Relapse after Eight Months
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 17
Relapse after Eight Months
Hey everyone,
I was just coming in to write about my relapse for the past month. I'm not surprised it happened I was just interested in how it happened. Mostly because I didn't turn to normal habits, I stayed away from wine and I eventually was able to convince myself while drunk that I need to stop. But before this past month I was doing amazing. I had to sit back and figure out everything that had led up to that moment and it was quite obvious why.
I had a breakup
Was working two jobs while in school
Stopped going to the gym because my other job was physical
Started falling behind in school
Live far away from my friends and family
Etc
It's just interesting that you don't see this stuff in the moment and how it ends up breaking you down and your ability to think straight just goes out the window. I decided that I'm going to stop again and for some reason my mind is comfortable with that decision. I just find it odd that it's like a switch. I don't know, just wanted to get this out there to vent.
I was just coming in to write about my relapse for the past month. I'm not surprised it happened I was just interested in how it happened. Mostly because I didn't turn to normal habits, I stayed away from wine and I eventually was able to convince myself while drunk that I need to stop. But before this past month I was doing amazing. I had to sit back and figure out everything that had led up to that moment and it was quite obvious why.
I had a breakup
Was working two jobs while in school
Stopped going to the gym because my other job was physical
Started falling behind in school
Live far away from my friends and family
Etc
It's just interesting that you don't see this stuff in the moment and how it ends up breaking you down and your ability to think straight just goes out the window. I decided that I'm going to stop again and for some reason my mind is comfortable with that decision. I just find it odd that it's like a switch. I don't know, just wanted to get this out there to vent.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Self deception is a heck of a thing.
Keep an eye on the one in the mirror.
My sponsor taught me that over 9 years ago.
I find it to be so important.
For only I can talk myself into most anything.
M-Bob
Keep an eye on the one in the mirror.
My sponsor taught me that over 9 years ago.
I find it to be so important.
For only I can talk myself into most anything.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 107
I see a person with a broken heart, isolated from their support system, overworking themselves and spreading oneself too thin. It could happen to anyone of us if we are not careful.
You made 8 months, so you know by experience that you can do it. Thanks for posting. You've helped me by doing so.
Best thing to is get back up, dust yourself off and try again. Keep moving forward, one sober day at a time.
You made 8 months, so you know by experience that you can do it. Thanks for posting. You've helped me by doing so.
Best thing to is get back up, dust yourself off and try again. Keep moving forward, one sober day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
Hi Jack
Glad to see you reflecting on what happened, those lessons can be important in avoiding future lapses...knowing yourself. Sometimes my most vulnerable moments are when things are going really well. Not what I used to think, I used to think it was because I was too stressed.
Best wishes to you
Glad to see you reflecting on what happened, those lessons can be important in avoiding future lapses...knowing yourself. Sometimes my most vulnerable moments are when things are going really well. Not what I used to think, I used to think it was because I was too stressed.
Best wishes to you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Austin Texas
Posts: 165
Not sure how to follow that one Sober'sBest, really?
JR, it's easy to slip back like that. It helps to work a program, are you in one? Once you take that first drink (at least speaking for me) all bets are off, I can convince myself that one was okay, then the next, then the next.
The next time you are ready to pick up a drink, just stop and take a minute and think about what you are doing. Post a message in this forum. There are others here who will help you through those moments.
One thing I learned is "This too shall pass" and it always does.
Thanks for sharing.
JR, it's easy to slip back like that. It helps to work a program, are you in one? Once you take that first drink (at least speaking for me) all bets are off, I can convince myself that one was okay, then the next, then the next.
The next time you are ready to pick up a drink, just stop and take a minute and think about what you are doing. Post a message in this forum. There are others here who will help you through those moments.
One thing I learned is "This too shall pass" and it always does.
Thanks for sharing.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Jack, sorry to hear of your troubles. I'm glad you have decided to stop too, being sober makes it a lot easier to deal with all those things you listed. Perhaps you can lean to lean on places like SR or other groups/plans/meetings locally too if things get rough? You don't have to do this alone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 50
I think sometimes when we stop drinking we feel so good that we sometimes think we are super human. Working 2 jobs and going to school is really hard for anyone. Then breaking up on top of that would wear anyone out.
Part of getting sober is learning how to take care of ourselves. Now you know you can do the not drinking part. The next part is identifying when you may relapse and fixing that.
Part of getting sober is learning how to take care of ourselves. Now you know you can do the not drinking part. The next part is identifying when you may relapse and fixing that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Hola, Jack! You probably have heard of HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). You at least had tired and lonely as two of your causes, perhaps angry about the breakup. It's good to see you're back on the path and can self evaluate yourself. I hope things get better for ya!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by OddOneIn 
I think sometimes when we stop drinking we feel so good that we sometimes think we are super human. Working 2 jobs and going to school is really hard for anyone. Then breaking up on top of that would wear anyone out.
