It's been a while...
 

I've lost five jobs now due to alcohol.
Only one was officially a result of it, the others I made excuses and/or quit, so there is only the one that is officially down to alcohol abuse.

I started my first job when I left college and I was there for 15 years.
Since then I've been on and off with jobs and i'm currently looking for work, so it's pretty grim.

I have a friend who just went into detox for two weeks, so I hope she is doing well, but in terms of me, although I know I can do it, my confidence is just completely shot away.

Welcome back Matt. Sorry to hear you are still struggling, have you made any attempts to quit or tried any different strategies to do so? Have you considered going to detox like your friend has?

Hi Matt . Are you still drinking ?

Yeah on and off. I'm drinking tonight as i'm staying up to watch UFC.

It's weird because I can go without it for ages but then as soon as I get some money in my pocket I think it'll be a great idea to buy a bottle of vodka and no damage will be done.
But because of my history, that bottle of vodka leads to nasty withdrawals which last about three days.

Sounds like it's time to quit Matt. Any plans on how to do so?

"On and off" jobs and "on and off" drinking. Looks like a pattern has emerged. Is this how you imagined your life would unfold?

One of the worst way to build confidence is to drink when things don't go our way. Or to drink at all.

I didn't have any confidence in myself when I quit Matt but I did accept that drinking was not a viable option for me an I was able to stay sober long enough for my self confidence to return, and for me to start building a new sober life.

I hope you decide to give it a go. The on and off thing gets old really quick, and then it gets worse from there.

D

"Yeah on and off. I'm drinking tonight as i'm staying up to watch UFC."

Oh, well, of course!
Matt, if you've lost 5 jobs because of alcohol, "official" or not, you might want to quit drinking. UFC or no UFC.

Yeah, no offense but watching fights isn't exactly the sort of activity I think of when thinking about sobriety. It would get me too charged up and adrenaline fueled..

You're gonna hate this but why not go for a walk, cook a good meal, read a book and get a good night's sleep? Sometimes 'ya gotta start with the basics..

Well UFC is one of the few things I enjoy and I'm passionate about.
Those things are what keep me going. There is that as well as football (Arsenal) and movies, wihtout those interests in my life I'd probably just give up.

If it's that good, you won't need alcohol to enjoy it. Honest.

You don't need alcohol to enjoy your interests or your life. You never have and you never will. You need alcohol because you need alcohol.

I agree.
What tends to happen with me is that I'll go weeks without touching any kind of alcohol and don't miss it.
Then as soon as I have money in my pocket I think it'll be a great idea to get some alcohol because 'i'm sure it'll be ok'.
It's that mindset that gets me every time and I still can't seem to control it.

But because of my past involving withdrawal seizures, my tolerance isn't what it used to be and I tend to get nasty withdrawals now which last up to three days - so that's three nights of no sleep, no food, severe anxiety, shakes etc.

Job wise, my first job I was at for 15 years. Since then I've had short term jobs and even tho they were not aware of any alcohol issues, I left them all because I just had to take time off due to alcohol, so regardless of whether they knew, it was all alcohol related.

I think my next step is to start going to meetings again.
The friend I mentioned earlier is someone I only really started talking to properly a few months ago and I never even realised how bad her problem was.
She goes to weekly meetings so when she's out of detox I want to start going with her.

What I don't understand tho, and maybe someone can enlighten me, is that her detox is two weeks in some kind of facility.
When I was in hospital after withdrawal seizures, I was only in there for three days and presumably in that time they were detoxing me too. So I'm not sure why the vast difference in times?

It's not that for me, it's very hard to explain.
I get it into my head that i'll be more relaxed and enjoy things more if I'm drinking.
And it makes no sense because when I'm watching it and I'm drinking I *never* enjoy it as much!