for the post,!!
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Old 04-21-2017, 04:49 PM
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On one of the other forums I belong to, a member posted how she almost gave up her months of sobriety because she opened the door in her mind just a crack. She grabbed a cold one from the fridge for her hubby last night and almost thought she could enjoy one herself, but better sense prevailed! After letting the moment pass, she grabbed a SanPellegrino instead, disaster averted! And she attributed that thinking to not checking in on her support system daily. Two things came to mind as I read her post. I’ll deal with the second thing first.

I’ve been asked on all 3 of the forums I belong to why I do what I do. Why do I check in everyday even with 2+ years of sobriety? The biggest reason I do it is to give back, give back the help and support that I got when I was struggling to find my final quit. Just maybe someone will read what I’ve said right when they need it most, or my story will sound so similar to what someone else is going through and they might get the idea that if I quit, they could too! And I’ll tell you, everyone can quit and stay quit if they want it as bad as I did. Also, by checking in each morning, I’m making a commitment to myself, I’ll try and get through the day sober because today is all I have to worry about. I know that if I gave up on my commitment, it wouldn’t be long before I’d start figuring that I could return to being a normal drinker. So by starting the day knowing and telling myself that I just have to get through today without drinking, I’ve planted that sober thought in my head and can fall back on it if needed. Sobriety is something we work towards every single day, not just a hit and miss kind of thing!

Now, as to thinking I could have a cold one then continue being sober tomorrow? Not a chance! I would never stop at just one! I don’t drink for the taste, I don’t drink to be social, I drink for the buzz, I drink to get drunk! So, I could go on a one night drunken binge and then start over tomorrow because I’ve proved to myself I can do it! Or have I? I’ve proved to myself that I can get through today, I’ve proved to myself that I can go 2+ years without drinking, but I haven’t proved to myself that I could quit again if I slipped or relapsed! And I’m just not willing to take that chance……..
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Old 04-27-2017, 05:46 AM
  # 87 (permalink)  
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I enjoy when I’m able to respond to members via pm, a more one-on-one type of situation. And I’m going to share a bit of a pm from a member on another forum and my reply to it…

Originally Posted by a member
I'm surprised (sort of) at how many times a day it crosses my mind to drink. Basically I was using it for everything. It was just what I had in my right hand, or very close by at all times.
Originally Posted by my reply
I think you hit on a key point, realizing just how much and how often we turned to alcohol for help or escape. No matter what happened or what was said, we thought alcohol would help. And I'm not going to lie because at least for me, it did help me escape even though I knew whatever it was would have to be faced sooner or later. Yet, I continued to drink, that's how powerful my addiction was. The hard part for me was finding an alternative to drinking when those situations arose, so I mostly used prayer and gratitude.

It's easy for me to say that things get easier with time, and it's hard to believe for a lot of people, but it does get easier and life is so much better. Stick with it and you'll find out, I'll make a believer out of you yet lol. You can do this, you have it in you to beat this thing, just never surrender...
A good exercise for everyone, in my opinion, is what my counsellor had me do. She told me to sit down and write down the things that trigger me to drink. Then I was supposed to come up with alternatives to those situations that wouldn’t include drinking. It was a very simple exercise because I didn’t take it serious. I’d about had enough of pro/con, good/bad lists and one more wasn’t going to help. But as a bit of time went by, I understood why she wanted me to do this; to get at the root of my drinking and find ways to handle those triggers without drinking. In some cases, I just couldn’t come up with an alternative, so I figured those would be the time to use prayer and gratitude, or worst case, let go and let God.

When I thought of my triggers, I realized I always reached for the easy way out, escape by alcohol. Why? Because I didn’t want to do the work, I wanted to ignore and escape even for just a few hours. But I never really settled anything, just put it aside until it became a problem again, and then I’d just drink it away again. The real relief is when we can face our problems and fears head on, deal with them, and move on. It didn’t take long before I figured out that drinking was causing a lot of my problems and that by quitting drinking, I was have less and less to drink about…
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Old 04-27-2017, 07:09 AM
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It didn’t take long before I figured out that drinking was causing a lot of my problems and that by quitting drinking, I was have less and less to drink about…

I find this to be very true. I believe that I was creating problems by blowing things out of proportion to give myself perceived reasons to drink. Not that I needed excuses, I drank because I drank. I still have problems now that I'm abstinent but they don't seem so bad or as dramatic. I find that with a clear mind I'm able to confront any issues and deal with them if I can or just step back if I can't and let them play out. More often than not everything works itself out.
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Old 04-28-2017, 05:45 AM
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Absolutely zenchaser! All our problems seemed so much bigger than anyone else's, and they could never understand how big our problems were! And when we didn't have any problems, we created some just so we could drink over them, the poor poor me pity party.

Sure, there's still problems and issues that we have to face from time to time, but it's a whole lot easier to handle them sober....
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Old 04-28-2017, 06:32 AM
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Celebrating? Drink!
Mourning? Drink!
Relaxing? Drink!
Getting nuts at a concert? Drink!
Hanging with friends? Drink!
Home by yourself? Drink!
Depressed? Drink!
Happy? Drink!
Serene? Drink!
Energetic? Drink!

I'm beginning to see a pattern here...
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Old 04-29-2017, 05:45 AM
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Yep Fitcher, that's the alcoholics pattern, drink anytime, anywhere, for any reason! But when we distance ourselves from alcohol, we form new patterns...

Celebrating? No need to Drink!
Mourning? No need to Drink!
Relaxing? No need to drink Drink!
Getting nuts at a concert? No need to Drink!
Hanging with friends? No need to Drink!
Home by yourself? No need to Drink!
Depressed? No need to Drink!
Happy? No need to Drink!
Serene? No need to Drink!
Energetic? No need to Drink!

