jch116

I just wanted to say hi after being mostly a lurker here. I have been a relapsing alcoholic for the better part of my life, and my last period of sobriety was 4 years ago. It ended when my son overdosed and spent a year in a nursing home before he passed away. My husband and I adopted his son who is the love of our lives and a great kid. I started drinking again to cope with grief and depression. I never wanted to leave my house. I am coping better with the grief these days thanks to some awesome supportive friends. I've always been a functioning alcoholic but I am getting older and the hangovers are getting worse. My grandson deserves much better than to have a parent who makes sure she has two nights a week to get wasted and then spends half of the next day in a fog. I am struggling staying sober and have been reading here like crazy and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for helping me to stay sober so far this weekend. I see myself in so many posts. I have read that so many of you suggest attending AA and I have finally found the courage to ask my neighbor, who is a great guy and attends regularly , to take me with him to his next meeting. I have been terrified for some reason to go, I know it makes no sense and I wish I understood why I felt this way. I know I am an alcoholic. I've gotten to the place where I will do anything to quit drinking, even dealing with the overwhelming anxiety I feel at the thought of walking through the door of a meeting. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks to all! Wish me luck!

SnazzyDresser

That's awesome that you're reaching out for help. Good luck, jch116!

tursiops999

Welcome and good luck, jch. Good for you for reaching out to your neighbor for help. You don't have to feel this way, and you don't have to be a "relapsing alcoholic". You can be a sober alcoholic who enjoys life and is a good parent to your grandson.

Opivotal

My deepest condolences on the loss of your son.

I'm so happy you're reaching out for help.

Please know, a lot of what you're feeling is normal, makes perfect sense to me. I was petrified walking into my first AA Meeting. I couldn't have asked for a warmer welcome. You're pushing past the fear and going. Good for you!

Keep posting and let us know how it goes. We're here to support you through recovery.

awuh1

The fear of the first AA meeting is nearly universal. Fortunately the relief experienced soon after (or while) attending is also.

I give your neighbor great credit for breaking his own anonymity in order to help you.

shockozulu

You aren't alone. I also had a grief relapse after my mother's death. Luckily I already had a good set of tools otherwise I don't think I would have survived. So very glad to see you reaching out. Welcome to SR. I hope you enjoy your stay.

tomsteve

"I have read that so many of you suggest attending AA and I have finally found the courage to ask my neighbor, who is a great guy and attends regularly , to take me with him to his next meeting. I have been terrified for some reason to go, I know it makes no sense and I wish I understood why I felt this way. "

good on ya for asking yer neighbor and finding the courage!
yes,it does make sense!
fear of the unknown- what life without alcohol will be like?
if that be the case, it DOES become good and EVERY promise that is in the big book that says will occur will occur for you if you work for it.
PLEASE have the courage to ask about getting a big book!

fear of seeing people you may know?
if that be the case, what better place to see them than somewhere safe and helpful!!!
PLEASE dont be afraid if this is the case! more than likely if you do see someone you know, they will be happy and greatful to see you there!

heres how my 1st meeting went:
i,too, was ready to do ANYTHING. drove to the meeting,backed into a spot, put my car in drive, drove home and cried all night. i just couldnt figure out why i couldnt walk in there.
next night,same place, this time with every ounce of courage i could muster, i made it through the doors!! i knew the chairperson from previous meetings(court ordered and i wasnt ready). he smiled and said," its good to see ya made it back. welcome!"

the ONLY thing i said at that meeting was,"im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it any more" and cried the rest of tbe meeting.
i didnt have to say anything else. those people knew what i meant without knowing, if that makes sense.

jch, PLEASE let us know how it went,eh
and maybe even make this a thread to keep an update and ask questions?

REsoberALITY

I'm wish you lots of patience and strength. You can do this! We're so glad you're here.

Hevyn

Jch - I'm so sorry for all that you've been through. It takes us a while to realize drinking doesn't really give us the relief we're looking for. It made me much more anxious & unable to cope, even though I thought it would calm me down.

I'm glad your neighbor is going to take you to a meeting. I hope it will help strengthen your resolve. We're glad you're here with us.

Delilah1

Hi JCH,

I am very sorry about the loss of your son. I am glad you are here and posting. How old is your grandson? It's great you and your husband adopted him.

There is lots of support on this website. You should post in the September class and on the 24 hour thread.

I hope to see you on here often.

Dee74

I'm so glad you're with us jch

D

waynetheking

Hang in there and just go to the meeting. It's that easy. You can do this.

MLD51

I was scared to go to my first meeting, too. But the welcome I received was so wonderful - I knew I was in good hands. A sober friend took me after I reached out to him for help. I had 5 days of not drinking by the time we went. I was scared going in, and so relieved going out.

jch116

Thank you. I've stayed sober through Saturday night, something I haven't done in a long time thanks to a lot of reading here. My grandson is 5 and is the biggest joy of my life. He deserves a better grandmother who is truly present for him each and every day. I feel so guilty considering all he has been through and every morning after a night of drinking I feel nothing but guilt and remorse. I'm hoping to never feel that way again. One day at a time.

jch116

I will be going to my first meeting tomorrow evening with my neighbor. It's the first one we can both make it to considering our schedules. I am so grateful to him for this! Also grateful to wake up on Sunday and feel so much better than the past few days. Me, my husband and grandson are going hiking today, something I haven't done in a very long time but used to love to do. I can't remember the last Sunday morning I would have wanted to do this or would have been capable of doing it considering the awful hangover I would have had. It would have been a struggle to get out of bed in the morning. Having some anxiety but also feeling more hopeful than I have in a very long time. Hope everyone has a great day and thanks for listening.