Tense environment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 1
Tense environment
Hello, I am getting started with this (6 weeks sober) and I am living in a pretty toxic environment with a partner who suffers from anxiety disorders and alcohol. I have a 3 year old reason not to leave but I am struggling to keep it together.
My question is this... do you know of any alternatives that can help at the moment of stress / conflict? No substances or anything... but something to do?
In the past, in the heat of the moment, knowing I had to keep calm, I would always turn to alcohol, even though I knew it was hurting more than it helped. Without it, I think I feel better in general but I don't know how to handle the Conflicts.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
My question is this... do you know of any alternatives that can help at the moment of stress / conflict? No substances or anything... but something to do?
In the past, in the heat of the moment, knowing I had to keep calm, I would always turn to alcohol, even though I knew it was hurting more than it helped. Without it, I think I feel better in general but I don't know how to handle the Conflicts.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 50
There is a resource list in this forum which I have pasted below.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
If you choose to go to an AA meeting they usually have phone lists of people who are OK with you calling them.
also there is this
Someone To Talk To, Online Therapy & Free Counseling - 7 Cups of Tea
And you could also just go outside and take a walk around the block to let off a little steam.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
If you choose to go to an AA meeting they usually have phone lists of people who are OK with you calling them.
also there is this
Someone To Talk To, Online Therapy & Free Counseling - 7 Cups of Tea
And you could also just go outside and take a walk around the block to let off a little steam.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,761
That was going to be my suggestion, go for a walk. Remove yourself from the situation, get some alone time to process the situation. Think about your reaction. Choose your battles, is the conflict at hand something you really need to fight?
Also, how is this affecting your three year old?
Also, how is this affecting your three year old?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Yes! I am very happy to report I have learned how to relieve stress without alcohol. There's only a million and a half ways! Good on you for showing the desire to make these changes, it's important to find alternatives, otherwise sobriety won't work. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
How are you today, Catnip?
I feel for you. Living and/or working around a lot of tension is just not healthy...especially if it is on-going and/or chronic.
Granted, there are going to be times in life when things are tense. But if it's a lot of the time or if it is taking place frequently in the home, that really sucks big time. Home should be a place where you can ease your worries, tension, stress and you should be able to relax in your own home; take a load off.
If your SO has baseline anxiety as well as alcoholism, it 's like you're getting a double whammy. Living with someone who is anxious is hard enough as it is; they have a hard time relaxing and then it can be hard to relax in their presence. We tend to "take on" the anxiety of others around us.
So, what to do....
If he tries to pick a fight, don't engage. Detach, and don't engage. Some people are amazing in how they can pick fights though, so that can be a lot harder than it sounds.
Would he be willing for counseling? For him and for you as a couple? He would REALLY benefit from counseling for his anxiety. My husband did that and it made a big positive difference. As far as the alcohol goes, he is most likely partly drinking as a way to cope with his anxiety.
It's very hard to not let him rub off on you. When things get too intense or you are on the verge of a fight, can you take the little one and go somewhere; go for a drive, or a walk or do something fun?
Is he abusive? Or, just hard to live with? If you are indeed in danger you need help right away. I'm not sure how 'bad' it is.....
OK: I ended up writing more than I thought, but I hope it helps.
I feel for you. Living and/or working around a lot of tension is just not healthy...especially if it is on-going and/or chronic.
Granted, there are going to be times in life when things are tense. But if it's a lot of the time or if it is taking place frequently in the home, that really sucks big time. Home should be a place where you can ease your worries, tension, stress and you should be able to relax in your own home; take a load off.
If your SO has baseline anxiety as well as alcoholism, it 's like you're getting a double whammy. Living with someone who is anxious is hard enough as it is; they have a hard time relaxing and then it can be hard to relax in their presence. We tend to "take on" the anxiety of others around us.
So, what to do....
If he tries to pick a fight, don't engage. Detach, and don't engage. Some people are amazing in how they can pick fights though, so that can be a lot harder than it sounds.
Would he be willing for counseling? For him and for you as a couple? He would REALLY benefit from counseling for his anxiety. My husband did that and it made a big positive difference. As far as the alcohol goes, he is most likely partly drinking as a way to cope with his anxiety.
It's very hard to not let him rub off on you. When things get too intense or you are on the verge of a fight, can you take the little one and go somewhere; go for a drive, or a walk or do something fun?
Is he abusive? Or, just hard to live with? If you are indeed in danger you need help right away. I'm not sure how 'bad' it is.....
OK: I ended up writing more than I thought, but I hope it helps.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Meditation, exercise, walking, music...all great suggestions.
Toxic environments are difficult though. I can't survive in themy long. I guess there must be some impact on that 3 year old too? Kids are sensitive, like sponges, I always heard.
Very difficult. I grew up in a toxic household. I still remember the sense of unease around the house and have no doubt it had a lasting impact over the years.
But when my folks finally split...at 14 for me...looking back, that had a lasting impact too.
Who's to say? Make sure you have people to talk to would be my advice. Professionals. Or a Support Group. People who have been through similar experiences and can support you while you come to decisions.
Keeping a clear sober head yourself will help
Good luck
P
Toxic environments are difficult though. I can't survive in themy long. I guess there must be some impact on that 3 year old too? Kids are sensitive, like sponges, I always heard.
Very difficult. I grew up in a toxic household. I still remember the sense of unease around the house and have no doubt it had a lasting impact over the years.
But when my folks finally split...at 14 for me...looking back, that had a lasting impact too.
Who's to say? Make sure you have people to talk to would be my advice. Professionals. Or a Support Group. People who have been through similar experiences and can support you while you come to decisions.
Keeping a clear sober head yourself will help
Good luck
P
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