A Journey to Sobriety
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
You know, it’s a nice feeling to just read through the threads and see everyone helping each other! Lots of times I don’t have much else to add, and there’s not a lot of point just saying what’s already been said.
Sure, those of us with some AF time behind us can tell you it gets easier, that life without booze is so much better, but everyone reads those words with a bit of doubt. “How can it get easier and better when I feel so crappy most of the time?” The first couple of weeks are tough, getting through those initial stages of going AF. Then at a couple of months the pink cloud sets in, you’re so happy and proud of yourself that you can go day to day without picking up that drink! Then along comes months 5 and 6 when you’re wondering where this wonderful AF life is, why aren’t you feeling it? You begin to wonder if you weren’t that bad after all? Maybe you should try and moderate, after all, if you can go 5 or 6 months without drinking, you’ll really didn’t have a problem to begin with did you?
And that’s where the problems start, when you let that little bit of doubt creep in! It’s all about protecting and maintaining your quit when those thoughts occur. So when those thoughts creep in, I don’t think back to all the “wrecks” I had while drinking, I remind myself that I’ve got to where I am now without drinking, I’ve made it to here without picking up a drink, why would drinking make anything better now? I have a great life, I wake up clear-minded ready to take on the days problems, and know that I don’t need a drink to face anything in my life. So when you start to doubt your sobriety, give another day or two, and remember that you really don’t need that drink……
Sure, those of us with some AF time behind us can tell you it gets easier, that life without booze is so much better, but everyone reads those words with a bit of doubt. “How can it get easier and better when I feel so crappy most of the time?” The first couple of weeks are tough, getting through those initial stages of going AF. Then at a couple of months the pink cloud sets in, you’re so happy and proud of yourself that you can go day to day without picking up that drink! Then along comes months 5 and 6 when you’re wondering where this wonderful AF life is, why aren’t you feeling it? You begin to wonder if you weren’t that bad after all? Maybe you should try and moderate, after all, if you can go 5 or 6 months without drinking, you’ll really didn’t have a problem to begin with did you?
And that’s where the problems start, when you let that little bit of doubt creep in! It’s all about protecting and maintaining your quit when those thoughts occur. So when those thoughts creep in, I don’t think back to all the “wrecks” I had while drinking, I remind myself that I’ve got to where I am now without drinking, I’ve made it to here without picking up a drink, why would drinking make anything better now? I have a great life, I wake up clear-minded ready to take on the days problems, and know that I don’t need a drink to face anything in my life. So when you start to doubt your sobriety, give another day or two, and remember that you really don’t need that drink……
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
Boy, you gotta love technology! We have one of those PVR satellite TV receivers and quite a while back I taped Shawshank Redemption in highdef so last night Bubba and I watched it again, it’s one of my favourite movies. This morning I got to thinking about Andy’s line from the movie “get busy living or get busy dying”. I know it was a popular saying in my AA home group and I imagine it is in many others as well. It really explains recovery in a nutshell, …get busy living or get busy dying... Just makes so much sense to me.
A lot of us talk about alcohol slowly killing us, but that’s not always in the physical sense. Throughout my life I’ve known many hard core drinkers who lived to a ripe old age and succumbed to something entirely different than alcohol abuse. And I’ve known others who died in a vehicle crash because they were drunk, and also a couple of young men, good friends, who took their own life over drinking. So when we talk about alcohol slowly killing us, it doesn’t always mean in the literal sense. I know for me, as my drinking got steadily worse, a lot of things in me died. Alcohol killed my will to live a normal life, it killed everything that I thought life could be. And I’m sure it killed a lot of the faith that Bubba and my kids had in me to finally get sober. And it almost killed me literally.
So make no mistake, one way or another, alcohol kills. As a member on another recovery forum always says, you can have the life you want, or you can drink – get busy living or get busy dying, it doesn’t get much simpler than that..
A lot of us talk about alcohol slowly killing us, but that’s not always in the physical sense. Throughout my life I’ve known many hard core drinkers who lived to a ripe old age and succumbed to something entirely different than alcohol abuse. And I’ve known others who died in a vehicle crash because they were drunk, and also a couple of young men, good friends, who took their own life over drinking. So when we talk about alcohol slowly killing us, it doesn’t always mean in the literal sense. I know for me, as my drinking got steadily worse, a lot of things in me died. Alcohol killed my will to live a normal life, it killed everything that I thought life could be. And I’m sure it killed a lot of the faith that Bubba and my kids had in me to finally get sober. And it almost killed me literally.
