Massive Debt
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Massive Debt
Cleaning up the past is hard.
I've got massive, like MASSIVE, debt from my recklessness.
I have about 40K in credit card debt. I have stopped paying because I do not have the minimum $700/mo payment right now.
Then another 50K in student loans (that I am paying off).
Then hospital bills on top of that.
I'm getting calls from collection agencies and I can't sleep.
I'm 34.
Sometimes I wonder why I ever got sober. It might have been easier to just continue on drinking til I died. I don't know how I am EVER going to clean this up.
I'm not going to harm myself. But I feel overwhelmed and to be honest, if I died in my sleep that might not be a bad thing.
Sooooooooo any suggestions? I cannot afford to work with a credit counselor I would have to PAY.
Debt consolidation...is that not just taking smaller amounts of debt and mashing it all together so that you have one MASSIVE payment instead of 3-4 sub-massive payments?
Debtors Anyonmous meetings - there are none in my area.
Anyone else successfully work through massive debt and stay sober and actually come through the other side?
I've got massive, like MASSIVE, debt from my recklessness.
I have about 40K in credit card debt. I have stopped paying because I do not have the minimum $700/mo payment right now.
Then another 50K in student loans (that I am paying off).
Then hospital bills on top of that.
I'm getting calls from collection agencies and I can't sleep.
I'm 34.
Sometimes I wonder why I ever got sober. It might have been easier to just continue on drinking til I died. I don't know how I am EVER going to clean this up.
I'm not going to harm myself. But I feel overwhelmed and to be honest, if I died in my sleep that might not be a bad thing.
Sooooooooo any suggestions? I cannot afford to work with a credit counselor I would have to PAY.
Debt consolidation...is that not just taking smaller amounts of debt and mashing it all together so that you have one MASSIVE payment instead of 3-4 sub-massive payments?
Debtors Anyonmous meetings - there are none in my area.
Anyone else successfully work through massive debt and stay sober and actually come through the other side?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Student loans you are stuck with for even beyond life, they have to be paid off no matter what. Medical bills are usually pretty easy to get significantly lowered, if not erased.
Credit card bills can also usually be negotiated. Though I think you're best bet would be to get in touch with a bankruptcy attorney.
Credit card bills can also usually be negotiated. Though I think you're best bet would be to get in touch with a bankruptcy attorney.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Debt consolidation does "combine things together" in a sense, but it also helps reduce the interest rates. Credit cards especially have very high interest rates, so if you pay only the minimum payment you are basically only paying interest and no premium.
I would suggest at least speaking with someone from the financial side of things. Just like getting sober, this is most likely not something you can do on your own. There are low cost and sometimes even free advisors available. Even ones that charge fees usually offer a free initial session.
And yes - a lot of people amass debt when they are drinking and come through the other side - both in regards to their addiction and their finances.
Here's a non-commercial link from the Massachusetts Attorney General that has some good information
Dealing with Credit Problems
I would suggest at least speaking with someone from the financial side of things. Just like getting sober, this is most likely not something you can do on your own. There are low cost and sometimes even free advisors available. Even ones that charge fees usually offer a free initial session.
And yes - a lot of people amass debt when they are drinking and come through the other side - both in regards to their addiction and their finances.
Here's a non-commercial link from the Massachusetts Attorney General that has some good information
Dealing with Credit Problems
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Hi Bunny.... That does seem overwhelming...can you take it bit by bit? Definitely the hospital bills can be negotiated down, and usually will accept a payment plan.
Can you defer your student loan? I did with no interest during deferment.
Maybe with these 2 off your mind you can tackle the credit cards?
I had a friend that used a no fee non profit debt consolidation for credit cards, they must be out there somewhere.
You can get through this with a sober mind.
Best to you. Xoxo
Can you defer your student loan? I did with no interest during deferment.
Maybe with these 2 off your mind you can tackle the credit cards?
I had a friend that used a no fee non profit debt consolidation for credit cards, they must be out there somewhere.
You can get through this with a sober mind.
Best to you. Xoxo
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,055
We found that the credit card companies were not willing to negotiate, so my wife and I took the bankruptcy route with about the same amount of debt as you. It took some planning, as the cost was about $2,000, and it took several months but only one trip to court. It will eliminate credit card and medical debt, but not student loan debt.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I was pretty fortunate to never had gotten a credit card so idk about that.
but im now over 100k in medical debt- something accumulated in sobriety while fighting cancer. not easy to make payments on it while on disability.
one thing I learned is that theres The Fair Debt Collection Practices Act .
with that, the debt collecotrs had to stop constantly contacting me.
ill never be out of medical debt, but I will stay sober and be ok as this just aint a drink worthy event.
ive thought about filing for bankruptcy, but just cant find it in myself to do it.
