I'm Back
 

Hi, all:

Haven't been here in a long time. I don't know where my head is...why do I drink so much??

I don't understand why I feel like I can't have fun if I don't drink, or I can't function or deal with stuff. I know I can. I've done it. I've felt all the feels, dealt with crap every day, I laugh more when I'm sober.

But here I am, dammit. With a hangover. I can't be anywhere near alcohol or it disappears. My husband drinks, too, and keeps whiskey around, so now that he's working out of state again, I'm drowning my sorrows in booze like an idiot.

I wake up and feel awful and have to deal with the busy day ahead. I feel guilt and shame and ugly because I drink. I feel like everyone can see it on my face. I've gained so much weight...I don't even know who's body this is that I'm wearing. I don't know who I am anymore. When did I lose all control?

So lost and so sad and pissed at myself for doing this same thing over and over and expecting something different.

I have a good life and I'm pissing it away. I don't know why.

Sorry for the rambling, but this is the only place where I feel safe saying this stuff.

:headbange

Welcome back. Is today your day? Do you want to quit? Maybe stick around SR. Post daily. Join the newcomers class for support and accountability. You said yourself, you do the same thing over and over and expect something (sobriety) different.

Time to try something new. And stick with it.

im glad ya made it back,loona. youre not rambling so don't be sorry!
one of the definitions of insanity is
doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

sooo many morning waking up and saying to myself," dammit I did it again!! im destroying my life and myself? why cant I stop?"
I just couldn't understand it.
then when I finally WANTED to get sober and was willing to do whatever necessary. I started asking the "why?"

the simplest, most straightforward answer I received:
" because youre an alcoholic and that's what alcoholics do when in active alcoholism."

there IS a solution!
do you WANT to get sober?
are you willing to do WHATEVER is necessary to get sober?

Welcome back Loona. I think you are finding what many of us did - as alcoholics we cannot drink at all...so getting rid of the booze is always the first step. But it is truly only the first step....getting sober is a lot more than just that. Getting sober means learning how to "have fun", deal with the ups and downs of life and generally face reality without alcohol.

It is 100% possible for you, or anyone really. It comes at a cost though....you need to not only accept your addiction for what it is, but also find a plan to follow every day to stay sober. The plan has to evolve as well - as you learn new skills and habits you have to constantly take inventory and look for the next place to learn and change. AKA - there is no "magic" bullet, pill, book or technique that will just make you a sober person. It's a lifestyle.

Hi Loona

Welcome back Loona!! :)

Keep believing you will get there! Great people here who will tell you its possible to stop even when it feels impossible. Good luck!

If you stop drinking, things will get better. I GUARANTEE it.
Welcome loona.