Part of getting sober is learning how to take care of ourselves. Now you know you can do the not drinking part. The next part is identifying when you may relapse and fixing that.
Part of getting sober is learning how to take care of ourselves. Now you know you can do the not drinking part. The next part is identifying when you may relapse and fixing that.
Thanks everyone for listening to me and providing feedback. I seriously appreciate your words and allowing for me to have safe place where I can express this stuff. A lot of people don't understand the situation and aren't well equipped to assist me with this problem.
Thank you everyone
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
I relapsed at 8 months too Jack and am now sitting on Day 3. It was devastating and felt too embarrassed and ashamed to return, but realised out of posts such as your own the importance of returning, and the swallowing of my pride. After the pride comes the fall.
When I reflect on the "why" of it all I can see that I was spreading myself too thin. So many commitments leaving no time for myself and in such early recovery, drove me to exhaustion.
Think there was unconscious method in this madness in that by immersing myself in the needs of others I could ignore the examination of self and have it appear as me being a selfless person.
Really, it was just avoidance of self, people pleasing and wanting to be liked. Am stepping back now and intend to concentrate on my own needs, something in which I am most unfamiliar.
Our stories are not the same but do believe that spreading oneself too thin is a real recipe for relapse, leaving no room for the real work of self discovery.
Thanks for posting, it helped to know that there was another who had stumbled at the blocks at 8 months.
When I reflect on the "why" of it all I can see that I was spreading myself too thin. So many commitments leaving no time for myself and in such early recovery, drove me to exhaustion.
Think there was unconscious method in this madness in that by immersing myself in the needs of others I could ignore the examination of self and have it appear as me being a selfless person.
Really, it was just avoidance of self, people pleasing and wanting to be liked. Am stepping back now and intend to concentrate on my own needs, something in which I am most unfamiliar.
Our stories are not the same but do believe that spreading oneself too thin is a real recipe for relapse, leaving no room for the real work of self discovery.
Thanks for posting, it helped to know that there was another who had stumbled at the blocks at 8 months.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
As Scott was getting too, what's the plan this time?
Glad you are back - were you working a program? Personally, I believe that looking at the why is good for info....to a point. Now, you have to do - for me, AA is a program of action. Every day, all the time, as that applies to my life (not a focus on drinking, anymore).Working a life-growing and therefore relapse-prevention program is key for me.
Sounds like a great time to use the plans Dee always suggestions to research around here, create a structure for yourself, go to AA, whatever it will be....but develop a whole box of tools to get through....life.
Good luck.
Glad you are back - were you working a program? Personally, I believe that looking at the why is good for info....to a point. Now, you have to do - for me, AA is a program of action. Every day, all the time, as that applies to my life (not a focus on drinking, anymore).Working a life-growing and therefore relapse-prevention program is key for me.
Sounds like a great time to use the plans Dee always suggestions to research around here, create a structure for yourself, go to AA, whatever it will be....but develop a whole box of tools to get through....life.
Good luck.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
For a long time I believed my innability to control and enjoy my drinking was "causal," i.e., I drank because of this happening, or that happening, or because certain things didn't happen, or because I had too much stress, or too much free time, didn't go to enough meetings, didn't like myself, didn't like others......on and on and on.
It just seemed so logical, ya know? I mean, of course something weakened my resolve. Things just got so twisted up that I didn't have my defenses where they should have been.
Then I remember hearing about a guy in the AA book who just landed a big business deal, made a bunch of $, made a good name for himself and set his career on a wonderful new path. It went on to say "it was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon." Sure enough, that guy ended up drinking. He just had everything line up exactly as he wanted yet drank again.
I had to ask myself - was that true for me? Did I drink too much and/or when i didn't want to when things were crappy? YES. Did I drink too much and/or when i didn't want to when things were wonderful? YES. Had I gone to AA meetings and returned home to get loaded? YES. If all of those are true, is it true that getting my life working the way I want to will keep me sober? NO. Will getting things going well AND going to AA meetings keep me sober? NO. Is it possible that 1. I'm an alcoholic, 2. I have alcoholism and 3. that I'm going to drink no matter what I do? Yeah, I guess that's possible. Even worse was the realization that even during the times I wasn't drinking it's not like everything was fabulous. I couldn't seem to roll with the inevitable ups and downs of life very well. I'd get too high on the highs and too low on the lows. Things just seemed to affect me at a deeper level than most ppl. Like it or not, I'd eventually forget about the plan I had to not drink again, my mind would change, and I'd be drinking again.
