I'm giving up
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: London
Posts: 512
Originally Posted by YoungHyde25 
Yeah, but who cares about my life? I really see no reason to be here, my life does nothing to contribute any good to anyone. I have no friends, no close relationships, no nothing. I'm simply here, it's been that way for a long time.
I am not trying to shame you here Hyde, I am trying to tell you what I wish I could have told him, had he wished to listen.... You are a valuable human being, life is hard right now, maybe not going in the direction you planned but you are young, you can build and you can grow and you can turn your life around immeasurably and be the person you wish to be. Believe, choose life. Put down the false god of alcohol and rejoin the land of the living, breathe air into your lungs watch the sun rise and set and rejoice, life is so beautiful.
Or else you can choose his path..... Don't do that to your family please. They love you, they hurt for you and they just want you to get better. Elle🙏
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 6
7 / 8 months ago I had it all going pretty well for me.
I'd quit the booze, had an amazing girlfriend who I loved dearly and a steady job.
My GF moved abroad at the time to open her dream shop, with some help from me, and 3 months later I was to make the 3,000 mile trip to be with her.
Pretty much a few weeks after my company shut down as the owner had, to everyones surprise, been in debt for a long time. I lost my job. Fair enough; it was only for a few more months anyway.
Like 2 f**king days later the girl of my dreams told me she'd met someone new whilst living abroad, she was sorry and for me to not go over.
How the hell can someone do something like that? Truly heartbroken. Worst feeling of my life.
For the next 6 months I drank myself into oblivion, and took more drugs than I care to remember (I actually can't remember half of it). I was depressed, had literally no one, and hit rock bottom.
Last month I hit a month sober (albeit a little relapse) but it was the best month I could have ever asked for.
I felt healthier, more motivated, more positive and got luckier. I then thought to myself how could any of them feelings (or lucky chances - got talking to someone at a bus stop and got a job trial out the blue) come about during the last 6 months when I was permanently drunk? The answer is it wasn't. And it didn't. Only by stopping drinking did things become better.
Please, whatever you do, don't do exactly what I did the last 6 months.
I'd quit the booze, had an amazing girlfriend who I loved dearly and a steady job.
My GF moved abroad at the time to open her dream shop, with some help from me, and 3 months later I was to make the 3,000 mile trip to be with her.
Pretty much a few weeks after my company shut down as the owner had, to everyones surprise, been in debt for a long time. I lost my job. Fair enough; it was only for a few more months anyway.
Like 2 f**king days later the girl of my dreams told me she'd met someone new whilst living abroad, she was sorry and for me to not go over.
How the hell can someone do something like that? Truly heartbroken. Worst feeling of my life.
For the next 6 months I drank myself into oblivion, and took more drugs than I care to remember (I actually can't remember half of it). I was depressed, had literally no one, and hit rock bottom.
Last month I hit a month sober (albeit a little relapse) but it was the best month I could have ever asked for.
I felt healthier, more motivated, more positive and got luckier. I then thought to myself how could any of them feelings (or lucky chances - got talking to someone at a bus stop and got a job trial out the blue) come about during the last 6 months when I was permanently drunk? The answer is it wasn't. And it didn't. Only by stopping drinking did things become better.
Please, whatever you do, don't do exactly what I did the last 6 months.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
YoungHyde - add me to the list of those who care & feel for you. I'm so sorry you're hurting. In your heart, you know drinking isn't going to do a thing to help ease the pain. The numbness is only temporary & adds to our anxiety. We become unable to help ourselves or to figure out a plan. You need a clear head to reclaim your life and fix the things you can right now. Some things will have to wait - but the time will go fast - and you can rise above this. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
You think you have no reason to be here, but you do.
We all make ripples in the pond of life.
There are ALWAYS people who care.
A lot of us have been where you are.
I have been there many times.
I have been saved from trying to take my own life too many times.
Something greater than me is keeping me here.
You have a purpose, you just haven't found it yet.
You're putting yourself in a self-imposed prison of doom, despair and death.
You deserve better.
It takes patience.
It takes perseverance.
It takes faith.
It takes more than just yourself.
You are looking down a narrow tunnel right now.
Give yourself the chance of time. Time free of drink, and self-loathing and recrimination.
Reach out to someone in real time who can offer you support- you will be astounded at the people who are willing to help.
You matter. Very much.
Step out of the tunnel and imagine what your loss of life would do to the people who love and care for you.
