What's Moo?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Turtle is back yay 
Did not sleep yet.
Read a lot about benzo abuse. I feel worse about it now.
Half victorious, a quarter feeling kinda dumb lucky, and just the rest I don't know at all... And wondering whether or not I owe myself or anyone else anything.
Did talk to the mate of a former friend, looks like we will reconnect.
Happy Turkey day.
Did not sleep yet.
Read a lot about benzo abuse. I feel worse about it now.
Half victorious, a quarter feeling kinda dumb lucky, and just the rest I don't know at all... And wondering whether or not I owe myself or anyone else anything.
Did talk to the mate of a former friend, looks like we will reconnect.
Happy Turkey day.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Hi, Sleepie. Yes, the dog in my avatar is a 6-y-o Frenchie named Wilbur. He's my daughter's dog; but when she was single she lived with us, so he was absolutely "my" dog for a couple of years.
We got him just before Frenchies became the latest fad.
He still runs to me when I visit; he barks sharply at me to give him treats!
We got him just before Frenchies became the latest fad.
He still runs to me when I visit; he barks sharply at me to give him treats!
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Originally Posted by trachemys 
I'm back. I really toyed with the idea of staying gone but I love you people too much.
Well I been really sick and just try to hold together for couple days now. Not able to be on computer. Seem to be getting worse. Trying not go to: "I got sober to feel worse?!" place, cuz, I know, using only torture and certain demise, whereas, sobriety merely torture and most probable demise. Gotta go with odds, yes? Have to say though, I has come so close to use last couple days, I fear is only matter of time. But no this day.
I not gonna make it to friend house today. Not well enough physical and very depressed. They all be having great time with food, drink, laughter --none of which I can do. And I not have energy to fake wit and banter they expects from me. No need to put my pallor on it.
So, I just stay home and bring you guys down instead.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I'm home too Cow
Spouse is getting serious health / mental issues w/ his drinking as well.
Things have been pretty bad, and yesterday he was so weak and having
a reaction from the vodka he did drink and had to sit in the living room
with me until nearly midnight.
He barely eats, has terrible insomnia, and his health is clearly failing.
He says he's ready to quit, but we all know that actions are the only thing that count.
It hurts to see him suffer like this.
He stuck by me through my own drinking hell, and my mother's incredible BS
with her own drinking and drama.
He hurts all the time with leaky gut, joint issues, stress from no sleep.
Not much of a story to share, but it's where I am,
My own sobriety is the saving grace--keep stacking up those days Cow
and don't give up.
Poem of the Day:
To be of use
The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.
I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.
I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.
The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.
Marge Piercy from Circles on the Water
Spouse is getting serious health / mental issues w/ his drinking as well.
Things have been pretty bad, and yesterday he was so weak and having
a reaction from the vodka he did drink and had to sit in the living room
with me until nearly midnight.
He barely eats, has terrible insomnia, and his health is clearly failing.
He says he's ready to quit, but we all know that actions are the only thing that count.
It hurts to see him suffer like this.
He stuck by me through my own drinking hell, and my mother's incredible BS
with her own drinking and drama.
He hurts all the time with leaky gut, joint issues, stress from no sleep.
Not much of a story to share, but it's where I am,
My own sobriety is the saving grace--keep stacking up those days Cow
and don't give up.
Poem of the Day:
To be of use
The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.
I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.
I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.
The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.
Marge Piercy from Circles on the Water
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Hi Hawk! ... ... well, must confess I laziest cow on planet. I generally think sloth total under-rated, though. Sorry you has to witness so much suffering.
Here my poem for day:
Sorry you has to witness so much suffering.Here my poem for day:
Roses is red,
Violet is blue,
You go get caffeine,
and I gonna kill you!
Jesus God, the intrusive compulsion and thoughts is just hit me like train. It make me so cazy (er). Violet is blue,
You go get caffeine,
and I gonna kill you!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Hi y'all. I sympathize with those feeling poorly today.
