New to this site... Need advice from people who have experience with alcohol abuse
 

Hello this is my first post here. I joined because I am pretty much confused about my drinking. I'm 23 and have been getting drunk literally every night for about the past two years. I only drink in the evenings after work but I drink a lot. Probably anywhere from 6-10 shots of liquor and 2-4 beers a night. Here's the thing. I don't want to stop. I like going home and getting drunk to end my day. It makes everything better. I have anxiety and depression which I take medicine for. The med keeps me stable, but not really happy. It just keeps me functioning. Alcohol makes me happy. I can enjoy movies and tv when I'm drunk. Food tastes better. I can feel relaxed and get a good night sleep. I never have had a hangover once (not sure how) I live alone so I'm not hurting anyone by drinking. Ive never last a job because of it and have had the same steady job for about 4 years. I am paranoid about my health though so I went to the doc and got blood tests and everything was good, including liver and kidney function. I drink lemon and cucumber water all day and take a liver health supplement. The thing is, plain and simple, I don't want to accidentally kill myself one night. Ever since I started drinking my tolerance was higher than the typical person. When I'm done drinking at the end of the night I feel pretty in control. I can walk in straight line and function normally. I've never vomited once. But I have one of those little mini breathalyzer (not sure how accurate it is it's just a cheap one) and when I check my bac after what to me is just a few drinks, I'm already at .25-.30... I'm 6'2 and 170 lbs, and I know that a fatal amount of alcohol is .40-.50 for most people. There is a lot more of my story I'll have to put more when I have time, but I would like some advice. Thank you

Welcome Oguin. Most of us were confused by our drinking as well, so you aren't alone. And coming here was a great idea. One thing you need to know right up front is that addiction clouds your ability to think rationally about your drinking. So writing it down/sharing it with other people is a great way to get some perspective.

My initial reply would be this - early in your post you say "It makes everything better" in relation to your drinking. But then you go on to say you are paranoid about your health - which is a valid concern. I can say that the amount of alcohol that you are drinking every night is an extreme amount and that if you haven't experienced health problems yet there is a very good chance that you will in the future. It could happen tomorrow, or maybe not for several years - but you are absolutely putting yourself at risk by the sheer volume you are consuming

Secondly - if you feel that your drinking is causing no problems, what motivated you to come to a sobriety forum in the first place? Certainly there must be something that made you not only sign up for an account but then post, right? Could it be that subconsiously you know that you have a problem but are just afraid to admit it? You definitely would not be the first or last for that ... count me guilty on that one too.

Bottom line, you'll need to make a decision about whether or not quitting is the right thing to do. And if you do, you should speak with a doctor before quitting as you could potentially go through severe withdrawals after binging for such a long time.

I drank around that much for about 5 years before it really spiraled out of control and I started suffering significant negative consequences. I looked forward to getting drunk every night too, and I thought it was making me happy, but in reality I was just addicted and needed alcohol to feel normal - "happy" was simply, "not depressed and jittery and anxious", which came from withdrawal if I didn't keep up the intake. Happy, food tastes better, etc. etc., was just addiction - of course it's all better, because without the alcohol flowing I quickly started to feel awful.

You'll have to find your own path, but I promise that you cannot keep up that level of drinking indefinitely without starting to suffer increasingly severe negative consequences (like getting in trouble at work, DUIs, relationship problems, health problems, on and on). It's a lot easier to stop before those things begin to catch up with you, and they will. If someone had told me this 10 years ago, I would not have paid any attention, I would have kept going anyways - but you're ahead of that game already, because you're asking questions on a support forum. :)

I guess I was confused too. I mean, deep down I knew it wasn't GOOD that I was drinking like I was. I wasn't married (yet), didn't job trouble (yet), didn't suffer one bit of health effects (you see where this is going?).

At 23? Hell yeah, I was partying, albeit in a very very unhealthy way that was setting me up for another decade of progressively difficult addiction issues, and by the time I had to do something about it, I was in so deep it was nearly a life or death situation, and absolutely terrifying.

You won't quit until you want to, or until you die. I mean, that's kind of what happens. Alcoholism is progressive, and alcohol is toxic to your body. Those are simple facts.

I wish you luck. Maybe lurk around and read about our stories, and of course our success in recovery. If anything, maybe it'll plant a seed that there is a whole lot of support and success in this stuff when and if you want to stop.

Oh, I wanted to add- that's scary about your BAC. One time I was admitted to the hospital (the only time I was) and my BAC was .56. I remember overhearing the conversation that the doctor was having with my parents- I was walking/talking etc, and he was absolutely baffled and of course explained that it was evidence that I had been drinking a LOT, for a long time. My organ function was perfect, but I could have poisoned myself dead without even meaning to because my tolerance was so high, I had absolutely no idea how close to death I was. And then he prescribed me meds so I didn't go into seizures coming down off of that level.

