Whodathunk

I am really struggling with this one, struggling with having both depression and anxiety. I know that I have both. My shrink acknowledged yesterday that Yes, I AM a high functioning depressive, and this is why I am on medication and come in to see her.

I had googled 'high functioning depression' and one simple site came up that said that there are 4 signs: 1) being tough on oneself - CHECK!!! 2) Work becomes a grind - CHECK!!! 3) Substance Abuse Problems - Uh CHECK!!! 4) Feelings of Wasting Time - CHECK!!!

I stumbled upon a Ted Talk by Andrew Solomon called "Depression, The Secret We Share" and was floored by what I heard him say, which is apparently very common with 'us' (me).

Waking up this morning wrecked with anxiety I felt myself slipping into my old pattern of wanting to go for a drink to ease it. It could have been so easy to do. But I didn't. I absolutely know that one drink and I am over with this time. Yet, I understand my patterns.

I have my own business, and many days it is hard to get the work done. Many days I feel that my day is a success if I just get up, shower, and get to work, and regardless of how much in the way of sales I do, or how much I get done, if I made it through the day without drinking this seems to be a successful day for me. Yet then I am riddled with anxiety about how little I got done on days like that, which is what TODAY is for me.

This is such a terrible circle. Some days the effort it takes to do what for others is simple stuff that they don't think twice about.

So, this might just be more of a brain dump for me, like a share in my AA group would be, just to get it out. But your thoughts are welcomed.

I am wondering who else has depression and anxiety (it seems to go hand in hand with alcoholism - lucky us), how you cope, and if what I described is something you go through too.

And has anyone else listened to the Ted Talk? As I listened to it, I felt comfort knowing that I was not alone, and that what I go through is not something that I can just flip a switch on. People who do not have this just will not understand. There are so many of us out there with all of this, yet I feel so alone.

I am so grateful for this forum to be able to be honest here, since this does not seem like a topic in face to face life that people will ever bring up. It makes us feel like damaged goods, and that if you tell someone you will then be labeled and word will get around. Not that that would really matter, it's just that this forum is such a safe place to be honest with others.

Thank you.

Doug39

I recently quit drinking after almost 30 years of daily drinking and I am currently on Short Term Disability for depression and anxiety.

I just started medication.

My mood changes every minute from anxiety, to depression, to feeling ok, to feeling hopeless, to feeling like total crap.

I do not know what the future holds but I do not want to go back to drinking, ever. I too know that this is my last chance; if I start drinking again my life will be over.

Centered3

I would guess that the majority of us with alcoholism/addictions suffer from anxiety and depression and we use alcohol/addiction to self-medicate. But that is only my opinion, and I can only speak for myself, and that was my experience.

Take away the alcohol/addiction and the anxiety and depression was still there and worse so. What worked for me was the step work in AA which helped me see how much my depression and anxiety was due to my thinking and reactions to life.

I also found that I spent way too long early in AA identifying with others, or reading/hearing things about depression and anxiety which just fed into it. I didn't start to get healthier until I actually took action in my step work.

I agree. I talk about it on SR and I try not to talk about my depression/anxiety with others F2F. I no longer feel like "damaged goods", because I stopped letting my depression and anxiety be my identity. Yes stigma still exists so I am careful who I share that information with.

ScottFromWI

I think it's very common, yes. I am a diagnosed and treated anxiety sufferer and most definitely tried to self-medicate with alcohol for many years.

The most effective coping mechanisms for me so far have been talk therapy ( I was going every 2 weeks at first and now only about once a month ), mindfulness and meditation practice, exercise and healthy diet, avoiding/reducing caffeine intake, and I have tried one anti-anxiety med ( not a benzo or SSRI ) with some success.

I've had a couple of different counselors, and my current one also happens to be a recovering alcoholic. I had no idea she was but it's really helped our relationship. It's not somethign a therapist is going to advertise on their business card either of course ;-)

fastfocus

I have anxiety every single day and bouts of depression, I'm autistic and quite often life sucks !

Doug39

30 years ago when I started drinking everyday I did it to have fun. I went to bars and parties and had a great social life for many years.

But after many years of daily drinking my physical health started to suffer and then my mental health.

I am sure I was only self medicating from the start but it turned into a sick addiction. I am sure I did massive damage to my body and mind and hopefully if I stay sober I can life out the rest of my days feeling good.

FBL

My nearly 30 year drinking career fueled my anxiety and depression. At 7+ years sober, they are both virtually non-existent.

Doug39

That is awesome.

This gives me hope.

OddOneIn

This has been my experience as well.

EndGameNYC

Spaner et al.3 examined the comorbidity between major depression and alcohol dependence in Edmonton, Canada, and found that 30.5% of individuals with an affective disorder also met criteria for alcohol dependence, compared with only 16.8% of those who did not have an affective disorder. Similarly, the National Longitudinal Alcohol Epidemiology Study demonstrated that amongst those with major depression, 32.5% met criteria for a lifetime diagnosis of alcohol dependence, compared with only 11.2% of those who did not meet criteria for major depression.4 Rates of depression are more elevated among people who seek treatment for alcoholism.8 Possibly, some of this elevated comorbidity may be due to increased treatment-seeking among people with alcoholism who also experience symptoms of depression.

