Honesty
 

A big part of my recovery is learning to be honest with myself. I had to admit that I had a problem with alcohol and I needed help. Now at 16 months sober I feel like I have to be honest with other people in my life. The truth always scared me--especially the truth about myself.

I ended an unhealthy relationship and I am working on improving myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. One problem I do face is thinking that other people don't like me or judge me because they may know I am in recovery. Tomorrow I am going to see my counselor and I will then go to an AA meeting. Yesterday I told a friend that since I entered a recovery I have noticed that a lot of people seem unhealthy.

I guess I need to be honest with myself and admit that I dislike being alone, but by working on myself without any distractions I can learn who I really am. I'm not exactly good at making friends because I can't hang out with drinkers and I assume "normal" people won't like me. Self-doubt is something I am working on.

Maybe all those years spent drinking really did cause a lot more damage than I ever expected. A male friend in AA told me just to be single and don't worry about loneliness right now. This weekend I need to work on getting on a normal sleep schedule and quitting smoking.

Thank you for reading.

I hope the counselling is helping Ach?

D

It is. It's a little expensive but oh well. Learning a lot more piano anf guitar. I am playing a gig on the 28th. Trying to focus on school and bar exam in july.

I hope you like your AA meetings. I have a few suggestions. First and foremost, do your best to keep an open mind about everything you see and hear. The less judgmental you are in the beginning the faster you can begin to truly understand things. It takes a while to get oriented. The second thing I would suggest is to let people know that you have over a year of sobriety and that you are new to meetings. Most new people are assumed to have a very short period of sobriety when they begin to attend. Finally, listen for how you are similar to the people you hear speak. It will be quite easy to spot how you are different from others. The diversity in meetings is enormous. What you will benifit from is to make note of the similarities.

Thanks!

I have found that many "normal" adults don't know how to socialize or date without having a drink or two to relax. Like I can remember long ago, before drinking was a problem for me (okay, drinking was always a problem for me.. this was during a time when it was temporarily on the back burner) I wanted to get out and meet people during the day in normal situations, not in bars, like maybe in a book store, what's wrong with that??? My buddy Tim said to me, that's just not going to happen because during the day most folks have their guard up, and won't put it down until they go out and have some drinks. The way to meet people is always going to be over a common interest, it's just not going to be alcohol any more.

As far as honesty about who you are versus who you were.. There are some people out there who just don't drink. They don't like it. They just never think about it. For all intents and purposes, that's how it is for us, when we meet new people now. Because if we're in recovery, our addiction is in our past.We truly don't have to reveal that to anyone, it is none of their business. They can and will judge us. We have to protect our hearts, too. Everyone has a past, myself included, but the past is passed. What good can come of telling the man I may one day marry that I was once an addict. He's going to meet the really great person I am without that addiction, and fall in love with her, but if I tell him that I once was an addict, he's going to think "Well, she had a problem once, it could come back... should I drink around her... should I have alcohol in the house... will she lie, will she steal, will she hurt me...?" If I'm being honest, all of that could potentially happen, I could relapse and ruin our marriage and ruin his life. I don't need to tell anyone that I was once a person with a bad drinking problem, because they will not trust me. I just don't do it as a matter of preference now.

I'd say you are doing great Acheleus. Some people are just shy people, just as some are very outgoing. That doesn't mean that you cannot change if you are at either end of the spectrum. You've come a long way in your journey but you still have a long way to go. You have a whole career and life to live and you will learn many new things and meet many new people. Continuing with therapy will help you learn to deal with these issues too, keep at it!

I just got back from a counseling session. It helps to learn new tools for dealing with negative thoughts. It feels good to be sober.

It is never too late to quit smoking, right? I have to use this weekend to get nicotine out of my system.

Alcohol used to scare me. I am not afraid of it anymore.

I told someone I was in recovery and they said they were in al anon.