Here's my life since sobriety really set in: I have no friends -- I see someone socially maybe 1x in 3 months, and don't enjoy it. Today I haven't left the couch -- honestly the only other place to sit here is the bed -- and all I'm doing is working. I work, I read poetry sometimes. I play solitaire. Food does nothing for me. I ache a lot -- it's been bad lately because I'm writing so much, taking about 14 ibuprofen a day LOL. Nowadays I have to listen to music on the walk to my office-- Built To Spill, trying some Buddy Holly -- because I can't stand the sirens anymore. My husband, whom I never see before dark, either rants or talks about Ovid. People see me and say "You look tired." I'm not -- just old!
But I'm actually happy -- me, happy? -- with these things, and honestly grateful I get to experience them.
I was thinking last night about Candide. Anyone read it? I read it when I was about 11, and I always thought Candide had a great life. But apparently it's meant to be sarcastic. I never got the joke. I never saw the contradiction between "we must cultivate our own garden" and "the best of all possible worlds." If you have a garden to cultivate, even in your own fantasy, why do you ask for more? More, for me, has been the source of all that sucks.
Here's my life since sobriety really set in: I have no friends -- I see someone socially maybe 1x in 3 months, and don't enjoy it. Today I haven't left the couch -- honestly the only other place to sit here is the bed -- and all I'm doing is working. I work, I read poetry sometimes. I play solitaire. Food does nothing for me. I ache a lot -- it's been bad lately because I'm writing so much, taking about 14 ibuprofen a day LOL. Nowadays I have to listen to music on the walk to my office-- Built To Spill, trying some Buddy Holly -- because I can't stand the sirens anymore. My husband, whom I never see before dark, either rants or talks about Ovid. People see me and say "You look tired." I'm not -- just old!
But I'm actually happy -- me, happy? -- with these things, and honestly grateful I get to experience them.
I was thinking last night about Candide. Anyone read it? I read it when I was about 11, and I always thought Candide had a great life. But apparently it's meant to be sarcastic. I never got the joke. I never saw the contradiction between "we must cultivate our own garden" and "the best of all possible worlds." If you have a garden to cultivate, even in your own fantasy, why do you ask for more? More, for me, has been the source of all that sucks.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Hi Bunny, I really glad you found a world in you isolation which you can be genuine happy and grateful in. I think mine kind of driving me mad. I mean, for sure, I has adapt to create a world within my tiny life, but more and more, I desperate to escape it.
Is good to see you.
Hi Glimmer and Sleepies. I holding the line. No caffeine.
Is good to see you.
Hi Glimmer and Sleepies. I holding the line. No caffeine.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Hey, I get it. It's been nearly 3 years sober for me, and I'm still here posting every day. Maybe we don't recover, but we can grow in a different direction.
Think of a plant when you turn the pot half a rotation. Phototropism, I learned that in school.
Think of a plant when you turn the pot half a rotation. Phototropism, I learned that in school.
You too Mr. D!voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Hi all. Hugs.
I'm on day 10 again of no nicotine. Quit number 4 just this month alone. :weak smile: I'm GOING to beat this stupid stupidhead smoking thing. It doesn't seem like all that much considering what others are dealing with. I notice I sleep much better when I am not smoking. Keepa go.
I'm on day 10 again of no nicotine. Quit number 4 just this month alone. :weak smile: I'm GOING to beat this stupid stupidhead smoking thing. It doesn't seem like all that much considering what others are dealing with. I notice I sleep much better when I am not smoking. Keepa go.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I have faith you can do it silentrun
We had a good day at bf's family's house... I always question do they really like me or are they being nice yet bf's mother said a bunch of nice stuff about me when he was driving them back later... People are such confusing and contradictory creatures to me but I was glad for what she said.
Only slept a few interrupted hours so was quite tired and feeling strange but still had a nice time watching everyone and observing conversation. Really enjoyed sharing company with and talking with all the people there.
