Emotional Maturity Support Thread
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Originally Posted by GroundhogDay 
It would be great if people always said what they mean and mean what they say. I assume so unless it becomes apparent a person doesn't mean what they say.
People do tend to approach conversations from their own world view and historical interactions. I try to be aware of it, and not take things they say as a result personally.
People do tend to approach conversations from their own world view and historical interactions. I try to be aware of it, and not take things they say as a result personally.
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Originally Posted by GroundhogDay
It would be great if people always said what they mean and mean what they say. I assume so unless it becomes apparent a person doesn't mean what they say.
People do tend to approach conversations from their own world view and historical interactions. I try to be aware of it, and not take things they say as a result personally.
People do tend to approach conversations from their own world view and historical interactions. I try to be aware of it, and not take things they say as a result personally.
Gilmer - Thanks. I came across the prayer of St Francis this morning as I was preparing for the day. It's a good reminder!
"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life."
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Originally Posted by gleefan
Well said.
Gilmer - Thanks. I came across the prayer of St Francis this morning as I was preparing for the day. It's a good reminder!
"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life."
Gilmer - Thanks. I came across the prayer of St Francis this morning as I was preparing for the day. It's a good reminder!
"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life."
If we all approached our interactions in the spirit of love and kindness, we wouldn't have all this drama to deal with.
I loved the recent Disney cinderella movie. She was always reminding herself to "have courage and be kind." I sometimes take inspiration from that line.
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I was discussing with a close friend of mine what happens to me now in conversations with other women, especially women I have a long history with. And I was explaining about how I am usually present in any given moment now and future oriented if anything. The past is packed away and everything goes in it's proper place and is not unpacked unless it needs to be and it takes a lot of work to unpack that stuff. Whereas for most women, especially in long relationships, everything is happening now and it's all connected and it all has meaning that is universal and needn't be explained to the other person.
He said I have a man's brain according to Mark Gungor. If you get a chance, look him up on youtube, a Tale of Two Brains. Hilarious and spot on.
I am working on creating a box that is void of stuff, so I can enjoy that empty space. That's so zen to me, and you guys do it naturally, for the most part.
And then my friend John just posted to Facebook that he opened a fortunate cookie and there was no fortune and he wanted to know what it meant. Nothing doesn't have to mean anything! I told him it was zen consciousness, the moment you start trying to figure out what it means, you've ruined the cookie.
He said I have a man's brain according to Mark Gungor. If you get a chance, look him up on youtube, a Tale of Two Brains. Hilarious and spot on.
I am working on creating a box that is void of stuff, so I can enjoy that empty space. That's so zen to me, and you guys do it naturally, for the most part.
And then my friend John just posted to Facebook that he opened a fortunate cookie and there was no fortune and he wanted to know what it meant. Nothing doesn't have to mean anything! I told him it was zen consciousness, the moment you start trying to figure out what it means, you've ruined the cookie.
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I have heard it said that men tend to be compartmental thinkers, whereas women tend to be global thinkers. That means that men keep the different portions of their lives in separate compartments: if a man has a bad day at work, it doesn't necessarily affect him at home. What happens in one portion of a woman's life, however, is more likely to influence her throughout the whole day.
Just an interesting thought.
Just an interesting thought.
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Originally Posted by Gilmer
I have heard it said that men tend to be compartmental thinkers, whereas women tend to be global thinkers. That means that men keep the different portions of their lives in separate compartments: if a man has a bad day at work, it doesn't necessarily affect him at home. What happens in one portion of a woman's life, however, is more likely to influence her throughout the whole day.
Just an interesting thought.
Just an interesting thought.
The last thing the man wants after the stressful situation is over is to keep dragging it out. She thinks talking makes everything better and when he wants to shut down and not talk, she thinks not only is he bottling it up and staying mad about it, but also choosing not to talk about it with HER specifically. So it's all about her and now she's sulking and going nuts.. and he's not thinking about anything!