"Sometimes I wonder why I ever got sober."
because youre 34, have your whole life ahead of you, deserve to be sober, and this debt is just something that's going to take a little time to take care of and figure out.
which it will be another learning experience for ya- one you can help another alcoholic with in the future.
bunny, have ya done some 10th step on this? or maybe even a mini 4th step?
one suggestion I strongly encourage you to do is NOT make these debts or the debt collectors your temporary Higher Power.
Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
but im now over 100k in medical debt- something accumulated in sobriety while fighting cancer. not easy to make payments on it while on disability.
one thing I learned is that theres The Fair Debt Collection Practices Act .
with that, the debt collecotrs had to stop constantly contacting me.
ill never be out of medical debt, but I will stay sober and be ok as this just aint a drink worthy event.
ive thought about filing for bankruptcy, but just cant find it in myself to do it.
"Sometimes I wonder why I ever got sober."
because youre 34, have your whole life ahead of you, deserve to be sober, and this debt is just something that's going to take a little time to take care of and figure out.
which it will be another learning experience for ya- one you can help another alcoholic with in the future.
bunny, have ya done some 10th step on this? or maybe even a mini 4th step?
one suggestion I strongly encourage you to do is NOT make these debts or the debt collectors your temporary Higher Power.
Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,824
When my Dad quit drinking at the age of 51, he had our family pretty deeply in debt. It took a few years, but he eventually worked his way out of it. When he passed away nearly 2 years ago, he left my Mom with a half a million dollars in the bank. Things will get better, as long as you stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Hey bunny 
I feel you EXACTLY. except i have no income. So. There's also that for me.
Right now I'm standing on some 280k of debt. If the bank would come and take the farm already, that would get rid of about 230k or so
Maybe. Unless we end up owing.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I will hunker with you. We will get through this.
Sorry if I missed this, but have you already talked to a debt counselor?
I'm someday going to be claiming bankruptcy or doing a consumer proposal which is a step up from bankruptcy. I'm not sure what difference there are between canada and us.
Mostly I just try and shrug it off and accept it as it is and do what I can. I have lost pretty much most everything, not just through my own reckless endeavours but a lot of neglect and selfishness on other people's part as well which is a hard pill to swallow. But it is what it is. Breathe and step forward. We're survivors so we're pretty tough.
Anyhow. No real advice to offer other than I'm sending my love and strength and I'm sending bad juju to creditors.
Funny in a sad pathetic way, I answered a creditor phone call about 2 weeks ago. And I told her that I had absolutely no money, no income, I was losing my home, I couldn't even afford to live, and she became so sympathetic and started giving me advice that I started to cry.
When i had answered the phone I was in the I don't give a crap anymore mind frame. Felt so small afterwards. I hate debt. And dealing with the unending creditor phone calls for close to two years became pretty much a full time job for me as a stay at home mom.
I still cringe when my phone rings.
Hang in there hun.
I feel you EXACTLY. except i have no income. So. There's also that for me.
Right now I'm standing on some 280k of debt. If the bank would come and take the farm already, that would get rid of about 230k or so
Maybe. Unless we end up owing.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I will hunker with you. We will get through this.
Sorry if I missed this, but have you already talked to a debt counselor?
I'm someday going to be claiming bankruptcy or doing a consumer proposal which is a step up from bankruptcy. I'm not sure what difference there are between canada and us.
Mostly I just try and shrug it off and accept it as it is and do what I can. I have lost pretty much most everything, not just through my own reckless endeavours but a lot of neglect and selfishness on other people's part as well which is a hard pill to swallow. But it is what it is. Breathe and step forward. We're survivors so we're pretty tough.
Anyhow. No real advice to offer other than I'm sending my love and strength and I'm sending bad juju to creditors.
Funny in a sad pathetic way, I answered a creditor phone call about 2 weeks ago. And I told her that I had absolutely no money, no income, I was losing my home, I couldn't even afford to live, and she became so sympathetic and started giving me advice that I started to cry.
When i had answered the phone I was in the I don't give a crap anymore mind frame. Felt so small afterwards. I hate debt. And dealing with the unending creditor phone calls for close to two years became pretty much a full time job for me as a stay at home mom.
I still cringe when my phone rings.
Hang in there hun.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Bunny: I started working on debt reduction starting in 2004 when I started listening to Dave Ramsey on AM radio (talk shows). Changed my life, got me to seeking God again and really really searching like I never had before.
