Controlled Drinking
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Such a good thread. I see there are many on this site about the same issue.
I never drank hard liquor. I never went to bars. I have a very sucessful career. I never hit bottom. Money is never an issue.
I tried to control my drinking. I tried to moderate my drinking. In hindsight, I lost so much time and effort trying to moderate. I see it all as wasted energy now.
I don't want one beer, what is the point in that anyway? Not for me, I want 5 or 6 at a time. Every single night.
The shame, the guilt, the looks from my family, sick and tired of being sick and tired. I guess it is something we all have to face in our own time, but I so wish persons that read this board learn from our collective mistakes.
Maybe whomever reads this is afraid of the label "alcoholic". Fine, call yourself a problem drinker or a person who needs to only drink on weekends, or a binge drinker. Or only your wife is on your back and you need to show her you can walk away.
My point is I am so much happier now that I stopped drinking completely! I am not beating myself up every day for my lack of control or failing my moderation test. No guilt! I am my new champion and I am prouder of myself than I have ever been. Deep inside proud. And know one knows but me.
I never drank hard liquor. I never went to bars. I have a very sucessful career. I never hit bottom. Money is never an issue.
I tried to control my drinking. I tried to moderate my drinking. In hindsight, I lost so much time and effort trying to moderate. I see it all as wasted energy now.
I don't want one beer, what is the point in that anyway? Not for me, I want 5 or 6 at a time. Every single night.
The shame, the guilt, the looks from my family, sick and tired of being sick and tired. I guess it is something we all have to face in our own time, but I so wish persons that read this board learn from our collective mistakes.
Maybe whomever reads this is afraid of the label "alcoholic". Fine, call yourself a problem drinker or a person who needs to only drink on weekends, or a binge drinker. Or only your wife is on your back and you need to show her you can walk away.
My point is I am so much happier now that I stopped drinking completely! I am not beating myself up every day for my lack of control or failing my moderation test. No guilt! I am my new champion and I am prouder of myself than I have ever been. Deep inside proud. And know one knows but me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by aussie89 
With all due respect, the vast majority of people who drink are not alcoholics and can control their drinking. It is the minority - 5% to 10% of the population who cannot drink without exceeding a level which classes them as an alcoholic.
I think to state that 'controlled drinking never works in the long term' is just as naive as stating 'controlled drinking works well for most people'.
Every person is different - every situation is different - hard and fast rules applied to every member of society is counterproductive to living a healthy lifestyle.
That's just my opinion and I admit I am probably in the wrong forum.
I think to state that 'controlled drinking never works in the long term' is just as naive as stating 'controlled drinking works well for most people'.
Every person is different - every situation is different - hard and fast rules applied to every member of society is counterproductive to living a healthy lifestyle.
That's just my opinion and I admit I am probably in the wrong forum.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Originally Posted by aussie89
I don't quite understand what people mean when they say they drink to get to 'that place' - is it different for everybody?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Originally Posted by aussie89
With all due respect, the vast majority of people who drink are not alcoholics and can control their drinking. It is the minority - 5% to 10% of the population who cannot drink without exceeding a level which classes them as an alcoholic.
I think to state that 'controlled drinking never works in the long term' is just as naive as stating 'controlled drinking works well for most people'.
Every person is different - every situation is different - hard and fast rules applied to every member of society is counterproductive to living a healthy lifestyle.
That's just my opinion and I admit I am probably in the wrong forum.
I think to state that 'controlled drinking never works in the long term' is just as naive as stating 'controlled drinking works well for most people'.
Every person is different - every situation is different - hard and fast rules applied to every member of society is counterproductive to living a healthy lifestyle.
That's just my opinion and I admit I am probably in the wrong forum.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
200.00 a week can I come live with you.. wow to have a balance on all of your other bills and everything and that type of doe ray me.. please I make that in a week after taxes.. can I will do dishes walk dog and clean clean clean... just kidding.. try this limit the cost to 60.00 a week and stretch the drinks out to a week.. instead of number of drinks in a week.. just 60.00 one bottle a week... see what happens .. she is a terrible Dame to have control of your life.. and a Wicked Mistress. that will scream at you all the time... ask my hubby.. the girl friend or the Wife we don't mean a thing to her.. and she will tell you that they need to go to have a better life with just the bottle and her.. Why do so many of us . try so hard to balance just balance..
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Folks:
Lets please remember we are here to support and share information to anyone who should choose to seek it. Questioning the intentions of others is not helpful and bottom line, not everyone will take advice without learning things for themselves. Let's keep our comments positive and informative. A few posts and replies have been removed.