I want to live in the nothing box. lol
Edit: Not true.. take more vacations to there.
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Originally Posted by Gilmer
I have heard it said that men tend to be compartmental thinkers, whereas women tend to be global thinkers. That means that men keep the different portions of their lives in separate compartments: if a man has a bad day at work, it doesn't necessarily affect him at home. What happens in one portion of a woman's life, however, is more likely to influence her throughout the whole day.
Just an interesting thought.
Just an interesting thought.
I spent a lot of my life as a so-say rational 'male' thinker...still can be quite good at putting certain things in a box while I focus on something else.
I find though as I go on in life that nothing stays in the box
Everything is connected. ... my reaction in one area of life is always affected by what's been happening in another. It pays to lift the lid and talk about it...I am often surprised to find that something I thought I was OK with is playing out in a way I didn't expect.I guess you'd call it self-reflection...I've always been a little more inclined to that than some but for me, helps keep me on an even keel
P
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I definitely need my quiet or meditative time to de-stress. Sometimes I want to talk about it, but other times not. I think I want to talk about things when I am still trying to sort it out in my head. Posting here on SR works even better, though.
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Hello G. Perhaps of turning emotionally into a mature teenager. A communal Xmas card for staff- my contribution was
'The hospital gave me back my life. The staff here are helping me learn how to live it- thankyou.'
'The hospital gave me back my life. The staff here are helping me learn how to live it- thankyou.'
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Originally Posted by Gilmer
I have heard it said that men tend to be compartmental thinkers, whereas women tend to be global thinkers. That means that men keep the different portions of their lives in separate compartments: if a man has a bad day at work, it doesn't necessarily affect him at home. What happens in one portion of a woman's life, however, is more likely to influence her throughout the whole day.
I am female but very much tend to compartmentalize feelings and events in my life, even people and relationships. That way I can still think about the whole thing but my thoughts are less affected by the momentum or by what just happened a few minutes or hours ago, so easier to focus. It is certainly a form of defense that I have tried to break free of but kinda fall back into because the compartmentalization can be quite handy. It can also annoy others for sure.I am never entirely sure whether the compartmentalizing I tend to do is a sign of emotional maturity, or the opposite. I guess it depends on dosage and context, like most things.
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Originally Posted by GroundhogDay
I definitely need my quiet or meditative time to de-stress. Sometimes I want to talk about it, but other times not. I think I want to talk about things when I am still trying to sort it out in my head. Posting here on SR works even better, though.
When I drank I was one of those larger than life personalities, who used my charisma to convince others my perspective was the one they should believe. My friends and I shared and rehashed each others' drama.
With reading books on codependency and with working the AA 12 steps with a sponsor I've become someone who doesn't have people in my life who just want to complain anymore. I've become someone who meditates on what's bothering me, seeks counsel when necessary, and quietly goes about my day even when things aren't going my way. My friends and I do fun stuff together, and I dont have that same urgency to share. When I'm going on and on about something and realize I'm seeking to be understood - I try to stop myself. I don't always realize it at the time though. Progress not perfection.
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Originally Posted by gleefan
When I drank I was one of those larger than life personalities, who used my charisma to convince others my perspective was the one they should believe. My friends and I shared and rehashed each others' drama.
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Still failing at keeping my cool at work sometimes. Feeling like I "have to do everything" and nobody "tells me what I need to know to do my job correctly." I also know that I am not alone. I need to find some motivation for both myself and my co-workers. Office is close to mutiny.
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GHD- I can understand. I am surrounded by people (granted in recovery so emotionally charged) who, as the Xmas count continues- are getting stressed and weird. 1000 thoughts racing around any single brain. Why did they say that? Why did they leave when I came in? Everybody wants everything done yesterday because their situation is different and needs attention first. Do the breathing bit. How much emot. maturity do I have? Enough to know not to bite back, keep my mouth shut and stay out of people's personal catastrophic events. Stay calm, man. Peace and love.
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