YoungHyde25

I just feel bad. I work at a Pet Store, have for the past 2 months, I’ve always loved working with Animals. I hated working as a cashier due to social anxiety, so I asked to be switched over to Pet Grooming. I thought life would be so much better, like I said I love working with animals. I did everything I could to be switched over, I waited for what seemed like forever and was so excited when my manager finally switched me over.

So it’s been 2 weeks since I switched over to Pet Grooming, I thought I would love it, but for some reason everyday I get home I feel emotionally drained. I’m the only guy working back there and I work as a bather. The women gossip a lot, if they don’t like one of the workers they talk about them while they’re in the backroom. It’s like everyone is talking about everyone, one girl practically gets bullied by all the other girls, and another went to the back to cry after the manager yelled at her and the manager came out laughed after seeing it. Like what the hell?

I had a crush on 2 of the girls that work there, I’ll call them Kate and Sara. All of the girls there have boyfriends, so that includes Kate and Sara, the girls talk about their boyfriends alot, naturally. Today Sara was talking to another girl about how she doesn’t use birth control, these are not things I want to hear my crush talk about. And Kate got upset with me about something yesterday because she thought I forgot to brush a dogs teeth, and then today Sara was being bossy with me. Most of the girls there are very bossy and act like they’re the boss, and you get the feeling they’re talking about you behind your back after you leave.

It’s a complete nightmare. I really wonder if I’ll ever be happy, if I’ll ever find a job that I like. I feel so bad about not finishing college, I feel like this is punishment. I just don’t know what to do right now. The job itself is okay, sometimes you get really big dogs and they don’t hold still. I had to bathe a great Dane and he pooped on the floor in the middle of me washing him, it was disgusting. The dogs are always pooping and none of the girls like cleaning the messes up. I never thought I would hate this job so much.

Ariesagain

As a former vet technician, those dogs are pooping because they're scared and stressed or no one is taking them outside. Most housetrained adult dogs can hold it fine if they're not freaked out.

Sounds like the poor dogs could use some kindness and empathy your workplace doesn't provide. Maybe you can give that to them while you're making decisions about other directions you can go?

Soberpotamus

One thing I've learned from working around gossipy women is to remain uplifting and positive (even falsely so) to the point of annoying the living hell out of them. They will get the message loud and clear eventually. And they will understand you don't 'partake' and they will begrudgingly respect it, or not. They'll at least not try to draw you into it much after this. It's been my experience anyway.

YoungHyde25

I love the dogs, I hug them and sing to them sometimes. But we aren't allowed to take them outside, we have to keep them in the kennel until the owner comes.

But they can be hard to handle, the big ones and the very young ones. It's one thing to like animals, it's another thing to have to work with them. We have to move fast because we're suppose to do one dog per hour, but occasionally people come in to get their dog's nails trimmed.

tate9685

What do you like to do in your free time? We've all been let down before by a decision we made. Is there another position there that's not as draining physically? If not then you might want to start looking around for something else. I'm lucky because I work alone in a small law firm and don't have to deal with petty or gossipy coworkers. Hang in there and whatever you do don't quit your job before you have another one to go to focus on your free time and enjoy that part of your life.

YoungHyde25

Well my license is suspended, after my DUI, i have not really been doing anything, except for saving. I've been living off of noodles which are 28 cents each. But i've been avoiding anything involving spending money. I'm saving up to pay off my hospital debt bills, buy a jeep and hopefully move someday.

I am thinking of finding something else though, I applied at a bank a while back and had a phone interview but I didn't get the job. And then the Store Manager told me the bathing position would be full-time but it's actually just part-time.

Purpleskye

Keep applying, the more applications out there the better. Retail jobs, especially service retail combinations like yours, are very underestimated in terms of stress - socially as well. You will find gossipy people everywhere you go, but hopefully there are ways to avoid them/deal with them, and there won't be so many in one place. Just remember that when you walk out of that door at the end of your shift, that stuff all stays at work. People who talk like that don't remember what they said a day later. And eventually, they change circles and then there's new wars between the new groups and blah. You're doing great by staying out of it, and the advice of others is correct - be positive to a fault, they'll get the message and at least stop trying to include you. Many hugs :/ you're in my thoughts for new job opportunities!

KAD

YoungHyde, your description of working at a pet store brings back memories of when I worked for an animal clinic when I was 19. That was back in the mid-80's and it sounds like that working environment hasn't changed much. I worked with mostly women, too. Endless gossip, talking about boyfriends, complaining about the vets, being bossy, etc. All that stuff was going on then, too. My primary function was also bathing and grooming, but since it was a clinic, I also assisted with administering meds, collecting stool samples, assisting with autopsies, and crushing bones of incinerated pets for the owners who wanted to keep the ashes. Oh, and cleaning up poop. Lots and lots of poop. It got too depressing for me, seeing sick animals a lot. I feel your pain.

EndGameNYC

You know what? It doesn't seem to me that it's the job you don't like. And I wonder what the "total nightmare" is about.

ScottFromWI

Staying out of the gossip is always a good idea, and I agree that keeping your eye open and applying for other jobs is a good idea too.

End game brings up a good point too....is this really all about the job itself? There's a good reason a lot of folks recommend staying away from dating/relationships for a while when newly sober.

YoungHyde25

You would have to work there to understand. There was a women who worked back there who switched over to cashiering, she told me how it was back there. I didn't really believe it would be that bad. She was correct. It's very stressful, we're crammed into a little room trying to trim and clip the nails of dogs who are constantly wiggling around and misbehaving, and we're timed. Some of those dogs frusterate me to no end, and I love animals. But some of those dogs I wish to never see again.

