Emotional Maturity Support Thread
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Originally Posted by Gilmer 
But in retelling the story in detail, I was instantly transported back to the horrible scene in my mind, and I even dropped the F-bomb, twice!
I was full of hate about something that is long dead and buried in the past.
I really had to work to force my mind back to the present and salvage the positive day from a very nasty mood.
Moral of the story: leave the past in the past!
I was full of hate about something that is long dead and buried in the past.
I really had to work to force my mind back to the present and salvage the positive day from a very nasty mood.
Moral of the story: leave the past in the past!
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Join Date: May 2014
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I have been between jobs (just a week, and by choice) and having a lot of free time on my hands. I got up early yesterday to go to the office then came home and got some things done, did my usual daily online things, like this and facebook, and then I found myself just sitting there with nothing to do. But I couldn't relax and enjoy that leisure time, I needed to DO something. So I found a guided meditation for peace. I made sure it was only about ten minutes, I didn't want to stay in it for very long, but it actually moved me to tears. Just as a release of everything I was holding on it, as I worked on letting go of a crazy work situation.
Today I was able to get closure on it by telling my former boss and now my boss again as of today, everything that had happened.. we talked in generalities and with no names, since I'm not on that home care case anymore, but she needed to understand what dynamics were causing her caregiver turnover. So I eased in with the most mundane and fixable issues there, and then finally told her about the big bad part of the situation..
I was able to tell her about the situation honestly and openly, from a place of understanding where everyone involved must have been coming from.. It was a situation where it would have been easy for me to have animosity towards all parties and to blame them, burn bridges and hold grudges.. I totally own my part in creating the dynamic that went on.. I told her that. And the issues were ones she needed to be aware of going forward as she sends other caregivers in to that home.
It was very important for me to get closure by allowing something good to come out of it. Nothing can be done about my experience, nothing can make it different than what it is, but hopefully I've made my friend's (boss's) job easier and prevented a bad very toxic situation from unfolding with a different person in my seat. And I take my lessons with me: establishing clear boundaries in all situations at all times, but especially professional ones. I could have gotten myself in way deeper and could have had my reputation as a caregiver ruined - and I'm still trying to get a nursing degree here. I flirted, pressed someone's buttons and acted in inappropriate ways just because I was bored and those buttons were there.. He responded for a long time the way I wanted him to.. No one is at fault, it was just that after a year I was faced with a mirror that showed me the whole situation very clearly, and I could no longer look at it, be in it.
It spooked me, 3 months in to sobriety, to look at the things I'd been doing over the past year. I was ashamed of what I was seeing. Not dwelling on that by any means, just saying, it was time to walk away.
Sorry so vague, I hope some of the salient points shone through, as it relates to emotional maturity.
Today I was able to get closure on it by telling my former boss and now my boss again as of today, everything that had happened.. we talked in generalities and with no names, since I'm not on that home care case anymore, but she needed to understand what dynamics were causing her caregiver turnover. So I eased in with the most mundane and fixable issues there, and then finally told her about the big bad part of the situation..
I was able to tell her about the situation honestly and openly, from a place of understanding where everyone involved must have been coming from.. It was a situation where it would have been easy for me to have animosity towards all parties and to blame them, burn bridges and hold grudges.. I totally own my part in creating the dynamic that went on.. I told her that. And the issues were ones she needed to be aware of going forward as she sends other caregivers in to that home.
It was very important for me to get closure by allowing something good to come out of it. Nothing can be done about my experience, nothing can make it different than what it is, but hopefully I've made my friend's (boss's) job easier and prevented a bad very toxic situation from unfolding with a different person in my seat. And I take my lessons with me: establishing clear boundaries in all situations at all times, but especially professional ones. I could have gotten myself in way deeper and could have had my reputation as a caregiver ruined - and I'm still trying to get a nursing degree here. I flirted, pressed someone's buttons and acted in inappropriate ways just because I was bored and those buttons were there.. He responded for a long time the way I wanted him to.. No one is at fault, it was just that after a year I was faced with a mirror that showed me the whole situation very clearly, and I could no longer look at it, be in it.
