venuscat

J ~ I am exactly the same. I do not goosip, ever, really, and I won't be part of it. I do not have many female friends....especially not groups....I cannot do that sort of chit chat either. And I am considered blunt by everyone who knows me.

But I am also kind and compassionate and caring like you....and I abhor conflict.
Why people won't just let us be is beyond me....I'm perfectly happy to just do the job and be pleasant, but I don't want to get involved in anyone's drama, or hear about other people in the office...

Love you J, and I think you're pretty perfect exactly how you are. ♥

Soberpotamus

Thank you so much, Suze.

You know, I am ok to not be perfect. I am ok to be a flawed human. But it's like these women in there hate me for being me. Being direct and clear is something I value, because of the family dysfunction I come from. It took me a while to leave that toxic environment, and I don't want to engage in toxic relationships at work. I don't want people to have to wonder. I am clear to avoid misunderstandings. And then when I walk into this office in the morning, it's like I'm prepared for attack. I don't when, or who ... but I know it's coming. From someone at some point. The guy is the only one there I can count on not to f*** with me. Not kidding. I love the guy because I can talk with him and there's never any insults or hurt feelings. We talk shop and it's comfortable.

Ugh.

I remind myself it's only two hours on Saturday. Then I am out of that place and driving along the route, free.

venuscat

I know this may sound simplistic love, but I believe you are dealing with jealousy here. If it was me, I would be pleasant....and maybe bake cookies or something, and take them into the office for them next Saturday....I dare them to be rude to you in any way after that. ♥

Soberpotamus

I have thought about bringing cookies or donuts. Great idea. Yes, I think I will do that.

See, I started out in there being very positive, upbeat, and I flattered the two who seem to be the most negative. They seemed to like it, but after I was nice to them in this way, the insults and comments started. It's like it backfired. So then I thought, ok, maybe I was too nice? Maybe it seemed insincere. So I backed off, and didn't interact much at all. I focused on my job and was mostly quiet and to myself, giving the occasional 'good morning' or 'hi, how are you,' pretty generic sort of greetings. I was hoping they'd take the hint and just leave me alone to do my job. It made it worse.

So today, going in there still sick, the attacks and insults started and I pretty much reacted naturally (but still restrained) to them. I fought back a bit. They seemed to understand I was not going to put up with it today.

It's this push-pull, passive-aggressive nonsense going on and it totally zaps me.

I will do the cookies and see what happens. Otherwise, I think I'll keep mostly quiet and bite back at the occasional insult.

Dee74

Kill them with kindness

D

venuscat

^^^ Yep.

Ken33xx

I own rental property and in the beginning would give tenants a break when it came to paying the rent late. However, I learned some people will take advantage of you especially when money is involved.

Now, I keep the owner/tenant relationship strictly on a business level. I will maintain the property but they need to pay the rent on time. They don't and I will start the eviction process immediately.

I've had to learn to become more assertive over the years.

Soberpotamus

Nice to see you here, Ken.

Soberpotamus

I initiated a thorough discussion tonight with my husband to feel out where he is on things in the marriage. It was difficult because of the insults and accusations, but I persisted and tried not to let him distract me. I asked several penetrating questions. It seems his side of things is not matching up with mine. No surprises there, really. It was difficult to get him to give straight answers but I think we got to the bottom of most of our issues. Wasnt pleasant.

Apparently he thinks I complain and voice my concerns because I am a woman, and thats what women do. He doesnt understand i have legitimate complaints about him. He couldnt possibly be at fault.

It seems neither of us will bend on some things. And he is labeling me with some labels that are just wrong. I explained how he is misunderstanding my motivations and actions and that I will not change in ways he is expecting me to change (and referring to me in derogatory terms on top of it).

He is unwilling to accept core characteristics and behaviors.

I am not ok going forward anymore.

We then discussed separating and sleeping in separate bedrooms until we decide to go further with a permanent separation.

We have debt together. This is the #1 area we are focused on at this point. To pay down the debt. That is priority.

I guess at some point tomorrow we will discuss chores and division of responsibilty for them...who will do what, or whether we will fend for ourselves.

It is scary. But it feels like I am taking a step and doing something to help us out of this unhappiness.

venuscat

Oh love, first of all ~

Soberpotamus

I am so tired of trying to hold this together. I want peace.

venuscat

I understand how you feel, and I really respect your ability to be pragmatic when there are so many emotions in play Jennie.

Would you consider waiting until the morning though to make a final decision? I always need a little time to digest the hurt before I can think clearly. I need space, and time to process. It is a big decision. I would give myself a night to sleep on it, so to speak.

Be kind to yourself love. Wish I could make you a nice hot chocolate and show you some hysterical cat memes. ♥

venuscat

I know love. ♥

Soberpotamus

Yes, it isn't set in stone. I mean, he is in the other room cleaning out his space to sleep in. Nothing permanent.

We have had similar talks and did nothing in the end to fix anything. It is unworkable. We can't seem to see eye to eye and he fights me. It never goes anywhere.

I just really need something to change. I hope living in separate rooms will take some pressure off.

venuscat

Well please know you are not alone. Lot and lots of love from me and of course I'm sure Lucy and Katie will be snuggling up with you. ♥

Soberpotamus

Thanks, Suze.

It means a lot knowing you are there.

Yep, they are in the bedroom with me. Katie prefers me. Lucy is partial to him but prefers sleeping with me. Splitting up the beagles or taking the beagles away from him bothers me more than anything else about this.

venuscat

Oops....mis-read that. Re-do.....I understand.....

They are your kids. ♥

venuscat

Sorry.....hope you saw the fixed post....you probably saw the un-fixed post as well though.

Soberpotamus

Yeah, I saw it. Was going to type a smiley. on phone, so no emoticons available.

Yeah, one of the better things about him is that he is loved by Lucy, lol.

GroundhogDay

Very sorry about what you are going through, SP. It sounds like you found yourself at a point where you are ready to confront these problems whatever the consequences. I'm very glad you have the postal job to help with the financial issues.