Welcome Oguin! We're so glad to have you with us. This is a great place to talk things over with friendly people who don't judge. We all understand. I'm glad you're taking a serious look at how alcohol might be impacting your health.

Some really great advice here Oguin.

I think back to the many times I might have aspirated in my sleep, or fallen and not gotten up...

It really can be dangerous drinking to the levels I did - and it seems you do.

This is not always a popular share, but the only thing that ever worked for me was complete abstinence - not only did I remove a great deal of dangerous behaviour from my life but I actually got a life back I'd forgotten about.

I've never regretted it - from drinking to sober is like the difference from living to simply existing. :)

D

HI Oguin. You seem to be asking if we can advise you on how to abuse alcohol safely, and the answer is no, there is no safe way to abuse alcohol. Your description of yourself and your drinking suggests to me, you may be a person who could stop or moderate with a good enough reason, but you don't want to stop.

The fact is a person can sustain your style of drinking over a long period and not have the type of alcoholic problems someone like me had. I was almost dead at 22 when I stopped. But it is also a fact that many nasty health problems await heavy drinkers, alcoholic or not. Heart disease, liver, brain damage, and a range of cancers, mouth, throat, stomach, bowel, pancreas to name a few. All my heavy drinking friends died in their fifties.

Your drinking is also defeating your medication. Psych meds do not go well with alcohol. It wouldn't be a bad idea to stop drinking for a while, and revisit the meds with your doctors and see if a solution can be found that works for your anxiety and depression without slowly killing you at the same time. Then drinking may not be something you need to do to excess.

These are very difficult,if not impossible, problems to sort out while your system is full of chemicals putting everything out of balance.

I was right where you are and sure it's fun for a while and you enjoy the shade of inebriation. Eventually though your tolerance is going to go beyond what your body can physically handle. At that point you will likely start to have various bodily issues and you'll think about quitting. By then though you will have ingrained into your head such strong mental impulses for imbibing it will be really hard to stop. It took me over one year to feel like I was past the worst of the mental addiction and there are still fleeting moments almost four years sober that make my mind think drink. Just keep that in mind if you continue to drink that it's not the physical part of the addiction that will haunt you and relapse you but the psychological. I can't stress enough that stopping now will lessen the how ingrained those mental impulses become because they will be your biggest hurdle later in life.

Whew.. I blew a .28 once. I was passing out behind the wheel. So.. there's that..

Otherwise.. Look, I don't think I can say whether or not you have a problem with alcohol or whether or not you need to stop, only you can decide that, and you like a lot of people really enjoy it and you aren't really getting in trouble with it yet... You're Entitled To. I can say from a medical perspective, that it does damage your liver and body. We all know that. I guess my advice, since you want advice, is to try some more controlled drinking and see how that goes, if you fear you're overdoing it. For now. Best of luck.

Oh and also from a medical perspective.. I'm a nursing student, so I know medications and I know from experience about mixing meds and booze...

You need to stop mixing meds and booze.

Seriously.

Stop it.

I was around your age as well when I first started questioning my heavy drinking, but I too thought there really was no harm in it as at the time drinking was great and brought little downside. Fast forward a few years and that fun and games will turn into a living nightmare. It's best to stop now if you can, otherwise you will likely be heading down a very destructive path of alcoholism.

Thank you
 

Thank you all so much for the insight and the good advice. Someone asked me if i like the drinking and hadn't had any problems why I signed up here. The reason is even though nothing bad has happened yet I'm an intelligent enough person to know that levels in drinking on a nightly basis is pretty extreme, but I don't have anyone to discuss it with or compare with. I figured this would be a great place to gather advice. The problem though if this drinking habit is really that bad and I am gambling with my life, I wouldn't even begin to know how to stop. I am by nature an anxious person and if what I read is correct, the levels I've been drinking put me at an almost certain chance of experiencing withdrawal. I've had panic attacks in the past, they would happen at random, (this was before my drinking days by the way), and they were absolutely horrible and terrifying. is it not possible or safe for one to stop drinking on their own?

[QUOTE=ScottFromWI;6179249]Welcome Oguin. Most of us were confused by our drinking as well, so you aren't alone. And coming here was a great idea. One thing you need to know right up front is that addiction clouds your ability to think rationally about your drinking. So writing it down/sharing it with other people is a great way to get some perspective.

My initial reply would be this - early in your post you say "It makes everything better" in relation to your drinking. But then you go on to say you are paranoid about your health - which is a valid concern. I can say that the amount of alcohol that you are drinking every night is an extreme amount and that if you haven't experienced health problems yet there is a very good chance that you will in the future. It could happen tomorrow, or maybe not for several years - but you are absolutely putting yourself at risk by the sheer volume you are consuming

Secondly - if you feel that your drinking is causing no problems, what motivated you to come to a sobriety forum in the first place? Certainly there must be something that made you not only sign up for an account but then post, right? Could it be that subconsiously you know that you have a problem but are just afraid to admit it? You definitely would not be the first or last for that ... count me guilty on that one too.

