well i guess my dad and his wife now know

Old 08-20-2016, 01:45 PM
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well i guess my dad and his wife now know

My dads wifes kid narrowly escaped a DUI he was drunk wrecked the car but for some reason the cops are going easy on him and letting it slide but are gonna nail him with other charges.

Now mind you I've watched this kid (he's like 27 or something now) drink and drug for years but specifically drinking I watched him drink at the last family gathering and was like oh geeze i mean its not my place to judge but all the tell tale signs where there. But ya know i gotta bite my tongue.

well my wife mentions that i go to AA and if he wants to go with me sometime.

i dont mind if he goes with me. I dont mind if he knows I think he knows i had an issue . I'm just annoyed now that my dad and his wife now know its like ugg come on *sigh*.

she says she tried to water it down but you cant just water down something like this etc..

I guess I mainly dont wanna face it with my father and his wife. My wife said oh it is what its and you did what you did no need to hang your head in shame over it you've been sober over 5 years rarara. Shes right i jsut dont wanna deal with it.

I'm also sorta mad she said something without talking to me about it first too *sigh*.
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Old 08-20-2016, 04:40 PM
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I think people who are not addicts and have had to overcome so much just don't understand . It sounds like she is proud of you and was trying to help though. Maybe some good will come out of it and this person will get help either from you or another source.
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Old 08-20-2016, 04:47 PM
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That's how I say your name cuz I'm a canuck.
Any who, I too think she's proud of you
I also think it's something you ought not to be ashamed of. Maybe you don't want a fanfare or anything. But you're doing awesome things.
Although I do understand where your feelings are coming from. It's like we've stripped our souls naked and removed most of our own dignity already so would like to keep dignity and head held high and keep some privacy.
Well you sir, chin up. Kiss your wife? She obviously recognized you have a gift worth giving.... try not to let your pride get in the way because i really do think you do and say great things
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Old 08-20-2016, 05:52 PM
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You are one of a handful that has put together some sobriety and you should be very proud of yourself. There is no one within my close circle that doesn't know I am active in AA.

I don't shout it from the roof tops but by others knowing it allows me to be of maximum service to those still suffering
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Old 08-20-2016, 05:58 PM
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I get that, Z.

Can't unring the bell though, right? Hopefully your dad will have the courtesy to not make a big deal of it. I suppose you had "the talk" with your wife when you got home about sharing this info with people?

Like they say, "What other people think of me is none of my business."
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Old 08-20-2016, 06:12 PM
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Yeah it's not the first time she's said something and I didn't want her too but it's like well the ice is broken now I guess. There are lots of reasons it's a good thing. But yeah I hope my dad just ignores it to be honest. It enables me to be a hair more public about it now so I guess that's not bad. Just a bit frustrated it's been discussed we could have approached this person and bypassed telling my dad and his wife but whatever what is done is done now.
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Old 08-20-2016, 07:07 PM
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we can't control others

my life is an open book today as I may be able to help another person stay stopped, too
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Old 08-21-2016, 01:19 AM
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When you read around SR you find that alcoholism thrives in it's early stages in secret dark corners. We need to shine a bright honest light into those corners.

Thirty eight years ago three brave alcoholics came to a youth group I attended and held a meeting, sharing all that they and their families had gone through. I regularly give thanks for their sharing. When I was sliding into alcoholism it was remembering their shares that helped me pull back.

The alcohol industry has too much power to push it's products at us. We shouldn't help them hide the problems associated with it.

[and breathe]
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Old 08-21-2016, 04:19 AM
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Well, it doesn't stop you bypassing your dad and his wife and approaching him direct yourself. That is still an option.
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Old 08-21-2016, 01:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Well, it doesn't stop you bypassing your dad and his wife and approaching him direct yourself. That is still an option.
I can relate, as I am going through a period of wishing I hadn't told quite so many people myself. But, as mentioned in the above quote, it doesn't mean that now your dad and his wife have to be involved in all your efforts to help the person who is still suffering. So they know. At least what they know is that you're doing something about it and, at 5 years sober (?), I'd say you're doing an awesome job.
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Old 08-21-2016, 01:31 PM
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yeah my wife brought it up again to me today said she doesnt understand why its such a big deal to me. I stated look I drank a lot and i quit is different then I drank a lot and i went to AA etc.. I was like I'd prefer to just leave it alone and not divulge this stuff to them is all. and that its my business to discuss and I didnt wantit discussed. she went on and said that she lived through it too its also her business and if she wants to discuss it she can and she doesnt see why its a big deal its not like it was a big secret that i drank.

It was like she wanted me to side with her. I said to her look you did what you did the cats out of the bag now its over and done with whats the issue now? I told her I dont want to discuss it futher its done and over with if and when this person talks to me about going to AA or not ill handle it then it is what it is etc...

I hope i handled it properly with her. I didnt get mad just matter of factly told her I didnt like it discussed if it was the other way around she may not like it if i just told whomever etc..

I really didnt see any need to argue it with her tho. It is what it is like others have said I cant control her she did what she did whatever.

I think it could be a good thing ultimately for this other person. I just think it could have been handled differently is all.

and with this particular individual I dont think i ever really kept it a secret about how i had a drinking issue etc.. so he should know i'm a possible option if he wants someone to talk to about getting help etc..
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Old 08-21-2016, 01:36 PM
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welp, you did say this not too long ago

"I honestly wanna be more vocal about it. I'm proud of my accomplishment. And for those that have sorta issue with my past history of drinking I'd like to screw them etc.."

you COULD do some 10th step on this.
or steps 1- 9
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Old 08-21-2016, 05:17 PM
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Yeah that's why it's an ice breaker of sorts and ultimately not a bad thing just frustrated she didn't respect my wishes on it but it's over and done with now so whatever.
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Old 08-21-2016, 05:50 PM
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I've betrayed others' confidence on many occasions, it kinda makes me less tolerant of others today, until I look at me.
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