So, I ****** up
 

It was almost 6 months of complete sobriety. Then just last Friday, I hadn't seen my good friend in awhile & thought I could have a "couple" (eye roll). 7 hrs. later, found myself in another dangerous, compromising situation. I just am at my wits end. I'm going through a divorce and will soon be on my own. I'm scared as hell, & am scared I'm going to start filling my empty nest nights with possible nights out with friends. Friends that really do not understand the severity of my problem. I have 2 friends in particular that are just like "you just need to learn self control!". I'm like, ummmm, if I knew how to practice self-control, I would be doing it!!!

I really need help & am not sure what to do. Because I have NO PROBLEM not drinking when I'm at home. It's the going out that's a problem. And I'm afraid of not going out for fear of being alone I think. I mean, we have 2 beautiful girls I will have most of the time, but what about those evenings I'm like "woohoo! It's Friday! Let's go out!"....I'm scared to be honest. I mean, I'm a MOTHER who needs to stay ALIVE for these girls! I make extremely poor choices when I'm drinking, and have no control apparently. :headbange

I even looked up recovery places. But like I said, I don't usually drink! It's literally like 2 - 3 times a year!

I'm at a loss. Truly. Cuz now, I'm more scared of being alone and how antisocial I will have to be by NOT going out every once in awhile.

Does anyone have any advice?

I was almost 6 months! And I've even gone YEARS when my daughters were super young. Like I said, it's my newly single status I think is making me anxious. Btw, the incident was last Friday, so I'm, I guess 8 days sober (since I was out all night till 4 in the morning :e136: . My plan was 2 or 3 :( So frustrated with myself and the fact that I can't drink normally.

I probably should have listened to my gut & came here before going out. I wasn't even in the mood! LOL, but promised my friend who believed I would be fine :| Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance.

I'm single and wouldn't swop it for anything, these days :) Think of the positives - once you close your front door, its your own personal sanctuary from stress and all the little niggles, like someone else wanting theTV remote, or being grumpy and you having to deal with it etc. Lots of stress vanishes :)
Big hugs to you -give it time x

yeah, I haven't been "on my own" in a looooooong time. And when I was, I was partying. So, this is new for me. But necessary! Thank you @Zanna!

I had to change my ideas of fun.

I found lots of things to do that didn't involve alcohol - for me that was museums and galleries, coffee places, pizza, movies...other people play sports or get into various hobbies.

I couldn't do much with the friends I had at the end of my drinking career cos they were all alcoholics too, but I reconnected with old friends and made new ones.

Trust me there's nothing worse than that older guy still trying to be 18....
I like being an adult now.

There's a lot of fun and good time to be had sober :)

D

yeah right?! I'm 45, & a mother of 2. Getting wasted & doing stupid things I did when I was 20 is just embarrassing. Plus by my username here, you can see it is also dangerous.

Yeah, I think the key will be to find things like you, to do on a Friday night I would normally want to go out. Going out is still possible, maybe just like you said, coffee shops, movies - all good choices.

Thank you:)

my pleasure. I love my life now - it's real, it's authentic and it fits me - it's great! :)

Going out is going to be the tricky part. It is for me. Unfortunately there is no easy solution. Hard grind, keep it as short as possible and go in your own car. Good luck.

Buy or make yourself, some pink fluffy cushion covers - make it girly and stamp your own mark on the place :)x

Could you volunteer to be designated driver? That's what I would probably do.
I agree you can make your place and your free time your own. I am SINGLE and living back on my own for the first time in 7 years and renting after owning for 10 years (sucks, but it is what it is) Some things will come in time. I'm new to the town I'm in so my only friends are through AA really and the people I knew from my very brief job.

Even when I knew I was a bit of a problem drinker, I was ok with being the designated driver, I always found my friends' shenanigans to be so funny, and nice that I could know they made it home alright.

