I've decided to quit drinking, but you will find my story very unusual.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 7
I've decided to quit drinking, but you will find my story very unusual.
Hi everyone, I have made the decision to stop drinking as of 2 days ago. I started very light from 2012 to 2013, only ever drinking 2 beers here and there, and then in 2013 it went to a pint of vodka or 8 beers every other day. In 2014 it was still the same but it was now at 10 - 14 standard drink sizes mostly nightly. In 2015 I stayed sober for about 7 months but went back to it again. 2016 is the worst year I have had with 14 drinks almost every day in April, and worked my way to about 20 drinks daily. One reason I am quitting is it is not getting me anywhere and does not work as it once did on me, and two, I think my health is failing, or if not, will eventually fail if I don't stop and I hope it's not too late. It's true that once you start to get more near and near to sickness and death that only then will you make up your mind about something, and I hope it's not too late for me.
I will keep it short, but I think I am one of the extremely very few severe alcoholics who has gone to any depth to drink. The main one being is that I have consumed hand sanitizer regularly at times when I could not afford or get regular alcohol, or was so desperate to get drunk or keep from withdrawing, and I don't ever want to think about how many 8 oz sanitizer portions that I diluted and drank in the last give or take 7 or 8 months. It was so insane that I would sometimes steal hand sanitizer from work (they had those big 2 liter pump bottles.) and measure about 8 onces, and dilute it with water to make it drinkable. I'm sorry to say that stuff does work, and It can wreak I'd say probably about 4x more damage than a 40% bottle of vodka could do, because of the 1% isopropol alcohol in it and I say that because regular alcohol is not good for the body either.
I would start to eventually feel better, and keep sober for about 7 days, then I would do it all over again. It has been my absolute heaviest drinking session since this April. Last week I consumed a 20 pack of beer a day. Don't get me wrong, I don't like drinking hand sanitizer, so whenever it was at all possible I would get regular drinking alcohol. But some days I did drink the hand sanitizer when I was desperate.
It has been 2 days since my last drink, and it's unfortunate that it had to be hand sanitizer. My body is still recovering, I hope it does, I've had aches and pains below my ribcage, and stomach pain and everything else, and most especially withdrawal. This does go away though in about 6 - 10 days, all of it, but I really hope it does, and 2 days ago will have been the last time I ever drank. I need to stop, I hope other severe alcoholics can learn from me, it has taken everything away, at times my freedom. That fact that I can't get anything I had back made me drink even more, but what's even worse then any of those is death, dying a slow painful death. If I get better, I'm going to appreciate the coming days, and hope I will be well in the future.
I will keep it short, but I think I am one of the extremely very few severe alcoholics who has gone to any depth to drink. The main one being is that I have consumed hand sanitizer regularly at times when I could not afford or get regular alcohol, or was so desperate to get drunk or keep from withdrawing, and I don't ever want to think about how many 8 oz sanitizer portions that I diluted and drank in the last give or take 7 or 8 months. It was so insane that I would sometimes steal hand sanitizer from work (they had those big 2 liter pump bottles.) and measure about 8 onces, and dilute it with water to make it drinkable. I'm sorry to say that stuff does work, and It can wreak I'd say probably about 4x more damage than a 40% bottle of vodka could do, because of the 1% isopropol alcohol in it and I say that because regular alcohol is not good for the body either.
I would start to eventually feel better, and keep sober for about 7 days, then I would do it all over again. It has been my absolute heaviest drinking session since this April. Last week I consumed a 20 pack of beer a day. Don't get me wrong, I don't like drinking hand sanitizer, so whenever it was at all possible I would get regular drinking alcohol. But some days I did drink the hand sanitizer when I was desperate.