Depression and alcoholism | QJM: An International Journal of Medicine

Rob32u

I started drinking over thirty years ago but it was the last 20 where I drank every day. Not a huge amount. Maybe five drinks average but I never missed a day. I cut back 18 months ago and continued to reduce over time and started getting bad anxiety this past spring, I think I was worrying about many of the same things I had before, but I wasn't drinking as much so it seemed to be worse. And I just felt anxious overall. I think the daily drinking had covered it up maybe, or maybe cutting back on drinking was the actual cause of the increased anxiety. I don't know but I'm on Ativan now and not drinking at all. Psychologist says I need an antidepressant.

Gottalife

Most alcoholics probably do, it is part of active alcoholism. However, IME, most recovered alcoholics definitely don't.

SoberCAH

I got help for my anxiety and depression after around 11 years sober.

Since then, my problems with them have been dramatically reduced and largely eliminated.

Sober'sBest

An effective therapist should be able to see how one's SA (substance abuse) interacts with anxiety and depression.

If I didn't progressively gain insight and improvement, then I'd seek help elsewhere.

Especially if they are prescribing addictive meds.

Consider also that some individuals seek SA because of an emotional need; rather than simple euphoria.

Regardless, all SA's can readily become horribly trapped!

Feeling: "Substance abuse gave me wings but then it took away the sky".

.

.

Joybot

I have anxiety and can get very depressed if I sit down and start thinking about the past.

As I was saying in my other thread about being Sober and having a clear mind, I have been depressed by the fact that I've lost most of my friends due to drinking.
And for the first time in my life, I felt the utter shock and fear of being alone in this world.

I hope that by having a free and clear mind, I can keep on the previous track I was on before the alcohol detoured it.

It's going to be tough to battle this one out without the help of a stimulant but I'm going to battle it by being health conscious and self-respecting.

Bunny211

Yes I think so. We are restless, irritable and discontent.
I always thought I was crazy, depressed, OCD, had an anxiety disorder etc.
I was on all sorts of medications. Then I came to learn that it was all alcoholism.
Working the 12 steps has helped me manage my emotions...fears, moods etc. far better than any medication ever did.

kevlarsjal

I was diagnosed with PTSD and cause it was untreated for years it manifested in anxiety, depression and alcoholism. I don't have any advice to give but I really liked reading your post, I could see myself in it.

DayTrader

Every alcoholic I've ever encountered has suffered under fear, anxiety, and depression. Using my own experience as a guide, I'd say it's safe to EXPECT that anyone who lives the way I did SHOULD suffer from fear, anxiety and depression.

I was constantly trying to manipulate everyone's opinion of me, constantly trying to get my future to work out the way I wanted it to, constantly trying to feel good, and constantly worried that I may just not have the ability to pull it all off. Having expectations I know in the back of my mind I can't fulfill is bound to lead to fear and anxiety. Having fear and anxiety is bound to lead me to feeling depressed. Believing there's a chance I can pull it all off yet constantly falling short is bound to lead to depression and some self-hatred. Feeling that, for whatever reason, my life would just continue to be some sort of grinding up-hill battle and any moments of relief would be sure to be followed by even more pain and drudgery...... ya, that's depressing.

Luckily I found out I'm an actual alcoholic and by treating alcoholism, all those other things will likely be taken care of. I sure as hell didn't believe it but, what did I have to lose? The alternative was to chase down several dozen symptoms and try to find a lifetime solution to all of them because it seemed like they fed on each other and regenerated each other. If 2 went away but another reared it's head up, the first two reemerged while I was focused on the 3rd.

Not a week goes by, 9+ years later, that I don't sit back and think about how different my entire life is now compared to how it was. It amazes me that what I though was a pretty normal run-of-the-mill life experience....at how I had basically resigned myself to what I though was "the way things are." Who'd of thought..... it's lucky that I'm alcoholic because once I treat that with a guaranteed solution, everything else cleared up in it's wake.

zjw

when i got sober i was in a bottomless pit of depression and anxiety. and I had a lot of problems but I did not feel that iw as an alcholic or had a drinkign problem I had lots of other probelsm tho. In time i realized i mainly just had an alcohol probelm and the rest where just bi products of my alcoholism.

I wish i could tell you that i got out of that pit by doing this or doing that but honestly it was nothing other then the grace of god that i was ripped out of that pit. I litterally felt like i was sitting in a dark corner of a deep cold wet well all alone and no way out at all and that a hand reached in said hang on and and i said WTF for you'll never get me out! and it RIPPED me out of that pit some how. After that point all I had to do was just not drink and things day by day got better. I also became more aware of when i was slipping back into the pit of despare and tried to keep myself from sliding to far down and such I got better at that as time went on etc..

but alcohol is a depressent. its odd because while drunk i felt fantastic. ::scratches head:: but the rest of the time it was misery and the depression snuck up on me. I had no idea that i was in such a pit of despair I ifgured everyone was in a pit becuase life was crap.

SoberCAH

I really relate to DayTrader's quote about constantly trying to manipulate everyone's opinion of me.

That cuts deep, but, in my case, was altogether true.