So make no mistake, one way or another, alcohol kills. As a member on another recovery forum always says, you can have the life you want, or you can drink – get busy living or get busy dying, it doesn’t get much simpler than that..
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
Today I am two years sober, on my 60th birthday no less, who would have thought…
I’ve been thinking about my journey over the past couple of days, where I was, where I am now, and where I want to be. And I wanted to write something, witty, brilliant, and smart about my journey and the many, many things I’m grateful for. But I’ve nothing to add to those who have already written about sober birthdays, and to be honest, I couldn’t do justice to a sober life like the rest of them already have.
So, I think I’ll dedicate this post to those who are still struggling, to those who haven’t reached that ever elusive 1 year mark. Now, there are members who have years of sobriety who find themselves starting over. They know what it takes, they know how easy just 1 drink will put them right back into alcohell, but they’ve been there, they know it can be done, they know they can do it. So, this is for the under 1 year people, and not to show or prove it can be done, but to consider themselves, to see what’s missing to get it done.
When you done reading this, I’ve got some homework for you, my thread, my rules lol. Sit down with pen and paper, go back as far as you can remember, and write down the consecutive days you’ve had sober, in all your attempts. I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at the number of days, unless this is your first time at quitting lol. I’ll bet some of you have over 365 AF days! One year of no drinking! So, you know you can do it! All you have to do now is get those days put together in a string. Now, to the best of your recollection, write down what caused you to slip after those AF periods. You see where I’m going with this? The homework part! Once you have a list of those reasons/excuses to start drinking again, you need to figure out a way of dealing with them, without alcohol. Everyone has problems, or reasons/excuses to drink, but only alcoholics drink because of them. I know, because I used to drink at everyone and everything. But then I realized and accepted that alcohol only made things worse. Nothing good comes from drinking at anything or anyone, only more heartache. Find the things that make you turn to alcohol, find other ways around those things, and you’ll be well on your way to your 365 day string! It’s all in your mind, you don’t need alcohol, but your mind tries to convince you that you do. And when you really think you need a drink, pull out that piece of paper that you just finished writing to prove to yourself that you don’t need that drink, you only think you do! Train your mind to think of another way to get through those difficult moments. Push alcohol to the furthest recesses of your mind, lock it up, and throw away the key. Take back the control that alcohol took away from you.
What’s in store for me in year 3? I have no idea, but I do know I’ll be able to handle everything if I deal with it just one day at a time, one thought at a time if need be…. So can you… Never doubt your inner strength… And last, but most important, never, ever give up! Never quit on your quit!
I’ve been thinking about my journey over the past couple of days, where I was, where I am now, and where I want to be. And I wanted to write something, witty, brilliant, and smart about my journey and the many, many things I’m grateful for. But I’ve nothing to add to those who have already written about sober birthdays, and to be honest, I couldn’t do justice to a sober life like the rest of them already have.
So, I think I’ll dedicate this post to those who are still struggling, to those who haven’t reached that ever elusive 1 year mark. Now, there are members who have years of sobriety who find themselves starting over. They know what it takes, they know how easy just 1 drink will put them right back into alcohell, but they’ve been there, they know it can be done, they know they can do it. So, this is for the under 1 year people, and not to show or prove it can be done, but to consider themselves, to see what’s missing to get it done.
When you done reading this, I’ve got some homework for you, my thread, my rules lol. Sit down with pen and paper, go back as far as you can remember, and write down the consecutive days you’ve had sober, in all your attempts. I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at the number of days, unless this is your first time at quitting lol. I’ll bet some of you have over 365 AF days! One year of no drinking! So, you know you can do it! All you have to do now is get those days put together in a string. Now, to the best of your recollection, write down what caused you to slip after those AF periods. You see where I’m going with this? The homework part! Once you have a list of those reasons/excuses to start drinking again, you need to figure out a way of dealing with them, without alcohol. Everyone has problems, or reasons/excuses to drink, but only alcoholics drink because of them. I know, because I used to drink at everyone and everything. But then I realized and accepted that alcohol only made things worse. Nothing good comes from drinking at anything or anyone, only more heartache. Find the things that make you turn to alcohol, find other ways around those things, and you’ll be well on your way to your 365 day string! It’s all in your mind, you don’t need alcohol, but your mind tries to convince you that you do. And when you really think you need a drink, pull out that piece of paper that you just finished writing to prove to yourself that you don’t need that drink, you only think you do! Train your mind to think of another way to get through those difficult moments. Push alcohol to the furthest recesses of your mind, lock it up, and throw away the key. Take back the control that alcohol took away from you.
