sleepie

Sigh thanks.. I am still a nervous wreck and I cannot sleep at all. I am going to be an absolute mess until next week and beyond when I go for another test. Tests Tests Tests and doctors that is my whole life and every last cent. I really can't take it.

sleepie

Actually this is exactly what I feared getting sober. That I would go through the hell of getting there, only to have health issues and spend every last penny on tests and the hell of waiting and waiting for results. That I wouldn't be able to just live my life after getting sober and that it was going to be medical drama.

Vinificent

Oh sleepie...fellow Class of 12/15er here...so sorry this is happening to you now. But can I offer you a different perspective?
What of you hadn't quit?
What if you did not have the incredible strength and motivation to make it this 10 months?
I don't need to tell you how many started in our Class who are no longer with us for whatever reason. You are a sobriety ROCK STAR! Personally, I have no business even considering myself a part of your class, due to the number of slips I've had, but I follow you and the others who have stuck around because you are such an inspiration!
We all have problems and we all drank over them; that's not news. But the fact that you turned your health problems into a motivation to cleanse your body of alcohol and succeeded so marvelously cannot be discounted by some poor blood test results. Surely your body is thanking you in other ways, no?

zjw

i had the same issue in terms of the fear that i'd put forth all this hard effort and just die some miserable death due to the sins of my past. so far so good ::fingers crossed:: and the fear has subsided some.

But like we've spoken about before i'm like the polar opposite. i always refuse to go tot he do I can never afford all the tests and such. and over the years i've been told "oh its nothing your fine" so many times when i felt something was seriously going on. that i've been like driven in the opposite direction of the doctors office. Probably not always the best strategy either. and I've said on numerous occasisions its cheaper to die. I'm aweful I'll even see a sign for a sale on cremations joke with my wife perhaps i should call them now see if they can fit me in this afternoon and put me out of my misery.

I commend you for having the courage and drive to go to the doc figure it out and to raise your issues here for help. I dont bring up a lot of my issues here becuase i'm just afraid of the responses.

your not doing half bad.

sleepie

zjw have you kept up with your health check ups? Because then you would be sure instead of guessing about anything. I have no money. And instead of buying any clothes or owning more than 2 pairs of shoes I pay the doctor.

zjw

yeah nope i only go to the doc if i'm sick. I grew up in a family full of doctors so thats just how it was in my house growing up we didnt go for every little thing etc..

But now I dont have health insurance and if i'm feeling ok i dont bother to go. I cant afford it.

The other issue I have too is to find out anything about whats going on inside of me they gotta do blood work etc.. well everytime they do a blood draw on my i crash. So that terrifys me and deters me from bothering with that. I cant imagine what all the lab work costs and doc costs would be for me to see whats up and then god forbid something happens when i crash again.

If i was feeling bad or something I'd proabbly figure something out and try to go and asee if i can figure a way to pay for the labwork and all.

2muchpain

Kinda harsh, don't ya think. I could be wrong, but I think the point the poster was trying to make was that many people start off as wanting to drink and end up drinking. Sometimes the thought leads to an action. I think Brenda was trying to be supportive. John

BrendaChenowyth

Well.. two sides to every coin.. I can see how the situation feels like getting backhanded across the face, only to recover in time to get backhanded again, and then kicked in the rear for good measure. Okay. Been there.

That being said, I think the place I was coming from is this: There are many subforums in SoberRecovery land. This one is called Alcoholism. I think of everything I read here in terms of recovery from alcoholism, ie the struggle to stay sober. Everything I post, though it may seem off topic, relates back to how I'm gonna avoid relapse going forward. So when I see someone having a bad day and talking about it HERE, I assume the real problem at hand is an urge to drink and we need to tackle how to avoid THAT. Not always the case, evidently. Live and learn.

It was definitely harshly worded but she was hurting.

2muchpain

Brenda, you sound like a pretty cool person and a real plus to not just sleepie but to SR. Sometimes I need a reminder to be more tolerant and understanding of what others' are going through. My "but there's a limit" attitude should maybe be extended some, but I don't think I'll ever get to the point where you are. John

sleepie

zjw , I don't have insurance either and everything comes out of pocket. I don't make anything and wore clothes I had thrifted for years and years, and only own 2 pairs of shoes.
And I hate going to, it isn't easy for me just because I go and do it. But I still do.

And I know you don't believe this but the "I feel fine so I must be fine" approach is not wise. A lot of times a person will think just that until they end up in a hospital or are diabetic and they might have found out when something could have staved it off perhaps. But that's all I'll say.

Anyway I am sleep deprived as usual since I was just an absolute wreck all night. I am not eating anything at all anymore. I guess the less I out my liver through the better. It's not going to get better from here I am sure. If ten months sobriety only results in a decline in my health then I have to just stop everything.

entropy1964

I just wanted to chime in because I'm hearing a lot about not having money for drs etc. If you're in the US, which I believe you are, it is 'that' time of year. Registration for Obama care. I have very little money too...daughter is on Medicaid and I pay about $80/month for pretty darn good insurance.