It spooked me, 3 months in to sobriety, to look at the things I'd been doing over the past year. I was ashamed of what I was seeing. Not dwelling on that by any means, just saying, it was time to walk away.
Sorry so vague, I hope some of the salient points shone through, as it relates to emotional maturity.
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Join Date: May 2014
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This week in emotional maturity. Or, what I have to be thankful for.
- I just looked at a thread title and a response popped in to my head, and then I thought "I'm not even gonna go there, it'll trigger me" laughed and moved on.
- I never laughed so much with my family as I did yesterday in the kitchen doing Thanksgiving prep. Because in sobriety I am relaxed and joyful and unselfconscious and loving.
- It's completely alright to withhold what you're thinking if it will cause harm. And I'm getting better at just instinctively knowing when my thoughts could be a trigger to others. I am now thoughtful in the language that I choose. I swear less. I don't think there's anything wrong with those words, but they do bring the vibrational frequency down ever so slightly. I think.
- The best way to get closure is to help someone else and find the lessons for yourself. I can look back on the past year and take that fearless moral inventory, as it were, and see what I could have done differently, and from a place of love for myself, make a choice not to make those mistakes again. I forgive myself, because I was ignorant of the true impact of my actions. Now that I understand exactly what happened, and now that I know I can change, I don't have to live in fear of repeating toxic relationship patterns! I can also use what I learned to better someone else's life or keep someone else from falling in to the same trap.
- I just looked at a thread title and a response popped in to my head, and then I thought "I'm not even gonna go there, it'll trigger me" laughed and moved on.
- I never laughed so much with my family as I did yesterday in the kitchen doing Thanksgiving prep. Because in sobriety I am relaxed and joyful and unselfconscious and loving.
- It's completely alright to withhold what you're thinking if it will cause harm. And I'm getting better at just instinctively knowing when my thoughts could be a trigger to others. I am now thoughtful in the language that I choose. I swear less. I don't think there's anything wrong with those words, but they do bring the vibrational frequency down ever so slightly. I think.
- The best way to get closure is to help someone else and find the lessons for yourself. I can look back on the past year and take that fearless moral inventory, as it were, and see what I could have done differently, and from a place of love for myself, make a choice not to make those mistakes again. I forgive myself, because I was ignorant of the true impact of my actions. Now that I understand exactly what happened, and now that I know I can change, I don't have to live in fear of repeating toxic relationship patterns! I can also use what I learned to better someone else's life or keep someone else from falling in to the same trap.
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
This week in emotional maturity. Or, what I have to be thankful for.
- I just looked at a thread title and a response popped in to my head, and then I thought "I'm not even gonna go there, it'll trigger me" laughed and moved on.
- I never laughed so much with my family as I did yesterday in the kitchen doing Thanksgiving prep. Because in sobriety I am relaxed and joyful and unselfconscious and loving.
- It's completely alright to withhold what you're thinking if it will cause harm. And I'm getting better at just instinctively knowing when my thoughts could be a trigger to others. I am now thoughtful in the language that I choose. I swear less. I don't think there's anything wrong with those words, but they do bring the vibrational frequency down ever so slightly. I think.
- The best way to get closure is to help someone else and find the lessons for yourself. I can look back on the past year and take that fearless moral inventory, as it were, and see what I could have done differently, and from a place of love for myself, make a choice not to make those mistakes again. I forgive myself, because I was ignorant of the true impact of my actions. Now that I understand exactly what happened, and now that I know I can change, I don't have to live in fear of repeating toxic relationship patterns! I can also use what I learned to better someone else's life or keep someone else from falling in to the same trap.
- I just looked at a thread title and a response popped in to my head, and then I thought "I'm not even gonna go there, it'll trigger me" laughed and moved on.
- I never laughed so much with my family as I did yesterday in the kitchen doing Thanksgiving prep. Because in sobriety I am relaxed and joyful and unselfconscious and loving.
