seabreeze

I hate myself, I kind of feel like I hate my friends (not because of them really but more because of my inability to separate my own well being from theirs) and I hate this lifestyle..

I wanted to get sober a couple days ago but clearly that's not going to happen if I keep hanging out with these people.. I'm drunk right now and it's no ones fault but my own really.

I feel hopeless tbh. This guy whose in my life now does't like how much I drink, he lives in another state and I could easily re-locate so I feel like if I were to move there it could be a real fresh start.. But if I can't even keep sober here, how can I guarantee or promise it would happen there?

Perhaps I should just stay here and let things run its course, sorry for being dramatic but this is the reality I'm facing right now. Appreciate any responses

Dee74

Hi seabreeze

I both hated my life and was terrified to lose it - as bad as t was it was familiar - change promised nothing to me at that point but a huge unknown - what if it was worse?

Fortunately, of course, Change was fantastic - I love my life now, I love who I am and my friends are real true friends, not simply drinking buddies.

I think you owe it to yourself to give change a try - it was difficult in the beginning, for sure - but honestly I think it's easier than trying to keep a drinking life together?

D

Fusion

Hello, Seabreeze, I was terrified of stopping drinking. It had been my crutch for all life's problems, for so long.

I took a leap of faith when I stopped drinking. The irony is, that alcohol wasn't a crutch as I believed, supporting and assisting me; instead alcohol was a huge brake, halting me, stalling me, weakening me, dragging me down, separating me from people I cared about and stopping me from being the person I really am.

Please don't feel hopeless. I truly believe that if you stop drinking, you'll allow yourself to feel hope and one day you'll look back and wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

entropy1964

Try not to hate yourself Seabreeze. While I don't think relapse is part of recovery, it is a fact of many of our journey's. You're here posting. That means you do care and you want to change.

Yeah hating your friends is kinda pointless. Rather than make big plans and decisions right now, why not try to not drink for today? Maybe consider a f2f recovery program that can give your the support of sober people who understand you? Problem with moving for another person, or with the expectation that you will then be able to stay sober, is YOU and all the reasons you drink are still there. Believe me, I've tried that.

Just don't drink today, one day at a time. Big plans can wait until your head clears a bit. Hang in there.

August252015

^^^^what Dee said times a million.

I knew I had to change for a long time but ultimately I was terrified and truly felt I could not do it. It wasn't til I was told I had a year, 18 mo at the rate I was going that I listened to what people had been telling me- and I was 39. I turned 40 this summer sober.

You can make today day one and I promise you there is a better life on the other side.

Just today- don't drink. Occupy your time. What frick said- sobriety starts with baby steps.

Good luck.

steve-in-kville

This is the reality we've all faced. And for most of us, we faced it more than once. Hang in there, read through the forums and keep responding... that helped me a lot in the beginning and still does.

SobrieTee

I can definitely relate to that feeling of hating yourself. When I was drinking, I felt it constantly. I also hated myself for quite a while after sobering up, but eventually I grew into my new self and I never want to go back.

I made some major changes in order to get sober, including moving. However, moving was only one piece of the puzzle for me. I had to go to detox first, then outpatient rehab, an addiction counselor, and AA.

I also get what you are saying about your friends. I had to cut out some of my friends in order to stay sober. Not only drinking buddies, but people I had been friends with my whole life whose only activity these days is to go to the bar.

At the end of the day, do whatever it takes to get and stay sober. Making sobriety my primary focus, and making changes that were terrifying at the time, saved my life.

tomsteve

youre not being dramatic,seabreeze. I think youre being honest and starting to get serious about the extent of what alcohol is doing to you and your life.
you cant guarantee or promise it wont happen there. cant guarantee or promise it wont happen where youre at If ya don't get into action- make the decision to do whatever is necessary to get and stay sober.

I tried the relocation program numerous times.
that didn't work because wherever I go, there I am and it was me with the problem, not the location.

I tried ending relationships and starting new ones.
that didn't work because no one was going to be able to help me get sober and it was myself with the problem and myself that had to put in the footwork to stop drinking an make my life better.

I got sober where I had been living for quite a few years. the day after my last drunk I was lookin at my past and the wake of wreckage I had left everywhere I went. I saw that the common denominator in all my problems was alcohol. I couldn't hate myself any more than I did at that time.
that's when I walked into an AA meeting. got the big book the 1st week, starting doing what it suggested, and have been sober since. not only have I been sober, but I don't hate myself any more (I don't always approve of my actions, but I don't hate myself) and have a pretty nice life- not one with tons of money and toys, but I like my life today.
it all started with a willingness to do whatever I had to do for victory over alcohol.

FBL

I think most of us alcoholics go through the "what now" phase. It really is scary! As much as I was slowly killing myself, I was terrified to face life sober. But, you know what, after a few weeks I realized that I was feeling better and that I had a lot to live for besides getting drunk every night. Now, after 7 years, I can't imagine going back to "alcho-hell".

Give yourself some time. You'll be amazed at what really happens.

aasharon90

It was taught to me that I should hate
the disease of alcoholism and not myself
or others.

To stop blaming everything and everyone
for this horrible illness/disease that ate
away at every inch of my being.

When I was taught about alcohol and
its affects on my mind body and soul
then given a program of recovery to
guide me each day I remained sober,
then I began to move forward in a
healthier, happier, honest way of
life.

I could have kept on running and
hiding with my addiction which
was slowly killing me until my family
step in to get me help I so desperately
needed at that time in my life 26 yrs
ago.

I spent 28 days in a rehab facility/
hospital to allow the toxins in my
body to leave and open my mind
to be feed some useful helpful
information and knowledge about
my addiction to alcohol.

Once I accepted the fact that I was
and am powerless over alcohol and
that my life had become unmanageable
then I was ready to grow in recovery
with one step at a time.

I have remained sober all these yrs
for me, because if I hadn't remained
sober then I would have lost everything.
Family, life, me etc.

I didn't want to loose what I had
and thus made a decision to follow
this program of recovery taught to
me from the very beginning.

AA has worked for me because I
continue to incorporate this program
in all areas of my life becoming a
strong solid foundation to live my
life upon.

Find a program of recovery so you
too can live a healthy, happy, honest
life for yourself, because you, like so
many of us, are worth it.