Lets please remember we are here to support and share information to anyone who should choose to seek it. Questioning the intentions of others is not helpful and bottom line, not everyone will take advice without learning things for themselves. Let's keep our comments positive and informative. A few posts and replies have been removed.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by aussie89
Perhaps I overstated that one a little, I live in Australia where a bottle of Smirnoff Red 1.12L is $60.00 and rounded it up to 4 a week (which should actually be 3). Anyway, I'm likely just in denial.
I think we've all tried many different ways to run from the fact that we can't drink. There's a lot of great support here. Stick around and read. You'll read a lot of posts that prove moderation doesn't work.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
It's a lot of work trying to control your drinking rather than facing the music and quitting. Then, there's the standard saying, "If you have to control your drinking then your drinking is controlling you".
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 138
Originally Posted by aussie89
However, after spending a night counting my drinks and now having another one the day after - I could quite happily stop and that is what I will do.*
...
...and only time will tell if my apathy about whether I have one drink or six will last.
...
...and only time will tell if my apathy about whether I have one drink or six will last.
Meanwhile, take care of that reef down there!
Cheers!
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by aussie89
I am going to limit myself to 6 standard drinks, measured, each night. If I happen to exceed this number on even one occasion - I will 'declare myself an alcoholic' and go to A.A.
I'm not surprised that you have latched on to the first idea, but since you seem rather hung up on whether or not you are an alcoholic, I must ask the obvious. What makes you think that only alcoholics shouldn't drink?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I ended off my last relapse controlling my drinking fairly well. Less than 6 drinks a night and the occasional binge (more than 6 drinks)
3 months ago I was in a massive binge that led to me ending up in hospital due to an overdose.
Not to relate to your situation specifically, but we easily minimize our drinking if we have a drinking problem. It was crazy to me that I had narrowly escaped death and yet I continued to drink and justify it.
And my mind was consumed with thinking of how to control drinking. Although I couldn't admit that to myself. It's like having blinders on.
I agree on a couple things in this thread- 6 drinks a night is not moderate drinking. And if you really want to experiment with controlled drinking, as was said before- why don't you try abstinence for 30 days? This is ALSO controlling your drinking. And it makes a lot more sense to me if you want to prove to yourself that you can continue on in a healthy manner.
But, you are using alcohol to self-medicate, admittedly.
And binge drinking most nights. And being defensive and rationalizing your drinking.
I think most of us have been there, and that's all we're trying to say. I hope possibly you are able to recognize it for what it very well could be.
Also agree with looking into Moderation Management if that is your goal.
Hams has a website that discusses this.
And I agree with Scott that this is a Sober Recovery forum, and touting moderation management is kind of like dangling a carrot in front of a lot of alcoholics, but your questions are valid ones.
Also, it speaks volumes when someone winds up posting on a Sober Recovery forum asking about moderation management.
Been there my friend. As have many of us.
I hope you have no negative outcomes regardless of what you choose, I truly do hope your choices help you to maintain a healthy lifestyle and that you are able to manage your pain and enjoy life.
3 months ago I was in a massive binge that led to me ending up in hospital due to an overdose.
Not to relate to your situation specifically, but we easily minimize our drinking if we have a drinking problem. It was crazy to me that I had narrowly escaped death and yet I continued to drink and justify it.
And my mind was consumed with thinking of how to control drinking. Although I couldn't admit that to myself. It's like having blinders on.
I agree on a couple things in this thread- 6 drinks a night is not moderate drinking. And if you really want to experiment with controlled drinking, as was said before- why don't you try abstinence for 30 days? This is ALSO controlling your drinking. And it makes a lot more sense to me if you want to prove to yourself that you can continue on in a healthy manner.
But, you are using alcohol to self-medicate, admittedly.
And binge drinking most nights. And being defensive and rationalizing your drinking.
I think most of us have been there, and that's all we're trying to say. I hope possibly you are able to recognize it for what it very well could be.
Also agree with looking into Moderation Management if that is your goal.
Hams has a website that discusses this.
And I agree with Scott that this is a Sober Recovery forum, and touting moderation management is kind of like dangling a carrot in front of a lot of alcoholics, but your questions are valid ones.
Also, it speaks volumes when someone winds up posting on a Sober Recovery forum asking about moderation management.
Been there my friend. As have many of us.
I hope you have no negative outcomes regardless of what you choose, I truly do hope your choices help you to maintain a healthy lifestyle and that you are able to manage your pain and enjoy life.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,346
I am extremely grateful to be in that 5-10 % ( probably much larger) of those who declare themselves to be alcoholics. The remarkable journey of change for those who accept a solution in unparalleled. It starts with poor me, poor me, pour me another drink - progressing towards an awakening for life/love and engagement of our fellow man.
