Words for my 1-YR meeting tonight
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Words for my 1-YR meeting tonight
I have been thinking much about what I am going to say at my one year coin meeting tonight and thought that posting what I am intending to say here might help me get it more clear in my mind. Here goes:
After over a year of complete sobriety I have had the opportunity to reflect greatly on what brought me to these doors and what I have become most grateful for.
My story, in my mind, is different from many of the stories that I have heard in these rooms, but also not uncommon. I lived a tremendously rich and meaningful life before my path toward alcohol dependence. I have spent the majority of my adult life without any dependancy on outside substances, but began to use alcohol as a means to escape the problems that cropped up in life that I thought I could no longer handle. Once I began to travel down this road, the problems became greater, and my use of alcohol as a means to escape increased. It increased to the point where I became a person that I never was before. I was no longer living for others and for my many passions, in fact, I was really no longer living. I was also not just hurting myself, I was hurting everyone that was close to me.
We all go through a period during recovery of intense shame and self-loathing for what we had become and what this did to others. There are many times now where I have to go into rooms with others that saw this former self, lift my head high and do my best to survive past that shameful shadow of myself. That brings me to how I make it beyond this in the face of so much fear for carrying forward ... forgiveness and gratitude. I do truly feel forgiven for this past from others and from God. I can't say that I truly forgive myself yet, but I am still working toward this.
Lastly, I am truly grateful for the supports I have found in family and friends, at AFM, in my sponsor, within these doors and for my faith in God. I believe everything in life happens for purpose and meaning, and we just have to keep living and hoping that we might discover what these might be.
After over a year of complete sobriety I have had the opportunity to reflect greatly on what brought me to these doors and what I have become most grateful for.
My story, in my mind, is different from many of the stories that I have heard in these rooms, but also not uncommon. I lived a tremendously rich and meaningful life before my path toward alcohol dependence. I have spent the majority of my adult life without any dependancy on outside substances, but began to use alcohol as a means to escape the problems that cropped up in life that I thought I could no longer handle. Once I began to travel down this road, the problems became greater, and my use of alcohol as a means to escape increased. It increased to the point where I became a person that I never was before. I was no longer living for others and for my many passions, in fact, I was really no longer living. I was also not just hurting myself, I was hurting everyone that was close to me.
We all go through a period during recovery of intense shame and self-loathing for what we had become and what this did to others. There are many times now where I have to go into rooms with others that saw this former self, lift my head high and do my best to survive past that shameful shadow of myself. That brings me to how I make it beyond this in the face of so much fear for carrying forward ... forgiveness and gratitude. I do truly feel forgiven for this past from others and from God. I can't say that I truly forgive myself yet, but I am still working toward this.
Lastly, I am truly grateful for the supports I have found in family and friends, at AFM, in my sponsor, within these doors and for my faith in God. I believe everything in life happens for purpose and meaning, and we just have to keep living and hoping that we might discover what these might be.
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Originally Posted by Stabilizer 
...We all go through a period during recovery of intense shame and self-loathing for what we had become and what this did to others...
(o:
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
just my opinion, but i think ya should throw away the script and let God speak through you.
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Originally Posted by NoelleR
I liked your post (really) with the exception of this sentence. Yes, many folks in recovery may have gone through these periods, but 'all'? not in my experience.
(o:
(o:
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Location: Houston, TX
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Originally Posted by Stabilizer
...We all go through a period during recovery of intense shame and self-loathing for what we had become and what this did to others.
Originally Posted by NoelleR
...Yes, many folks in recovery may have gone through these periods, but 'all'? not in my experience.
Originally Posted by Stabilizer
I was not too worried about saying it the way I did. I have never heard someone share not experiencing this before.
You've been sober a little over one year. Perhaps when you get a bit more time, you'll get a bit more experience, too. ...and you might even meet, or hear from, some of those folks who never experienced this shame.
I have a number of friends who've never experienced this shame and self-loathing, including myself (with 30 years C&S), my first sponsor (now deceased with 32 years C&S), my current sponsor (with 42 years C&S), my best bud here in Houston (with 30 years C&S), my best bud in CA (with 33 years C&S).......
Therefore your statement that 'We all go through a period during recovery of intense shame and self-loathing for what we had become and what this did to others' is not correct in a general, only in your personal experience from folks you've heard.......
(o:
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... must say that the criticism here really took the steam out of my doing the post. Don't think I will open myself up again here. At least in the physical rooms, there is none of that.
I don't think this type criticism to my post is good for the well-being of myself or others that might read the post. Your point was made quite clearly the first time.
I don't think this type criticism to my post is good for the well-being of myself or others that might read the post. Your point was made quite clearly the first time.
F*** the Zero
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: London
Posts: 410
please don't be put off from sharing, you never know who you may save.
it is a condescending post, which intended or not, are the attitudes that people find off putting in looking for support. do not let it affect your progress, rather let it strengthen your resolve.
it is a condescending post, which intended or not, are the attitudes that people find off putting in looking for support. do not let it affect your progress, rather let it strengthen your resolve.
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I did report the post for removal for the reasons that I stated. We are all fragile in recovery and one needs to tread lightly with others. Maybe I will post again once I am more open to any form of backlash that it might bring.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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Originally Posted by Stabilizer
I did report the post for removal for the reasons that I stated. We are all fragile in recovery and one needs to tread lightly with others. Maybe I will post again once I am more open to any form of backlash that it might bring.
keep working the program and youll eventually see its not backlash- its people who can see things you cant YET.
ya know what it is when my anniversary comes up and I say more than,' thanks to God, the program, and the fellowship" and go off on some speech making me the center of attention and not the newcomer?
my dam fool ego.
know how I know?
had it pointed out.
of course, I made excuses,too.
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Thank you all for the kind words. This post was a bit of a learning experience for me about what I might expect for responses when I open myself up. I am not in any place to accept a few of the, what I felt were, condescending or self-righteous comments that came back to me. I did learn about the ignore member function, which is helpful because I feel the need to fill themselves myself with positive and helpful feedback, and not the critical voices that already exist so plentifully within ones own headspace. The negative things I took from 2 members here took me to a bad place in a time that should have been more celebratory. I may post again in time,, but for now I will keep my sharing to within the doors of my AA group.
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