Redmayne

Whilst, after a 'drinking history' of over thirty years and now enjoying a prolonged period of hopefully lasting sobriety (one day at a time, best not to get to complacent!)

I often find, especially when people and events seem to be overwhelming me, it's best to make a determined effort to keep things, in proportion...assisted by adopting a 'back to basics' approach, keeping in mind the words of Carl Sandburg, who said,' A society, (or individual, my words) that forgets where it came from, will destroy itself'...

Together with those of Ralph Waldo Emerson, 'To be yourself in a world that's constantly trying to change you, is the greatest achievement.'

Works every time!

Che

When I was a kid, I used to love the seeming paradox of 'expect the unexpected.' I think it can be helpful to have a mindset that there will be setbacks, and the best way to mitigate them is to know you're capable of coping with them. Setbacks have a hidden blessing to them, in that when you deal with one efficiently and effectively, you really feel good about yourself. Sometimes it's just boring when everything goes "right"

Redmayne

As someone who has twice, literally lost everything, other than my son, whom I raised from the age of ten, as a single, unsupported parent, through the selfish, irresponsible actions and behaviour of others. That was identified with having nothing to do with my being a high functioning alcoholic and everything to do with their inability to think cognitively.

I applaud and thank you for your response, whilst at the same time bearing in mind nothing beats self reliance and experience, not necessarily in that order ... sometimes experience breeds self reliance both of which can be greatly enhanced by a sense of proportion...

zjw

i'm learning to play the bagpipes and once i can play 5 or 6 songs or so well i can buy a set of bagpipes. only one problem... i cant afford a set of bagpipes minor detail. so some weeks i go to practice and totally bomb it on the chanter nerves or just dunno the song well enough yet. Lately I leave thinking well this aint so bad it gives me more time to practice and i cant afford a set of pipes anyhow so this is fine by me till i figure out how to by the pipes.

setbacks are not always bad.

Redmayne

I am now, not least because of it's links to the words of The Serenity Prayer a self directed student of Stoic philosophy...

Of which the three most noted exponents are Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius and Seneca...which has much to say on 'The Art of Managing Expectations' the most, including this,

'Man is not disturbed by things but his view of things' - Epictetus

ardy

Redmayne ilove you so much .. needed this for my heart today more then anything... else...assisted by adopting a 'back to basics' approach, keeping in mind the words of Carl Sandburg, who said,' A society, (or individual, my words) that forgets where it came from, will destroy itself'...

Together with those of Ralph Waldo Emerson, 'To be yourself in a world that's constantly trying to change you, is the greatest achievement.'

Works every time!

__________________
' I am Master of My Fate, I am Captain of My Soul,' - Ernest William Henley, 'Invictus'

zjw

thats a good one ardy. its true everyone and everything is always trying to steer your ship it can be rather unsatisfying too.

Redmayne

Just got to remember what John Lennon said,'Life is what happens whilst you're busy making other plans,'...forget that and you lose all sense of proportion, whatever happens....'All together now. All you need is love...'

ardy

Hi beans... can't stop crying.. son showed up with wife and 2 cats and a ton of stuff to pull into the house... yes its his house.. we have been living there for 6 years while they had a life and major jobs in Seattle WA area of the us... I am so grateful that I got to have a roof over my head.. but see he wants us out now now now and hubby has collected 6 more years of junk to his 50 years of junk.. the place is a fire trap.... the neighborhood was all eyes as they pulled a ton of stuff out of their cars.. we have 3 cats of our own.. locked in our bedroom now.. and that is a mess.. food water and cat litter in a room that has a temp of 71.... fan blowing but little relief... and they have 2 cats that are older.. poor Moueie is so lost what is going on he howls. and Gusie the beast hates everything more then she did 6 years ago.. my daughter as had 3 weeks to try and find a place for us.. just not a good family circle right now at all..

zjw

geeze ardy that doesnt sound very good

take it one step at a time. sounds like it might not be a terrible thing tho to move out get rid of some stuff and get a fresh start ?

August252015

Good post. My boyfriend told me this morning that he is "going to take it slow today. Not really mentally present." That makes sense to me - I find that being gentle with myself when I need to is really important.

Redmayne

Like this...it reminds me of this,

'The only obligation in our lifetime is to be true to ourselves,' - Richard Bach - 'Messiah's Handbook - Reminders for the Advanced Soul' ...

ardy

Thanks all. feeling better today.. too much some times just to much.. heat loss of family major move in life packing oh my heavens have you ever looked at your house and said ok this room needs 25 boxes that I can pick up and carry this one 45 this one 75 and then you hit the library really we have a 11 foot by 12 foot 2 walls with shelves to the ceiling library.. my hubby's stuff some of it.. so far we are up to 95 boxes (cardboard) 15 trunks and 8 wooden boxes that will take 2 men to haul.. I figure to move us out and into new digs will be 9 hours 3 men and the cost of 1400.00 easy.. have 1200.00 of that put aside ..but the disorder of 4 bedrooms nanny's room is not even touched yet.. and my kitchen and my dining room... know my glass no matter what I do to protect it will have half of it gone.. feel that I should just walk bits out to the bin and crash its gone and I know it ahead of time... thinking of asking my mate Carol if I can car load a bunch over to her house for safe keeping .. at least I can go and visit and pick some up a bunch... on a better note... the house my daughter is in the process of getting for me.. has a big dining room and 3 bedrooms.. and a huge basement.. so well we just have to see.. love to you all thanks for the group support... ardy

August252015

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - ee cummings

"I hope you live a life you are proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." - Fitzgerald

The peculiar gift of alcoholism gives us the chance to start all over again in recovery.

Redmayne

This response suggests to me you're perceptive, analytical and incisive all highly commendable qualities in anyone...not least in your reference to the opportunities this strange illness/disease, once respite from drinking has been attained and the ability to think cognitively (truth and reason) returns ...

Evidenced, in mine and I suspect many others ability to change their perspective about many things in the past and present, e.g. I realised today that the many things I thought I'd 'lost' in my drinking days, I hadn't done so at all as the only thing any of us really possess is excellent mental health which exists in our state of mind...

I've been helped in this by my now seeing myself not as a 'recovering' or recovered alcoholic' but as a self directed student of the practices and principles of Stoic philosophy. Initially motivated by its links to the Serenity Prayer, it gets a mention in at least three of my now growing collection of books on the subject! In one the author even suggesting that it might well have been said by Epictetus, one, along with Marcus Aurelius and Seneca of the three great Stoic philosophers...