I just need someone to talk to :'(
 

I've had a terrible chest infection this past week, managed to get a prescription for an inhaler which has been a godsend. I'm so alone. No one really seems to understand me. I'm at rock bottom and not because of alcohol (for once!!)..... I just don't see the point in carrying on. My family don't trust me, everywhere i go there's questions here and there, everything i do is questioned..... I really think I'm ready now. I'm ready to go. I think the world would be better off without me... the NHS, my family and their doubts and worries, my friends (all of 2 of them)...... I just don't know what to do any more. I really think I'm going to go tonight. I really appreciate everyone's help in the past for my problem with alcohol.

jimmy, we never know what tomorrow brings. Please call the suicide hotline and talk to someone. You're not alone. :hug:

Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org!

I'm in the chat room right now if you want to talk.

No can do - Can't get Java. I'm not going to call the hotline. Tonight is going to be the night. I always thought it was going to be my birthday but i missed that now by about a month...

jimmy, we can have a conversation here then.

Why won't you call the hotline?

The world will not be better off without you. We need you here. Those of us that struggle need all the help we can get. You matter in that. You help by being here. Don't quit on us.

Jimmy, people doubted my sobriety too. The questions etc. are coming from a place of fear and love.

No one would be better off without you.

Let's work on a solution.. talk to me.

I agree Jimmy - you are important to us & you're part of our family here. Things never stay the same forever - there can still be a good life ahead for you.

Jimmy all of us here are your friends and care about you. Time can heal the relationships and feelings. Please hang in there. Your life is precious, believe that.
(((Hugs)))

OK - I've decided to stay - This decision wasn't taken lightly :'( I just want to be gone already. I'm here - It's nearly 3am - I'll talk.

Do you truly believe that all you do is make things worse for other people? Is that what you're here for? I don't think so. If you do, you're not doing yourself any favors, and you're giving yourself reasons/rationalizations for disappearing. It's a grandiose idea that the whole world will be better off without you. Since when are you responsible for all that's bad in life? Hitler, Stalin...the world is a better place without them, but there's no evidence that this is true about you, and you've got a very long way to go in order to get there.

You wanna know about hurting people, then you'll go ahead and do what you're planning to do. You have no idea about the misery you'll leave behind, the kind of misery and grief that no one ever gets over, and that never fades away. This is certainly not the way to make a big splash in life.

I'd be surprised to learn that most people who struggle with booze, drugs or sobriety have never considered the possibility, planned it out or even made the attempt at the ultimate sacrifice. I'm one of them, and I'm very grateful that I ended up staying. You've only just started to live your life, and you've decided that the best you can hope for is where you are right now. This is not true for you, not true for anyone else.

Being human means being alone, both in life and death. What most of us do is to try to manage the best we can. Everyone who has good friends has also felt the sting of loneliness, and every apparently happy couple has suffered through intense loneliness before they got together. Not to mention the acute loneliness that we're often prone to have even when we have good friends or a loving partner. Neither of these things is prepackaged, and we have no good way of predicting when life will turn around for us. The worst thing we can do is cut it short based on our present situation, one which is always and only more or less temporary.

It's appalling to me how your health system "works." They seem to have little regard for the fact that, in the long run, they're going to be spending billions of wasted dollars by discouraging people from getting the medical and psychological help they need. And that they're crippling the people they claim to be helping. It's just plain stupid. But that's now beside the point. I don't know if there are free counseling groups available where you are for things like anxiety, depression, suicidality, but it would likely help if you could find one. Sure beats sitting around waiting to die.

Oh. Good.

I'm glad you came back online James.

I know you've said you'd see someone about it 'if it gets in the way of work' and that work doesn't leave you a lot of time for other things like therapy...

but I think it's time to see someone anyway.

Wanting to end your life is a pretty serious place to be.
Reaching out and asking for help is not a weakness.

D

Consider that whatever your current troubles are, an unpleasant past can nevertheless make for a pleasant future.

Hi JimmyC. You're not alone. That was a really smart thing you did coming here to talk about it. This video has helped me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFgQzaaUwqQ

I feel like i'm stalling coming on here. I have nothing. What really is the point. You'd think life gets better without alcohol....

life is life, jimmy.
it's us that can get better without drinking. it gives us that chance.
i'm glad you're here.
i'm not sure what the point is, exactly, but sticking around gives me/us a chance to see if i find/come up with one. no chance of that at all if you go ahead and kill yourself.



stalling is okay. it's better than okay...it gives you at the very least a possibility to see that others care. that we're here. and that you're here with us.

what's worked for you in the past when you've felt like this?

I have been the same this past week. really struggled to see a point.
it passes. be strong, reach out to your friends, get talking

I read the it gets better thread on here about people that got through it. its inspirational. cant link yet if someone wouldn't mind

Bottling it worked in the past. I called samaritans in the past. Tonight I was ready to go and i'm still b*****d here..... I want out :'( no one cares, no one trusts me, no social life, nothing to work toward, debt to my eyeballs in a job i hate....

Stalling is Great! Maybe a small part of you really doesnt want to go yet. Maybe a small part of you still has a flicker of hope.
Jimmy, fan that flicker and fan with all your might.
You may not be a spiritual person, but I am. I believe no one was put on earth my mistake.
I believe we all have purpose and value. Immense value.
If you could see what the universe sees in you and your future; you would be amazed with the possibilities.
If you decide to go..... Whos to say you will succeed? What do you think in on the other side? What do you really believe?
You could fail, and be a cripple for the rest of your years.
You could succeed and today pain would be gone; but then you have sold out ANY chamce for Joy. Ever
You could choose life and your 'people' find your 'tribe' help others and help yourself helping them.
Maybe your just havent found your groove.
Many of us dont for years and some decades, but life is there waiting for you to grab it by the jewels and run with it.

Go home and hug your parents. Tell them you love them and ask them to please help show you the way.
If that is not possible...tomorrow. Walk into any church of any faith and tell them what you have told us.
Walk into any health clinic and do the same.
Dont stop asking, because you are worth every freaking breath you take.

Life does get better without alcohol - I'm at peace for the first time as a adult...but in my experience it wasn't better immediately, and I needed to do more than just not drink to be happy?

how long is it since your last drink?

D