What’s in store for me in year 3? I have no idea, but I do know I’ll be able to handle everything if I deal with it just one day at a time, one thought at a time if need be…. So can you… Never doubt your inner strength… And last, but most important, never, ever give up! Never quit on your quit!
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
Hi Dropsie, and thank you for your kind words! How's year 3 treating me? Well, it's teaching me that I still have work to do on me, not so much my sobriety, but me as a person as you'll see from what I've written below...
What a long and tiring day I’ve had, up early this morning to head to Veg to pick up the in-laws, then drive to the Church in Edmonton for a funeral of an 89-year-old lady, about a 3rd cousin, 2 times removed, but to them that’s immediate family. Mind you, she was a dear, sweet lady who I’d met on a few occasions of “family functions” and we got along great. However, I haven’t seen her in about 10 years and she suffered from advanced Alzheimer’s for the last couple years so she wouldn’t have known me even if I did see her. 2 hours of listening to Ukrainian during the funeral service of which I understood zero, but I know there were 64 people in attendance because I counted them. I know there are 124 hand painted icons in the front of the Church, and there 217 bulbs in the chandelier that hangs in the middle of the Church. Then at Communion time, I wondered if taking the bread dipped in wine would constitute a slip? Not that I did because I don’t practice my Church doctrines anymore. But would it be considered a slip, because the Roman Catholic religion teaches us that the bread and wine becomes (symbolizes?) the body and blood of our Lord. Talk about testing one’s faith eh? Then off we go to the cemetery for another 45 minutes of Ukrainian prayer at the interment.
Anyway, I got rambling away there, down to the crux of the issue. After 2 years of sobriety, you’d think I’ve learned most of what I need to know on how to handle difficult circumstances as they arise. And I’m not talking about situations that get me to thinking about how good a beer would taste, I don’t think that way anymore. But what I’ve learned about controlling my emotions and thought re-direction seems to evade me in this instance. So, after I counted most everything I could in the Church without being to conspicuous, I figured since I was in the House of the Lord I should maybe just talk to Him, see if He could make things clearer for me.
I figured out that it boils down to a statement my mother-in-law made many years ago, when I told her that my kids would never have kids of their own, that I’d never be a grandpa. She couldn’t understand that, she said the reason you have kids is so that you have someone to help you and look after you when you get old. That statement really floored me, not once did that thought occur to me through each of the birth and raising of my four kids. And as I sat in that Church today, oblivious to what was happening around me, I realized that my feelings were all about the feeling of being used. That I’m here just to help them and drive them anywhere they want to go. Don’t get me wrong, I love them dearly, and help out where ever I can, visit them very regularly, and drive them to Dr’s appointments, to see the specialist, etc. But I always felt that it was expected of me because of that one statement. I let that one statement turn into resentment, then frustration, almost to the point of anger. I never let it get to anger, I stopped it at the frustration stage. But how do I let it go? How do I be happy about being able to be there for them. And sitting in that Church this morning, the answer came to me, I should be happy about being there for them because I am able to be there for them! It’s as simple as that! Things could be a lot worse, it could be me who needed the looking after, not them. So I should be grateful that I’m able to do that for them and don’t feel like it’s expected of me, be happy that I’m able to help when they need it. I was being selfish, it wasn’t so much the statement she made as it was how I reacted to it. I was making myself unhappy, not her.
It amazes me still how a few moments of talking with Him, not even praying, just asking for guidance and things become clearer, that I begin to look at things in a different way. I guess that’s the reason we say “let go and let God”….
What a long and tiring day I’ve had, up early this morning to head to Veg to pick up the in-laws, then drive to the Church in Edmonton for a funeral of an 89-year-old lady, about a 3rd cousin, 2 times removed, but to them that’s immediate family. Mind you, she was a dear, sweet lady who I’d met on a few occasions of “family functions” and we got along great. However, I haven’t seen her in about 10 years and she suffered from advanced Alzheimer’s for the last couple years so she wouldn’t have known me even if I did see her. 2 hours of listening to Ukrainian during the funeral service of which I understood zero, but I know there were 64 people in attendance because I counted them. I know there are 124 hand painted icons in the front of the Church, and there 217 bulbs in the chandelier that hangs in the middle of the Church. Then at Communion time, I wondered if taking the bread dipped in wine would constitute a slip? Not that I did because I don’t practice my Church doctrines anymore. But would it be considered a slip, because the Roman Catholic religion teaches us that the bread and wine becomes (symbolizes?) the body and blood of our Lord. Talk about testing one’s faith eh? Then off we go to the cemetery for another 45 minutes of Ukrainian prayer at the interment.
