Xiz

Hey guys,

Hope you are all well.

This time a week ago I had gone a month without drinking, life was great and I was feeling fantastic. This is the longest I'd gone without a drink for 8 years.

Fast forward today and here I am a sorry state. I ended up going out last Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday etc and suddenly I'd drank every day for a week, huge amounts as well - probably 125 pints of lager in 7 days.

Also Friday and Saturday ended up doing loads of cocaine I was so out of it and spending a s**t load of money, all the money I'd saved in the month of being sober.

So so so ashamed in myself. Why did I do it? I honestly don't know. It just happened.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR Xiz. Sorry to hear that you went on a binge, but congratulations on having a month sober, that's a great accomplishment.

As to "why" you did it, my guess is because you are an alcoholic like the rest of us here. And there really is no logical reason "why" we are that way...we just are. Were you working any kind of sobriety plan ( meetings, therapy, rehab, self-help, etc. ) during your month of sobriety? If not have you considered it?

doggonecarl

It's what addicts and alcoholics do.

With that in mind, perhaps a new approach should be taken for continued sobriety.

Bobbieka

Xiz - it is impressive you made it a month. I'm with the two gentlemen above me though. Figure out a plan. That's the only way to maintain sobriety I think.
Don't beat yourself up about last week. Learn from it and do something different.

Leaflet

I would ask myself why I did that every single time. It's always been puzzling to me. I think it's like the people above said. There's no good reason. We just do.

dox

Welcome, Xiz.
Wow -- a month sober!
Well done!

The most I could do near the end of my drinking was a coupla days on my own.
I needed help.
I knew about AA, so I went to a meeting.
I got the help that I needed and quit for good and all.

Although I'm happy that it worked for me, it doesn't have to be AA.
There are loads of people out there (and here) that are more than willing to help.

All you have to do is ask.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Xiz

In order to stay sober I really had to find support - and use it.

I also had to make some necessary changes to my life, cos my life was all about drinking.

Did you have any kind of sobriety plan you were working to?

There are some great ideas here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me way back when.
I remember feeling terrible after returning to my sinful ways.
Repent -- turn -- and learn from mistakes -- and start over.
I (we) know that you can do it.

Good luck,
M-Bob

Abigmess

I think that that's what all the people that love and care about us can't understand either . But if we don't even really know why we do it what hope do they have . No wonder they get so upset and hurt .

Hevyn

Hi Xiz. I never figured out why I sabotaged myself either, especially knowing where it was going to take me.

We're glad you're here to talk about what's going on & hopefully reclaim your life. You can get free of it and never feel this way again. Welcome!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Xiz!!

least

Welcome to the family. My last relapse I threw away six months sober to drink for two days. I woke up feeling horrible and hating myself. I decided I had had enough of that and it's the last time I drank, almost 7 yrs ago.

Xiz

Hi guys,

Thanks for all your kind and supportive messages. My problem is I tell myself I can go out for a few beers and end up staying out for days. I need to learn to tell myself I cannot limit my intake. But as stupid as it sounds its hard to tell yourself that. It's like having an angle and a devil in your head.

On the flipside, whilst hugely annoying, u find it fascinating how the alcoholics mind works - how do we sometimes, without thinking about it, end up at a bar? It's like sleep walking. Incredible.

Thanks again all.

doggonecarl

There are a lot of steps involved with going to a bar and drinking. A lot of points at which our rational mind can step in and avert drinking. So, no, we are hardly unconscious. What I think happens is we turn off our rational mind, cling tightly to the idea of drinking, and don't do what it takes to stop ourselves before the first drink goes down...At that point I agree, all control flies out the window.

But before the first drink, that is where the rubber meets the road, where the hard work of recovery takes place. Hope you can accept this and apply it to your own struggle.

ScottFromWI

It's not stupid at all, it's called addiction. And it's very hard to understand, some might say impossible to understand. That's why most of us need to rely on some outside help or a structured plan to learn to not listen to that inner "devil" or "alcoholic voice" or whatever you might like to call it. And rather than trying to tell yourself that you can't limit your intake, it's a lot simpler/more effective to tell yourself that you simply don't drink at all.