Leaflet

I swear I am the most socially awkward person ever! I get really anxious around new people, and I would probably be a hermit if I could. Alcohol made me gregarious, where I would bounce around talking to everyone. It always felt so good to let go of the anxiety and feel good about myself when I started drinking! Then, the next day I would wake up, think about the things I said, and just want to die!

Anyways, I've been forcing myself into sober situations where I can make friendships that aren't based on booze because once I get comfortable around people, the socializing actually helps alleviate my anxiety. I've offered to volunteer at the library at my kiddo's school, and I'm going to a church group for Moms every few weeks.

Does anyone else have issues socializing without alcohol? I feel like I'm relearning my social skills! Any suggestions or pointers for not feeling nervous around new people?

Delizadee

I am queen of awkward. If you can't overcome it, just embrace and grab hold of a good sense of humor. Because if I was not able to laugh at myself before anyone else I'd cry all day long. Lol
Being socially awkward isn't the worst thing in the world. I'd start out with groups where you meet people you have some common ground with. Or strike up a conversation with random people at the store etc. What really helps is learning how to engage. As in, face someone full on, be open, look them in the eyes don't fidget.
That takes stepping out of your comfort zone but for me faking it til I could do it without thinking worked for me. I suffered from horrible anxiety and agoraphobia and isolated for a year or two and suddenly threw my self back onto the sales floor. I made it work. You can too
Embrace the real you!

Dee74

I think a lot of us are less socially adept than we;d like - for many of us that's how our drinking/drugging started...

I'm ok with who I am now - I'm not comfortable in crowds or meeting new people, I'm not great at conversation and I prefer home to anywhere else - and that's ok

D

doggonecarl

The fact is, most people are nervous around strangers. They don't let it stop them from doing things. That's the tip.

Loekken

I became antisocial since I quit. I talk to people about it and they tell me it takes time, that it's my depression which prevents me from seeing other people. I am not sure how I was before drinking because it started at a young age and in a sense I have not been the natural me ever - well only now in case and I don't even know that person too well sometimes. In other words, if you have been drinking for most of your adult life, you most likely need to almost reinvent yourself and definitely start a new life in may ways. Which is difficult and takes time.

MelindaFlowers

This is just my personal opinion but I think social media like Facebook makes it appear that everyone is a really outgoing person who loves socializing and has many interesting hobbies. Hiking and yoga seem to be the most popular "look at me!" types of posts.

I think the image that many go for on facebook is a workaholic hiker who does yoga and gardens and cans their own pickles. Who has time for all that crap?

I am learning to be comfortable with the fact that I am an introvert. I am learning to be comfortable with the fact that I don't like hiking or yoga. I am also more straightforward about these things with people.

I am now pretty open that I don't like parties. I like them for an hour or two. My coworkers ask me to go dancing and I told the I'd rather watch paint dry. We had a laugh about that but I was open that sober dancing to me sounds like a nightmare.

NickiJay

I have always found it difficult to be in social situations. Later in life, I either drank so that I could feel comfortable, or I avoided these situations entirely. It was not until I went to AA that I began to learn how to be in a social situation without having to feel anxious. For me, AA served as a spring board for experiencing future social situations with ease. Everyone develops these new sober skills in different ways, and I've learned that things tend to naturally fall in place the longer we are sober.

MIRecovery

I was never great in social settings but 35 years ago my boss told me about a book called, "A lifetime guide to conversation." Our anxiety is generated because we don't know what to say. The book tells us that people love to talk about themselves so come armed with 20 open end questions that will allow people to tell you about them. When the conversation dies just go to the next question. 35 years latter I have found it to work every time

zjw

thats good so your just reading from a script lol. I've noticed that with some folks when i talk to them its like they just keep asking me stuff about me and i'm like geeze this is really rather 1 way here maybe they read that book lol. I'm gonna keep your tips in mind tho good ideas.

Me i socialize like its an accident but the odd thing is if i hit it off with someone my anxiety is gone and i can chat with a stranger like i've known them for years. Going into it tho with anyone i'm a mess and 90% of the time i walk away feeling like imust have looked like an idiot when really that might all just be in my head. But I also just find very little flow of dialog with many folks too so then that causes more awkwardness.

I guess it gets easier but for me I just dont force trying to be social. if it happens it happens if not oh well i'm fine with this appraoch. but I find my wife pushing me into social situations and its always something i start to complain about. Shes way more social then me and cant understand why i'm not etc.. as a result she goes out with friends etc.. i just sit home with the kids. I'm ok with this. Tho i do wish i had at least 1 local friend that might be nice *sigh*.

steve-in-kville

I never had a huge group of friends. In fact I really don't have any close friends right now. Some of it is a trust issue, some is I am just an introvert.

MIRecovery

As we sober up we realize who we are. I'm not a super social person but I enjoy it when I enjoy it but it is ok to not be social, actually it is ok not to be anything you don't want to be. I am ok with being who I am warts and all. I spent years trying to be someone I wasn't and all it got me was drunk

Soberpotamus

I often use the question approach. It does work well.

It seems to open the door to free-flowing conversation after an initial question or two.

One thing lately I'm noticing is that I am perfectly ok these days with silence. I don't feel the need to keep things going. It's not my responsibility. If someone doesn't want to chat, I am all too happy for the silence. I prefer it that way; I can think.

steve-in-kville

I like that quote.

Darwinia

Sober socialising is simply boring. So was drunk socialising only no one noticed. Much more fun reading a good book.

City

I'm getting more comfortable in silence and I'm not forcing a conversation anymore and feeling responsible to carry it on. I've just started telling people that I don't like parties and social gatherings lately. I'm an introvert and I'm just starting to accept it.

KAD

That's Mr. Socially Awkward to you!

I've struggled with this all my life. I get very anxious about speaking in a group setting. Even online, like here at SR, I feel really inhibited at times. Even so, I'm still much more talkative in writing than I am in person. As Dee alluded to earlier, it was one of the first things that attracted me to alcohol. I was practically agoraphobic at various points in my youth. I didn't date and, in social situations, I tried to fade into the background, although I hated it at the same time. With alcohol, all that melted away. I felt confident, I talked to girls I'd never met before, I made wisecracks and made people laugh. I was 10 ft. tall and bulletproof. I might have looked like a moron, but I didn't even care.

But it felt too good, and I became addicted. When that happened, shame about my drinking set in, so I hid it, and with hiding came isolation, and with isolation returned all the social awkwardness and anxiety x 10. Now, closing in on a year and a half of sobriety, I still struggle with the same old stuff and I still hate it. I envision myself being confident, witty, entertaining, but when it comes down to actually "performing," I feel like I look ridiculous! The struggle is real.

waynetheking

I actually socialize with ease now. I can remember what people say and I don't say anything offenise and ugly. Much easier to have confidence knowing this about myself.

SnazzyDresser

I put the awk in socially awkward, baby. I've pretty much felt alienated from society for all my life. I've come to terms with it lately, with the help of a sober mind. Moving forward I'm gonna try to accept myself and my eccentricities while at the same time pushing myself to make new connections with people, picking my spots a little. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and it doesn't have to happen overnight either.

oldsoul112249

I'm a bit "out of the box" today so here goes. Some people who are anxious speaking in front of others imagine them all naked with a cartoon face. Maybe that will work to diffuse the situation. Most are concerned about how they're doing anyway. Don't let them get to you.

Forward12

I've battled with horrible social anxiety pretty much my whole life. Then I started getting more and more into alcohol and thought I found the greatest thing on earth. I felt confident, went out all the time, had an active social life, I was on top of the world. Fast forward years later and this former friend has turned into a monster.