Here's the link:
http://www.daveramsey.com/show/home/...oter.show.tdrs
I realized that our relationship with money and learning to not spend money you don't have forces a person to be more soul searching, honest and teaches restraint. It can also put a person on a spiritual path as we learn to be content with things aside from earthly riches.
In my opinion, overspending is an addiction too. Not saying that's what you did. One of my relatives has no chemical substance addiction whatsoever. She doesn't even drink coffee! However, she overeats, is obese now, and overspends. Those things can just as unhealthy....
If you get a chance, listen to Dave Ramsey and you can even call in during the show yourself. I did and got free tickets to one of his live events.
But, when you listen to his show you realize there are a gazillion people just like you who are in a deep dark whole of debt and yes, it can make people feel suicidal. He has a way of talking people through some really tough stuff.
Prayers and hugs to you!
Here's the link:
http://www.daveramsey.com/show/home/...oter.show.tdrs
I realized that our relationship with money and learning to not spend money you don't have forces a person to be more soul searching, honest and teaches restraint. It can also put a person on a spiritual path as we learn to be content with things aside from earthly riches.
In my opinion, overspending is an addiction too. Not saying that's what you did. One of my relatives has no chemical substance addiction whatsoever. She doesn't even drink coffee! However, she overeats, is obese now, and overspends. Those things can just as unhealthy....
If you get a chance, listen to Dave Ramsey and you can even call in during the show yourself. I did and got free tickets to one of his live events.
But, when you listen to his show you realize there are a gazillion people just like you who are in a deep dark whole of debt and yes, it can make people feel suicidal. He has a way of talking people through some really tough stuff.
Prayers and hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
These are all good ideas.
I would see a bankruptcy lawyer.
The first thing you will notice is that creditors no longer call or write you.
Please keep us posted.
You know we love you and value your friendship on SR.
I would see a bankruptcy lawyer.
The first thing you will notice is that creditors no longer call or write you.
Please keep us posted.
You know we love you and value your friendship on SR.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
You are not alone! Many us have been where you are now.
I had similar debt. (106K between credit cards and school loans). It was a crushing feeling...like not being able to breathe.
I second the above on talking to a bankruptcy lawyer. In my case, I didn't even have enough money to be bankrupt! The lawyer wanted like $2,000 and I didn't even have anything near that. I was fired from my job. But they could give you some free counseling maybe (i.e. "free consultation").
I sat down with all my bills and made a plan. Trust me, I even thought about faking my death to make them go away! I followed my "get out of debt plan" EVERY DAY, until days became years. Now I am down to owing only $4,000 on the school loan. I should be debt free by next summer if I bust my ass. Next. Summer. I can taste it. I have been in debt my whole adult life and it is almost not real that debt-free is something that will describe me.
I WILL say this....
***You think you have 10 problems? If you pick up again you will have 11. You can get through this sober.***
Please PM me if you want!
Glad you are here.
Michele
I had similar debt. (106K between credit cards and school loans). It was a crushing feeling...like not being able to breathe.
I second the above on talking to a bankruptcy lawyer. In my case, I didn't even have enough money to be bankrupt! The lawyer wanted like $2,000 and I didn't even have anything near that. I was fired from my job. But they could give you some free counseling maybe (i.e. "free consultation").
I sat down with all my bills and made a plan. Trust me, I even thought about faking my death to make them go away! I followed my "get out of debt plan" EVERY DAY, until days became years. Now I am down to owing only $4,000 on the school loan. I should be debt free by next summer if I bust my ass. Next. Summer. I can taste it. I have been in debt my whole adult life and it is almost not real that debt-free is something that will describe me.
I WILL say this....
***You think you have 10 problems? If you pick up again you will have 11. You can get through this sober.***
Please PM me if you want!
Glad you are here.
Michele
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Financial Peace University!
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007 
Bunny: I started working on debt reduction starting in 2004 when I started listening to Dave Ramsey on AM radio (talk shows). Changed my life, got me to seeking God again and really really searching like I never had before.
Here's the link:
The Dave Ramsey Show - daveramsey.com - daveramsey.com
I realized that our relationship with money and learning to not spend money you don't have forces a person to be more soul searching, honest and teaches restraint. It can also put a person on a spiritual path as we learn to be content with things aside from earthly riches.
In my opinion, overspending is an addiction too. Not saying that's what you did. One of my relatives has no chemical substance addiction whatsoever. She doesn't even drink coffee! However, she overeats, is obese now, and overspends. Those things can just as unhealthy....
If you get a chance, listen to Dave Ramsey and you can even call in during the show yourself. I did and got free tickets to one of his live events.
