Justme12

Hello all

I am new here.

I quit drinking on the 23rd May 2016 after years of on and off benders and binge drinking that was slowly ruining my life. I ended up battling to keep my job with it love, lost family and friends and drinking pushed me into having depression and anxiety, even after 5 months sober.

Just 2 days ago I was feeling very down and careless and decided to just got and have a drink to see if it would help, I knew it wouldn't but you know how it is. I have no idea how I managed 5 months totally abstinent or why this day was any different to make me relapse. But I did.

8 pints and a bottle of wine later, I even stupidly did quite a large amount of cocaine, and then had to call sick into work as I had been awake for 30 odd hours and was in no fit state to work.

Now that the fog has lifted, I am so ashamed by myself that I let 5 months of hard work go to waste, and what for?

I feel like I'm going to fall back to how I was before, I want to live a sober life, but I just can't help myself.

Upstairs

You came to the right place! There's a thread of class of October 2016 you should check out that'll have people you may have something in common with! I hope you find some help here

doggonecarl

If your desire is to be sober, get back on the sober train...today. No more drinking or drugging.

You didn't say what kind of recovery program you were following, if any. You might want to bolster what you are doing, or start a formal program as white knuckling it is not effective.

As for depression and anxiety, have it looked into by a medical professional.

0percentABV

I let 4 months go to waste. Went on drinking for another 8 trying to find that happy drinking medium only to fail over and over again. My only advice to you is to find that thing you did that kept you sober for 5 months and invest in it. For me it was cycling and the gym. I completely focused on that along with surrounding myself with information on sobriety/alcohol wether it was an autobiography, a movie or a YouTube video, whatever I absorbed it all. Plus I constantly reminded myself of how cruddy I felt during those painful 8 months. AND I went to a therapist for about a year to talk, nail stuff down and simply make my alcoholism a reality to me because before it was my own little secret that I could break because no one really knew my personal struggle. Anyways, get a plan and stick to it and work on yourself. You got this.

soberclover

This is a great place and I hope that you stick around. For me, putting down the drink was just part of what I needed to do. I had a lot of issues that had to be dealt with from my past. I started seeing a therapist and I found that it really helped. After three years in to my recovery, I needed face-to-face support so I started going to AA meetings. I

For me it was also important to put it out on the table that I was not going to drink....no matter what. Stuff still happens even though we stop drinking. That is why I needed to develop a support network of people I could talk to like here on SR.

You will fall back to your old ways if you let yourself. I hope you give yourself the chance to get the support and clinical help that you need. Also talking with your doc might not be a bad idea

ScottFromWI

Welcome Justme12. You'll find a lot of support and understanding here on SR and you've already received some fantastic advice. I would add a couple things based on your comments that I quoted above

1. Most of us need some kind of formalized plan or program to follow in order to stay sober. That can be a lot of different things ( Meetings, therapy, rehab, self help, etc ) but just "not drinking" generally doesn't last very long. I think you may have found that out as you aren't even quite sure what happened, right? Sobriety is a process - a way of life. You will find a lot of info here on how to go about it. below is a great link about the very subject.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

2. Regarding your point about not being able to help yourself...that's very common so don't worry. Nearly all of us needed to reach out and seek outside help because we couldn't do it alone either. Don't be afraid to accept help from wherever you may find it.

FreedomCA

Sorry about your relapse. At least from your post nothing bad has happened YET. I am choosing AA as my formal program and SR to supplement it.

Gottalife

I couldn't help myself either. No one seemed to be able to help, and many tried. I finished up in AA where I found the help I needed to stay sober. It wasn't my first choice, which I think has been a good thing. I failed at a whole lot of other stuff, then tried AA as the last resort, and it worked as promised. Rarely do people fail who really try the program, but there a quite a few who fail to try.

waynetheking

Welcome to SR justme. Take it one day at a time. It will get better.

Dee74

Hi Just me - whats done is done.

You can focus on what's done...or you can focus on getting back to where you want to be. I know which one I'd choose

you'll find a lot of support here

D

D

Acheleus

I recall a Samuel Beckett quote: Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.


I get in ruts where I feel bad about the past. Instead of ruminating on mistakes I try to motivate myself to take positive action. I go for a walk. I read something related to recovery and self-development. If I let my negative thoughts limit me then I have to alter my perspective and make some changes. Getting healthy is a process of ups and downs but the overall trend is upward. Forgive yourself and don't give up.