Anyway, I got rambling away there, down to the crux of the issue. After 2 years of sobriety, you’d think I’ve learned most of what I need to know on how to handle difficult circumstances as they arise. And I’m not talking about situations that get me to thinking about how good a beer would taste, I don’t think that way anymore. But what I’ve learned about controlling my emotions and thought re-direction seems to evade me in this instance. So, after I counted most everything I could in the Church without being to conspicuous, I figured since I was in the House of the Lord I should maybe just talk to Him, see if He could make things clearer for me.
I figured out that it boils down to a statement my mother-in-law made many years ago, when I told her that my kids would never have kids of their own, that I’d never be a grandpa. She couldn’t understand that, she said the reason you have kids is so that you have someone to help you and look after you when you get old. That statement really floored me, not once did that thought occur to me through each of the birth and raising of my four kids. And as I sat in that Church today, oblivious to what was happening around me, I realized that my feelings were all about the feeling of being used. That I’m here just to help them and drive them anywhere they want to go. Don’t get me wrong, I love them dearly, and help out where ever I can, visit them very regularly, and drive them to Dr’s appointments, to see the specialist, etc. But I always felt that it was expected of me because of that one statement. I let that one statement turn into resentment, then frustration, almost to the point of anger. I never let it get to anger, I stopped it at the frustration stage. But how do I let it go? How do I be happy about being able to be there for them. And sitting in that Church this morning, the answer came to me, I should be happy about being there for them because I am able to be there for them! It’s as simple as that! Things could be a lot worse, it could be me who needed the looking after, not them. So I should be grateful that I’m able to do that for them and don’t feel like it’s expected of me, be happy that I’m able to help when they need it. I was being selfish, it wasn’t so much the statement she made as it was how I reacted to it. I was making myself unhappy, not her.
It amazes me still how a few moments of talking with Him, not even praying, just asking for guidance and things become clearer, that I begin to look at things in a different way. I guess that’s the reason we say “let go and let God”….
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
I think I was destined to become an alcoholic the first time I let alcohol pass over my tongue. I remember my first time drinking, my first time getting drunk. I was 12 years old and my best friend’s parents were gone for the evening. I was at his house and we were shooting pool and just talking. His dad had a pretty well stocked bar and Ron laughed and suggested we try out a few of the bottles. I opened a mickey of Hawaiian Okoleaho, not knowing it was rare and expensive. I was doomed after the first drink! I drank half the bottle and had to stagger down the back alley a block away from home, stopping twice to throw up. I remember the hangover that Saturday morning, how I thought I was going to die, and I also remember thinking Saturday afternoon how much fun it was to drink! My drinking career took off with a flourish! I could go on and on, my dad picking me up at the police station when I was 16 for buying beer underage, my rodeo partner and I hitting the ditch in his new Ford Mustang without spilling a drop of the open beers we were both holding, the countless times driving when I shouldn’t have been. I guess the Good Lord was looking out for me even then, but I’ll never understand why.
And I have to admit, even to myself, that there were some fun times, but the fun times were only when I didn’t drink to get drunk, which didn’t happen often. I don’t know why I didn’t or couldn’t accept that I had a problem, but I’m glad I eventually did! I have the rest of my life to look forward to with just good memories to be made…
And I have to admit, even to myself, that there were some fun times, but the fun times were only when I didn’t drink to get drunk, which didn’t happen often. I don’t know why I didn’t or couldn’t accept that I had a problem, but I’m glad I eventually did! I have the rest of my life to look forward to with just good memories to be made…
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
It’s been a while since I’ve had any ambition to post in my journal, or any thread for that matter, but figured I’d better get my thoughts jotted down….
Been a rather tough past 10 days or so, my tablet crashed and burned, thankfully I back up regularly but still lost a bit that I’m trying to get put back in. Tax season is never fun, but it wasn’t as bad this year as last year, and the financial year-end statement shows why. The downturn in the oil industry affects us all up here in Alberta, directly or indirectly. And a week ago Bubba resigned from her job, the Director and her weren’t getting along all that well from day 1 and Bubba just got tired of being ignored. There’s not many jobs out there right now, so she may be a Fresh Air Inspector for longer than she thinks….
