Notices

Need to talk

Old 10-23-2016, 12:19 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,901
Originally Posted by romanerin2011 View Post
I really do appreciate the kind words I somewhat feel guilty for feeling a little better. I feel like I committed murder but I just don't want this to define the rest of my life. I considered myself to be a decent man, I suppose decent men are capable of atrocities like this. I've just never felt this kind of pain and I'm the one who caused it. I feel maybe I should tell my wife of everything I've done as a drunk and this recent relapse but then very likely loose my entire new family over something that is not of me.
Please don't tell your wife about this. She has a month old baby. All it will do is hurt her. If you want to confess to someone go talk to a priest or someone in confidence. Or even better, go to AA, get a sponsor and work the steps thoroughly. This will not only give you a chance to discuss past transgressions (such as your recent one) in confidence, but also a chance to learn from it so that it's less likely to happen again.

You ARE responsible for your actions. The way to deal with this is learn from it. Take back responsibility. Get sober again, and work on your recovery so that you can find serenity and job in sobriety without reaching for alcohol and sex to make you feel better when life is getting rough (because, you know, if will get rough from time to time. That's just what it does. But you CAN get tools in your armoury so that you can accept life on life's terms without hiding under comfort blankets of feeding your ego).

You CAN do this, and be the best father that you can be.

Wishing you all the best as you climb back on the waggon and work on your recovery.


PS you do owe it to your wife to get checked for any STDs before you have any intimate contact with her though. Embarrassing as that might be for you. Please, please do that.
Berrybean is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 06:11 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by romanerin2011 View Post
Hello
I have been begging and pleading for Jesus to forgive me but I think he's tired of me. .
Saul slayed Christians in the name of Christianity. blinded on the road to Damascus, he saw the nature of his wrongs. his site was restored and he changed his ways.
if Jesus and God can forgive saul, they will forgive you, but that's not where the problem lies. they both have already forgiven you. it lies with you forgiving yourself. imo, THAT is a process and requires action at changing
tomsteve is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 06:16 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by romanerin2011 View Post
I had control over my life, I just don't know what happened. I absolutely hate myself, I was finally getting to that point of serenity in my life. Forgetting all the terrible things I've done. Now I'm back to square one. And especially doing something like this, what kind of Christian man does this is what I keep asking myself.
just because were Christians doesn't mean were perfect nor does it mean satan cant attack us from all sides. that's why we have to have the full armor of God on at all times

Ephesians 6:10-18
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 06:48 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
2/2016
 
HTown's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Times when you stopped drinking, did you do it alone? With no help? Did you work on yourself with a therapist or group? Having a support system can greatly improve your chances of success going forward.

A new baby is stressful. You hired a prostitute. I would imagine you feel neglected by your wife. The thing is, this is the new norm. You are no longer the most important thing in your world. You need to put others first from now on. This is the bargin you agreed to when you created a new life.

I have been exactly in your situation. You need to work on yourself, hard work, just stopping drinking won't address the empty place you feel. The place that prostitute filled. The hole the drinking fills. Being disgusted in yourself only goes so far. Loving yourself is so much better.

Get some sober folks around you, get a support system. Parenthood and marriage are hard work.
HTown is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 04:12 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Bossier City
Posts: 20
I've been TO AA before and didn't really like it. I don't like getting in groups of people. I stayed sober last time because I decided I'm never drinking again and just never entertained any temptations I had. It's when I start entertaining drinking again is when it grabs ahold of me.

And I know Saul slaughtered many Christians but I figured he did that before he was saved. I did all this when I was supposedly saved which is why I struggle with my salvation. But I am still sober from alcohol and pornography. Oh yea did I mention that? I've also been addicted to porn for 16 years. My mind is corrupted beyond repair I feel sometimes.
romanerin2011 is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 04:33 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
Facing forward. The focus on the baby can turn into awe of his every bit of growth. It would be a shame to diminish those magic moments with constant self flagellation . Own it with yourself and take great steps to better choices, you got this.
Mklove is offline  
Old 10-24-2016, 05:03 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by romanerin2011 View Post
And I know Saul slaughtered many Christians but I figured he did that before he was saved. I did all this when I was supposedly saved which is why I struggle with my salvation. But I am still sober from alcohol and pornography. Oh yea did I mention that? I've also been addicted to porn for 16 years. My mind is corrupted beyond repair I feel sometimes.
very true about saul. now, lets look at 1John1:8-10

8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

emphasis on verse 9.

you FEEL your mind is corrupted beyond repair.
not all feelings are the truth.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 10-24-2016, 05:50 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
 
Algorithm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by romanerin2011 View Post
I stayed sober last time because I decided I'm never drinking again and just never entertained any temptations I had. It's when I start entertaining drinking again is when it grabs ahold of me.
Are you saying that you may yet start entertaining drinking again?

I'm sure you must know by now that those temptations will come, even years later, just as they did once the shock of the DUI wore off.
Algorithm is offline  
Old 10-28-2016, 07:44 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Bossier City
Posts: 20
I'm still here and sober. I'm trying to move forward but I just wish I could start over from scratch so I wouldn't have these years and years of awful memories. Scared to death of what might happen 3 years from now when the sting wears off. I cannot allow that to happen. With alcohol or porn. Both have corrupted my mind, soul, everything. Everytime I get a small glimer of joy or happiness, I'm reminded of all the things I've done and tell myself I'm not allowed to feel this way.
romanerin2011 is offline  
Old 10-28-2016, 09:28 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by romanerin2011 View Post
Scared to death of what might happen 3 years from now when the sting wears off. I cannot allow that to happen. With alcohol or porn. .
So make a concrete plan and it won't happen. You can find a lot of ways to go about that here and many who have done it.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 10-29-2016, 08:40 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
Glimmers of joy are the reason for living, let yourself feel them.
Mklove is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:24 AM.