- It's completely alright to withhold what you're thinking if it will cause harm. And I'm getting better at just instinctively knowing when my thoughts could be a trigger to others. I am now thoughtful in the language that I choose. I swear less. I don't think there's anything wrong with those words, but they do bring the vibrational frequency down ever so slightly. I think.
- The best way to get closure is to help someone else and find the lessons for yourself. I can look back on the past year and take that fearless moral inventory, as it were, and see what I could have done differently, and from a place of love for myself, make a choice not to make those mistakes again. I forgive myself, because I was ignorant of the true impact of my actions. Now that I understand exactly what happened, and now that I know I can change, I don't have to live in fear of repeating toxic relationship patterns! I can also use what I learned to better someone else's life or keep someone else from falling in to the same trap.
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Join Date: May 2014
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A lot of people don't.. and a lot of us can't or couldn't because alcoholism and depression stunted, completely halted, our emotional growth, for years!
My Thanksgiving gathering didn't quite go as I envisioned it. We are not a drinking family, as in alcohol just isn't even a blip on any of our radars. So that wasn't an issue for me. I had plenty to do, between prepping, catching up with everyone, serving and cleaning up... I got to see family I hadn't seen in two years, my brother, his wife, and their 4 year old daughter, and my mom was a happy Grams.. I am not sorry I made the day happen.
I won't do it again. At least not for a long time. And okay... So you first look at your own expectations, were they realistic? We've never been a close family, we've always been introverts. I DREAM of marrying in to a big, loud, crazy Italian family where holidays are like an elaborate ballet with 11 women in the kitchen all cooking and laughing and carrying on 4 distinct conversations at once seamlessly, while the guys watch football or gab outside or whatever. I was not born in to that family.
I was a touch disappointed.. I think I just began to feel lonely doing the dishes. I don't hate washing dishes but that could have been a social activity, SOMEBODY could have offered to help.. My mom was with my niece, and her husband was talking with his son, and my brother and his wife.. On two occasions I walked back in to the living room to find her on his lap, him caressing her hand, in a non-sexual way. It was intimate and it made me uncomfortable. I felt like I was intruding IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM.
Why come if you're not going to interact and play and create memories.. Sigh.. I have solidified it for myself that we are just not that type of family. Even though I am grown, sober, mature and happy, and I care about and want to love my family, love just might not mean the same thing to them, and they just might not have equal motivations to extend themselves the other half of the way.
The old me would have gotten moody and created a really negative vibe. I had no interest in doing that. I still had fun, I just had to re-adjust my vision.
Just a thought dump.. I am beginning to think I should be keeping a journal. I gotta go to church and make some female friends.. look for the Italians who will introduce me to my future husband, so I can have my dream family holidays lol I will stop throwing my hopes and on the wrong people and set about creating what I want.
My Thanksgiving gathering didn't quite go as I envisioned it. We are not a drinking family, as in alcohol just isn't even a blip on any of our radars. So that wasn't an issue for me. I had plenty to do, between prepping, catching up with everyone, serving and cleaning up... I got to see family I hadn't seen in two years, my brother, his wife, and their 4 year old daughter, and my mom was a happy Grams.. I am not sorry I made the day happen.
I won't do it again. At least not for a long time. And okay... So you first look at your own expectations, were they realistic? We've never been a close family, we've always been introverts. I DREAM of marrying in to a big, loud, crazy Italian family where holidays are like an elaborate ballet with 11 women in the kitchen all cooking and laughing and carrying on 4 distinct conversations at once seamlessly, while the guys watch football or gab outside or whatever. I was not born in to that family.
I was a touch disappointed.. I think I just began to feel lonely doing the dishes. I don't hate washing dishes but that could have been a social activity, SOMEBODY could have offered to help.. My mom was with my niece, and her husband was talking with his son, and my brother and his wife.. On two occasions I walked back in to the living room to find her on his lap, him caressing her hand, in a non-sexual way. It was intimate and it made me uncomfortable. I felt like I was intruding IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM.