There's never a need to drink anymore!
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Old 04-29-2017, 12:12 PM
  # 92 (permalink)  
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I needed a day like yesterday, and it’s carrying over into today! For the past 6 weeks or so, I haven’t been in the best of moods, work, weather, taxes, etc, etc. Any or all of them were great excuses to drink, but I didn’t drink because I knew all those things would pass, get solved, or solve themselves.

First thing yesterday morning after getting ready for work I texted my cousin who celebrated his 2nd soberversary! I congratulated him on his hard work on getting in 2 years of sober living. We texted for a bit and it put me in a better frame of mind about being grateful for my sobriety. The day started cloudy, but the clouds soon moved on and the sun came out! Ended up a beautiful day and today is the same.

Our daughter texted with great news about her educational qualifications being accepted and approved in Canada, and that just added more excitement to my day. And to top it off, I got an email accepting my bid for the plumbing, heating, and a/c on a new house that I quoted!

I went from lots of depressing reasons to drink, to some great reasons to drink, and I still didn’t drink! Why? Because drinking wouldn’t have made any of those things better. Or worse. It would have been just me drinking. That’s not who I am or who I want to be. I know that the bad times will pass, the good times will return, and drinking won’t accomplish anything….que sera sera…..
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Old 05-07-2017, 10:23 AM
  # 93 (permalink)  
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I’m going to do a post not so much on drinking/non-drinking, but more on how dependant we’ve become on technology. I don’t really consider myself old at 60, but when I relate those years to all the changes I’ve seen over those past 60 years, it makes me feel old. I was 5 years old before we had running water and a bathroom in the house. I was 6 years old when we got our first TV, and it was black and white! My kids still have a tough time thinking about no running water or an indoor flushable!

Yesterday I was going back and forth in the tractor harrowing fields to get them ready for seeding and I had my cell phone on the tractor armrest console where it always sits. I talked with my son about a riding lawnmower that he was picking up from our farm, I texted Bubba to see if she made it to her parent’s okay, and I did a bit of MWO reading. I got finished the field and folded the narrows up to move to another field and jumped out to check if it went into transport mode okay. When I got to the next field, I unfolded the narrows and got them back into field mode and jumped out to make sure it locked into position okay. I was off and rolling again going up and down the field. I noticed the fuel in the tractor getting low so I figured I’d text the farm boss that I’d need fuel in a coupe of hours and low and behold, my cell phone was gone!! Instant panic!! I stopped the tractor and hunted high and low in the cab, I checked all my pockets, vest, jacket, pants and no phone! Did I take it out with me when I folded up or unfolded, I couldn’t remember! So, I got on the tractor 2-way radio and called the farm boss, he didn’t answer, he mustn’t be near a 2 way. Panic level rises a bit more! What if my son was having trouble loading the lawnmower on the trailer by himself? What if Bubba was trying to text or call me, she would get worried if I didn’t answer! What if I run so low on fuel that I had to stop? More panic… I kept trying the 2 way for about an hour with no success, then when I figured I had about ½ hour of fuel left, Corey finally called me back on the 2 way. He wondered why I hadn’t answered his calls or texts. I explained my situation and had him call again while he was on the 2 way with me. He said the phone was ringing, but I couldn’t hear it, so it must be out in the field somewhere. At least it was ringing and not going straight to voicemail, I knew that I didn’t run over it with the tractor! Corey was on his way up with fuel, and when we finished fuelling the tractor, we went to search for me phone. Two men walking crisscross in a field where I folded up and then in the next field where I unfolded. For about an hour we did this, him phoning my cell and both of us listening to see if we could hear it ring. No luck….

When we got back to the tractor, I used Corey’s phone to call Bubba and explain what happened. Here’s went to voicemail, so I left a message. While I was in the tractor cab putting things back after moving them all around searching, I could hear a faint ringing, I asked Corey if his phone was ringing. He said no, but then his phone started to ring. It was Bubba calling back after I left my message. She tried my cell first, then Corey’s, so I knew my phone was somewhere around the tractor! Corey got up in the cab with me, called my phone, and sure enough, we could hear a faint ring! It had fallen off the armrest and felt under the bellows of the air ride seat, there was no way we could hear it with the tractor running! Instant relief!!

I spent the rest of the day thinking about how dependant we’ve become on technology! Cell phones, Internet, PC’s, laptops, tablets, iPad, and the list goes on. What’s the first thing you check for before leaving your house, your cell phone I bet! Just the same as me. For 4 hours yesterday I was in panic mode over a cell phone. For almost 2 hours, two men searched for 1 cell phone. Life has become more complicated with technology lol. So just think where you would be if all the technology crashed, forever… Do you have a Plan B?
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Old 05-25-2017, 04:50 PM
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It's been awhile since I've posted to my journal, but with long days in the field, I don't have a whole lot of time other than to do my regular posts. On another forum I belong to, a young lady early in recovery, was worried about what she should say about her decision to quit drinking and it gave me a bit of inspiration for a poem...

What do I tell my drinking friends
When they come knocking at my door
How do I make it plain to them
That I don’t drink no more.

This here’s a problem for us all
When we give up the drink
Telling our friends and family
And of us, what will they think?

For me I guess I’m different from most
Cause I just tell it straight up and true
No sense beating around the bush
For a lie will come back on you.

So I tell’em maybe today just one
And tomorrow maybe the same
But one day that won’t be the case
I’ll end up drunk again.

I just never really know
When I can stop at just one
So it’s just much easier for me
To make sure that I have none.

This is the way that I am now
And you’ll always be my friend
But if you can’t accept the new me
Then our friendship will have to end.

My friends are okay with the non-drinking me
And respect my decision to quit
They carry on as if nothings changed
And it bothers me not one little bit!

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