| LexieCat | 08-28-2016 05:39 AM |
Eight years today. It all started with Day One.
Hi, guys,
I'm usually over at the F&F forum these days, but still active in AA for my ongoing recovery from alcoholism. Eight years ago today I had my last drink. I remember intentionally waiting till the next night to go to my first AA meeting (for myself--I'd been to plenty over the years in connection with other people's recovery). I also remember turning down the 24-hour chip because I hadn't QUITE made it 24 hours (got one the next night).
I remember, so well, how desperate and awful I felt when I walked into the first meeting, and how people welcomed me and said, "You never have to feel this way again." And they were right--I've had awful days since then, but never the horrible feeling of staring down the rest of my life as an increasingly-trapped and isolated drunk.
The first few months I felt like I was in a fog a lot of the time. Like a flickering lightbulb that you have to tap to get it to stay on. I'd forget things, feel anxious, couldn't make decisions at the grocery store (there were entire food groups--anything that couldn't be microwaved--that had become unfamiliar over the years).
I've had spurts of progress and frustrating plateaus in learning to live a balanced sober life. It seems that recently, I've become much more centered and present in everyday life. I feel almost like a normal person much of the time, lol. I'm more forgiving of myself and other people for being human.
So just a little post of celebration, and hopefully encouragement to anyone there who is new-ish and/or struggling. Hang in there. Keep doing the next right thing, forgive your mistakes (but don't let drinking be one of them--drinking never made ANYTHING better and it will undo much of your hard work), and keep on trudgin' that road of happy destiny. It's SO worth it. | 