Why come if you're not going to interact and play and create memories.. Sigh.. I have solidified it for myself that we are just not that type of family. Even though I am grown, sober, mature and happy, and I care about and want to love my family, love just might not mean the same thing to them, and they just might not have equal motivations to extend themselves the other half of the way.
The old me would have gotten moody and created a really negative vibe. I had no interest in doing that. I still had fun, I just had to re-adjust my vision.
Just a thought dump.. I am beginning to think I should be keeping a journal. I gotta go to church and make some female friends.. look for the Italians who will introduce me to my future husband, so I can have my dream family holidays lol I will stop throwing my hopes and on the wrong people and set about creating what I want.
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Nice thread and thanks for the transparency 
For me...emotional maturity/ emotional growth is where it's at.
I'm far more comfortable admitting today that I can be insecure, anxious, petulant...I guess I always was like this but way too scared to admit or peak under the covers back in the day
What do I have today?
- No matter how angry/insecure/frustrated [insert emotion here] I feel, I do not need to drink. I can't lie to myself today and say the way I feel or what "they did" is a va lid excuse to drink
- No matter what is going on I also know I will survive. On the good days I don't need to react /self destruct in any other way that will make me wake up full of regret
- I know there is nothing inherently wrong with feeling emotions like insecurity and anxiety. I don't have to repress/hide half of my own psychological reality...just acknowledge it, smile and move beyond
There's a temptation I think to act like we're invulnerable when we quit drinking. It's not neccessary. Vulnerability is an essential part of the human condition, one that I am happy to experience...even if it is a little uncomfortable sometimes
Have a great day
P
For me...emotional maturity/ emotional growth is where it's at.
I'm far more comfortable admitting today that I can be insecure, anxious, petulant...I guess I always was like this but way too scared to admit or peak under the covers back in the day
What do I have today?
- No matter how angry/insecure/frustrated [insert emotion here] I feel, I do not need to drink. I can't lie to myself today and say the way I feel or what "they did" is a va lid excuse to drink
- No matter what is going on I also know I will survive. On the good days I don't need to react /self destruct in any other way that will make me wake up full of regret
- I know there is nothing inherently wrong with feeling emotions like insecurity and anxiety. I don't have to repress/hide half of my own psychological reality...just acknowledge it, smile and move beyond
There's a temptation I think to act like we're invulnerable when we quit drinking. It's not neccessary. Vulnerability is an essential part of the human condition, one that I am happy to experience...even if it is a little uncomfortable sometimes
Have a great day
P
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Colorado
Posts: 202
[QUOTE
Emotional Maturity
Proactive (I make choices)
Act on emotions
Governed by vision/purpose
Come from love/abundance
“Choose to” motivation
Giving (other-centered)
Step outside comfort zone
Seek growth
Unity/goodwill with others
Live in the present
[/QUOTE]
Working on all of these in my sobriety now. For me they don't always come easy though I have to keep practicing them.
Emotional Maturity
Proactive (I make choices)
Act on emotions
Governed by vision/purpose
Come from love/abundance
“Choose to” motivation
Giving (other-centered)
Step outside comfort zone
Seek growth
Unity/goodwill with others
Live in the present
[/QUOTE]
Working on all of these in my sobriety now. For me they don't always come easy though I have to keep practicing them.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Does anybody else find in sobriety they are just now learning how to socialize? Or better yet how not to?
I am now much more able to be myself, but I also am seeing that I have to hold back when I don't want to.. connect too far? I can't make eye contact with males just because that's how I wish to communicate, I can't be a toucher, I can't giggle all the time, I can't.. um.. have too much pep in my step? I tend to bounce. I am getting the wrong kind of attention from males because I'm coming on too strong. I have to curb my personality somewhat around males now. I never had enough of one to even get a man to notice me.. except in cases where the man carries around similar pain and sadness and is likely an alcoholic, too.
