Gottalife

Joey, earlier I asked you about your progress with the steps. My feeling was you may have got about as far as three and be looking at four. Just a guess you understand. This is the point most people bail from AA, before they ever really get into the recovery work. It is what kept me out for a time.

I wouldn't have known it, but what you describe, a period in the fellowship that seems to have started ok, but now is developing into feelings of restlessness, resentment and depression, is also described in the big book. It happened to me, and it happened because I was suffering from untreated alcoholism. Just stopping drinking wasn't enough, and it turns out I could not avoid those steps I had hoped to dodge.

The solution was to work the steps, join he action on a new way of life. Simple but not easy.

Ken33xx

The idea that alcoholics have character defects is false unless one includes in the definition of all that makes us human. The idea of character defects reaches back to the Oxford Group and its emphasis on sinning and salvation. It's a moralistic approach designed to compel surrender and rebuild people as better citizens. Although how much of this actually has to do with addiction is anyone's guess.

However, the ability to recognize ones "character defects" as they flair and to keep them in check can help you to achieve emotional sobriety and balance the ups/downs in life.

All of which is a good thing for the alcoholic or anyone else for that matter.

JoeyG1000

You did ask me that earlier. YOUR solution was to work the steps. Many people stayed sober without doing so and the purpose of my post was to gather information about that. I chose to focus on the positive of other people's non AA success in recovery instead of creating a post focusing on my disagreements with the program.

ScottFromWI

A reminder that arguments and debates about any specific recovery method are not allowed in the public forums. Posts that violate this policy can and will be removed.

miamifella

You are right that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. But the program is the steps. The steps require belief in a higher power and a god as you understand him.

Without that belief, you can go to meetings but cannot participate in AA's program of recovery.

I do not see how you can say AA does not look like a religion. People attend meetings where they share their spiritual experience and progress. They share how their higher power has helped them. They pray together. Meetings are very similar to a number of religious services I have attended. And the goal the program advocates is spiritual awakening--which is the same goal as just about every religious sect that I know of.

AA is a spiritual program. Like many religions it does not require a specific belief, but rather a spiritual practice outlined in the steps. There is nothing wrong about its religious aspect and I think that denying that aspect is ultimately counterproductive.

While I left AA, the spiritual message of the program continues to help me as I move on in recovery.

Loekken

Why not?

awuh1

Miami, It's important to provide accurate information in a forum like this. There are people who read and get first impressions about AA from what's written here and the statement from you above is false. Participation in AA meetings does not require any spiritual practice whatsoever. You can attend any meeting, anywhere in the world, as long as you have a desire to stop drinking.

If you also wish to do the 12 step program (which AA suggests) you obviously need to do the 12 steps. But that's sort of like saying that if you want to make an apple pie you need to use apples. I have met many people who regularly attend meetings and have done so for years without doing the 12 steps. They find AA meetings helpful to their recovery, and I think that's a very good thing.

JeffreyAK

Well the very first part of the post you refer to was,
Which is true and exactly what you wrote, too. I'm not sure what part you think is false?

Dee74

No sure how threads about approaches other than AA end up as discussions about AA...

I think maybe this a good point to refocus on the OP?

I used SR. I was ready to quit.
To me a commitment to change is fundamental. no matter what method you use to stay in that state of change.

D

MattM316

I've never been to AA but I did go to that other one a few times and I also had many one on one sessions a few years back.
I'm aiming to go to AA once my friend comes out of detox next week.

My problem with group meetings is this. And this might sound weird and selfish to some of you but it's the truth.

I sit there and I listen to people say things like "I used to drink five bottle of wine a week".
And my reaction in my head to that is "really? That's all you drank and you think you have a problem?".
I know that sounds bad, but that's how I think of it, because compared to what I drank at my worst it just sounds like nothing to me.
I'm talking a bottle of vodka a day for a week straight sometimes.

I know it's not a competition and not a case of "well my problem is worse than yours because I drank more", but I just can't get that thought out of my head when at these group meetings.

Gottalife

Sorry Joey my bad. The trouble is I have never seen a single person recover on their own who was an alcoholic of my type. So I can't tell you about successful alternatives for the likes of me, a hopeless alcoholic. And I have had medical expert opinion that the only way alcoholics of my type will recover is through some kind of conversion experience, which aa seems to be very good at.

So instead I wondered why look for alternatives? It might be worth considering the exact nature of your problem. Are you powerless over alcohol or not. Do you still have the power of choice? If you are not powerless and you can still choose then almost anything will work for you. The same medical expert told me most, in fact nearly all, people across the spectrum of alcoholic use disorder will recover, usually under their own power. There is only a small percentage of hopeless cases, a minority, which is where I am. Maybe you are like me, or maybe you are in the majority.

And thanks, your response did answer my question.

miamifella

I do not think that there is anything wrong with that kind of comparison. If comparing yourself is a way in and keeps you listening, so what?.... after awhile you will have other reactions.

Where you start out is not where you stay. The way you are in the beginning is not the way you are always going to be.

JoeyG1000

So admin I can't respond to this disrespectful post?

fini

just a personal observation, Joey:

in general, you can always respond to any post in a respectful manner. you can share your experience and opinion, as long as you do it with respect, without attack.
my understanding.

JoeyG1000

You're right. Honestly, my bad. I'm just here to explore non AA methods not hear more about it.

Dee74

In that case, I think you're best to move on Joey

You make a fair point tho - you wanted to hear about non AA methods - it would be great to hear some more about those in this thread.

Dee
Moderator
SR

Ken33xx

For me a big part of my sobriety is the ability to identify with another alcoholic. When I joined AA I assumed everyone drank like me and was at least 30 years old when they joined. I couldn`t identify with those who got sober much younger. I mean who gets sober at age 19? Hell, I was just getting started at that age. However, there were also plenty of members with a bottom lower than mine as well.

Nothing wrong with not identifying with someone's drinking history but stick around and you`re sure to hear plenty of shares that will.

Ken33xx

For those not interested in AA there are also Smart Recovery meetings. They might be worth checking out.
https://www.smartrecovery.org/local/#s=1

beachedMermaid

I consider myself "sober" though I am not "dry". I had one year of drinking too much due to extreme work stress and a bad living situation and then quit over-drinking, entirely on my own, alongside my husband. No organizations, no doctors, just us. We had a shot at significantly bettering our lives and knew we had to stop drinking too much. So, we quit cold-turkey on December 5, 2015, and I flew 3000 miles for a final job interview that changed my life.

Now we live near family and friends again, I have my dream job, it pays very well and I am no longer stressed about money and work. We stayed dry for 3 months after 12/2015, then re-introduced alcohol at a doctor-approved moderate level, which we have never had a problem keeping to since. (I realize this is not possible for many so I don't advocate it for everyone; I am just relating what works for us.)

The point is, sometimes you don't need professional help--you need to decide if what you want from life is more important than drinking 10 standard drinks a night to numb the stress. We decided it was worth it for us.