Helping exab with money
 

My exab has been jobless for a couple of months and today he told me he is running out of money. Without even thinking twice, I transferred some money to his account. Breaks my heart to see him this way. I hope he finds a job soon and is able to keep it.

Thanks for listening

Thanks for sharing HFC. You are kind to do this - but I have to ask, do you have reservations about it since you brought it up here? There is a fine line between kindness and enabling when it comes to addiction, right?

i think its good to give without expectations and so on.

i sometimes give and think oh geeze what if that guy just torches the money or that organization misuses the funds then i think wtvr will be will be i gave to give once its given its not my choice to decide whats done with it as i gave it its out of my hands then. so long as your hearts in the right place etc.. sounds like it is.

Well, you just gave him drinking money.

Curious why you didn't post this to the Friends and Family section?

I meant to post this in the friends & family section but accidentally posted here.

I am very sure that he needed money to pay rent so in a way I do not feel bad about helping him. But clearly he has not been able to keep a job because of his alcoholism - so by giving him money, I am letting him know that it is ok to not be responsible in life. I have also been very depressed all day today because I know that he has so much potential that is being wasted due to alcoholism and also, it must have been so hard for him to ask for money because I know he has a big ego. I just feel very bad for him.

Perhaps it depends on how we think, please take this for what it's worth, grain of salt, it's all good.

From my own experience I had to hit rock bottom before I changed, I wanted to change years before I stopped however as long as I knew I could rely on others to bail me out, I only stayed dry for a short period of time. I also believe we are all responsible for our actions if we were not life on earth would be chaos.

As long as I had someone to bail me out it was easy for me with the alcohol addiction to continue in my destructive lifestyle.

All the best
Andrew

There's no shame in feeling bad for him, nor wanting him to get better. He's very lucky to have you as a friend. It's also possible/probable that he's taking advantage of your generosity. Alcoholism is a very selfish affliction.

As other have mentioned, the F&F forum may be a good place to seek help for yourself and how to handle the situation. You have no control over his choice to keep drinking, he'll need to want and seek help for that on his own. Please take care of yourself.