BrendaChenowyth

Soberpotamus... It is kind of dour, the way I've framed it... I just look back on these years and see a lot of failures and disappointments and mistakes... When I do reach back to the points in time where my addiction hadn't set in or there was a reprieve, I was dancing! I had moved out of state for a job and ended up drinking two bottles of wine a night. I came home and spent some time couch surfing and unemployed, but the one thing I had was going out dancing at salsa nights. I had the time of my life. I could get a beer and sometimes not even finish it between 10 and 2! ONE BEER. Because it wasn't the focus.

I can't say I spent any time in my twenties figuring myself out. It was mostly escapism or it was wallowing in self pity. Even the dancing was escapism but it was sure healthier than drinking. Man, I was a size zero, I was hot. But I didn't have a brain in my head! I really do think, deep down, that those were wasted years and I can look at them and be reminded of what I no longer want.

Fusion

I landed upon Sober Recovery for the first time, earlier this year. Never wrote an 'I'm back' post, but rambled on without stopping drinking, for quite some time. However, over the years, I've been a member of various other recovery sites.....returning and posting, to no avail!

It was only this site, SR, and more specifically, the Secular Connections thread herein, that eventually assisted me to stop drinking, after two decades!

So please, each and everyone of you, do not put off returning members: because this time, might stick - stick the quit!

trachemys

This is the OPoster.

I had my OP validated for me this morning. I went and saved my BIL from heroin overdose. Five years ago, he went through $10K of rehab. After three years he cut back on his meetings and counseling and sponsor visits. Two years ago he decided he could have a few drinks on the weekend. Then that he could smoke a little pot. Then that he could eat Lortab like candy. This weekend? Back on the smack.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6191580

Had he stayed with his program, followed his plan, my sister would not have been calling me to go get him because she couldn't get there fast enough and I would not have been calling 911 because he was stopping breathing.

This is not a game, a popularity contest, or a politically correctness test. This is life and death. YOUR life or death. If you find ANYTHING that works for you, you don't stop it.

Sometimes, you don't get to come back again.

BrendaChenowyth

I understand now what you were trying to say...

trachemys

Thank you, Brenda.

soberlicious

I'm sorry you had to go through this trachemys. I know how this feels. The quote above highlights why I always say there can be zero wiggle room, no matter what plan you follow or belief system you hold. One thing and one thing only must be made iron-clad, and that is that use of substances be never an option in any circumstance. How one does that...well, there are as many ways as there are people, but something must be in place. I hope that your BIL is ok and that he finds a road out of addiction. It's not only tragic for the addicted person, but for all involved.

biminiblue

((trach))

You're a good man.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your current situation Trach.

D

trachemys

I'm sorry my sister keeps having to go through this.

Ultramarathoner

I'm not certain that pointing out the obvious to an individual who had the strength to return is helpful.

Your point that "sometimes you don't get to come back again'' helps me understand your perspective- and meaning.

I'm sorry for the challenges you are facing.

jdooner

Self righteous indignation is just as intoxicating as a drug or drink. To the tough love posters - how often this tough love work for you? There is a difference between being righteous (Trach) and choosing not to enable.

The disease does not live in the bottle or in the chemicals, its in us. When we become aware of the need to fulfill with external things for what lacks internal then we are still getting high even when sober.

We cannot carry the bodies, only the message. Often when we are upset by what we see in others its a direct reflection of something we are unwilling to look at in ourselves. The key for me is not in a fight but in letting go. When I gave up, I got better. This is acceptance. Acceptance is the true definition of love. Love with conditions is not love at all but abject slavery.

Gonnachange

Trach, I'm sorry that you and your family are dealing with such challenging times.

soberlicious

I agree. But there is also a difference between love without conditions and involvement without boundaries. My love for my sister has no conditions. In other words, I will love her no matter what. My involvement with her does have boundaries though. I will not be hit or verbally abused, I will not give her money. We have taken her to the hospital many times to save her from dying, and we will always do that. The sad fact is, you cannot save someone with love. If that were the case, she would be better because she is truly loved.

trachemys

My family appreciates your kind thoughts, folks.

sleepie

Hi Trach

ru12

Sorry Mr. Turtle. I hope your family gets through this and is never touched by addiction again.

AAPJ

Dear Trachemys,

While I don't have the same view as you do regarding re-treads and their "I'm back" posts I am very glad you posted your honest thoughts on this topic. Just to clarify I'm a re-tread myself and relapse is part of my story. Much to the dismay of some of my fellow AA members I proudly introduce myself as a re-tread at meetings especially when I see a new relapser return to the meeting rooms. As one friend who was a relapser told me in a joking manner when I returned to the rooms of AA: "I'm not sure I trust people who didn't relapse at least once. Are they even real alcoholics?"

Clearly not relapsing is a better path but for those who have fallen off what should we do? Give up? Of course not.

But again I'm really glad you spoke your mind on this matter. Honest open disagreements happen and the worst thing that we can do is stop questioning things. Your post is making me think about things instead of just accepting the norms.

Finally I'm sorry about your personal situation and I hope things turn out well for your sister in the long run. Have a great day!

trachemys

AA, it's not relapse that I'm talking about.

People quit their recovery resources thinking that this was like the common cold. "I'm over it." Then come back surprised that this is like herpes, it never goes away.

As far as I can tell, there is no "I'm over it" date.

Done4today

Keep coming back that's why we are here.

August252015

She doesn't. That may sound harsh, but personal choice is always the key to recovery (for the addict and anyone around them). And choosing to stay is just as much of a choice as choosing to leave, like choosing to use is a choice as much as choosing to get sober.