Need some kindness. 4 months til one year sober.
My husband has bad insomnia and I know how emotionally devastating it can be
from seeing him suffer.
Please take care of you and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You've done great on 8 months and you can do it sleepie--really
from seeing him suffer.
Please take care of you and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You've done great on 8 months and you can do it sleepie--really
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
8 months with no benzos why bother with them now? whats different about now vs the last 8 months that you cant go another day with out them?
theres a zen story about a guy who goes to a meditation retreet. for a week he is going to be locked in his room with nothing and focus just on meditation and silence. he's so excited to go and be there. He arrives they lock in him the room he walks around thinking this is just great etc.. as time passes he starts getting frustrated wondering when they will bring him his food and why has the monk not come to check on him etc... Finally in comes the monk and asks if everything is ok. they guy replies that he's very frustrated now and no nothigns ok etc.. the monk walks in the room look around and says well nothings any different in the room now vs a few hours ago what has changed? then closes the door and leaves.
Hang in there.
I agree on the tough love i get the same vibe from it too. For me tho tough love has a time and a place and is better reveived from some vs others its just how i'm wired. 2 people could say almost the same tough love thing to me one I might thank the other might just tick me off. Just how I am I guess.
theres a zen story about a guy who goes to a meditation retreet. for a week he is going to be locked in his room with nothing and focus just on meditation and silence. he's so excited to go and be there. He arrives they lock in him the room he walks around thinking this is just great etc.. as time passes he starts getting frustrated wondering when they will bring him his food and why has the monk not come to check on him etc... Finally in comes the monk and asks if everything is ok. they guy replies that he's very frustrated now and no nothigns ok etc.. the monk walks in the room look around and says well nothings any different in the room now vs a few hours ago what has changed? then closes the door and leaves.
Hang in there.
I agree on the tough love i get the same vibe from it too. For me tho tough love has a time and a place and is better reveived from some vs others its just how i'm wired. 2 people could say almost the same tough love thing to me one I might thank the other might just tick me off. Just how I am I guess.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi sleepie.
I don't believe in "tough love," "passive aggression," or "brutal honesty." But I do believe that honesty is a crucial aspect of giving support. And I don't know of any better way to put it.
As was true for me when I first got sober about thirty three years ago, I think the cutting edge for you is to train yourself, ideally with help from concerned and capable others, to acknowledge that there are significant differences between the people who are attempting to help and support you, and your early tormenters.
I used to assume that I had a problem in trusting other people. It was and seems to remain a catch-phrase for people who experience difficulties in making genuine interpersonal connections. The reality is that I tended to trust the wrong people, and then turn away those who were truly supportive, based almost entirely on my prejudices and my past experience. To the best of my knowledge, that hasn't happened in a very long time.
In the end, not everyone is adept at every moment at tailoring our words of support to the sensibilities, the vulnerabilities, and the psychological and social history of each individual we're trying to help. This doesn't make us mean or insensitive; it only makes us human.
I don't believe in "tough love," "passive aggression," or "brutal honesty." But I do believe that honesty is a crucial aspect of giving support. And I don't know of any better way to put it.
As was true for me when I first got sober about thirty three years ago, I think the cutting edge for you is to train yourself, ideally with help from concerned and capable others, to acknowledge that there are significant differences between the people who are attempting to help and support you, and your early tormenters.
I used to assume that I had a problem in trusting other people. It was and seems to remain a catch-phrase for people who experience difficulties in making genuine interpersonal connections. The reality is that I tended to trust the wrong people, and then turn away those who were truly supportive, based almost entirely on my prejudices and my past experience. To the best of my knowledge, that hasn't happened in a very long time.
In the end, not everyone is adept at every moment at tailoring our words of support to the sensibilities, the vulnerabilities, and the psychological and social history of each individual we're trying to help. This doesn't make us mean or insensitive; it only makes us human.
Sleepie, I am sending you bucket loads of hugs. Don't give up; you've come too far for that.
I really wish you would just flush the benzos and take them out of the equation...
I too have trouble sleeping, so you have my sympathy.
You are a smart, strong, determined and resourceful person and I have faith in you to do the right thing.
I really wish you would just flush the benzos and take them out of the equation...
I too have trouble sleeping, so you have my sympathy.
You are a smart, strong, determined and resourceful person and I have faith in you to do the right thing.
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 08-28-2016 at 05:57 PM.
Hey sleepie,
Fellow abuse survivor and insomniac here. Yes, way too many people around us are indifferent, insensitive, just plain evil. I'm trying to deal with it too. I just know I don't want them to get the better of me by letting them 'inside' so often.
Push 'em out, girl. Put YOU at the center of your mind and heart.
Sending big love and asking you to love yourself too - cause you are one Brave Dame.
Fellow abuse survivor and insomniac here. Yes, way too many people around us are indifferent, insensitive, just plain evil. I'm trying to deal with it too. I just know I don't want them to get the better of me by letting them 'inside' so often.
Push 'em out, girl. Put YOU at the center of your mind and heart.
Sending big love and asking you to love yourself too - cause you are one Brave Dame.
Hi Sleepie,
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time lately. I will have 8 months on September 1st, so I use you as one of my guiding lights on this sobriety journey.
Have you found anything to make you feel better? Exercise? Meditation? Yoga? Reading? How about taking a class, learning to cook.. Anything that will allow you to focus your energies into something positive you enjoy.
We are both at the point where we know not drinking/using is only part of our recovery journey.
You are strong, you have already proven that. You can do this, and I am glad you are here and posting to receive whatever support you need right now.
Sending lots of love your way.