Nevertheless, we have a roof over our heads, dependable vehicles, the bills get paid, there’s food in the fridge, and we are healthy. What more could I ask for!
The important thing is that I didn’t use it as an excuse to drink, I didn’t even think about drinking. I just keep reminding myself that God won’t give me anything He doesn’t think I can handle, so I’ll put my faith in Him, He got me this far so I don’t think He’ll give up on me yet….
Been a rather tough past 10 days or so, my tablet crashed and burned, thankfully I back up regularly but still lost a bit that I’m trying to get put back in. Tax season is never fun, but it wasn’t as bad this year as last year, and the financial year-end statement shows why. The downturn in the oil industry affects us all up here in Alberta, directly or indirectly. And a week ago Bubba resigned from her job, the Director and her weren’t getting along all that well from day 1 and Bubba just got tired of being ignored. There’s not many jobs out there right now, so she may be a Fresh Air Inspector for longer than she thinks….
Nevertheless, we have a roof over our heads, dependable vehicles, the bills get paid, there’s food in the fridge, and we are healthy. What more could I ask for!
The important thing is that I didn’t use it as an excuse to drink, I didn’t even think about drinking. I just keep reminding myself that God won’t give me anything He doesn’t think I can handle, so I’ll put my faith in Him, He got me this far so I don’t think He’ll give up on me yet….
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
I went to Edmonton yesterday to do a bit of work for my good friend Rick and his wife Marie. Bubba came along to visit with Marie while Rick and I worked. Of course a trip to Edmonton always involves shopping for Bubba as well lol. When we got to Rick’s, he didn’t look like he was in very good shape, turned out they had a few people over the previous evening and Rick got into a few too many lol. He looked like he was in pain lol. Needless to say, he wasn’t much help with the work, but he tried. Got the work done and Marie set out some lunch but Rick didn’t feel like eating, I wonder why?? Been there done that! There was a marble bundt cake with hot sauce for desert and Marie informed me that the rum and butter sauce was made with real spiced rum, she just thought I should know so that I could make my own decision about having any. I gratefully declined, so she put ice cream on my cake instead!
We got into a discussion about the things that contain alcohol, near beer, etc. and how I felt about them and what it would mean if I inadvertently had something with alcohol in it. I said that I would never knowingly consume or drink anything with alcohol in it, but if it happened by mistake then no harm, no foul. I’m sure a bit of rum and butter sauce wouldn’t have me running to the liquor store. I said that for me, the worst that would be is having to reset my counter, to start at day 1 again. Rick asked why that was so important to people in recovery as he’d heard the same thing from others who had quit drinking. I explained that for me anyway, it took a lot of work to get to where I am today, over 2 years sober, and there is a bit of pride in being able to say that. Starting over would be a huge disappointment, not just to me, but to the people who have supported and helped me. It just wasn’t worth it to have to start over again.
I guess the point to all my rambling is that it’s great to have drinking friends who respect my decision not to drink. To have friends that are considerate enough to help me protect my Day 1 by mentioning things like what’s in the things they cook and serve. Those are the kind of friends that show what true friendship is all about and I’m fortunate enough to have many of those friends in my life….
We got into a discussion about the things that contain alcohol, near beer, etc. and how I felt about them and what it would mean if I inadvertently had something with alcohol in it. I said that I would never knowingly consume or drink anything with alcohol in it, but if it happened by mistake then no harm, no foul. I’m sure a bit of rum and butter sauce wouldn’t have me running to the liquor store. I said that for me, the worst that would be is having to reset my counter, to start at day 1 again. Rick asked why that was so important to people in recovery as he’d heard the same thing from others who had quit drinking. I explained that for me anyway, it took a lot of work to get to where I am today, over 2 years sober, and there is a bit of pride in being able to say that. Starting over would be a huge disappointment, not just to me, but to the people who have supported and helped me. It just wasn’t worth it to have to start over again.
I guess the point to all my rambling is that it’s great to have drinking friends who respect my decision not to drink. To have friends that are considerate enough to help me protect my Day 1 by mentioning things like what’s in the things they cook and serve. Those are the kind of friends that show what true friendship is all about and I’m fortunate enough to have many of those friends in my life….
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
It’s always said that we have to quit for ourselves, that quitting for someone else rarely ends up successful. I think I agree with that, to a certain extent. I knew that if I didn’t quit, it would kill me, but I also knew that Bubba and my kids could only take so many broken promises. So I think on Valentine’s Day it’s fitting to do a post of my thoughts as to how they relate to my loved ones.