But, when you listen to his show you realize there are a gazillion people just like you who are in a deep dark whole of debt and yes, it can make people feel suicidal. He has a way of talking people through some really tough stuff.
Prayers and hugs to you!
Here's the link:
The Dave Ramsey Show - daveramsey.com - daveramsey.com
I realized that our relationship with money and learning to not spend money you don't have forces a person to be more soul searching, honest and teaches restraint. It can also put a person on a spiritual path as we learn to be content with things aside from earthly riches.
In my opinion, overspending is an addiction too. Not saying that's what you did. One of my relatives has no chemical substance addiction whatsoever. She doesn't even drink coffee! However, she overeats, is obese now, and overspends. Those things can just as unhealthy....
If you get a chance, listen to Dave Ramsey and you can even call in during the show yourself. I did and got free tickets to one of his live events.
But, when you listen to his show you realize there are a gazillion people just like you who are in a deep dark whole of debt and yes, it can make people feel suicidal. He has a way of talking people through some really tough stuff.
Prayers and hugs to you!
One of the concepts is to write down all of your debt. Then write down all of your income. If you have more debt then income then you have to increase capitol ( money/income) and can do this by getting a second job, getting a better paying job and/or selling stuff. Look around your house and sell anything/everything that you can to reduce debt. Yard/garage sale/ clothing/furniture/jewelery anything you can sell??!! I had a huge sale and put a price tag on EVERYTHING in my house except my two beloved dogs and a couple sentimental value items. All the money I made I threw at my debt. I took a part time job in the evenings delivering pizzas, all the money/tips went towards paying off debt
Dave Ramsey calls this getting GAZELLE with your debt, just attacking it at a high pitch, throwing alot of focused energy at it. Like I said, the concepts are easy but the process is HARD. Its not going to be fixed over night though ya know? Like our sobriety, it took time for us to make these financial messes, it takes a while to get out of it.
I wish you only the best!
PS. Catholic Charities also have financial advisors and they are free if you have one in a nearby community!
Matt M
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Bunny211
Anyone else successfully work through massive debt and stay sober and actually come through the other side?
Being in the UK, hospital bills aren't something I've had to worry about with the NHS thankfully, but in terms of sheer debt I can totally understand.
Although during all this my drinking wasn't an issue. Weirdly enough my debt was gone before I really developed a drinking problem.
I left college at 18, then started my first ever job (was with the company for 15 years), but when I left college I got my first ever credit card too.
Started off well enough, they kept increasing my credit limit and I am VERY bad when it comes to money management.
Ended up with about 4 credit cards in total and then a loan to pay that off, on top of a £800 overdraft.
For about two years I had an amazing time, buying anything I wanted, doing what I wanted....then it caught up with me.
Shock horror, suddenly they weren't increasing my credit limit and they wanted paying!
I ended up taking out what I believe is called an IVA or ISA. Basically all the debts are lumped in together and you pay off a certain amount of it over a certain period of years.
So basically I owed £30,000 in total but would only pay back about £20,000.
It's essentially the people you owe money knowing they have no chance of getting it back, so they agree to just take at least something.
So I had to pay about £400 a month over a period of five years.
After that all my debt was gone, no effect on credit rating etc.
I know how stressful it is tho. Very stressful.
I have money issues now. I've been out of work since August and I have bills and a mortgage.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi Bunny had to do chapter 13 this year in Jan ... got rid of everything haunting me except for the Student loan.. and put that on a forbearance for a bit... have a private checking account that my hubby can scream about but can not touch.. 200.00 goes in it each time for payments now.. that is helping... no credit cards and no checks to write on ... cash or my private account for insurance car payment health insurance and for meds.. and I feel that by Dec next year I will have for the first time in 26 years a to the good balance on that and I know my credit rating is better right now.. woot woot... its hard kiddo ... for every step we take to the good we end up 3 steps backwards... ekekekkekeke
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Columbus
Posts: 310
Do hang in there bunny. I was in a bad marriage, in debt and drunk and I am now happily married to a wonderful supportive non drinking man, i do have some payments but nothing is late, I have a 780 credit score and I am thanks be to God sober. It took 6 years but it was so worth it. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
yeah bunny when i got sober i had 32k in cc debt. that was just the CC I had a small car loan too. I was lucky that a few years prior i was able to pay off other cars and student loans and cc debt but fast foward i managed to rack up 32k like nothing again.
Like you i coudlnt apy it either. it was either pay them or get diapers for my kids. consolidate? or get on some payment plan? what for i couldnt afford those either. it was hopeless I had no options available to me.