We who embrace sobriety are a truly privileged bunch
We who embrace sobriety are a truly privileged bunch
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,561
Why is it so important? If it an activity takes so much energy for vigilance and monitoring and so forth with so little benefit, why do that activity at all? I guess that's why it's been relatively easy for me, drinking just seems like a dumb waste of time, money, and social capital.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I can only speak for myself, five years sober, 51 years old. I power drank my way through my twenties and thirties to the point that I can't remember a lot of stuff that I kind of wish I could. I tried many times to moderate my drinking and was sometimes somewhat successful although to be honest that was probably due to my lack of funds more than anything else. I found moderation to be incredibly tedious, thinking about drinking/not drinking all the time. At least when I was actively drinking excessively all I needed to think about was is there enough beer in the fridge?
A few times, I took the 30 day AFC (alcohol free challenge) and it certainly impressed my alcoholic friends but to myself it was a frightening look into how much alcohol ruled my life. I remember reading about how if you think you might have a problem try taking 90 days off. The idea scared the heck out of me! When I finally did quit, I remember getting past 90 days and thinking I never want to deal with those 90 days again! So I obviously endorse Dee's idea that it would be more instructive to quit for 90 days than moderate for the same period.
I wish I could remember exactly how long it took before I stopped obsessing about alcohol, certainly more than 90 days (such an arbitrary number) but probably less than a year. It is my pleasure to come to this website and try to be helpful to other people who are trying figure out their relationship with alcohol, it keeps me grounded but I have to say that I rarely think about drinking anymore and, knock wood, I'm never tempted.
Good luck Aussie. It's good to think about these things and be honest with yourself.
A few times, I took the 30 day AFC (alcohol free challenge) and it certainly impressed my alcoholic friends but to myself it was a frightening look into how much alcohol ruled my life. I remember reading about how if you think you might have a problem try taking 90 days off. The idea scared the heck out of me! When I finally did quit, I remember getting past 90 days and thinking I never want to deal with those 90 days again! So I obviously endorse Dee's idea that it would be more instructive to quit for 90 days than moderate for the same period.
I wish I could remember exactly how long it took before I stopped obsessing about alcohol, certainly more than 90 days (such an arbitrary number) but probably less than a year. It is my pleasure to come to this website and try to be helpful to other people who are trying figure out their relationship with alcohol, it keeps me grounded but I have to say that I rarely think about drinking anymore and, knock wood, I'm never tempted.
Good luck Aussie. It's good to think about these things and be honest with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 248
Hi Mark,
I'm pretty new to this myself - only just over 6 weeks sober - and like you, I'm still not 100% comfortable with the label "alcoholic" (although a lot of my behaviour certainly suggests that it's an appropriate label for me). Rather than dive into the debate about moderation or how long you should stop for, I just wanted to pick up on what you mentioned about depression.
You said that you are experiencing some very severe bouts of depression, and that suicidal thoughts have crossed your mind. I'm really sorry you've been feeling that low. Unfortunately, this is something that I know a lot about, and it's a truly terrible experience.
You will probably have heard that alcohol is a depressant. I had heard that too, but always ignored it as I wanted to keep drinking to numb my emotions. I'm not going to lie - it does have that numbing effect in the very short term! But then you hit a problem: you need more and more to get the same effect, and in the meantime, heavy drinking is actually changing the structure of your brain, making it all worse. I did some reading about it, and I suggest you do too...
Alcohol acts on the limbic system of the brain, which is the part of the brain involved in regulating your emotions. This makes it much harder of you to manage the way you feel - so you're more likely to end up overwhelmed, speeding towards that awful dark place. Then... when your liver tries to break down the alcohol, it releases toxins into the brain, which themselves cause anxiety, depression, insomnia, personality change... Plus, the alcohol impacts brain chemistry in such a way that it becomes harder to find pleasure in activities that you once enjoyed - meaning that it's even more difficult for you or your loved ones to get you out of that dark place. That's a triple whammy assault on your brain.
If you are prone to depression - particularly if it has been so bad that you have thought about ending your life - I would really recommend that you at least try sobriety. It will be hard at times - but nothing is as bad as the dark, dark place depression can take you to.
Personally, I am trying a year. After a year, I plan to reassess: have I been less anxious? Less depressed? Basically, have I felt more able to cope with the ups and downs of life? Based on the past six weeks, I already feel like the answer is going to be yes. If it is, then I will commit to another year and eventually I might be in a position to say that I'm quitting for good.
Maybe that's worth thinking about? See if it makes a difference?