Bubba, what can I say about the love of my life. I don’t know how she put up with me, my drunken words, my drunken promises, all the lies, and never ending heartache, but she did. She stood beside me through all that, and more. I remember asking her why she did it, why she stayed by my side through thick and thin. She told me that she didn’t do it for me, she did it because of a promise she made to my Grandma the first day she met her. She told me that my Grandma asked her to look after me, that I was one of her grandsons that would need looking after the most. How was she able to know that? That sooner or later I would sink to my rock bottom? She did, and she asked Bubba to promise her to look after me, to stand by me, that I was a good man deep inside. So I guess I need to offer my thanks and my love to both Grandma and Bubba, for knowing that I would need help, and sticking by me till the good man in me was finally able to surface.
My kids, they stood by me as well. Our two eldest daughters live in Vancouver and didn’t see the mess I had become in the final years of my drinking, but Adam (our son) kept them informed and told them that I would need all the help and support they could give if I was ever going to be able to get rid of the monkey on my back. And those were the exact words he told me, that I would never be his real dad again until I got rid of it. But he stood by me through the slips and relapses, encouraging me to keep trying, seek whatever help I needed to finally be free. And Ashely, the youngest, how I wish every day that I could take back the words I said to her when I was angry at my ex and took that anger out on my daughter. It’s taken over two years, but I think she has forgiven me a little bit, and we keep working on getting our relationship back to where it was. It will never be the same, but at least we know that there is love between us, and we express that love now.
So yes, I did quit for me, but not just for me. I quit for my wife, my kids, and all my family and friends. They all could see how low I was sinking, hoping that I’d be able to climb out of the hole that I had put myself in. I know for a fact that if they had given up on me, I’d still be drinking, or dead. How can one show how grateful we are for that love and understanding? That’s easy, by staying sober, for ourselves and for them. And stay the person we have become after finding sobriety....
Bubba, what can I say about the love of my life. I don’t know how she put up with me, my drunken words, my drunken promises, all the lies, and never ending heartache, but she did. She stood beside me through all that, and more. I remember asking her why she did it, why she stayed by my side through thick and thin. She told me that she didn’t do it for me, she did it because of a promise she made to my Grandma the first day she met her. She told me that my Grandma asked her to look after me, that I was one of her grandsons that would need looking after the most. How was she able to know that? That sooner or later I would sink to my rock bottom? She did, and she asked Bubba to promise her to look after me, to stand by me, that I was a good man deep inside. So I guess I need to offer my thanks and my love to both Grandma and Bubba, for knowing that I would need help, and sticking by me till the good man in me was finally able to surface.
My kids, they stood by me as well. Our two eldest daughters live in Vancouver and didn’t see the mess I had become in the final years of my drinking, but Adam (our son) kept them informed and told them that I would need all the help and support they could give if I was ever going to be able to get rid of the monkey on my back. And those were the exact words he told me, that I would never be his real dad again until I got rid of it. But he stood by me through the slips and relapses, encouraging me to keep trying, seek whatever help I needed to finally be free. And Ashely, the youngest, how I wish every day that I could take back the words I said to her when I was angry at my ex and took that anger out on my daughter. It’s taken over two years, but I think she has forgiven me a little bit, and we keep working on getting our relationship back to where it was. It will never be the same, but at least we know that there is love between us, and we express that love now.
So yes, I did quit for me, but not just for me. I quit for my wife, my kids, and all my family and friends. They all could see how low I was sinking, hoping that I’d be able to climb out of the hole that I had put myself in. I know for a fact that if they had given up on me, I’d still be drinking, or dead. How can one show how grateful we are for that love and understanding? That’s easy, by staying sober, for ourselves and for them. And stay the person we have become after finding sobriety....
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
I think a reason why a lot of us slip after getting some AF time in is because a sober life isn’t what we expected, or wanted. I know way back when I started back drinking after going 7 months sober it was because I wasn’t happy with my sobriety, I wasn’t this new wonderful person that I thought I was going to be so I figured that if sobriety wasn’t going to fix my problems, drinking at least made them go away for a while. The man in the mirror didn’t change whether drinking or sober. I don’t think I was a dry drunk, I just wasn’t happy being sober, I felt that I was missing out on all the good times I had while drinking.
