No more.
 

nevermind.

sleepie, you ok? Talk.

What's up sleepie?

it doesn't matter.

Neither do I.

Awww, come on now, Sleepie! Don't leave us hangin'... We're here for you!

Sobriety has offered little besides 9 SOLID months of no sleep, ever. Just. No. Sleep. And other thankless experiences. And I have had all I can humanly take.

And I am done.

First off, congrats on 9 months! That, in and of itself, is quite an accomplishment!

Sorry you're feeling down. We won't let you give up!!!

Well lack of sleep can make me nutso for sure. Have you seen a dr? There are options.

I dunno i slept better when i drank sorta. I drank till pass out day after day. I dont think it was a good quality of sleep but my routine was drink till i was just about to drop then take 2 sleeping pills and 2 ibprofin. and sometimes if i woke up at 3 am with what i know realize was essentailly the shakes pop another sleeping pill or 2 and go back to sleep.

It kept me down alright. Probably coulda put me down too tho. only to wake up a trembling mess with a mouth like the sahara desert feeling like i just wanna die ASAP.

I dunno for me it wasnt any better. I wont lie would it be nice to numb out some of lifes BS sometimes oh absolutly but for that price it sure doesnt sound appealing to me.

You've come a long way do you really wanna go back to it? and then possibly battle it all over again to sober up all over again at some point?

you need some good days thrown in. I know when i get too many bad days in a row i'm liek #(*(!@!@ another *@#*(!@ bad *(@*(@! day!.

I hope you get a good day or 2 soon to perk you up and recharge you some. I know how it can be not having any good days.

and congrats on the 9 months its a big deal.

Oh sleepie.
I'm sure somehow you can get back a healthy sleeping routine.
And you are an inspiration to me with 9 months ... that is great. I only have 9 days.
I think it's completely normal to feel frustrated and fed up. ESPECIALLY if you are exhausted, and it sounds like you are.
Have you tried melatonin? It helps me sometimes but I find if I am really having a hard go it doesn't help so much. But it completely transformed my grandmother's sleeping habits ... she was so relieved when she discovered melatonin. Even if it isn't for you I'm sure you aren't just destined to never sleep properly again. Something will work for you.

I send virtual hugs ((((((((((((((sleepie)))))))))))))))))))

I have had ZERO good days. Zero. no more doctors either. I am done with that. And this is something only a prescription is going to fix. No tea, treat or "sleep hygiene" method is going to fix this. But you know what would help me rest? Something that will NEVER happen. Acknowledgement from someone who hurt me.

But yeah people don't do that. Because humans suck.

At least I can rest assured in that much.

You know sleepie, I am just now coming to the place where I can say ENOUGH!
This drinking thing is awful; all the time, I feel like crap. All the time I question whether I can achieve a week, never mind 9 months...
I salute you! I hope you don't give up on the strength you have shown thus far.

Sending all that is good your way.

best I can say is push through this sleepie. You sound raw. and I know 81938291321981 times i thought I need a perscription for SOMETHING STRONG not some tea not some stupid vitamin not some meditation i need a FE*(@@! sedative or horse tranqualizer or something.

I'd sit there with gritted teeth or pacing my house with a clenched fist just fighting it. Thinking back it reminds me of what it felt like to be peeking on LSD its like you jsut wanna curl up in the fetal position and scream and claw at something.

LIke you I had sworn off doctors and all the rest. I was gonna do it MY way which is usually always the hard way but the only way i tend to do much of anything *sigh*. So right or wrong its what I did.

most of the time i just felt like i was passing the time thats about all i felt i was good for eating and getting through another day.

But i'll say it got better. and it gets better. I'd like to think you should have turned some corners by now? have some things to be happy about? I suppose its entirely possible that your month 9 is much like my month 3 per say you had the added twist of having to get off benzos too I didnt have that myself. But I felt i sure could use a script for them then and heck still think about it now.

Even at 5+ years I at times think perhaps i should go doctor shop for some xanax or something to calm my crap down. And maybe I should and maybe I shouldnt I dunno. but I dont want to have to try and get off of it at some point in the future. I have witnessed you and a couple others battle it and I know it aint easy.

hang in there. My best advice at this moment is to keep pushing forward. what are your alternatives?

can you take a moment and think of something good about today? anything? gotta be something. could be something stupid too. anything?

I don't know. "Today" started yesterday, because... I don't sleep. Yeah there isn't anything. Oh I know. Since it's raining I don't have to suffer the squalling beast child across the way who jars me every. Single. Day.

Repeatedly.

its something. I recall getting up thinking "F*** i'm not dead I guess thats good *sigh*"

i'd useally find that simple something and make it my focal point to help me through. and believe me many days there was not much to cling too. I mean if the only happy thing you got is something like this it aint much but its something. In time I started to be able to find more happy things took a while tho.

I"m a real miserable negative b**** by nature. my postive stuff takes a lot of work and effort. I'm by no means an optimist and I also dont think being a pesimist is bad either i think its a needed thing in society to balance things out. But I also dont like feeling like garbage all the time so I try to find some happy stuff to focus on if i can.

Sleepie. I have no words of wisdom, nor a sure fire solution. But I do offer hugs and warm thoughts. Life is just tough and unfair at times. I get it. Drinking will not help though. Make a pact with yourself to get through today. Do something nice for yourself....an ice cream, a book, a warm cozy blanket and a cup of tea. You deserve it. Sending you love and hugs.

ZJW! That was me! I would take an ambien after drinking, wake up at 3 am with the sweats and shakes and take another one.

Sleepie, I understand how you feel. Some days I look at my 45 days sober and think.... nothing has really changed I could go back to drinking and everything will be fine. I then look at the things I have accomplished and how I'm not nervous all the time. Things have changed for the better for me in these 45 days. 9 months is awesome. It will get better; it may get worse before it gets better but it will get better. I have to believe that. I just said a prayer for you.