sober.. What next?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1
sober.. What next?
When I was using, I believed that removing drugs from my life would fix all my problems and I would go back to being normal. Ive now realised that I don't know who I am without alcohol and drugs since ive spent the majority of my teenage years on them. I'm not sure who I am or how to continue my life sober or find things I enjoy doing. I do remember having a personality when I was sober, I just don't know how to go back to that, i feel like I have no passion or identity. Has anyone got any advice?
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Time.
Not the answer I wanted either, but it is the truth. I'm still discovering who I am and what I like now.
How long have you been clean? Are you going to NA? I found that the NA program worked for me despite my misgivings.
Not the answer I wanted either, but it is the truth. I'm still discovering who I am and what I like now.
How long have you been clean? Are you going to NA? I found that the NA program worked for me despite my misgivings.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
The first step fopr me was not drinking anymore. It took a few weeks for the black clouds of alcoholism to leave me, but then I re-discovered a me I'd forgotten about.
Have a little faith - it will turn out. Things have a way of falling into place.
D
Have a little faith - it will turn out. Things have a way of falling into place.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Austin Texas
Posts: 165
I drank for many years and was in a similar place as you when I got sober. When I thought about it, I accepted that with so many years that had passed, if I had NOT been drinking, I would have still been changing with the years, as we all do. The difference is that I was not present during those years of change, which is what was alarming. But I never expected to go back to who I was before I started my big drinking, I was who I was, which was someone with the sack to beat the odds and get and stay sober, and that was a hell of a good place to start from.
But early on is sobriety, everything I did and experienced, and felt, was new. It truly was like being reborn. It was scary because I did not know how to accept the 'real' of life. This is most likely why it is advised to not make major decisions in your first year of sobriety (if possible) since everything is so damn new.
But with time, and over time, consistency started to build up where my reactions and feelings became consistent and I began to see and feel who the new me was. It DID take awhile though.
With your new baseline of where you are now, you can include in it a strength and internal fortitude that many others don't have. Just it and live it, and let life come to you. It will happen. Like it was said, time is a big part of it. And patience.
But early on is sobriety, everything I did and experienced, and felt, was new. It truly was like being reborn. It was scary because I did not know how to accept the 'real' of life. This is most likely why it is advised to not make major decisions in your first year of sobriety (if possible) since everything is so damn new.
But with time, and over time, consistency started to build up where my reactions and feelings became consistent and I began to see and feel who the new me was. It DID take awhile though.
With your new baseline of where you are now, you can include in it a strength and internal fortitude that many others don't have. Just it and live it, and let life come to you. It will happen. Like it was said, time is a big part of it. And patience.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Yeah, sometimes we find ourselves not feeling like ourselves...and wonder who we really are.
I don't know enough about your life history to truly answer you, but maybe you are having an identity crisis...and I think if we were all honest we would admit we've all had our share of those moments.
Life happens...and as it unfolds...it tells us a lot about who we are....not knowing who we really are in some cases goes back to our childhood when our concept of who we are is formed. In some cases, we emerge from childhood and adolescence with a pretty good concept of ourselves, but....somewhere along the way....we've LOST OUR WAY...
I don't know what the case is for you....but drugs and alcohol do not help us FIND our way...they are deceiving in this regard....they may provide a temporary feel good and that deceives us into thinking they are helping us somehow...but all they really do in the long run is get us further off track and farther away from who we really are.....they give us an artificial concept of who we are....take those drugs away and is it any wonder there is bewilderment?
Take care friend. You can do this.
I don't know enough about your life history to truly answer you, but maybe you are having an identity crisis...and I think if we were all honest we would admit we've all had our share of those moments.
Life happens...and as it unfolds...it tells us a lot about who we are....not knowing who we really are in some cases goes back to our childhood when our concept of who we are is formed. In some cases, we emerge from childhood and adolescence with a pretty good concept of ourselves, but....somewhere along the way....we've LOST OUR WAY...
I don't know what the case is for you....but drugs and alcohol do not help us FIND our way...they are deceiving in this regard....they may provide a temporary feel good and that deceives us into thinking they are helping us somehow...but all they really do in the long run is get us further off track and farther away from who we really are.....they give us an artificial concept of who we are....take those drugs away and is it any wonder there is bewilderment?
Take care friend. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
It took me about three months to feel like I was back in a rhythm, before that I was so focused on not drinking that it kind of dictated my every thought. I have 7.5 months sober now and life is back to revolving around my kids, job, and all the other little things that life brings me. There was no drastic change, I just gradually realized that alcohol wasn't the first thing that popped into my head anymore.
Stick with it, each day gets easier!
Stick with it, each day gets easier!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
When I first got sober I felt outside of my body. I felt like I was watching a movie of my life. I felt both elated and depressed in a single day. I felt energized yet I'd never been so exhausted in my life.
My only goal each day was to not drink alcohol. I had to work, grocery shop, the bare essentials. That was it.
I didn't care if I was bored out of my skull, angry, happy, sad, restless. My only thing I had to do was to not drink alcohol.
For the last year of my drinking I wasn't enjoying life at all. In fact I was pretty miserable every day. So when I got sober and was kind of miserable for a few weeks and it wasn't really any different than the way I had been for the past, actually, five years or so. I don't think any alcoholic is happy with their drinking at the end.
I was surprised how long it took to get back to feeling normal, centered, and happy. But what I did know and what I never doubted was that I couldn't have gone any lower than I did with alcohol.
So a little bit of "low" was fine. At least I wasn't hungover and feeling low.
My only goal each day was to not drink alcohol. I had to work, grocery shop, the bare essentials. That was it.
I didn't care if I was bored out of my skull, angry, happy, sad, restless. My only thing I had to do was to not drink alcohol.
For the last year of my drinking I wasn't enjoying life at all. In fact I was pretty miserable every day. So when I got sober and was kind of miserable for a few weeks and it wasn't really any different than the way I had been for the past, actually, five years or so. I don't think any alcoholic is happy with their drinking at the end.
I was surprised how long it took to get back to feeling normal, centered, and happy. But what I did know and what I never doubted was that I couldn't have gone any lower than I did with alcohol.
So a little bit of "low" was fine. At least I wasn't hungover and feeling low.
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