When I was a drinker and I was completely self-absorbed, I just never connected, never wanted to connect with other people.. Like on Friday I ended up sitting at the kitchen table with my step bro just cause he can carry on a conversation and shows an interest in talking to me, unlike my siblings.. I ended up leading him on that night, I could sense, and at one point he even asked if I wanted to go upstairs to watch a tv show. No. I hung out with him to alleviate my boredom and that was almost unfair to him but.. I am learning that I need to watch who I connect with and how.
I need female friends. I want female friends for the first time in my life. Women I can be myself around and talk to and have fun with. I never got that before, as in never understood the purpose for having female friends. I only looked at females in terms of reasons to feel insecure, and competitions for things. Why did I ever look at it that way? I like who I am and I like other people and I need more people in my life. AND I know I'm not gonna drive them away because I am emotionally stable!!!
I am now much more able to be myself, but I also am seeing that I have to hold back when I don't want to.. connect too far? I can't make eye contact with males just because that's how I wish to communicate, I can't be a toucher, I can't giggle all the time, I can't.. um.. have too much pep in my step? I tend to bounce. I am getting the wrong kind of attention from males because I'm coming on too strong. I have to curb my personality somewhat around males now. I never had enough of one to even get a man to notice me.. except in cases where the man carries around similar pain and sadness and is likely an alcoholic, too.
When I was a drinker and I was completely self-absorbed, I just never connected, never wanted to connect with other people.. Like on Friday I ended up sitting at the kitchen table with my step bro just cause he can carry on a conversation and shows an interest in talking to me, unlike my siblings.. I ended up leading him on that night, I could sense, and at one point he even asked if I wanted to go upstairs to watch a tv show. No. I hung out with him to alleviate my boredom and that was almost unfair to him but.. I am learning that I need to watch who I connect with and how.
I need female friends. I want female friends for the first time in my life. Women I can be myself around and talk to and have fun with. I never got that before, as in never understood the purpose for having female friends. I only looked at females in terms of reasons to feel insecure, and competitions for things. Why did I ever look at it that way? I like who I am and I like other people and I need more people in my life. AND I know I'm not gonna drive them away because I am emotionally stable!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,954
Paulokes - The point that you made about no longer needing to hide or repress your vulnerabilities struck a chord with me. That's the way I lived in active addiction too.
BrendaC - It sounds like you are getting to the heart of the mistakes you've made. Something I've found helpful after seeing the error of my ways is allowing the right things to happen. By doing the right things I have come to find my self surrounded with the right people. My tribe is terrific!
BrendaC - It sounds like you are getting to the heart of the mistakes you've made. Something I've found helpful after seeing the error of my ways is allowing the right things to happen. By doing the right things I have come to find my self surrounded with the right people. My tribe is terrific!
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I've been wrestling with myself for days to pull myself out of an overwhelmed and resentful mood. I got a bit happier yesterday, but got really overwhelmed and frustrated yesterday at lunch
I was even more frustrated because I had another family party to go to at night. And it was a birthday party for me, so there was no hope of skipping it.
I took a nap in the afternoon. Then I did a sinkfull of dishes while listening to a lecture from my class.
My mood came back up to neutral.
Accomplishing substantial tasks always helps me to feel worthwhile.
I ended up having a lot of laughs at the party, and now the sensory bombardment is finally over.
I was even more frustrated because I had another family party to go to at night. And it was a birthday party for me, so there was no hope of skipping it.
I took a nap in the afternoon. Then I did a sinkfull of dishes while listening to a lecture from my class.
My mood came back up to neutral.
Accomplishing substantial tasks always helps me to feel worthwhile.
I ended up having a lot of laughs at the party, and now the sensory bombardment is finally over.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
To allowing the right things to happen....
I was offered a new home care case where there is a woman who is bed bound, should be hospice technically, and her son lives with her. He is in his fifties and lonely and kinda chatty. So I could decline the case, simply because I had a bad experience before with a male relative of a client developing feelings for me because he was lonely and I entertained him. But since I do learn from my mistakes, I know I won't let it happen again.