It has been 2 days since my last drink, and it's unfortunate that it had to be hand sanitizer. My body is still recovering, I hope it does, I've had aches and pains below my ribcage, and stomach pain and everything else, and most especially withdrawal. This does go away though in about 6 - 10 days, all of it, but I really hope it does, and 2 days ago will have been the last time I ever drank. I need to stop, I hope other severe alcoholics can learn from me, it has taken everything away, at times my freedom. That fact that I can't get anything I had back made me drink even more, but what's even worse then any of those is death, dying a slow painful death. If I get better, I'm going to appreciate the coming days, and hope I will be well in the future.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Ashtorment,
interesting story all right. Very similar to mine in terms of the need to use stronger substances to get the same effect. I remember a meths drinker telling me it wasn't the price but the effect of meths that he was looking for. Pretty common alcoholic stuff really.
Is this your first attempt at recovery? It would be really neat if your first attempt was the only attempt you needed to make. It happens sometimes. The chances are best when you have a good plan.
A good plan is important because it only takes one drink to undo all the progress you have made, and it only takes a thoughtless moment to take that one drink. The fatal first drink I call it.
I got sober on my third serious attempt. I needed a lot of help which I found in AA. I never had much trouble getting sober. I could sometimes not drink for upto three weeks. Staying stopped and having a worthwhile life was where I needed the help.
interesting story all right. Very similar to mine in terms of the need to use stronger substances to get the same effect. I remember a meths drinker telling me it wasn't the price but the effect of meths that he was looking for. Pretty common alcoholic stuff really.
Is this your first attempt at recovery? It would be really neat if your first attempt was the only attempt you needed to make. It happens sometimes. The chances are best when you have a good plan.
A good plan is important because it only takes one drink to undo all the progress you have made, and it only takes a thoughtless moment to take that one drink. The fatal first drink I call it.
I got sober on my third serious attempt. I needed a lot of help which I found in AA. I never had much trouble getting sober. I could sometimes not drink for upto three weeks. Staying stopped and having a worthwhile life was where I needed the help.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
I could always afford my beer, so I never had to resort to "other" sources of alcohol. BUT, I did become so dependent on it that I ended up in the ER. That was the wake-up call that I needed to stop for good.
If you truly want to quit, you'll find lots of support here for sure.
If you truly want to quit, you'll find lots of support here for sure.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
You are not unusual or unique at all. I had a six figure job, fancy clothes, fancy condo, graduate degrees etc. and at the end of my drinking I was chugging listerine out of the trunk of my car. I drank extract as well. I remember once furiously looking for the isopropil rubbing alcohol in the linen closet when I couldn't find any booze.
You can get sober and stay sober and have a happy life. I did.
You can get sober and stay sober and have a happy life. I did.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 76
Quitting vs. Staying Sober
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
I never had much trouble getting sober. I could sometimes not drink for upto three weeks. Staying stopped and having a worthwhile life was where I needed the help.
Congratulations on quitting, and you can always turn to these forums for support. Reading these posts has made me feel better during my low points...
Best wishes and keep posting
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Best wishes and glad you are here.
One thing I have learned in AA- that took me awhile to really digest - is that not a single one of us is a special snowflake. We are special to some people, we are unique individuals, but we are all alcoholics. No story in the annals of AA will truly "outdo" all the rest.
The habits mentioned above are just some of the reasons that rehab places ban you from bringing items with almost any form of alcohol - mouthwash, perfumes, whatever. Drinking whatever we can get our hands on is that common.
AA sounds like a PERFECT place for you to start. Listen to what you hear and you will NOT feel alone. Just go to a meeting. Don't drink. Listen. Learn. Repeat. And keep not drinking.
Good luck.
One thing I have learned in AA- that took me awhile to really digest - is that not a single one of us is a special snowflake. We are special to some people, we are unique individuals, but we are all alcoholics. No story in the annals of AA will truly "outdo" all the rest.
The habits mentioned above are just some of the reasons that rehab places ban you from bringing items with almost any form of alcohol - mouthwash, perfumes, whatever. Drinking whatever we can get our hands on is that common.
AA sounds like a PERFECT place for you to start. Listen to what you hear and you will NOT feel alone. Just go to a meeting. Don't drink. Listen. Learn. Repeat. And keep not drinking.
Good luck.
Catch 22
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
Wow, you are quite right. A very unusual story. And you are also right, if we continue drinking we shall die a slow and horrible death soon. We are actually without options but one: stop drinking.
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