I have numerious friends who simply walked from debt but I just oculdnt bring myself to do that. But what choice did i have?
I think i was about 3 or 4 months sober and I just couldnt take it anymore. I quit paying them and figured i'd just roll the dice and maybe settle some of it with my tax refund or something. Many of the settlements you can negotiate down to like 20% of the balance etc.. soemtimes lower. this sounded promising to me.
In time the funds came i was able to setlte them all. My credit rating took a hit but what did i care I had already proven i was irresponable with credit and needed to learn how to live life on a a cash only basis. I figured i didnt need credit if i planed to pay cash for everythign like I should have been doing from the begining.
fast forward now my credits recovered. I still have no debt and have manage to dodge every bullet life threw out at me and steer clear of more debt.
it can be done theres some good websites that help explain how to do the settlements and such.
Like you i coudlnt apy it either. it was either pay them or get diapers for my kids. consolidate? or get on some payment plan? what for i couldnt afford those either. it was hopeless I had no options available to me.
I have numerious friends who simply walked from debt but I just oculdnt bring myself to do that. But what choice did i have?
I think i was about 3 or 4 months sober and I just couldnt take it anymore. I quit paying them and figured i'd just roll the dice and maybe settle some of it with my tax refund or something. Many of the settlements you can negotiate down to like 20% of the balance etc.. soemtimes lower. this sounded promising to me.
In time the funds came i was able to setlte them all. My credit rating took a hit but what did i care I had already proven i was irresponable with credit and needed to learn how to live life on a a cash only basis. I figured i didnt need credit if i planed to pay cash for everythign like I should have been doing from the begining.
fast forward now my credits recovered. I still have no debt and have manage to dodge every bullet life threw out at me and steer clear of more debt.
it can be done theres some good websites that help explain how to do the settlements and such.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Thank you all. Some really good advice. I had NO IDEA Catholic Charities offered free credit counseling. I've heard great things about Dave Ramsey too. The problem is I need to have someone deal with the credit companies for me...and the collection agencies etc. So I think I NEED an outside service...I really feel I am in over my head and need help.
Will re-read all of these wonderful responses tonight and formulate a plan.
No way would I drink over this. I need to DEAL with it though...or else it will continue to build and destroy me.
XOXOX
Bunny
Will re-read all of these wonderful responses tonight and formulate a plan.
No way would I drink over this. I need to DEAL with it though...or else it will continue to build and destroy me.
XOXOX
Bunny
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
yeah I handled my negotiations myself it took a strong stomach and i had to really research what i could and could not get away with.
One time years ago i found myself in this boat too and used an outside service they where really nice and got me on a payment plan but i was out of work at the time so it really did me no good since i had no money coming in *sigh*
I'm a slow learner i've gotten in over my head 3 times with debt till it finally sunk in. Oddly I've stayed out of debt once i got sober. I think remaining sober has helped me keep better judgement and not get myself into trouble with it since for now.
Dave ramsey has that book total money make over. Its basicly common sense stuff grandma might have told you etc.. its a good read. Hard to follow. I think i'd have better luck with his plan if I had more money flowing in or if i was able to lower my costs some more. But a good read none the less.
I know its hard but I had to seperate my emotions from it all and think of it all as just a business decision. I had to set my emotions aside about it. I sometimes thing these creditors prey on us when we are emotionaly attached to the debt and want to be good people and we feel bad about having problems paying. I think they play off that to there favor.
Otherwise tho yeah this stuff happens to folks its ok tho it can and will work out. Like i said it took me 3 times going through that horrible process till i finally figured it out and thought nope never again.
One time years ago i found myself in this boat too and used an outside service they where really nice and got me on a payment plan but i was out of work at the time so it really did me no good since i had no money coming in *sigh*
I'm a slow learner i've gotten in over my head 3 times with debt till it finally sunk in. Oddly I've stayed out of debt once i got sober. I think remaining sober has helped me keep better judgement and not get myself into trouble with it since for now.
Dave ramsey has that book total money make over. Its basicly common sense stuff grandma might have told you etc.. its a good read. Hard to follow. I think i'd have better luck with his plan if I had more money flowing in or if i was able to lower my costs some more. But a good read none the less.
I know its hard but I had to seperate my emotions from it all and think of it all as just a business decision. I had to set my emotions aside about it. I sometimes thing these creditors prey on us when we are emotionaly attached to the debt and want to be good people and we feel bad about having problems paying. I think they play off that to there favor.
Otherwise tho yeah this stuff happens to folks its ok tho it can and will work out. Like i said it took me 3 times going through that horrible process till i finally figured it out and thought nope never again.
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