Then there are the women that I work with. It's like I get depressed just walking into that room, preparing for some crap. They gossip and complain about everything. I mean everything, if they can't find something to complain about, they will complain about something you didn't even do yet. Also i'm a guy and there's really no one I can relate to or hang out with there.

YoungHyde25

Well I can't really help that part, it's just a crush. Doesn't mean i'm actively pursuing anyone. It is annoying having to constantly hear about the intimate details of your crushes life though, and also have that person be upset with you over stuff at work.

EndGameNYC

I don't know. I've worked jobs that involved the worst kind of work that people get paid for. When I've had a job I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy -- and I no longer have enemies -- while I had my life in order, the job itself affected me only minimally. On the other hand, I've had great jobs that I hated going to, both while I was drinking and in early sobriety.

You also say it's "only a crush." Unless you meant something else, a crush is a crush, and it's never "only a crush." As I imagine many of us know or have experienced, a crush easily turns into an obsession, and more so the less available is the object of our fantasies.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I still have a crush on a couple of girls from Seventh and Eight Grade, and later on in life, including my ex-wife's best friend. And that was more than three decades ago.

YoungHyde25

I just like my own space, I feel drained if i'm around people too much, I guess it's because I find most of social interaction as kind of fake. I like to be left alone. I don't like people constantly nagging me or over my shoulder. That's one thing I liked when I used to work at Walmart. You're at the register by yourself most of the time, you come to work, do your job and you leave. I hate jobs where managers or coworkers are constantly hovering over you.

My crushes never turn into obsessions. I've been through so much with women in these past few years, i grew out of that obsession phase. I think it's more about me being jealous of the guys they're with.

waynetheking

My suggestion is to concentrate on you're sobriety. Go to work and get a paycheck. Stay away from petty crap. If you let this eat away at you you're more likely to find a reason to drink over it. What is the most important thing to you?

YoungHyde25

That's just the thing, there is nothing at all that is important to me. I'm not good with people, i'm terrible with relationships, i'm not spiritual or into spirituality at all. I want to go back to college, but nothing really interests me so i'm trying to find something that can make me alot of money.

waynetheking

Well then make sobriety the most important thing in you're life. It will be the best thing you've ever had. Trust me.

EndGameNYC

Sorry to interrupt this thread, but someone PM'd me and suggested that I clarify this bit in order not to give the "wrong impression."

I didn't mean to suggest that I still have an active crush on any of these women, and certainly am not and was not obsessed with them. As far as I know, I'm not obsessed with anyone. That's a good thing, right? I only think about them a couple of times every few years, and only when there is some obvious association for me to think about them. And then the thoughts quickly fade away.

I'm only responsible for my feelings to the extent that I act on them. I never flirted with my ex-wife's friend. I never even disclosed my feelings to anyone about her until today.

. . .

YoungHyde...After reading your most recent comments, I was again reminded of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which I've discussed here and elsewhere before. It's one of my favorite stories. As an interesting part of the backstory, Robert Louis Stevenson was experimenting with cocaine at the time that he wrote his novella. He was also plagued by nightmares in which he lived a double life. A respected doctor by day, and a man obsessed with the dark underbelly of Edinburgh by night.

Dr. Jekyll was a respectable physician, but he suffered from a serious case of hubris. He resented the fact, or the perception, that people did not revere him at the level of his self-appraisal, and he suffered quietly for not having wider access to higher levels of London society. And he was hell-bent on taking the fast track to fame and fortune.

Being outwardly modest and accommodating, and somewhat timid about revealing or acting on his true desires, he set out to create a tincture that would give him the courage to pursue his dark fantasies, rather than put in the necessary work to achieve what he wanted to accomplish. In the end, there was nothing left but Mr. Hyde. All traces of Dr. Jekyll had been erased as a consequence of his experiments. What remained was a broken husk that had destroyed itself from the inside out.

I'm not saying that you're prideful or anything else. That's not my interest. But in terms of "trying to find something that can make me alot of money," and certainly in your current state as you've described it here, I might be careful about what I wish for.

Berrybean

I hated every job I was ever in. Mostly because of the people side of stuff, just as you're experiencing now. I always wondered why it always seemed that it was ME that ended up working with difficult people and for difficult bosses. My job when I first got sober was one of them. Since then I've done a lot of work on my own recovery, and this had kind of altered my perspective and given me ways to cope with these people. Of course, it can still be difficult and stressful at times (but then if it was complete fun I'd have to pay them to go there rather than the other way round) but it all seems much more manageable now. AAs 12-step program has massively helped me to deal with life (and people) on their own terms. This is so, so important, as the world is nevr going to turn around and start working on my terms or to my ideals.

Someone shared this version of the serenity prayer on here over the weekend. It made me smile...

'God, grant me the serenity
to accept the people I cant change
courage to change the one I can
and wisdom to know thats me.'

Crushes at work often don't help either. It just makes us super-dooper-sensitive to any perceived slight, and encourages a higher expectation than is likely to be attained. And when people turn out to not be perfect, us As tend to feel that they have 'let us down ' when all they've done is been imperfect, as humans always are.

advbike

Crushes at work didn't work out for me either. I would always try to impress them, due to my lack of confidence. It rarely achieved anything positive, only more pain. More importantly, try to realize that all these experiences lead to growth and increased self awareness. You seem very honest and insightful to me, that's a great start. I also had no idea what I wanted at your age. You'll figure it out.

I worked many crap jobs early on, but always did the best I could. I eventually stumbled into the IT field.. and it provided me with many opportunities and a great career. I had technical jobs, customer facing jobs, positions of considerable responsibility, and not so much. But always lots of learning. I even went back to school and finished two degrees. Of course I didn't often appreciate what I had, but in hindsight, my field allowed me to be successful despite my own personal handicaps and mistakes.

I wish you the best as you continue to learn about life and find your passion.