Today is day 100 of my sobriety. I feel like I should only be moving forward, not letting anything that happened in the past, no matter how recent, hold me back.
I was offered a new home care case where there is a woman who is bed bound, should be hospice technically, and her son lives with her. He is in his fifties and lonely and kinda chatty. So I could decline the case, simply because I had a bad experience before with a male relative of a client developing feelings for me because he was lonely and I entertained him. But since I do learn from my mistakes, I know I won't let it happen again.
Today is day 100 of my sobriety. I feel like I should only be moving forward, not letting anything that happened in the past, no matter how recent, hold me back.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by Gilmer
I've been wrestling with myself for days to pull myself out of an overwhelmed and resentful mood. I got a bit happier yesterday, but got really overwhelmed and frustrated yesterday at lunch
I was even more frustrated because I had another family party to go to at night. And it was a birthday party for me, so there was no hope of skipping it.
I took a nap in the afternoon. Then I did a sinkfull of dishes while listening to a lecture from my class.
My mood came back up to neutral.
Accomplishing substantial tasks always helps me to feel worthwhile.
I ended up having a lot of laughs at the party, and now the sensory bombardment is finally over.
I was even more frustrated because I had another family party to go to at night. And it was a birthday party for me, so there was no hope of skipping it.
I took a nap in the afternoon. Then I did a sinkfull of dishes while listening to a lecture from my class.
My mood came back up to neutral.
Accomplishing substantial tasks always helps me to feel worthwhile.
I ended up having a lot of laughs at the party, and now the sensory bombardment is finally over.
Last night driving home from work I craved a beer. Not a drunk, just a tasty hoppy beer. I only didn't get one because I didn't want the calories! Smh.. I truly think it was less of an urge to get drunk and more of a taste for a beer, but I can't guarantee that. I intend to adhere to my sobriety for a year and evaluate.. but it could very well be lifelong just because of my history and how important it is to me to always be "above the veil of consciousness" I just don't want anything in my body that lowers my consciousness. I think I'd have sparkling water at my wedding. I wouldn't care.
Rambling..sorry lol
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,954
Gilmer - Getting work done is so satisfying. I'm glad it helped improve your outlook.
Brenda - Congratulations on 100 days sober. That is a great accomplishment.
Cravings are challenging. I have found (for me) that alcoholism truly is "cunning, baffling and powerful" - and will stop at nothing to have me back in its grips. I can't drink. Alcohol was my "solution" for everything, good news, bad news, boredom, excitement and everything in between. It took a while for the cravings to subside.
I still think about drinking from time to time, but for me, I've found so much peace and serenity in sobriety, so much contentment, confidence, and joy, that I don't want to drink.
By keeping my compass pointed toward peace, serenity, joy, happiness and freedom, I've found tremendous personal growth and better solutions than alcohol.
I think forward is the right direction! If you forgive yourself I think you can handle your new client's lonely son differently than your previous client's.
As for my emotional sobriety today ... I made some right decisions by following GD's post early in the thread.
Brenda - Congratulations on 100 days sober. That is a great accomplishment.
Cravings are challenging. I have found (for me) that alcoholism truly is "cunning, baffling and powerful" - and will stop at nothing to have me back in its grips. I can't drink. Alcohol was my "solution" for everything, good news, bad news, boredom, excitement and everything in between. It took a while for the cravings to subside.
I still think about drinking from time to time, but for me, I've found so much peace and serenity in sobriety, so much contentment, confidence, and joy, that I don't want to drink.
By keeping my compass pointed toward peace, serenity, joy, happiness and freedom, I've found tremendous personal growth and better solutions than alcohol.
I think forward is the right direction! If you forgive yourself I think you can handle your new client's lonely son differently than your previous client's.
As for my emotional sobriety today ... I made some right decisions by following GD's post early in the thread.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
Does anybody else find in sobriety they are just now learning how to socialize? Or better yet how not to?
