To all the "I'm back" posters

Old 10-27-2016, 10:54 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2014
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This post makes me kind of sad. I have been lurking around SR since about 2007 – albeit under a different name back then. I have left and come back many, many times (although did not always post about it). Sometimes I decided I didn't want to quit drinking so I didn’t log in as much, other times I was too ashamed, and other times, life simply got in the way of posting on SR. I mean, stuff happens. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

I guess my point is I have always been so comforted by the fact that this place exists for almost 10 years now! For the first time in over 20 years I have 135 days of sobriety and I would not have gotten there without SR and the support of its members.

With all due respect it would appear that posts like this could make someone feel bad for not “getting it” right away. Who among us really does? I consider service to others an important part of recovery, and even though I leave the expert advice to those with more sober time, I still spend a lot of time praying and thinking about the people of SR – the new comers and the old timers and everyone in between.
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Old 10-27-2016, 10:58 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I hear you Hope but read all the responses. And I believe the OP meant well, just didn't word it right. Sometimes when someone says or does something that hurts me I have to challenge my thinking. See if from the angle of the other person. Did the OP mean to hurt anyone? No, I don't believe so. And do I have to internalize it that way? Nope I don't.

The newcomers forum is for the new people and the born again new people! Me included....and anyone else. Its all good.

Hey some good discussion came out of this thread and it demonstrated that the majority of people here feel just as you do! Winner winner chicken dinner.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:00 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
I sometimes find the returners frustrating, too. And sometimes I just stop reading a thread (always a choice). Other times, I comment.
I think there are quite a handful of us "returners"! I was one, many times over. As mentioned we reading these threads, I can choose whether I read and comment, though.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:16 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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It was a gentle chastising if a chastising at all.

But that includes OP- maybe post before drinking.

And we all know nobody is ready til they're ready.
I believe Trach was only saying instead of going out and causing more harm to yourself and others it might be a better idea to consider sticking around a sober place is all.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:19 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hello. My name is Cow. I am recent leaver and returner.

No take offense to what Turtle say. He have very good heart. All he mean was to encourage you no to retreat, but to stay and be supported, no matter what state you in.

But as some has explain (and I try to explain in my post), they is sometimes for various reason, real or imagined, that people feel to step away from forum. I do this for mental health reason ...cuz you all makes me crazy!

I kid! I genuine think everybody want best for everybody here. Has been my experience anyways, even when is sometimes the tough love.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:23 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MattM316 View Post
I don't understand why people find the returners 'frustrating' considering the vast majority of people with an alcohol problem relapse and groups like AA have an incredibly low success rate (between 5 and 10%).

So surely it's expected that people return at least a couple of times?
Not really sure why people would find it frustrating when it's more or less inevitable. It almost sounds like people are getting 'fed up' of people who relapse, which really isn't helpful to anyone.
Many of us reject the premise of relapse as inevitable, outright.

Further, it is definitely not expected by me (and many I know) that anyone will return. There are countless reasons for the why in that statement. One being that no one is ever guaranteed a physical chance to return to sobriety, once they start drinking again.

I will add to my earlier post what just happened to me in a meeting. I think I realized why the quote about "Is it truthful, is it necessary and is it kind?" came to me today. A man in the meeting recently relapsed. As in, in the last couple of weeks and just came back to AA on Monday. It was my job to sit and listen, not to judge, and to be supportive of 1) the fact that he came and 2) what his thoughts and needs are now, as he tries again. So, it was my job to keep my mouth shut in this case. He had six months sober, he knows he's in a bigger mess than before, and he's there doing something every day of the last four to stay sober this time. I had plenty of "truth" I could share, but I don't think any of it would have been necessary or kind in this scenario.

And I had to turn it back to the "I".....what's my problem right now? what can I learn from this? where's my heart right now? etc. I hope to see him again and I hope to be guided to know how to intuitively handle any interaction with him or opportunity to talk, and I know that he's got to choose to stay sober for himself.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:33 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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It's a miracle I've stayed sober for 17 months. I was in and out of the halls of AA for 2 years. It was not the kind words, gestures, keep coming back, "hi honey" or coddling that EVER helped me. One old-timer took me aside and said "Alcohol is kicking your a$$. You done yet?" He looked me straight in the eyes and said "You" and he pointed "You're going to die kid. You're going to die." I was shocked at his "insensitivity." I knew it was the truth though. I was dying. And he was kind enough to point out the elephant in the room. I'm forever grateful.