Once I was willing to accept that MY drinking wasn't causal......it wasn't because things went bad.......or because of stress......or because of anything other than ONE thing - I drank because I'm an alcoholic and have alcoholism. As I surrendered to that truth, I began to feel like I was screwed. I mean, If I can't fix this and there's nothing I can do to stop it.......what next?
Well thankfully, there's an entire program that's guaranteed to work for ppl like me. I didn't want to be in it.....didn't want to do the stuff they do......didn't like a bit of it (and sometimes I still don't after 9+ years of doing it) but the results are undeniable. I haven't had to drink again in over 9 years......haven't even wanted to. And while not drinking and not wanting to drink is a darn good thing that's really the booby prize. It's given me a way to navigate my life and truly enjoy it. To be at peace and to be content. To not be constantly and incessantly self-absorbed. To not have to lie about damn near everything I do in the hopes I can impress ppl around me. To not have to constantly beg for help and support from everyone around me because I'm too afraid and ill equipped to go though life myself. To not have to worry about what the future will hold because not matter what it is, I know I'm equipped to handle it and I know the power and ability to do so will arrive when it's needed.
All that time I spent trying to arrange the inputs to my life so none of them would damage me and send me off the deep end. Curious it never occurred to me that it wasn't the events in my life that were the problem but it was ME, I was the problem. Even more interesting that the solution me being the problem couldn't come from my mind. It seems I should have figured it out loooong ago - when everything you're doing isn't working, it's time to take a good look at what you're not willing to do and go do that stuff.
Welcome back Jack. Glad you were lucky enough to be able to even post that you're back. I hope you're quickly able to find out what the problem is and get moving on a solution.
It just seemed so logical, ya know? I mean, of course something weakened my resolve. Things just got so twisted up that I didn't have my defenses where they should have been.
Then I remember hearing about a guy in the AA book who just landed a big business deal, made a bunch of $, made a good name for himself and set his career on a wonderful new path. It went on to say "it was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon." Sure enough, that guy ended up drinking. He just had everything line up exactly as he wanted yet drank again.
I had to ask myself - was that true for me? Did I drink too much and/or when i didn't want to when things were crappy? YES. Did I drink too much and/or when i didn't want to when things were wonderful? YES. Had I gone to AA meetings and returned home to get loaded? YES. If all of those are true, is it true that getting my life working the way I want to will keep me sober? NO. Will getting things going well AND going to AA meetings keep me sober? NO. Is it possible that 1. I'm an alcoholic, 2. I have alcoholism and 3. that I'm going to drink no matter what I do? Yeah, I guess that's possible. Even worse was the realization that even during the times I wasn't drinking it's not like everything was fabulous. I couldn't seem to roll with the inevitable ups and downs of life very well. I'd get too high on the highs and too low on the lows. Things just seemed to affect me at a deeper level than most ppl. Like it or not, I'd eventually forget about the plan I had to not drink again, my mind would change, and I'd be drinking again.
Once I was willing to accept that MY drinking wasn't causal......it wasn't because things went bad.......or because of stress......or because of anything other than ONE thing - I drank because I'm an alcoholic and have alcoholism. As I surrendered to that truth, I began to feel like I was screwed. I mean, If I can't fix this and there's nothing I can do to stop it.......what next?
Well thankfully, there's an entire program that's guaranteed to work for ppl like me. I didn't want to be in it.....didn't want to do the stuff they do......didn't like a bit of it (and sometimes I still don't after 9+ years of doing it) but the results are undeniable. I haven't had to drink again in over 9 years......haven't even wanted to. And while not drinking and not wanting to drink is a darn good thing that's really the booby prize. It's given me a way to navigate my life and truly enjoy it. To be at peace and to be content. To not be constantly and incessantly self-absorbed. To not have to lie about damn near everything I do in the hopes I can impress ppl around me. To not have to constantly beg for help and support from everyone around me because I'm too afraid and ill equipped to go though life myself. To not have to worry about what the future will hold because not matter what it is, I know I'm equipped to handle it and I know the power and ability to do so will arrive when it's needed.
All that time I spent trying to arrange the inputs to my life so none of them would damage me and send me off the deep end. Curious it never occurred to me that it wasn't the events in my life that were the problem but it was ME, I was the problem. Even more interesting that the solution me being the problem couldn't come from my mind. It seems I should have figured it out loooong ago - when everything you're doing isn't working, it's time to take a good look at what you're not willing to do and go do that stuff.
Welcome back Jack. Glad you were lucky enough to be able to even post that you're back. I hope you're quickly able to find out what the problem is and get moving on a solution.
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