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time lately. I will have 8 months on September 1st, so I use you as one of my guiding lights on this sobriety journey.
Have you found anything to make you feel better? Exercise? Meditation? Yoga? Reading? How about taking a class, learning to cook.. Anything that will allow you to focus your energies into something positive you enjoy.
We are both at the point where we know not drinking/using is only part of our recovery journey.
You are strong, you have already proven that. You can do this, and I am glad you are here and posting to receive whatever support you need right now.
Sending lots of love your way.
I hope you have a good week Sleepie
maybe some of the ideas here might be of use to you:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respite.html
D
maybe some of the ideas here might be of use to you:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respite.html
D
Hey sleepie,
Fellow abuse survivor and insomniac here. Yes, way too many people around us are indifferent, insensitive, just plain evil. I'm trying to deal with it too. I just know I don't want them to get the better of me by letting them 'inside' so often.
Push 'em out, girl. Put YOU at the center of your mind and heart.
Sending big love and asking you to love yourself too - cause you are one Brave Dame.
Fellow abuse survivor and insomniac here. Yes, way too many people around us are indifferent, insensitive, just plain evil. I'm trying to deal with it too. I just know I don't want them to get the better of me by letting them 'inside' so often.
Push 'em out, girl. Put YOU at the center of your mind and heart.
Sending big love and asking you to love yourself too - cause you are one Brave Dame.
I have simply encountered too many people in the "Caring Industries" who claim they want to help but are more concerned with Profit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thanks guys. I'll take a look at that list in a bit. I'm not feeling well tonight.
Ok Delilah now that makes me feel responsible! What do you do to feel better? I have a lot of sadness in my life that will likely never be resolved from early trauma, so don't use me as a barometer- I have faith things will go much better for you in a shorter amount of time. I had benzos in the mix too and those things can really mess you up!
Dame thank you! Pondlady thank you too, I like your new avatar
Ok Delilah now that makes me feel responsible! What do you do to feel better? I have a lot of sadness in my life that will likely never be resolved from early trauma, so don't use me as a barometer- I have faith things will go much better for you in a shorter amount of time. I had benzos in the mix too and those things can really mess you up!
Dame thank you! Pondlady thank you too, I like your new avatar
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I don't think anyone will take it that way Dame, there are a lot of damaged people in the world who don't know any better than to take it out on others, I think this thread is about that very thing: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...96655-yup.html
It is really nice of you to come back and explain.
It is really nice of you to come back and explain.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
It might get easier sleepy. Thats what everyone says that the first year is hard. Maybe it actually is hard. I think its getting a little better for me. Sometines i wake up and reboot from hopelessness to understanding to acceptance.
Acceptance is not something that takes place on the champaign waterslide of occupational and genetic victory. Maybe its a blessing that only blossoms in suffering. It is a moment in the desert, hence the solitude, the lacking. But thats where acceptance and beginning is after the anguished awakening.
Acceptance is not something that takes place on the champaign waterslide of occupational and genetic victory. Maybe its a blessing that only blossoms in suffering. It is a moment in the desert, hence the solitude, the lacking. But thats where acceptance and beginning is after the anguished awakening.
Thanks guys. I'll take a look at that list in a bit. I'm not feeling well tonight.
Ok Delilah now that makes me feel responsible! What do you do to feel better? I have a lot of sadness in my life that will likely never be resolved from early trauma, so don't use me as a barometer- I have faith things will go much better for you in a shorter amount of time. I had benzos in the mix too and those things can really mess you up!
Dame thank you! Pondlady thank you too, I like your new avatar
Ok Delilah now that makes me feel responsible! What do you do to feel better? I have a lot of sadness in my life that will likely never be resolved from early trauma, so don't use me as a barometer- I have faith things will go much better for you in a shorter amount of time. I had benzos in the mix too and those things can really mess you up!
Dame thank you! Pondlady thank you too, I like your new avatar
You are an excellent guide because you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and sticking with your sobriety even when things are tough.
I do some of the things I mentioned. I love to walk, and make it a point to build walks into my day to allow me to clear my head. I journal to let my emotions out whether they are happy, sad or angry. I have three kids, so they keep me busy, but finding time for me is critical. I love reading, it is easy to escape in a book for me.
Finances are always a big stressor for me, and it seems like somethings always happens that sets me back in this area. Yesterday I spent time analyzing expenses and eliminating some that are not needed, including my home phone which we never use. I woke up very worried about money with a sinking feeling in my stomach and then I spent the day making a few small changes that will allow us to save and still do things as a family. They were small changes but I was able to control them. I still have more debt than I would like to think about, but I was able to start making small positive changes.
I have dealt with some difficult things in the past, and I know I can't change them. I try to think of everything as an opportunity to learn. It may be something I would never do again. It may be a way that I would never act toward others because I do not want someone to ever feel how I did in a particular situation. Also, think about finding a counselor to help you deal with whatever traumas you faced in the past.
Try reading up a little on mindfulness, start with one thing you can do to make a positive impact on you or someone you care about. Try some breathing techniques to help you remain in the here and now. I am a worrier by nature, so this is something I added to my recovery when I decided to be done forever in January. I really think it is the tool that helps me the most.
Hope this week brings you lots of love and laughter.
❤️ Delilah
I don't think anyone will take it that way Dame, there are a lot of damaged people in the world who don't know any better than to take it out on others, I think this thread is about that very thing: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...96655-yup.html
It is really nice of you to come back and explain.
It is really nice of you to come back and explain.
This looks like a good read with plenty of substance. Made sure to subscribe.
There is sooooo much I don't know about how to use this format. Meh, something to learn.
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