LadyBug66

I'm on a business trip. Everyone is at the bar networking. Then we go to the restaurant and have cocktails before dinner. This is hard.

thomas11

I'm sure it is hard, but good for you on not participating. Its just not worth it. You'll likely hear all the war stories in the morning and be glad you aren't one of them.

Forward12

Did you order a coke with a coke?

LadyBug66

As a matter of fact I did. Haha.

Gottalife

I spent some time in the corporate "boozy" world a few years back. Din't impact my sobriety at all. In fact being sober won me lots of business and customer loyalty that the drinking brigade missed completely.

I made one or two observations. The hard drinkers were less effective, and missed opportunties. The smart ones, like the boss, only appeared to be drinking. He had this knack of sitting on one beer all night. Maybe that is why he was the boss.

MissPerfumado

It is hard networking at these things when everyone is drinking. I found them impossibly difficult and nerve-wracking for the first 3 months. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you feel you need to excuse yourself, then do so. Don't put yourself through the torture.

After a time, I adapted to doing the pre-dinner drinks and cocktails and just drinking soda water, but I usually leave right after dessert is served. There is no need to kick on when the evening is going to deteriorate into excessive drinking.

Boozy networking is largely an excuse for boozing.

MattM316

When you stop drinking it's incredible how much you notice the social lives of others revolve around drinking even tho they don't have a drinking problem, or at least don't seem to.

LadyBug66

That is so true!!!!

zjw

i'll have an ice water on the rocks shaken not stirred

hang in there. that would be hard for me with the socialization stuff i HATE networking and then at a bar no less theres a reason i dont own a business or do that sorta thing for a living.

Aellyce

I need to do this all the time as well. Are you newly sober? If so, and if you feel insecure and triggered in those situations, perhaps a little sacrifice would be worth it... cut some of those events. For example, go to the dinner but not the bar. If you have people you particularly want to talk with, set up a coffee meeting or just a discussion without any drinks/meal involved -- I do this very often, also my preferred way of meeting people (one on one). Of course it is not the same as the more diffuse and open way of networking in groups.

The other strategy I use, not just because of the drinking but also because I have personal limits to how much non-specific socializing I enjoy, is to go to the events, participate actively (in terms of conversation) as much as I can for a while, then leave before it gets overwhelming. No need for excuse, I just politely say I am retiring for the evening. People in my professional settings very very rarely comment on this or ask why I am not staying later because when I am there, I do get involved in the interactions. With time, I've found that my closest professional circuits get to know my style and I don't get invited to events that are just parties for the sake of partying at least but get a lot of invitations when the primary reason of meeting is work / setting up and cultivating collaborations. I kinda like this because over time, it's created a professional image that I have clear and strong boundaries but am very approachable as far as work goes. I used to mix and match my professional and personal life sometimes in really complicated ways when I was younger (also drinking) and this now simplifies things for me in many ways.

I have personally also noticed sober that the people I tend to respect the most and am interested in networking with are rarely party animals or social butterflies in particular.

And, of course, there is always the option of having non-alcoholic drinks or not even having drinks at all, just hanging out... I think we alcoholics are the ones preoccupied with drinking or not drinking, the rest of the world does not care nearly as much.

LadyBug66

The lady I sat with had a bourbon on the rocks. The whole evening she had 2 sips of it. I would have had 4 or 5 glasses if I was drinking. I found myself obsessing over watching her and how much she drank and kept thinking..... How in the heck does she do that?! lol. I made it through the evening without drinking, but it still feels awkward. Thank you all for the words of encouragement; when I feel weak I come here and you all give me strength and courage.