I am now much more able to be myself, but I also am seeing that I have to hold back when I don't want to.. connect too far? I can't make eye contact with males just because that's how I wish to communicate, I can't be a toucher, I can't giggle all the time, I can't.. um.. have too much pep in my step? I tend to bounce. I am getting the wrong kind of attention from males because I'm coming on too strong. I have to curb my personality somewhat around males now. I never had enough of one to even get a man to notice me.. except in cases where the man carries around similar pain and sadness and is likely an alcoholic, too.
When I was a drinker and I was completely self-absorbed, I just never connected, never wanted to connect with other people.. Like on Friday I ended up sitting at the kitchen table with my step bro just cause he can carry on a conversation and shows an interest in talking to me, unlike my siblings.. I ended up leading him on that night, I could sense, and at one point he even asked if I wanted to go upstairs to watch a tv show. No. I hung out with him to alleviate my boredom and that was almost unfair to him but.. I am learning that I need to watch who I connect with and how.
I need female friends. I want female friends for the first time in my life. Women I can be myself around and talk to and have fun with. I never got that before, as in never understood the purpose for having female friends. I only looked at females in terms of reasons to feel insecure, and competitions for things. Why did I ever look at it that way? I like who I am and I like other people and I need more people in my life. AND I know I'm not gonna drive them away because I am emotionally stable!!!
I am now much more able to be myself, but I also am seeing that I have to hold back when I don't want to.. connect too far? I can't make eye contact with males just because that's how I wish to communicate, I can't be a toucher, I can't giggle all the time, I can't.. um.. have too much pep in my step? I tend to bounce. I am getting the wrong kind of attention from males because I'm coming on too strong. I have to curb my personality somewhat around males now. I never had enough of one to even get a man to notice me.. except in cases where the man carries around similar pain and sadness and is likely an alcoholic, too.
When I was a drinker and I was completely self-absorbed, I just never connected, never wanted to connect with other people.. Like on Friday I ended up sitting at the kitchen table with my step bro just cause he can carry on a conversation and shows an interest in talking to me, unlike my siblings.. I ended up leading him on that night, I could sense, and at one point he even asked if I wanted to go upstairs to watch a tv show. No. I hung out with him to alleviate my boredom and that was almost unfair to him but.. I am learning that I need to watch who I connect with and how.
I need female friends. I want female friends for the first time in my life. Women I can be myself around and talk to and have fun with. I never got that before, as in never understood the purpose for having female friends. I only looked at females in terms of reasons to feel insecure, and competitions for things. Why did I ever look at it that way? I like who I am and I like other people and I need more people in my life. AND I know I'm not gonna drive them away because I am emotionally stable!!!
Hi Brenda, Just wanted to let you know I've been following your posts and getting a lot out of them.
I have some...similar issues. Have a fabulous day!
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Join Date: May 2014
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I typed a very long message and then I erased it. Because I can't for the life of me figure out why I feel the need to share so many mundane details with you all. I should be here at this point in the spirit of helping others. How does it help to go on and on about my siblings' behavior at Thanksgiving? *shrug* It's self-centered. I mean I say that with love for me, I'm just saying, it is what it is.
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
I typed a very long message and then I erased it. Because I can't for the life of me figure out why I feel the need to share so many mundane details with you all. I should be here at this point in the spirit of helping others. How does it help to go on and on about my siblings' behavior at Thanksgiving? *shrug* It's self-centered. I mean I say that with love for me, I'm just saying, it is what it is.
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Brenda - Seeking to understand rather than to be understood is for me a sign that I'm behaving maturely.
I remind myself that it's ok to vent. There are bsituations that churn and churn in my head. It's less than it used to be though.
Gratitude, humility, and listening to others offers me so much more peace than rehashing my frustrations over and over.
I remind myself that it's ok to vent. There are bsituations that churn and churn in my head. It's less than it used to be though.
Gratitude, humility, and listening to others offers me so much more peace than rehashing my frustrations over and over.
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Originally Posted by gleefan
I remind myself that it's ok to vent. There are bsituations that churn and churn in my head. It's less than it used to be though.
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