Miraculously, God gave me the desperation and willingness to get sober, and stay sober. One day at a time.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:40 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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In a couple of days I'll be celebrating five years of sobriety and the only organized help that I've had has been SR. I certainly don't come here as often as I did in the beginning, when I was clinging to sobriety by my worn out finger nails but I try to check in and post a couple of times a month. It reinforces my resolve and it makes me feel good to try and help encourage other people. I am blessed that my first attempt at sobriety "stuck" and I don't have to keep doing it again but I can see how people relapse and I'm glad to see them come back.
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Old 10-27-2016, 03:59 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I try always to remember I'm dealing with real people here.
I also try and remember that I was once there, too

For me, if I find myself getting drained, frustrated or bored or whatever else, I'm invariably forgetting one or both of those things...and I need to push my chair back and go for a ride, play some guitar or or do whatever I have to do to get over myself

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Old 10-27-2016, 04:26 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I think I get the gist of the OP's comment, and I actually agree with it, in a sense. It seems well-meaning, if not awkwardly worded.

Here's my take on it: I joined SR on September 7. I've had alcohol-free stretches of 18, 7, 6, and currently another 6 days, along with relapses of 4, 4, and 6 days. Each time, I've asked myself why I didn't stick around SR instead of relapsing. I think that's what the OP was saying. Why not stick around instead of walking away and relapsing? I don't yet know the answer. All I know is that when I stick around here, my resolve to not drink is much stronger, so that's at the top of my current plan.

Returning here after a relapse is embarrassing. I hope to never have to do so again. But if I do, I hope that other SR members will always welcome me back with open arms and friendly advice, as I promise to do for others. This getting clean thing is relatively new to me. It's not a straightforward willpower thing like so many other decisions in my life. It's taken some time and some errors to learn that. I'll likely have more errors along the way.

Since joining, I haven't drank 37 out of my last 51 days. Obviously, I can do better. Those 14 days in there bug the snot out of me. But I also see progress that I haven't seen in 20+ years, both in stopping drinking and in understanding who I am. Without SR and it's welcoming members, none of that would have happened. I hope people here keep welcoming newcomers, and "returners" alike.
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Old 10-27-2016, 04:48 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by U75 View Post
It seems like there have been a lot of "I'm back" threads lately, and sometimes my instinctual response is the same as Trach's. But I always try to remind myself of the complex and very powerful emotions that are at play when there's a relapse. Personally, if I started drinking again, I don't know if I'd have the courage to keep posting here, due to the feelings of shame and resentment and a hundred other emotions, all of which are further confused by excessive alcohol. I can easily see myself dropping off the board, and only coming back when I'm ready to quit again. I applaud those who keep posting even during their relapse. That takes a lot of guts.

Would it be better if people kept posting and looking for support during a relapse? Of course. Do I understand why people don't post during a relapse? Absolutely. In the end, I choose to look at the "I'm back" threads as a cause for celebration for that person, rather than a chance to say "you shoulda never left."
^^^^ That.

Thanks, U75.
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Old 10-27-2016, 05:04 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Oh boy! Go find my thread about whether or not a person should be working the steps while still drinking. It was like watching a train derailment in slow motion. It was well meaning folks trying to help me get back on track, but I was self-destructing, clearly.

Because I was still drinking.

A person in the throes of the addiction is not going to be receptive to advice even if he or she asks for it.

So these "I'm back" threads... We're JOYOUS to see them back and we want to help them, but being back and going so far as to make a thread announcing that, is like walking back in to your Home Group room after however much time it was you were away, and saying My Name is... I'm an Alcoholic. This is my first meeting following a relapse.

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Old 10-27-2016, 05:08 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Right now, as much as I am on here... I would just like to say this: If you don't see me tomorrow, assume I got busy. If you don't see me the next day, wonder. If you don't see me for a week, HOPE you see the annoying I'm Back thread sooner rather than later.

I digress. I'm angry because I've been in place lately where drinking looks good. And I won't do it.
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Old 10-27-2016, 05:14 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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You were one of those who left and returned:

I am glad you did. And glad that no one told you shouldn't have left. You were welcomed back and given support. That's how we roll.
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Old 10-27-2016, 05:21 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Yes C4, I left and should not have. Had I stayed here, I would not have nearly drank myself to death. When I left I drank until I was crapping blood.

When I came back I started again the path to health.
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Old 10-27-2016, 05:36 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Woe is Moo.
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I hate stigma of this affliction!

Would one feel humility to say they cancer has recurred?
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Old 10-27-2016, 05:45 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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It depends on if the person could connect personal responsibility to it. I relapsed because I drank // My cancer came back because I smoked? Versus my cancer came back because of a gene mutation on a mission.
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Old 10-27-2016, 05:55 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Is convoluted for sure. Does a normal brain person drink to point of physical and lifestyle ruin? Isn't it gene mutation that make one more prone to both cancer and addiction?

I just musing, BC. For my self, I has relapse on this forum hundred of time and have never been shamed for it by anyone, not once. So I would say to everybody, is no need to "hide." In fact, less hiding probable help others to not feel so ashame. Having say that, I has step back from forum for other reason.
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Old 10-27-2016, 06:03 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Damn, I'm glad you're back.
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Old 10-27-2016, 06:21 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Geez. this is me. I leave and then come back and then leave and then come back, etc

Everyone always welcomes me back with open arms.

Just like the AA meetings.

Cause some of us try once and get it but most of us try 6000 times.
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