After a long flail, I want to be sober again

Old 10-07-2016, 12:31 AM
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After a long flail, I want to be sober again

Hey everyone; haven't posted in a long time on here.
For a while, things were okay; not great, not complete, but I had a good grip on things and managed a mostly sober Spring semester, and an almost entirely sober Summer.
For school, the last academic year was, while challenging in terms of drinking, also a very great time. I made some truly alike friends who I can talk classic books with, was then comfortable with my college and knew how to take advantage of everything and carving out lots of quiet places that were my own, and just really excelled in so many ways, and had a good time.
The drinking wasn't perfect, and I am in no way sheltering idea of moderation, but I was able to say No often, which for my school meant at least two weeks sober: in the mountains, away from everything, and as I don't have a car saying No to a liquer run meant I was dry until the next one. So that was good, and each time I said No I felt I had a better grip on myself as a person.

But flash forward to September, and I've gone through huge changes and also, miserably so, returned to the utmost worst of drinking; from that first sip, I get the rush; I am done for the day. And I'm a bit older now, been drinking hard for 5 years about, so I don't only lose that day but the next one also, sleeping and feeling sick and all of that.

What happened is that I'm in Japan now, studying abroad. This is a 'dream come true' for me, but there have been so many things that were immediately problematic for me here that almost instantly, a week into the semester, I had this panic attack, started feeling loony, and rushed off for a drink---- and now, 6 weeks later, I can say I have been drunk for all but maybe 3 days of that.

I can go into it more, try to explain and self-analyze, but what I really want to say is that last night, during drinking, it finally got the bad taste; and no matter how many I had, there were clear thoughts running through my head, clear thoughts about how many classes I've already missed, about how I am wasting this amazing opportunity living here, about how I am truly hurting myself as I wake up each day with painful palpitations brought on from the booze and chain-smoking (and gosh; you can smoke in bars here and I just light, light, light 'em up non-stop).
And the big thought, the one that has me here, is when I thought, "You don't like living this."

I hate to be a member of SR who has unfortunately come here, left, and returned even worse than before. That said, I do want to get sober, I've managed some good slots sober before, and I believe that I am ready to do it again. And yes, I'm excited even to get some time sober, as there's just so much great stuff here and all of it is new and thrilling to me; and while each day has been an adventure despite drinking, they can each be far more engaging and reaching if I keep strong and keep off the drink.

So hello, again, everyone! I'll be checking in a good bit while I get through the first couple of days, and then checking in again each time I feel the pull. I had modeled a notebook to help with sobriety back in the States, so I'm going to just make up another one here. It really helped, having a journal that had all my known-to-work techniques for dealing with cravings/excuses, and having a journal dedicated solely to sober discussion was good for me too.

Hope everyone is well; keep strong! I hope to be a solid partner here on SR again soon
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Old 10-07-2016, 12:48 AM
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Welcome back QT

It got to the point for me where things were so bad the idea of trying to keep drinking in my life was ludicrous.

If you make that decision now, and back it up with a strong plan of action, you can avoid some of the misery I experienced

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Old 10-07-2016, 01:14 AM
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Welcome back!! I came back too after being out for the better part of a 3 year binge. it got so bad i was in the hospital for 6 days while they stabilized me and then it was rehab for 4 months.

I'm glad you're back, i'm glad i'm back and i'm here to say this is ALWAYS the better way to live. In the 7 short months i've been back, there have been many hurdles, but also a lot of victories as well. Glad you're here!
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Old 10-07-2016, 01:22 AM
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The way you describe your drinking I'm sure you are not very far from experiencing some fairly serious consequences. You are lucky that the worst of it for you is not nearly as bad as many of us have experienced. With time it will be. You have the opportunity to take a different path. Unfortunately most people with the opportunity to quit before experiencing some shade of disaster is quite small. I hope you are one of the exceptions.
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Old 10-07-2016, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by QuietToday View Post
I hate to be a member of SR who has unfortunately come here, left, and returned even worse than before. That said, I do want to get sober, I've managed some good slots sober before, and I believe that I am ready to do it again.
Welcome back, glad to hear that you are seeing some clarity in what your goals are and noticing some of the damage drinking is causing. It will only get worse of course.

The bolded part above is what matters most. Nearly all of us had multiple attempts at getting sober before we finally got serious about it, I know I did. There are also lots of people here on SR who are still actively drinking, you would find that in any recovery community.
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Old 10-09-2016, 01:48 AM
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Welcome back QuietTime. That was a thoughtful post. You've obviously thought this through. I also live in Asia, and while I'm older, I was far more set in my drinking habits.. I felt it was just part of travel and adventure.. one of the hardest things when I quit drinking was accepting that I might not be able to travel and have adventures anymore..

Haha.. how silly. After being sober 8 months I started traveling again, meeting people, having adventures.. all without alcohol. Once in a while it was tempting but I got through it, and now I just enjoy it all sober. It's really not a problem. I have had to do some other work on myself - issues I was using alcohol to compensate for, like shyness and anxiety, but that's only good anyway.

You're young - you can be and do whatever you want.. and you have your entire life ahead of you. Don't waste it. Drop the bad habit and be the best you can. It will change your life.
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Old 10-09-2016, 03:16 AM
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Keep embracing sobriety. It is the right way.

I had much brain damage from drinking. Now, 17 months clean, it is like I have slowly risen from the depths of a hellish existence to a freedom of strength and awareness I have never experienced.

When I quit, I was hyper paranoid. I had phobias dealing w new places and driving. The booze probably caused this and quelled this. Lights were too bright, sounds were too loud.

I was a mess.

Use any negative feelings as motivation to not drink. Eventually, the bad feelings fade away. Eventually, life is clearer and we have a confidence and vigor that only sobriety gives.

Now, I feel almost normal. But, I still feel like there is even more freedom to be experienced.

Sobriety is the answer. There is no problem booze can't make worse.

Unlearn being a drunk. That was a previous chapter in our lives. The whole book doesn't have to be about being a drunk.

When I crave, daily, I remind myself....I am a drug addict. Alcohol is my drug.

I will never drink again.

Knowing i am an addict and reminding myself daily, slams the door on the crave.

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