Then step back into yourself and imagine how you would feel about this is your last day and you wasted it hating life and all it seemed to offer. Is this really how you'd want to spend it?
You are not selfish, or broken beyond repair. You just don't know how to cope right now.
What you need to do is make a project of yourself. Start looking for resources for rebuilding yourself. They are out there.
First, stop drinking, get some sleep.
You matter. Very much. And all of us here care. Make no mistake of that.
We all make ripples in the pond of life.
There are ALWAYS people who care.
A lot of us have been where you are.
I have been there many times.
I have been saved from trying to take my own life too many times.
Something greater than me is keeping me here.
You have a purpose, you just haven't found it yet.
You're putting yourself in a self-imposed prison of doom, despair and death.
You deserve better.
It takes patience.
It takes perseverance.
It takes faith.
It takes more than just yourself.
You are looking down a narrow tunnel right now.
Give yourself the chance of time. Time free of drink, and self-loathing and recrimination.
Reach out to someone in real time who can offer you support- you will be astounded at the people who are willing to help.
You matter. Very much.
Step out of the tunnel and imagine what your loss of life would do to the people who love and care for you.
Then step back into yourself and imagine how you would feel about this is your last day and you wasted it hating life and all it seemed to offer. Is this really how you'd want to spend it?
You are not selfish, or broken beyond repair. You just don't know how to cope right now.
What you need to do is make a project of yourself. Start looking for resources for rebuilding yourself. They are out there.
First, stop drinking, get some sleep.
You matter. Very much. And all of us here care. Make no mistake of that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Dee74
How are you doing now Hyde?
D
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sounds like you are taking some positive steps, getting some job apps out there is a good thing. Remember that most jobs have lots and lots of applicants so it's more common to not get an interview than to get one, so just keep at it.
Most importantly, have you stopped drinking?
Most importantly, have you stopped drinking?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Okay I guess, I'm afraid I won't be able to find an apartment in time, my credit isn't that good due to hospital bills, I know nothing about apartments, tomorrow I'm calling a list of jobs I put applications into. But I'm afraid none of them will lead to an interview. I don't want to have to sleep on the street.
Explore every avenue you have - I hope it works out for you like it did for me
D
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Reality
Posts: 491
Hi Hyde,
What dont you ask your mom to give you another chance to stay home while you get your life sort out? You can make the commitment to her that you will quit drinking? she may let you stay till you are on your feet.
I wish you the best, you are worthy and we care about you.
What dont you ask your mom to give you another chance to stay home while you get your life sort out? You can make the commitment to her that you will quit drinking? she may let you stay till you are on your feet.
I wish you the best, you are worthy and we care about you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Soberandhealthy
Hi Hyde,
What dont you ask your mom to give you another chance to stay home while you get your life sort out? You can make the commitment to her that you will quit drinking? she may let you stay till you are on your feet.
I wish you the best, you are worthy and we care about you.
What dont you ask your mom to give you another chance to stay home while you get your life sort out? You can make the commitment to her that you will quit drinking? she may let you stay till you are on your feet.
I wish you the best, you are worthy and we care about you.
She also doesn't believe in depression so whenever I tried to talk to her about my issues she would say I was too sensitive or feeling sorry for myself. One reason I started drinking was so that I could feel nothing. So I really don't,now that I think about it it's very stressful living with someone like that. Especially all these years.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Reality
Posts: 491
Hi YoungHyde,
Most people start drinking because they dont want to feel anything but it is a catch 22; I am sorry about your mom is hard i know i would not want to live with mine either (i love her very much but no thanks) I am just saying for a while till you get a job and a place. try to get some help for your drinking believe me it will get worst and all that numbing is going to harm you. here are my two cents, take care and keep posting
Most people start drinking because they dont want to feel anything but it is a catch 22; I am sorry about your mom is hard i know i would not want to live with mine either (i love her very much but no thanks) I am just saying for a while till you get a job and a place. try to get some help for your drinking believe me it will get worst and all that numbing is going to harm you. here are my two cents, take care and keep posting
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by YoungHyde25
I don't know, I'm very prideful and I'm not the type to beg. Living with my mother is not very easy. She feels like she's always right, always goes back on her word, is extremely judgemental of others and constantly victimized herself. I think this may be due to a poor relationship with her abusive father. But I've had to deal with this for years and she makes being sober very hard. All my life she has told me I wasn't good enough as her friends children, so that's one reason I've felt like a failure. I was sober for 2 months straight and all she did was remind me that I was still a drunk. She constantly accused me of smoking weed when I told her I didn't.