It’s when it finally dawned on me that quitting drinking wasn’t really sobriety, it was just quitting drinking! Sobriety to me meant that I could accept this different man with all his flaws and shortcomings and try to find happiness in the life that being sober offered. It wasn’t easy at first, and it took a while, but I found my happiness through gratitude, and through knowing that it was up to me to embrace my sobriety.
It’s like the certificates we hang on the wall, or the merit badges we earned when we were kids, or the trophies we might have achieved, we proudly displayed them so that everyone could see what we accomplished through our hard work. Getting and staying sober should be the same, but we treat it different. We talk about it behind closed doors, talk about to others who are going through it, talk about it only with people who have been there.
I’m proud of my sobriety, not because I did it and someone else didn’t, but proud because I accomplished it, and to remind others that if I could do it, so could they! I carry my first AA coin on my key ring for everyone to see, to remind myself and others that alcoholism can be beaten. I am a survivor and everyone else can be as well. I found my happiness in my sobriety and it’s made being sober so much better and easier.
Ya, getting old forces us to look at things a bit different. Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror I wonder if this is all there is to life, if my sixty years on this earth really made any difference. Then I realize it’s up to me to make my life count for something….
It’s when it finally dawned on me that quitting drinking wasn’t really sobriety, it was just quitting drinking! Sobriety to me meant that I could accept this different man with all his flaws and shortcomings and try to find happiness in the life that being sober offered. It wasn’t easy at first, and it took a while, but I found my happiness through gratitude, and through knowing that it was up to me to embrace my sobriety.
It’s like the certificates we hang on the wall, or the merit badges we earned when we were kids, or the trophies we might have achieved, we proudly displayed them so that everyone could see what we accomplished through our hard work. Getting and staying sober should be the same, but we treat it different. We talk about it behind closed doors, talk about to others who are going through it, talk about it only with people who have been there.
I’m proud of my sobriety, not because I did it and someone else didn’t, but proud because I accomplished it, and to remind others that if I could do it, so could they! I carry my first AA coin on my key ring for everyone to see, to remind myself and others that alcoholism can be beaten. I am a survivor and everyone else can be as well. I found my happiness in my sobriety and it’s made being sober so much better and easier.
Ya, getting old forces us to look at things a bit different. Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror I wonder if this is all there is to life, if my sixty years on this earth really made any difference. Then I realize it’s up to me to make my life count for something….
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
Time wasted drinking, how many countless hours did we just throw away trying to get our buzz on. I know for me, I bet it was a minimum of 4 hours a day, 7 days a week that I either spent drinking or thought about drinking! Once you regain those hours, so much more can be accomplished. Take today for instance;
Spent the day at the farm digging out the contaminated dirt in the solarium, cleaned and pruned the climbing rose, went through all my seeds and planting containers and made a list of what I have to purchase. Then I spent some time watching Gertrude and Gus (our Canada Geese that nest each year on one of our ponds) starting on the nest out on the little island in the pond. I walked over the hill to see if Harry and Harriet (the other pair of Canada Geese that nest by the dugout) were back yet. I didn’t see them, but they could have been out feeding, I’ll check again Monday. Then the farm boss stopped by to see if I could start work next week going through the air drills and carts to make all the necessary repairs to get them field ready, and then we visited for a bit after business was taken care of. And I was home safe and sober by 4:00pm! Most of the above wouldn’t have happened if I was still drinking, especially being home by 4 and sober to boot! Time wasted is time you can never get back…
Spent the day at the farm digging out the contaminated dirt in the solarium, cleaned and pruned the climbing rose, went through all my seeds and planting containers and made a list of what I have to purchase. Then I spent some time watching Gertrude and Gus (our Canada Geese that nest each year on one of our ponds) starting on the nest out on the little island in the pond. I walked over the hill to see if Harry and Harriet (the other pair of Canada Geese that nest by the dugout) were back yet. I didn’t see them, but they could have been out feeding, I’ll check again Monday. Then the farm boss stopped by to see if I could start work next week going through the air drills and carts to make all the necessary repairs to get them field ready, and then we visited for a bit after business was taken care of. And I was home safe and sober by 4:00pm! Most of the above wouldn’t have happened if I was still drinking, especially being home by 4 and sober to boot! Time wasted is time you can never get back…
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Hi abcowboy
I pop in every now and then and always appreciate your down to earth common sense posts (especially about gratitude.)
I need a serious gratitude attitude adjustment today.....thanks for helping out!
I pop in every now and then and always appreciate your down to earth common sense posts (especially about gratitude.)I need a serious gratitude attitude adjustment today.....thanks for helping out!