We had a good day at bf's family's house... I always question do they really like me or are they being nice yet bf's mother said a bunch of nice stuff about me when he was driving them back later... People are such confusing and contradictory creatures to me but I was glad for what she said.
Only slept a few interrupted hours so was quite tired and feeling strange but still had a nice time watching everyone and observing conversation. Really enjoyed sharing company with and talking with all the people there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
I enjoyed Candide, but haven't read it in years....it was a worthy read.
I hope everyone had a nice day. Mine was OK.
Bunny, I find I'm isolating more. It's harder and harder to tolerate nonsense for me. I don't want to be around drinking people. Its s just too tiresome. If I could focus, I'd read more.
Love from Lenina .
I hope everyone had a nice day. Mine was OK.
Bunny, I find I'm isolating more. It's harder and harder to tolerate nonsense for me. I don't want to be around drinking people. Its s just too tiresome. If I could focus, I'd read more.
Love from Lenina .
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Originally Posted by Cow
While it nice thought, I not feel is doggy's job to give me reason to live, Trach. I has serious mental and physical disorder and would total gut me if I were to be irresponsible with innocent animal, or worse, has to give it back.
You know, I already has something to take care of ...ME. But even that not inspire motivation in my brain, cuz my brain not make chemicals that manifest steady supply of "motivation." Maybe this will change. I hope it does, and if it does, I for sure will revisit getting doggy.
Ardy, yes, I would volunteer with doggies first, but right now, not well enough to do that either.
On brighter note, I does take good care of my hummy birds. They perfect pet for the unstable and/or feeble. Right now winter birds is here. Is new one, Tiny, who my favorite. He very clever. When Pris come to kick other birds off feeder, he use to fly away like others, but now he hide behind plant on patio, and while Pris chasing others away, he slip out and drink like they no tomorrow, then get the heck out of there before Pris get back. Well done, Tiny, well done.
You know, I already has something to take care of ...ME. But even that not inspire motivation in my brain, cuz my brain not make chemicals that manifest steady supply of "motivation." Maybe this will change. I hope it does, and if it does, I for sure will revisit getting doggy.
Ardy, yes, I would volunteer with doggies first, but right now, not well enough to do that either.
On brighter note, I does take good care of my hummy birds. They perfect pet for the unstable and/or feeble. Right now winter birds is here. Is new one, Tiny, who my favorite. He very clever. When Pris come to kick other birds off feeder, he use to fly away like others, but now he hide behind plant on patio, and while Pris chasing others away, he slip out and drink like they no tomorrow, then get the heck out of there before Pris get back. Well done, Tiny, well done.
I've been following you and everyone elses posts.
I have no advice yet but if I feel I do, will surely give it. Right now I am getting back from all of you. So thank you everyone.
I do know quite a lot about Hummers though.
They are feisty, they are survivors and they are just fun to watch.
Maybe a bit like you, Cow?
Welcome back anyway!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Originally Posted by courage2
Hey, I get it. It's been nearly 3 years sober for me, and I'm still here posting every day. Maybe we don't recover, but we can grow in a different direction.
Think of a plant when you turn the pot half a rotation. Phototropism, I learned that in school.
Think of a plant when you turn the pot half a rotation. Phototropism, I learned that in school.
Other people recover. I just want to continue healing.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Hi silentrun! Stay quit from those dirty, filthy smokes. Breathe and enjoy clean lungs!
Hi Kris! Lovely to see you! I don't mentally use the words recovery or healing -- for me, grow is more than plenty. Hell, when I think about it, I don't expect to recover, heal, or grow -- I just want to age with dignity.
Lovely to see you, too, Lenina!
- sb
Hi Kris! Lovely to see you! I don't mentally use the words recovery or healing -- for me, grow is more than plenty. Hell, when I think about it, I don't expect to recover, heal, or grow -- I just want to age with dignity.
Lovely to see you, too, Lenina!
- sb
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