She also doesn't believe in depression so whenever I tried to talk to her about my issues she would say I was too sensitive or feeling sorry for myself. One reason I started drinking was so that I could feel nothing. So I really don't,now that I think about it it's very stressful living with someone like that. Especially all these years.
She also doesn't believe in depression so whenever I tried to talk to her about my issues she would say I was too sensitive or feeling sorry for myself. One reason I started drinking was so that I could feel nothing. So I really don't,now that I think about it it's very stressful living with someone like that. Especially all these years.
My home life was toxic for different reasoins abotu the time i left and i too was just living with my mother. Once I left tho it was as if a ton of bricks got lifted off my shoulders I had a whole new set of problems of course but wow i felt so much better.
Its good to get out of bad environments.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Huntington Woods, Michigan
Posts: 465
Originally Posted by YoungHyde25
So I go to get my driving records from the DMV for my ADSAP, and the papers say my license is suspended for a YEAR instead of 6 months. I figure thsi must be some mistake so I contact the DMV hotline and they say it's correct. 
So that means I can't move like I planned too, I recently quit my job too and I was saving up to buy a car in January, but nope, looks like that's not going to happen. I asked if my 1st suspension for not blowing would credit my 2nd suspension. I mean I understand I deserve punishment but they didn't have to put the 2 suspensions together like that, and I didnt even know. So here I sit drinking a bottle of wine, I really do believe I was put on this earth to suffer. I have social anxiety and have been horrible with women my entire life, I was planning on asking one of my crushes out in a few months, but now I can't. I was planning to move out my moms house too, but now I can't. I can't seem to find a job I like. I'm seriously considering suicide right now. I can't be without a car for that long. The buses down here are horrible and my mom can't keep driving me to work. That's not fair to her. I really see no point in being sober, I have nothing waiting for me on the other side, No friends, no girlfriend, can't seem to find a job I like, college dropout, credit score is horrible. I'm thankful for all the support I got on here, but my life was never going anywhere. There's no point in being sober if you're life is just going to suck when you become sober.
So that means I can't move like I planned too, I recently quit my job too and I was saving up to buy a car in January, but nope, looks like that's not going to happen. I asked if my 1st suspension for not blowing would credit my 2nd suspension. I mean I understand I deserve punishment but they didn't have to put the 2 suspensions together like that, and I didnt even know. So here I sit drinking a bottle of wine, I really do believe I was put on this earth to suffer. I have social anxiety and have been horrible with women my entire life, I was planning on asking one of my crushes out in a few months, but now I can't. I was planning to move out my moms house too, but now I can't. I can't seem to find a job I like. I'm seriously considering suicide right now. I can't be without a car for that long. The buses down here are horrible and my mom can't keep driving me to work. That's not fair to her. I really see no point in being sober, I have nothing waiting for me on the other side, No friends, no girlfriend, can't seem to find a job I like, college dropout, credit score is horrible. I'm thankful for all the support I got on here, but my life was never going anywhere. There's no point in being sober if you're life is just going to suck when you become sober.Most of us needs to do something drastic other than just putting the drink down in order for things to improve. When I stopped drinking, things got worse until I found a solution that has gradually relieved problems.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by randomalias
Sounds to me like you'd be better off out of that house anyway.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by YoungHyde25
I revealed to my mother I was drinking again and she's going to evict me now, so it looks like i'll be homeless too as well.
It's time to snap out of it and put yourself back on track.
We all occasionally get into the oh poor me.
Why should we ride it all the way to the bottom?
Your mother will probably show you some mercy
if, today you start over and do the right things.
Good luck and you are in my prayers,
prayers just sent out for you from the mountain top,
M-Bob
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by YoungHyde25
I should have moved out a long time ago, I should have done a lot of things, I remember once my mother called the cops on me when I was 18 for getting her shower rug wet after I got out the shower(which makes no sense to me). It took me a long time to realize how the world actually worked, I just learned about how income tax worked this past February. I've been calling these places I put applications into and everyone keeps saying the manager is busy or they come in later but they'll take my name down. I'm starting to lose hope. It really looks like I'll be out in the streets in a months time. It seems as if I have run out of luck.
Keep at it - luck really doesn't play much of a factor in life I've found - taking responsibility for our own actions and having a plan does though. You've got a good plan to find a job and potentially move out on your own, keep at it. As you mention you've already learned a lot and will learn a lot more as you go through the process.
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