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
Thanks' y'all for the kind words, sobriety can be simple or complex, it's up to each of us to make it into what we want, and need. Easy, no... simple, yes...
Today is Palm Sunday, the start of Holy Week. I have so much to be grateful for, but the most important thing of all is that God answered my prayers. I know not everyone is a believer, but I know my faith is restored because “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were to strong for me. Psalm 18:16-17”
Even if you are a non-believer, or just doubtful, I’m a great example of what the power of prayer can do. Maybe it wasn’t God that answered my prayers (I firmly believe it was), but try stopping for a moment to offer a prayer to whatever/whoever you believe in, it just might give you the strength you need to get over that final hurdle….
Today is Palm Sunday, the start of Holy Week. I have so much to be grateful for, but the most important thing of all is that God answered my prayers. I know not everyone is a believer, but I know my faith is restored because “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were to strong for me. Psalm 18:16-17”
Even if you are a non-believer, or just doubtful, I’m a great example of what the power of prayer can do. Maybe it wasn’t God that answered my prayers (I firmly believe it was), but try stopping for a moment to offer a prayer to whatever/whoever you believe in, it just might give you the strength you need to get over that final hurdle….
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,868
It’s Good Friday today, and to a lot of people that just means a day off from work. The same as Easter Sunday and Christmas day. But if they weren’t important to us somehow, why would they be statutory holidays? I’m not sure if they are a stat holiday everywhere, but they are in a good many countries.
I remember way back when I was an altar boy at our church, the priest always stressed that Christmas was the most important day of the year, the day our Saviour was born. That way of thinking has changed, at least in my part of the world. Good Friday is now recognized as the most important day of the liturgical year, the day Jesus died so that our sins would be forgiven. In my small rural town, the only thing open today are the convenience stores, everything else is closed. That’s not so on Easter Sunday or Christmas day, lots of stores are open those days. So why is Good Friday so important, I’ll leave that answer up to each individual….
And I now stand corrected, I just had Bubba Google how many states in the U.S.A. celebrate Good Friday as a holiday, and there are only 12, so my apologies to those states (and countries) who don’t.
Back when I was drinking, those three holidays really just meant a day off for me, I had lost my faith in there being any sort of Supreme Being, God as it were. How things have changed since my fateful day. I observe the Lenten season, I gave up chocolate for Lent. Bubba and I didn’t eat meat on the Fridays during Lent, we had simple meals with fish. Today we will fast, hot cross buns will be the food we eat today, no snacks or sweets. I will sacrifice what I can to honour the sacrifice that was made so that my sins would be forgiven……
I remember way back when I was an altar boy at our church, the priest always stressed that Christmas was the most important day of the year, the day our Saviour was born. That way of thinking has changed, at least in my part of the world. Good Friday is now recognized as the most important day of the liturgical year, the day Jesus died so that our sins would be forgiven. In my small rural town, the only thing open today are the convenience stores, everything else is closed. That’s not so on Easter Sunday or Christmas day, lots of stores are open those days. So why is Good Friday so important, I’ll leave that answer up to each individual….
And I now stand corrected, I just had Bubba Google how many states in the U.S.A. celebrate Good Friday as a holiday, and there are only 12, so my apologies to those states (and countries) who don’t.
Back when I was drinking, those three holidays really just meant a day off for me, I had lost my faith in there being any sort of Supreme Being, God as it were. How things have changed since my fateful day. I observe the Lenten season, I gave up chocolate for Lent. Bubba and I didn’t eat meat on the Fridays during Lent, we had simple meals with fish. Today we will fast, hot cross buns will be the food we eat today, no snacks or sweets. I will sacrifice what I can to honour the sacrifice that was made so that my sins would be forgiven……
Sober AF Since 3/20/16
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: WI - Where alcohol abuse is a sacrement
Posts: 157
Here in the Alcohol Abuse Capitol of the World, Good Friday ceased to be an official holiday a couple of decades ago, but most businesses had a clause permitting employees to be absent for a few hours in order to attend afternoon religious services.
Well, seeing that alcohol abuse IS a sacrament in Wisconsin, it didn't take long before we were cutting out of work for "communion" at the local watering hole, then coming back to the office loaded to talk about our "religious experiences".
SMDH....
Well, seeing that alcohol abuse IS a sacrament in Wisconsin, it didn't take long before we were cutting out of work for "communion" at the local watering hole, then coming back to the office loaded to talk about our "religious experiences".
SMDH....
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