Bottom line, you'll need to make a decision about whether or not quitting is the right thing to do. And if you do, you should speak with a doctor before quitting as you could potentially go through severe withdrawals after binging for such a long time.[/QUOTE
ScottfromWI
I wouldn't say I'm afraid to admit I have a problem. I'm smart enough to realize that binging on alcohol every night can't be good for your health. But like I mentioned it has yet to impact my life in any negative way. My fear is that drinking has become such a habit that my tolerance is high it would be easy to accidentally consume more alcohol than my body can handle one night and that will be it. I'll be dead at 23 and I'll make my parents go through the death of their only son who they don't even know is a heavy drinker. Thanks

Could you elaborate on that? I take my meds first thing in the morning and don't touch alcohol until after work at night. What is the interaction between the meds and the alcohol

You do seem like a very intelligent person, and I think that when something in your life doesn't feel right you're questioning it and trying to figure out how to fix it. You place a high value on yourself.

I was in a similar boat for a period of time where I was beginning to become aware that my drinking wasn't normal, but I only knew people who partied. To them, drinking is normal, and me calling myself an alcoholic or even a problem drinker, was me being too hard on myself. It contributed to me delaying seeking help.

I have found though that when I've looked to other people to help me I have been disappointed. Other people are unpredictable variables in this equation. That's the reason why a lot of alcoholics get sponsors to help them quit, because a sponsor has a good foundation in sobriety and is helping you because they've been there and also because it helps reinforce their own sobriety.

Do I think you can do it alone? Personally, loneliness and isolation are a big trigger for my drinking. I had to look to God to take away a lot of the loneliness but that's just me.. I also find it here and many find it in AA. I am looking at my list of local meetings at the moment, I haven't always been a big fan of meetings but I want to start making them a part of my routine now. I think I need more in person support than ever, even though I have 60 days sober and just closed the door on a trigger situation. I also became aware I need the support of others in recovery.

The withdrawals suck but are temporary. You're strong enough to handle it.

What's the med? My guess is that anything for anxiety or depression acts on the central nervous system, as does alcohol. You want to be careful any time you use meds or substances that work on the same body system. Even if the substance leaves the body, the affects can linger.

Oguin - The last few months of my drinking 'career' I was knocking back about 14 measures of whisky an evening, almost every day (and sometimes a swig in the morning as an 'eye-opener'); I was 'holding-down' my job (professional in an office) and generally doing 'the best I could'... however, I did not truly realise the grip that alcohol had on me and I had started to develop frequent (and almost constant) 'blackouts' where I was functioning, but could not remember any of it.

I ended up taking an extremely serious attempt on my life (I hung myself and was 'cut down' by the police) and spending several weeks in hospital as a result. I took one more drink after discharge from hospital before I finally 'threw in the towel' and have not had anything alcoholic to drink since... one day at a time... and I have been sober for nearly four years now.

I could not really tell you when 'frequent, heavy drinking' turned into 'alcoholic' drinking (the line is so very, very thin), but, for sure, alcohol was costing me more than money and I wish I had thrown the towel in much earlier than I eventually did.

You have come to the right place for sure - learn what you can from all of the many posts and stories. Seek medical assistance to stop drinking if you feel the need to... but one thing is for sure, the longer you drink and the more you drink, things will get (maybe slowly, but definitely) worse and worse for you.

I wish you the best :hug:

I discovered this book on SR - it drills down into the physiology of the alcoholic body. I found it very helpful. Perhaps you might as well.

Thank you Carol - a friend I never knew..........

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

If you mean, without medical help to stop, yes, it's certainly possible, millions of people have done it, I did it the final worst time, but it gets more dicey if you're a heavy regular drinker. Have you tried to lay off all alcohol for, say, a day or two? If so, what happened? The danger is the possibility of seizures, which are very rare but do sometimes happen to people who stop drinking cold-turkey. Generally it happens to very heavy drinkers who have gone through detox/withdrawal multiple times in the past, but not always, so it's a bit of a crapshoot every time you put your body through detox/withdrawal. Almost certainly you'll be fine unless you've already had seizures in the past, but maybe you'll die instead. No one can say.

If you mean stop without support, yes, again, millions of people have done it, but it gets much harder to just say no when you're a pickled regular heavy drinker. The way we figure out that we can't do it alone is usually to try to quit, fail, drink some more, try to quit, fail, etc., repeated N times until we finally realize that we can't do it alone and we need help. ;)