If you want to do some reading, I found a book called This Naked Mind by Annie Grace to be a very accessible starting point.
All the best,
x
I'm pretty new to this myself - only just over 6 weeks sober - and like you, I'm still not 100% comfortable with the label "alcoholic" (although a lot of my behaviour certainly suggests that it's an appropriate label for me). Rather than dive into the debate about moderation or how long you should stop for, I just wanted to pick up on what you mentioned about depression.
You said that you are experiencing some very severe bouts of depression, and that suicidal thoughts have crossed your mind. I'm really sorry you've been feeling that low. Unfortunately, this is something that I know a lot about, and it's a truly terrible experience.
You will probably have heard that alcohol is a depressant. I had heard that too, but always ignored it as I wanted to keep drinking to numb my emotions. I'm not going to lie - it does have that numbing effect in the very short term! But then you hit a problem: you need more and more to get the same effect, and in the meantime, heavy drinking is actually changing the structure of your brain, making it all worse. I did some reading about it, and I suggest you do too...
Alcohol acts on the limbic system of the brain, which is the part of the brain involved in regulating your emotions. This makes it much harder of you to manage the way you feel - so you're more likely to end up overwhelmed, speeding towards that awful dark place. Then... when your liver tries to break down the alcohol, it releases toxins into the brain, which themselves cause anxiety, depression, insomnia, personality change... Plus, the alcohol impacts brain chemistry in such a way that it becomes harder to find pleasure in activities that you once enjoyed - meaning that it's even more difficult for you or your loved ones to get you out of that dark place. That's a triple whammy assault on your brain.
If you are prone to depression - particularly if it has been so bad that you have thought about ending your life - I would really recommend that you at least try sobriety. It will be hard at times - but nothing is as bad as the dark, dark place depression can take you to.
Personally, I am trying a year. After a year, I plan to reassess: have I been less anxious? Less depressed? Basically, have I felt more able to cope with the ups and downs of life? Based on the past six weeks, I already feel like the answer is going to be yes. If it is, then I will commit to another year and eventually I might be in a position to say that I'm quitting for good.
Maybe that's worth thinking about? See if it makes a difference?
If you want to do some reading, I found a book called This Naked Mind by Annie Grace to be a very accessible starting point.
All the best,
x
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
We dance around the fact that alcohol consumption is something we have to consciously control. If we didn't have a problem with it... I don't know that we would even be here talking about it. Normal people can go out, have a drink, or a few drinks, and not really think about it before, during, or after. They don't have to control it, they don't have to dissect it.
My best friend in recovery tells this story all the time.. he was a at a party and everyone was drinking and having a good time and eventually they ran out of mixers and decided that the party was over. My friend, the alcoholic, was totally baffled, and angry, that the other people could just decide drinking was done, that casually. In his mind this made absolutely no sense, because there was still alcohol left, and he has to keep drinking til he passes out or runs out of alcohol.
Is drinking part of the experience or activity, or is it the activity itself? Sitting down at night and saying "Okay, six drinks only tonight" is not allowing drinking to be a part of your plans for the night, it is your whole plan for the night.
My best friend in recovery tells this story all the time.. he was a at a party and everyone was drinking and having a good time and eventually they ran out of mixers and decided that the party was over. My friend, the alcoholic, was totally baffled, and angry, that the other people could just decide drinking was done, that casually. In his mind this made absolutely no sense, because there was still alcohol left, and he has to keep drinking til he passes out or runs out of alcohol.
Is drinking part of the experience or activity, or is it the activity itself? Sitting down at night and saying "Okay, six drinks only tonight" is not allowing drinking to be a part of your plans for the night, it is your whole plan for the night.
Matt M
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 490
What frustrates me is that I know I don't need it at all.
Apart from when you have bad withdrawals (where it's a physical need for alcohol), I think it's 99% all mental/psychological.
I haven't drank since last Saturday, so that's 8 days. Which is nothing, I don't expect a round of applause for it.
But in that period I can *honestly* say that I haven't missed it or wished I had alcohol in the house.
That's what frustrates me. Because I know what always happens is that I think "ok i'll have a drink now and it'll be fine" and that more often than not leads to daily drinking.
Apart from when you have bad withdrawals (where it's a physical need for alcohol), I think it's 99% all mental/psychological.
I haven't drank since last Saturday, so that's 8 days. Which is nothing, I don't expect a round of applause for it.
But in that period I can *honestly* say that I haven't missed it or wished I had alcohol in the house.
That's what frustrates me. Because I know what always happens is that I think "ok i'll have a drink now and it'll be fine" and that more often than not leads to daily drinking.
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