If you can only afford 2 pairs of shoes a year (or whatever it is) you will qualify for a tax credit. So while your insurance may be 300/month..you should get a tax credit that will take that way down.

entropy1964

I assume the real problem at hand is an urge to drink and we need to tackle how to avoid THAT. Not always the case, evidently. Live and learn.


Hey Brenda
Yes, this is a forum about alcoholism, the struggles and recovery from. While this thread may not be specifically about alcoholism, recovery or truly wanting to drink, it is an excellent example of how the alcoholic mind works. So for me it very much applies I am reminded in spades how my thinking can really work against me if I'm not constantly applying the principles of my recovery.

BrendaChenowyth

Well thank you, I am glad I can help people... 70 days ago I was a completely different person... not a very good one.

Also, confession... I was going on and on about my own personal drama while I was helping my mom in the kitchen yesterday, and she kept telling me how I needed to stop it, I always over-analyze everything. I was somewhat offended. It was a big deal to me and I needed her to show a little more sympathy than that! Just the other day she listened with compassion, and what's with the mood swing?

Turns out, she not only wasn't feeling well, she had gotten sick while standing in line at the grocery store. This is humiliating. She was physically and emotionally drained and literally had no more ****s to give. Sometimes it's really not all about me! So if someone snaps out or doesn't respond the way I want them to.. there's a reason they CAN'T.

2muchpain

You are right. There are more affordable ways to get health care in the USA than ever before, especially for people with little or no income. Nowadays, there is little reason to have to pay so much that they go bankrupt. Anybody that qualifies for government assistance can get a wide variety of services offered to them. Of course, some people might decide to forgo the government assistance due to pride, etc., but that's a shame cause you paid into the system and that's part of what government is suppose to do. To care for it's citizens. Anybody dealing with severe anxiety, depression, etc., that can be verified by a doctor would easily qualify for many health services. Money in the USA is not a disqualifier when it comes to getting necessary help. If someone doesn't take advantange of this, it's a choice. John

entropy1964

Yep. I frankly didn't really know what was available to me and my daughter until last year. And yes, I've paid lots and lots of taxes. When I tried to surf through the insurance exchange myself I got completely different numbers than when I worked with an agent (and those agents are listed in the site...ya just have to sign a waiver to let them act on your behalf). I can also write off medical costs out of pocket on my taxes (up to a certain amount). Soooo there are options.

BrendaChenowyth

Mine just went up to $75 biweekly, so $125 a month and I can't afford it... cause I mean.. it's just insurance! It's not groceries! That's way too much to pay for something that's just there in case you ever need it! SMH.

I really don't know if that sounds like a lot to others but I am still down fairly close to minimum wage.

entropy1964

Brenda
Soooo if that's the case there are low cost clinics that will qualify you for assistance. I did that for 2 years in a row. No insurance but at least I could get seen by a dr if I needed to.

Look at your policy this year because there's been a lot of changes. You can downgrade to a 'lesser' policy so if you have something major happen you still have coverage. Or not! Whatever works.

I just like people to realize there are options. Just takes some digging. They don't make it easy!

BrendaChenowyth

I seem to recall... as a matter of fact the year Obama first ran for President, look at that... I was making $50K+ a year and paying pretty much the same as what I am paying now. Now I make (theoretically) between 20 and 25 a year now if I work forty hours a week every week no exceptions, which is hard to do when you're a student.

entropy1964

Ok. Anyway. Low cost clinic. Or not. Up to you. Hang in there.

zjw

i'm in a bad spot fininancilaly cant qaulify for the subsidies and dont have the extra income to pay for a plan through my employer and if i did it hardly covers anything.

I am fortunate that iw as able to get my kids on that CHIP insurance. It does however bother me that its come to this in this great country of ours.

I hope whoever gets elected next repairs this and health care becomes affordable for me again one day. It was too up until a few years ago. then the insurance i had was costing me more then i could afford and wasnt covering anything i finally gave up.

From what i can gather there are not to many folks in my predicament IE ones that just gave up. I think i read some statistic the other day said 5 milllion of us. I foudnt hat hard to believe since almost everyone my social circle is in the same boat. But I guess it is what it is.

If i made considerably less I could qualify for for the subsidies maybe get something for "free" but then I'd also have a pile of other problems.

Not everythign can be perfect i guess lol.

I agree sleepie when i found out about my cholesterol being high that one time everything felt great really so i was pretty baffled. Tho when i went back 3 months later having just changed my diet everything was fine again. So I have just stuck with the same diet and excercise routine ever since.

Any kinda medical issue can sneak up on you weather you go regularly or not tho you just never know.