sleepie

Fall is finally here. Finally, I can go outdoors and enjoy my life again and go for walks. I am no longer ill and fatigued all day and stuck indoors due to crushing heat and humidity. Lost 7 lbs these last 2 weeks, more so to not eating than my short walks, but whatever. I am in a definite healthy BMI now as if this weight loss.

The heat leads to anxiety and depression for me, and also prevents me from being able to exercise as it makes me ill. And then it just becomes a cycle where I am so depressed from everything that I just keep getting more and more depressed and anxious, and then I can't sleep and then everything is just horrible because it all feeds into each other. By August I am usually pretty much a hair away from a full on breakdown.

So I am now making tiny baby steps engaging in really cautious bits of exercise. I am cautious because I live with an eye condition that prevents me from doing some of the things I would love to. I was recently told by my surgeon that even jumping rope could lead to visual impairment for me. Yes, you heard right. I could go blind jumping rope.

Health worries/fear of blindness due to my condition?= DRINKING.

Except not anymore. But it is really hard, I live in fear of this- this is my greatest living fear and it is real. I drank so, so many times because I was so terrified of this. I even had a hole in my retina that I had to get laser surgery for. Vanity surgeries like Lasik are out of the question for me. Ironic, as someone with vision as poor as mine would have pretty major, life altering affects if I was able to get it.


Here is a link, which states exactly what I had said over the summer- that jumping rope could lead to me suffering a retinal detachment, which leads to vision loss. I was struggling with exercise at the time and a lot of heat illness.

Pathological Myopia ? The Low Vision Centers of Indiana


Here is what it states towards the bottom in case you'd rather not check the link:

"Safety Issues – Physical Education

Patients with pathological myopia have thinned retinas that can easily develop tears, holes and retinal detachments. Patients should not participate in any physical activities that can lead to jostling or trauma to the eye. Contact sports and ball sports are too dangerous. Even activities like jumping rope or volleyball can lead to a retinal detachment. Children should not participate in physical education or competitive sports without the prior review and approval of their eye doctor."




Yeah... not good news for someone with a lifelong anxiety disorder.

I did pass 9 months abstinence from benzos and alcohol a short while back. I'm not getting knocked down. I even slept at night for 2 evenings in a row. Autumn is my favorite season and I cannot wait for the cold, chill, quiet and gray days to come.

And now I am going out for a coffee, a hot cup of macchiatto And then sit inside and listen to the wonderful rain that has been coming down.

tekink

It's really nice isn't it? Here in Phoenix it seem to change right on the equinox. Seems like we got it a month early this year!

It's nice to get outdoors for a change!

sleepie

Agreed. This is heavenly. I can actually live. And sleep, finally. I was already getting anxious about next year and Spring yesterday. It is just endlesss, 4 months of absolute misery day in and day out. And my city has had an especially violent summer. Just murders and shootings for months. I know the heat make sit worse.

CajunPrincess

Glad this is a good season for you. I hope you are able to fully enjoy it.
I'm a little jealous... usually as soon as the cooler weather hits, this switch in my brain activates and I start getting depressed. But now that I am sober, I am really trying to enjoy and embrace fall this year.

sleepie

I don't enjoy it this way because everyone else is all happy and talking about how great it is when I am ill all summer. So I am pretty much alone in it. And then when I can finally relax everyone else is complaining and so then I feel horrible for enjoying myself. I mean most people feel the same- they hate colder months and like the heat. So you have a lot of company. I don't.

I just wish I knew people here who felt as I do because it's exacerbated by being alone in it all.

sleepie

Ahh this coffee is a delight.

And it was free

sleepie

I forgot... it is also the season to do a favorite thing... walk through the graveyard. We have a few here that are just breathtaking when the leaves turn... I can't wait.

I walked through one yesterday and it was so lovely.

trachemys

Sounds like a better day.

Dee74

Congrats on your clean and sober time Sleepie.
Hope you find autumn and winter more to your liking.

D

Hawkeye13

Weather just changed for me too--what a relief.
Glad you made it thru sober sleepie

Delizadee

You sound really good sleepie you are doing awesome and deserve a break from the summer heat, so I hope you enjoy it.

I understand what you are saying about how most of us are opposites. I too get very depressed in the winter. I hate being stuck inside and get seasonal affective disorder on top of my pre-existing depression. So fun. And then I am always cold, even in the summer. Except for the odd times when my body weirdly overheats which I think has something to do with all the abuse I've done to it.

But I do love fall... most of the prettiness of the leaves turning is gone here already... I've missed most of it. We've had some warm fall days and evenings which have been nice. I just try and take it day by day because I know I'm setting myself up for failure with expectations of the future.

Take good care of yourself my friend and enjoy the beauty of Autumn

Purpleskye

Glad you are experiencing positive change in your life! And while it's not any colder out here, I bought house-filling Christmas scented things today, so I am pumped for fall right along with you - and for it to get over with, lol!
Do you dabble in photography at all? Cemetery walks with leaves turning, wind blowing...would make for some great settings!
Hope you enjoyed your rainy evening. They're my favorite kind. Happy autumn

FBL

Sleepie, I told you fall would get here sooner or later I'm lovin' the cooler temps too, so you're not alone in that department!

Croutie

Hi Sleepie,
I m so glad you are feeling better. I also love fall, and winter too for that matter. Our winters aren't too extreme, so it's a win win for me in that regard.
I absolutely LOVE cemeteries too Sleepie! When I lived in Ireland I took many photos of beautiful Celtic crosses when I explored old graveyards.
They are so amazing and many are so old.
Many folks are freaked out by graveyards, but I find them to be very peaceful....
I am so glad your favorite time of year is finally here friend.
Croutie

SoberCAH

I'm glad that Fall is just around the corner also.

It was 56 degrees when I awoke this morning.

I aim to get out and do some running this weekend.

Autumns in Tennessee are quite beautiful.

Now I can grow my hair back out.

My wife shears it down to the scalp during the summer months, but I grow it out in the rest of the year for warmth.

Sure is coming back gray and white, though.

Optimini

Fall is my favorite time of year. One word: pumpkin! Pumpkin everything!

aussieblue

Good to hear you sounding happier.

For me it is the beginning of the storm season , my worst nightmare.
How I hate the heat.

zjw

lol i just hucked pumpkin in my soup roasted the seeds and had some in my smoothie. I'm ewith ya on the pumpkin thing!!

let no pumpkin go to waste!!

zjw

forgot to add pumpkin pie spice while it has NO pumpkin in it aside from the name is another awesome addition to say oatmeal and smoothies and such this time of year too!

BrendaChenowyth

Oh my gosh, I hated the summer, too! I used to love it, when I was skinny, now I sweat so much, and my feet swell - UGH!

I just closed my windows, first night that it is really too cold to have them open, and I'm loving it.