Maybe you need to find something else badass to take up now that you're single? Join a band? Kickbox? Taekwondo? etc.. write out a list of things you enjoy.
I very much know the feeling of freedom from the children. I'm a bit younger than you and a month and a bit ago my kid free time was getting me into BIG trouble. But I was a much worse drinker. So I'm glad you're recognizing it now... I am sure you can overcome this. :)

I'm new where I am as well - started volunteering in a charity shop and it's been a great help with meeting new people away from the road (they're seriously nosey in this road, so I tend to avoid them) ;)

I'm confused. Did you decided to stop drinking because you found yourself in dangerous situations the 2 - 3 a year you drank, or is there another reason? And, was there a time when you drank more than 2 - 3 times a year?

Hmmm. Well if you only drink 2-3 times a year that doesn't seem to be too much of a hurdle. Plan something else that involves people, but not alcohol. If your friends care they will meet you for coffee, or dinner, or bowling, or a movie, manie/pedie, spa day etc.

As far as being alone, AA can be a great place to find understanding and companionship. Its not just about the meetings, so if its recovery from alcoholism that you seek you can find a sponsor, work the steps and really get involved.

Did I miss something?

Advice? Sure:

Stop beating yourself up! Yea, you have slips. You're strong enough to stop that.

I found myself going out more when I was suddenly single and the results were also a disaster. For me, I needed to not do the bar scene. I found myself isolating although I not suggest that! I realized that I needed to get to know me and to be ok with being alone before I started thinking about relationships.

Plan ahead when you know you will be by yourself for the evening. Theatre, shows, workshops or classes, or just staying home and watching a movie with popcorn works for some. I also agree that AA has been great as far as being social and finding sober friends.

If there was a food item that sent you into anaphylactic shock every time you ate it, would you quit eating it? Or would you tell yourself that two or three times a year wasn't that bad. It was worth almost dying because going out and having a good time eating ___________ was so much more important. In fact, the biggest problem you face is what you are going to do if ____________ is taken from your life.

Sounds crazy, but that's where you are with alcohol, risking your life because it's fun. Is that alcoholism? I can't answer for you. But it doesn't seem like a healthy relationship with alcohol. So maybe formal recovery is a more viable option than mere abstinence.

@EndGameNYC I used to be an every day partyer/bartender - for years. Over the years after having kids, I pretty much quit. And now, it's once in a great while. But now that I'm going to be on my own, I'm just worried about the times I may want to go out w/my friends. That's all..

I'm also a happy singleton - been single since October 2011 - and would not change it for anything. I can do what I want when I want (within the boundaries of being a single mother though my son will be off to Uni next year).

Are your friends the sort of people you can be really blunt with. Basically telling them that you can not moderate, it has to be nothing and if they were good friends they would respect that and support you?

I honestly don't mean that in any sort of facetious way. I haven't had any proper friends in ..... well .....ever, just variations on acquaintances, so don't fully 'get' how proper friendships work.

This scenario happened to me a lot. It started with "I just want to have a good time" (like I used to). This was my only intention when I took the first drink. Then, 6 hours later landing face first in the Police cells and thinking in total despair, "how the h_ll did this happen?

Landing up in the cells was the furthest thing from my mind when I took that first drink. Actually it should have been the first thing to come to mind if I had had the ability to play the tape through, but those saner thoughts never came, in my case.

I was a binge drinker, every chance I got I drank until I was too sick to continue or ran out of money or both. Each session was dangerous, many of my contemporaries died in action.

It is not how much or how often you drink, it is what happens when you drink that determines whether you are alcoholic. We all have different stories and patterns, but the thing we have in common is once we take the first drink, we cannot gurantee what will happen next.

This analogy is a good one. See if you are in the room with these ten or so alcoholics. We'll give them all a drink or two and watch their behaviour. A couple will get argumentative and want to fight. One or two will become loud and boisterous, another will try and meet a girl. Yet another may want to sing, and another may just withdrawand sit quietly in a corner out of harms way.

They have one thing in common. They will all reach for another drink.

I'm in a similar position. I keep telling myself I can limit it. But I've told myself that hundreds of times and I can't. I went out for a couple last Sunday and ended going on a week long bender. Till about 6 o'clock every morning! For a week! What was I thinking!

True on this one. I have to make sure I have my own way home or to my hotel room so when everyone starts drinking and I feel tempted I head home or to my room. I exit fast. LOL